Authors: Rebecca Ann Drake
Phil banged
on the door in frustration, vibrations from the impact of his fist trembled
throughout the room. He slurred a few obscenities through the door at her, none
of them making any sense before slowly the hammering ceased. Phil gave up and
went off looking for another bottle of Whisky.
At the
precise moment Phil’s fist hit Madison face and the shockwave of pain erupted,
she knew this was it for her. She was out. All hope that Phil might one day
wake up from this ever-lasting nightmare of booze and allow them both to move
on with their lives had now diminished.
Madison saw everything completely crystal clear for the first time in
her life - Phil was too far-gone to ever allow that to happen. There was
nothing she could do to save him now and she had known this for some time –
just never wanting to admit this to herself. She had allowed Phil to bring her
down too many times over the years and it was time for her to get away. Before
Madison had even made the conscious decision she found herself pulling clothes
out of her draws and throwing them onto the bed. Panic had made her actions
erratic and she was almost hysterical with hurt and rage.
She grabbed
the large blue suitcase from under her bed and threw it open. In one foul swoop
she swept all the clothes off the red duvet cover into the open suitcase. She
froze at the sound of a slamming door – it was the front door. She raced across
the room towards the bedroom window, her heart jumped up into her throat. Her
heart beat increased, hitting her rib cage with force as she leant against the
pane of glass, struggling to see through the pitch black of the front garden.
Madison’s bedroom was on the left side of the house and the branches from an
overgrown tree covered most of the window, only allowing a small proportion of
the front garden to be in view.
A shadowy figure caught her eye. Phil
zigzagged down the garden path towards the road, his head lowered towards the
ground and his arms stretched out propping himself up by the wooden fence.
Tonight was the first night in weeks that Phil had left the house; some fresh
air would do him good even if it was an attempt to purchase some more alcohol.
A jab of guilt struck her and she began to
doubt her decision to leave. Tears glistened in the corners of her eyes;
breaking away from Phil was going to be more difficult that she had first
anticipated. After everything that had occurred tonight, Phil was still her
Father and she couldn’t help but still pity him and there was still that
want
to help him. Madison could not
excuse Phil’s actions tonight nor could she stand to live in this
house with him anymore
.
Turning
back towards the room, she stared at the open suitcase. Her heart fluttered in
her chest and fresh tears spilled out over her cheeks. She winced as the salty
warm tears soothed the throbbing sensation on her cheek. She remained
motionless, fighting to get her erratic thoughts straight in her head. The
image of Phil’s fist connecting with her left cheek, then Phil staggering down
the garden path flooded into Madison mind. Guilt pulled at her heart strings
once again, tears clouded her vision as she struggled to deal with her
confusion. Madison gaze moved over to the closet on the right side of the room.
Her mind began to refocus as she raced over to it and began to search through
the many shoes and handbags. She pulled out a pair of knee high boots and a
pair of black satin heels, grabbing a small black handbag she threw the items
into the suitcase without a second glance.
Standing on tiptoes, Madison ran her hand along the top of the closet.
Her finger grazed across something square and solid. Stretching, she placed
both hands on the object and pulled it down - it was a dusty old shoe box.
Madison headed towards the bed with the shoe box clutched in her hands; a thick
film of dust coated the entire box. Placing the box of the bed next to her, she
pulled off the lid and scanned the contents inside. Madison eyes widened with
excitement as the colourful pictures caught her eye. Momentarily forgetting the
pain, she smiled as she flicked through the pictures. All the pictures were of
Madison’s childhood. There were a few of her as a baby, others of her on her
birthday - blowing out four candles on a big pink, frosted cake. Carefully -
she started to pull out the pictures she wanted to take with her. The first one
was a photo of Madison and Stephanie building sand castles at the beach when
they were both in nappies, they both smiled up at the camera happily, covered
in sand from head to toe.
