B008KQO31S EBOK (28 page)

He kept his eyes closed, waiting for her to condemn him.

“Wait a minute.” She eased closer. “You aren’t blaming yourself for this, are you?”

“Who else would there be to blame?” His voice rose and he didn’t care. “I screwed this up, just like I screw everything up! Here I am, the one person in the world who thinks that rampant consumerism isn’t so all-fired terrific, and I manage to export it better than anybody else! I destroyed a local culture and replaced it with nothing worth a damn and started who knows how many untouched places on the same path. It’s the worst fucking failure that I could have made of my life!”

He turned away, not wanting to see the censure that must fill Phil’s eyes.

So much for his last friend.

Instead, he felt her hand on his arm. He could smell the soft perfume of her soap and feel her warmth close beside him.

“Hey, cowboy, ever heard of free will?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He risked a sidelong glance to find Phil considering him, no disgust in her expression.

“You don’t look like God to me.” Her lips twisted. “I always figured he was an older type. You know, flowing grey beard and all that.”

“Phil, this is not funny.”

“No, it isn’t, but you look like you could use a laugh.”

“You can make all the jokes you want, but I’ll never forgive myself.”

She sobered immediately. “But what about them, Nick? Are those people happy with what’s happened to them? You’re not the grand puppetmaster, you know. You had an idea and they liked it—you’re not responsible for the fact that they turned into something entirely different.”

“But, I...”

She continued firmly, not acknowledging his interruption. “Maybe something that suited them just fine.”

“But...”

“Don’t you think it’s important that all your partners chose to stay in the business? They can’t share your view, Nick.”

She was a dangerously persuasive creature.

“Maybe they’re happy with their choice.” She nestled closer, her eyes filled with sincerity. “Do they have better living conditions? Cleaner water? Better access to schooling for their children?”

He didn’t know.

“Well? Every facet of western life isn’t bad, Nick. There are good things too. Maybe they’re living longer now and having better medical care. Maybe women aren’t dying in childbirth and children are getting vaccinations. Subsistence farming is a tough way to get by.” She shook his arm. “Maybe they have choices. What could be more precious than that?”

He eyed her warily. “I’m starting to think that optimism should be classed as a lethal weapon.”

Her smile flashed briefly and she took his hand in both of hers. She was so intent on casting him as a hero.

And he wanted to take the role more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life. It was different this time—he couldn’t accuse her of not knowing the worst of him.

Trust Phil to still turn everything up roses.

“Nick, what if that boy had found someone less altruistic than you? Anyone could have set up tours there and sucked the money right out of the country. They could have been left even more deeply impoverished, used by another company and left without any of the spoils. You did a good thing by letting them not only run the tours but share in the wealth.”

“The valley’s still ruined.”

“Who says it can’t be fixed? One of the wonderful things about the earth is how incredibly forgiving it can be. A few paths are nothing compared to some of the stuff we’ve managed to do in a lot of the world—yet natural places recover quickly once given a chance. I’ll take you to a place we’ve been working on. It was a dumping ground for chemicals and old concrete. It’s taken a lot of work, but there are flowers growing there, Nick. It’s still got a way to go, but every year, it comes a bit closer.”

He looked down at Phil and felt the burden he’d carried ease slightly. Maybe he
could
fix it. Maybe he could go back and help, make an alliance between the competitors. They had to see that the change would affect their business. Maybe all was not lost—maybe they could all learn something from this and make things better in the end.

He held Phil’s gaze and decided that the earth wasn’t the only one that was forgiving. She smiled that little Mona Lisa smile that awakened all the slumbering passion in him.

“I think,” she whispered as he stared at that widening smile, “you need to cut yourself some slack, Sullivan.”

When she stretched up to kiss him, the touch of her lips on his seemed the most natural thing in the world.

He could have done the chivalrous thing if she’d jumped his bones, but this gentle touch was impossible to resist. She offered solace, and hope, and Nick desperately wanted some of each. He kissed her back, a wordless gesture of gratitude for the way she listened, and Phil framed his face in her hands.

