Baby Aliens Got My Teacher! (7 page)

The INCIDENT

We didn’t stop running until we got all the way to the other end of the school. And then we had to stop because there was nowhere else to go. But also because Zach said he couldn’t run any more because his side was hurting.

Maisie was shaking
VIOLENTLY
and she was mumbling like a weird owl, saying, “There’s two. There’s two.
THERE’S TWO!
”

I couldn’t believe it! There were
TWO TEDDIES!
Then Jodi said,  “Someone’s coming!
HIDE!
” So we ran into the staff room because that was the only place left to go. And that’s when we saw the
INCIDENT
.

We froze as soon as we got in. The Head Teacher was there and so were all the office ladies. And the office ladies were all
SCREAMING
in really weird high-pitched
voices and waving
EVEN MORE
teddies around! And then one of them threw a teddy
RIGHT
at the Head Teacher. And we didn’t know
WHAT
was going on, but we knew that this was some sort of
ALIEN INCIDENT!

Everyone was screaming so much that nobody had noticed us yet. But then after a few seconds everyone stopped arguing and stared
RIGHT AT US
. And they all looked really shocked that we had witnessed their alien fight! And that’s when the scariest thing that has ever happened, happened. The Head Teacher
SMILED
at us. And so did all the office ladies! And then the Head Teacher said, “Erm, would you like a teddy?” And he started walking towards us with a teddy in his hand!

And that’s when Jodi shouted,
“DIE, ALIEN BEASTS!”
and threw the teddy
we’d stolen from Miss Ross right across the room and screamed,

“COVER YOUR EARS! THE TEDDIES ARE GONNA BLOW!!”

And we all screamed and ran the fastest we’ve ever run in our lives.

The Policeman Who Looked a Bit Like the Moon

So, like I said at the beginning of the story, when we got home Mum didn’t believe us about Miss Jones being an alien, and witnessing the
ALIEN INCIDENT
, and almost being turned into aliens by the Head Teacher and all the office ladies, and
about how Jodi had probably saved us. And neither did Zach’s mum. And then I got sent to my room to do my homework. And that’s when I realised I couldn’t do my homework because we had run away from school and left our bags behind.

So then I sneaked into Mum’s room and phoned Zach on his new mobile phone. And that’s when
MISS JONES ANSWERED
and she said,
“IS THIS YOU, ZACH ROBERTSON?!”
And I got such a fright that I slammed the phone down and dialled
999
.

The police listened to everything I had to say about Miss Jones and her teddy and
the baby aliens and the Big Scissors and the
ALIEN INVASION
and all about the
INCIDENT
in the staff room with all the screaming and baby-alien teddies. And then the lady police officer on the phone told me that they would send an
ALIEN UNIT
to the school right away and send a police officer to my house.

Mum wasn’t
AT ALL
happy when the police officer arrived. I tried to explain to her that he was here to see me, not her, and told her about the
ALIEN UNIT
. But then she just got really angry again and told me to sit on the sofa and be
COMPLETELY QUIET
.

So I told the police officer (who looked a bit like the moon) all about what had happened and he said that there had
NOT
been an
ALIEN INCIDENT
at the school. And that the
ALIEN UNIT
had checked everything twice. And then he said that he had spoken to the Head Teacher and that the school was completely
ALIEN FREE
. And then he left.

Then Mum said that I should go to my room. And she also said that under
NO
CIRCUMSTANCES
should I use the phone ever again. So I asked what would happen if she and Dad fainted simultaneously (which means at the same time) and I was not allowed to use the phone to phone an ambulance or to phone Zach. And then Mum and Dad both said,
“GOODNIGHT, ISABELLA”
(simultaneously).

So I just went to bed, but I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about what the police officer that looked like the moon had said about the school being
ALIEN FREE
. It didn’t make any sense.

It's Never Good When Your Teacher Comes to Your House

The next day, Mum said that Miss Jones had phoned and that she was bringing over my school bag, and also that she wanted to have a
CHAT
about everything that had happened at school yesterday.

I
REALLY
wasn't looking forward to Miss
Jones coming round for a
CHAT
(especially on a Saturday!), because usually when teachers want to have a
CHAT
with my mum it's because I've done something wrong.

Like the time the Head Teacher said me and Jodi couldn't sell our home-made perfume at school any more after Leanne Raynor got burns on her arms. I explained that Leanne Raynor must just have very sensitive skin and that it wasn't our fault. But then the Head Teacher said that Leanne Raynor had lost
TWO LAYERS OF SKIN
and then he had a
CHAT
with my mum and she confiscated all our perfume-making equipment.

So anyway, when Miss Jones came over, Mum told me to go up to my room. So I sat on the stairs instead, but I couldn't really hear anything except for,

“BUY ONE GET TWO FREE”,

and

“GRAVE MISTAKE”.

Then when Miss Jones eventually left, Mum shouted for me to come downstairs.
So I sneaked back up and shouted,
“OK, COMING!”
and then ran down the stairs.

That's when Mum explained to me what had
REALLY
been going on at school. Mum said that because all the teachers had been working very hard this year, the Head Teacher had bought them all teddies to say thank you. But then she said about how the Head Teacher had forgotten to get teddies for the office ladies too, and that that had been a
GRAVE MISTAKE
. Mum said that the office ladies had been really angry because they had been working very hard too and didn't like being left out.

Then Mum said that the Head Teacher realised what he had done, and bought all the office ladies really cheap teddies that weren't as good as the ones he gave the teachers, and how that made everything worse! And that's why everyone was shouting in the staff room when we walked in.

Mum said they were all probably shocked to be caught arguing by pupils and that they were smiling at us so much because they were embarrassed. And then Mum said, “Poor Mr Murphy,” and she giggled a bit.

So I said that that didn't really explain anything, like why Gary Petrie had tried to
dance with me with his bogey fingers. And why the office ladies had said that the Head Teacher's ears must have been
BURNING
and that,

And also that I didn't think that Mr
Killington who teaches 4K would really
LIKE
a pink teddy that said, “You're Great!” on it.

And Mum said that sometimes people say your ears are burning if someone is gossiping about you. And that the office ladies had been gossiping about how the Head Teacher hadn't given
THEM
teddies. Then she said that the office ladies had been speaking
METAPHORICALLY
. Which means that they didn't actually mean the teddies were going to explode, they meant that they were so upset about being left out and that the
SITUATION
was going to explode (which means everyone would
get angry and start shouting). And then she said that she was sure the Head Teacher had given Mr Killington a different gift. And I said I hope so. And that it should have been a bike, because I know he likes those.

Then Mum said that we should be extra nice to Miss Jones because we had given her a fright. And that it isn't OK to run out of class and worry her like that.

And then she said maybe Gary Petrie was being nice because he
LIKED
me!
YUCK!