The next photo
Madison wanted to keep was of her, Stephanie and Julie; all three of them were
spread out over the sofa at Stephanie’s house, their entire bodies covered by a
pink blanket - only their heads visible. Madison scanned the remaining buddle
of photos, pulling out any good ones that were worth keeping. A face that she
hadn’t seen in a very long time caught her eye, she paused at the glossy photo
- it looked like it had only been taken yesterday. Heidi (her mother) stood in
the centre of the photo, her long brown hair flowing down either side of her
arms, baby Madison cradled tightly within her arms. A huge, ecstatic smile
spread across Heidi’s face, revealing her perfect white teeth. Her warm green
eyes stared down at Madison’s little face in complete amazement and joy,
Madison lay asleep in her arms, wrapped in a pale pink blanket.
She stared
at the photo, studying every aspect of her Mothers face. It was the happiest
she had ever seen her Mother in photos before. Phil had burnt most of the
pictures of himself and Heidi after she had died. He couldn’t bare to look at
them, but up until this point they had been dotted around the house. At a young
age, Madison had managed to salvage a few photographs that Phil had missed when
he decided to get rid of the all, she hid them away in the shoe box on top of
her closet so he was unable to find them – eventually forgetting they were
there.
Madison gripped her chest as a
sharp pain crippled her heart, it felt like someone had grabbed a hold of her
heart and squeezed it tight. This pain was something she felt every time she
saw her Mothers face, and every time she thought about her. It was a wound that
had never properly healed and never would. It was a scar that Madison would
carry for the rest of her life. The pain had eased as time passed and it would
continue to ease for the rest of her life, but it would never heal and Madison
would never forget or forgive.
Carefully
placing the chosen photos in her suitcase, Madison flicked through the
remaining photos in the pile. Another photo caught her eye. She paused,
scanning over the glossy colours of the picture. The picture was taken in the
middle of summer at one of the local pubs Phil used to visit daily. Madison was
9 years old when the picture was taken; she sat on a picnic beach, the straw
from a glass of lemonade dangling in her mouth. Phil sat opposite from her, a
huge bright smile spread across his face. The normal glass of whisky clutched
in his hand. He was younger, less frail and washed out then he was nowadays.
The picture was taken when Phil resembled almost a normal Father, but even back
then his problem was still present. The alcohol hadn’t consumed him entirely
yet, but Phil suffered the effects of it – unable to go a single day without a
drink, and the dark circles that hung around his eyes were visible in the
picture even back then. Even back then there was a lifeless and glazed
appearance to his eyes. Madison recalled the afternoons they spent in the
garden of the local pub, she sipped lemonade while Phil drowned his sorrows in
countless glasses of Whiskey. It was a time that had been long forgotten
through the years of emotional and verbal abuse, back when occasionally - Phil
would take care of her. Madison had always remembered the outings to the pub as
happy memories. She would play happily on the swings with the other children -
until Phil drank himself under the table and was kicked out of the pub at
closing time. Madison felt like screaming out to the small girl in the picture,
urging her to run while she still had her innocence and while she was still
undamaged by Phil’s antics. In the next few years, things would become
gradually worse for Madison and the years leading up to today would be
horrific. All the good and terrible memories swirled into one big mass inside
her mind. She felt poisoned by the hate and guilt that inflected her
consciousness. Her head was in chaos. Her mind urging her to stay, convincing
her that Phil would not survive without her, but her heart cried out for her to
run. She knew that what had occurred tonight would happen again if she didn’t
leave while she had the chance. She would be sucked into spending the rest of
her life caring for her abusive Father. Phil had loved Heidi very much, but
over the years that love had turned into hatred, he hated that Heidi had left
him and he was completely broken inside.
Staying now would only be a constant reminder of Phil’s hatred and for
him; Madison would only be a constant reminder of that pain.