The slide of her tongue across his lip changed everything. Their kiss turned hungry, the heat between them crackling with just that small provocation. They were horizontal on the couch before he knew what happened, she was sprawled on top of him, the perfection of her butt was filling his hands. His erection pressed against her stomach and she writhed on top of him, greedy for everything he had to give.

His good intentions had a hell of a fight to break that kiss. He wanted some of her sunshine more than he’d wanted anything in his life. But he knew, he
knew
that just wanting something wasn’t enough.

Even loving someone wasn’t enough. He’d loved his parents, but they’d left him. He’d tried not to love Lucia, but he’d lost that battle, and he’d lost her too.

He didn’t want to lose Phil.

He caught her shoulders in his hands and held her slightly above him, refusing to look down her gaping gown at her breasts.

“Last chance, Phil.” He looked her steadily in the eye, his pulse thumping at the flushed just-kissed look of her. “Kiss me again and I won’t be able to stop.”

Her eyes widened as she looked at him, and he saw that she was hopeful for a promise he wouldn’t make, couldn’t make. He speared his fingers through her hair, still shaken by the eruptions she’d caused, and rubbed her cheek with his thumb. She was more than he remembered but it wasn’t in him to make impulsive choices.

He had to think.

He had to be
sure
.

He refused to feel guilty when Phil’s baby blues clouded with disappointment. He had been honest with her—she deserved the truth, even if she didn’t like it much.

Nick closed his eyes, bracing himself for the inevitability of feeling her slip away.

W
ell, I’ve had my face slapped a few times, but this was too much. “So, I’m still too fat for you?” I snapped, took another swat at Nick, then bounded to my feet. I was furious with him for not being able to see beyond the size of my butt.

I expected better from him.

“Phil...” He had his Be Reasonable tone which only made me more angry.

I paced across the room, figuring I had nothing to lose at this point. “So, what, you were just playing games with all those steamy kisses before? Giving me a little bonus offer so that I’d help you out?” He got to his feet and glowered at me but I was on a roll. “Hey, you had somewhere free to stay, a few lifts into town. You had to put up with me, mind you, and touch me once in a while to keep me on the team...”

“Phil, don’t do this.”

“Don’t do what? Don’t speak the truth? It’s okay, the jig is up. And don’t you lay any more of your charm on me to make it all better.” I jabbed a finger through the air at him, disregarding the way his lips had tightened to a thin line. I was pushing the limit but I didn’t care.

“I get it already.” My voice rose slightly and those stupid tears gathered. “Fat Philippa doesn’t do it for you. Fine. Don’t let me cut into your beauty sleep any longer.”

I left before I humiliated myself any further.

I managed three steps before he caught me around the waist. He spun me around, caught my butt in his hands and lifted me off my feet so fast that I didn’t have a chance to protest. I would have said something then, but he kissed me hard and backed me into the wall with a thump.

And I got a good sample of how hot the core of that volcano was.

He lifted his head, his eyes as green as new grass. “Never imagine for a moment that you aren’t the sexiest woman I’ve ever known.” He rolled his hips against me. “Does that feel like disinterest?”

He smiled. “Kiss me, Phil, and let’s do something about it.”

I did. There was nothing but Nick, his tongue, his hands, and his erection pressed into my belly. I hung on to his shoulders and surrendered to the moment. He moaned when I opened my mouth to him and his hands slid under the flannel to slide over my bare skin.

I shivered, but he braced me against the wall, trailing kisses down my neck as his fingers slipped into my own heat.

Then I moaned.

I was squirming on his fingertips in nothing flat, certain I couldn’t stand it a minute longer. He made me wait though, tempting me more than I thought I could bear. When I came, I think I screamed.

I must have, because Joe upstairs thumped the floor again.

But Nick was grinning. He nuzzled my earlobe and laced our fingers together high over my head. His erection nudged against me and my mouth went dry at the size of him.

“What was that about me not wanting you?” he whispered in my ear.

I mumbled something incoherent and he chuckled, then pulled back to look into my eyes. He looked smug, pleased, and very male. “Not true, Phil,” he murmured. “I’ve always wanted you. Only you. I thought you deserved better.”

“Wrong,” I whispered unevenly.

He eased into me, hot and thick and hard, even as I tried to catch my breath. He held me against the wall with his hips as I got used to the size of him, then impatiently tugged my nightgown over my head and chucked it across the room.

He looked down at me and smiled, his admiration unmistakable. “Beautiful,” he whispered. “And don’t let anyone tell you differently.”

“Lots to love,” I said, trying to make a joke.

Nick shook his head. “Perfect.” He cupped one of my breasts in his hand, meeting my gaze his palm fitted exactly around me. “See?” He arched a brow, watching me as he slid his thumb deliberately across my tight nipple.

I gasped and his gaze darkened as he bent closer. “Come again, Phil. Come with me inside you.”

I’m not too clear how things proceeded after that, save that it’s true what they say—all things do come in threes.

Including me.

* * *

I woke to the sound of rain and the smell of chocolate, and a space on the mattress beside me. For a moment I thought I’d had particularly good dreams, then a cheerful voice proved me wrong.

“Up and at ‘em, Phil. Daylight’s wasting.”

I rolled over and eyed the man who had kept me awake most of the night. Nick was dressed and shaved, disgustingly bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

“I thought two nights without sleep was your limit.”

He shrugged. “Live and learn. Some cushy job you’ve got, Coxwell, laying around half the morning.”

I tried to sling a pillow at him but missed. “Be warned that I may bite before I’m fully conscious.”

“Which would be when?”

“Noon at the earliest.” I rubbed my eyes and yawned, wanting nothing more than to dive deep beneath the covers and stay there. I knew I must look like hell, but I peeked and Nick didn’t seem to be making a run for it.

In fact, he looked as though he was trying not to laugh.

“I don’t look that funny.”

“No, you look grouchy and rumpled and about as mean as a goldfish.”

“Don’t underestimate me.” I bared my teeth at him. “I enjoy munching on morning people, especially those who are cheerful and organized.”

He moved closer, feigning caution, and put a steaming mug on the nightstand before backing away with his hands up. “Then consider this a peace offering.”

The chocolate smell got stronger. “Hot chocolate?” A nice gesture but about forty-five million calories. I glared at him. “I hope I’m rabid so you die a painful death after I chomp on you. This is cruel and unusual punishment, you know.”

He leaned down, his tone cajoling, his eyes gleaming. “Maybe you’ve burned off enough calories to have earned it.”

There was that damn blush again. “Maybe not.”

“I can help.”

I laughed, probably a first at that hour.

Nick brushed my hair back with a gentle fingertip. “It’s skim milk, Phil.”

This was too good to be true. And you know what that means—anything too good to be true usually isn’t. I eyed him with suspicion. “Equal?”

“How’d I guess?” He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his feet. “Maybe it was the fact that the only grocery you had came in little blue envelopes.”

The man was becoming positively loquacious. I sniffed as I reached for the mug. I took a cautious sip of the hot chocolate.

It tasted divine. Ambrosia with no after effects. “All right. Maybe you can live, after all.”

He turned to leave, pausing halfway across the room. “We should have a chat about moderation and synthetic sweeteners, Phil. Real sugar has only sixteen calories per teaspoon and is entirely natural, not to mention a sustainable crop.”

I sat up and gave him my best death glare. “I’m changing my mind. You should die after all, preferably painfully and slowly. I’m not much for lectures in the morning.”

He folded his arms across his chest. “Such a short memory. I seem to recall someone insisting last night that I was better than chocolate.”

I blushed, knowing that I’d said exactly that. “Well, it’s morning and all bets are off.”

“Is that right?” I could have sworn I saw his eyes twinkling before he turned away. “Drink your chocolate, Phil.”

Somehow that sounded ominous.

I figured I was imagining things. After all, he left me in peace. The rain pattered against the windows and I took my time waking up. It was only quarter to eight, close to miraculous for me. There was rustling from the kitchen, as though Nick had hunted down a paper, and a strong smell of coffee. I like the smell of coffee in the morning, even though I don’t drink it.