A single
tear ran down her right cheek, anger flashed fiercely in her eyes. She felt the
pressure increase in her hands, rage thundered through her body causing her
whole body to tremble. Her fingers scratched at the corners of the photo,
threatening to rip it into two. A new rain of grief flooded her senses, tears
gushed down her cheeks burning her red, swollen left cheek. She held the
picture more carefully, no longer threatening to tear it, but gazing at it in
remorse. A tear splashed down to the glossy picture, landing on the 9 year old
Madison, she wiped the tear away with her thumb before pressing the picture
against her chest - trying to comfort herself with it. The tears flowed thick
and fast, but Madison remained silent - holding all her pain inside.
The dull
ache from her left cheek distracted her as she caught her breath - regaining
control of her emotions. Pulling her lifeless body off the bed, she headed
towards the mirror that was hung on the wall next to the bedroom door. It was
the first time she had looked at herself in the mirror since the incident had
oc
curred. She was taken aback by how unrecognisable her
own reflection was, the left side of her face was very swollen and looked
distorted compared to the right side. The delicate skin under her eye and
eyelid was beginning to tinge a purple colour - tomorrow her eye would be
completely black. Where Phil’s fist had struck her face was a large red bulge,
which stood out from underneath her eye socket and it was already beginning to
turn purple. Gently, Madison wiped away the tears that streaked her face, her
stomach twisted into a knot as she studied her reflection. She felt sick and
ashamed at the damage Phil had caused. Madison knew she couldn’t leave the
house looking the way she did, grabbing the makeup bag from the dressing table
on the opposite side of the room - she pulled out a small bottle of foundation.
Madison squeezed some of the creamy peach foundation on to a small sponge and
dabbed it gently on the large red bulge that had formed on her cheek. It stung,
but Madison kept applying the foundation until the bulge was skin colour rather
than a purple shade. Once she was satisfied that she had covered up the
inflamed skin around her eye as best as she could, she popped the bottle of
foundation back into the makeup bag and threw the bag into the suitcase.
Madison collected her hairbrush and perfumes from the dressing table and placed
them into her suitcase – zipping it closed. She headed back over to the closet
and pulled out a mid-length black leather coat, and slipped it on. Grabbing for
the handle, Madison yanked the suitcase up right and headed towards the door -
twisting the key in the lock to unlock the bedroom door. The door unlocked with
a loud
click
. Madison paused as the sound echoed around the quiet
bedroom. Straining, she listened for any sound of movement in the hallway
outside the bedroom door. Although she had watched Phil zigzag down the garden
path, she was not completely convinced that she was alone in the house, an
uneasy feeling niggled at the back of her mind, urging her to proceed with
caution.
Madison
pulled the door open slowly, peering around the doorframe for any sign of
movement - nothing. The upstairs hallway was pitch black and deadly still. The
bathroom was one door along on the right, it was only a short journey to the
bathroom to collect her toiletries, but Madison felt unnerved and frightened by
the thick darkness that covered the hallway. Filling her lungs with air, she
leapt forwards sprinting down the hallway, leaving the suitcase in the doorway
of her bedroom. The light from Madison’s room bounced off the wall at the foot
of the stairs, lighting a majority of the hallway for her.
She grabbed for the door handle of the
bathroom and panicked as her fingers only found the cold wood of the bathroom
door. She scratched at the door frantically, searching for the hard brass of
the door handle. Her fingers finally touched the cool metal of the solid brass
door handle, forcing it down. The door
clicked
and flew open - catching
the wind from the open bathroom window. Madison jumped as the door hit the
bathroom wall with a loud
bang
. The bathroom was caked in darkness and
the wind rattled the blinds causing shadows to dance across the bathroom walls
from the trees blowing in the wind outside. Madison lunged forwards, grabbing
her toothbrush from the sink, without stopping she sprinted back out of the
bathroom door and headed back down towards her bedroom. When she reached the
stream of light that flowed out from her bedroom door, she started to feel a
little easier. Madison had always felt threatened by the darkness since she was
a little girl, always unsure of what the darkness intentions were or what was
lurking beneath its thick, unpredictable shield. The light always kept the ever
consuming darkness at bay, protecting her.