Away From the Spotlight (62 page)

“That wasn’t just a movie.  That really was you.  I was
there
.”  I sat
down on the edge of
the red velvet sofa
, leaned forward
and put my head in my hand
s
.

“Well, it was me, but it’s not who I am.  I can’t stand for you to
have
see
n
me that way
,
to think of me that way.”  He sat down next to me on the sofa, but not too close.

“Why do
you
care what
I
think anymore?  You left
me
, remember?”

“Yes
, b
ut I can’t help it
. 
I still care.  I don’t want you to think badly of me, seeing me like that.”

“I may not like it, but it makes it easier.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“What do you
think
?”

“I don’t know.  Tell me.”

I looked up with an angry expression. 
“You broke my heart.  Seeing you like that makes it easier to move on.”

“But you
have
moved on, haven’t you?” he said with sadness in his voice.

“Why would you think that?”

“You’re with John.”  He said it like it was a matter of fact.

“Why would you think
that
?”
I repeated with emphasis.

“I saw you together.”

“When?”  I couldn’t imagine him running into the two of us.
  Besides, John and I hadn’t been spending much time together lately in light of things.

“I came to see you
a
fter you
passed the Bar
.  I wanted to congratulate you in person.  I saw
you and
John
walking to your apartment together
.
  I waited for a
long
while, but he didn’t leave.
”

“Oh.”  My head sunk deeper into my hands.

“It was like you had stuck a knife into my heart and were twisting it.
”

I looked up and said,
“And you don’t think that’s how I felt when you broke our engagement?  If you felt anything like the way I did, you
never
could have done that.”

“I did
, b
ut I tried to do what
wa
s best for you and
believed that
being with me was not the best
thing
for you.  I loved you enough to let you go
. 
And then when I saw that you were . . . e
very time I have that vision of
John
with you going to your apartment to
. . . I tr
ied
to move on too.  I’m just not very good at it.”

“You looked pretty good at it last night.”

“Not really.  It takes a lot
of liquid courage
to get myself up
to seeing
other women and then, when I do, they’re not what I want, so I manage to get drunker still.  Between the alcohol and my emotional state, I become a little dysfunctional.”

“You mean you haven’t . . .?”

“No.”

“What about the women in the magazines
,
the women last night?”

“No.”

I closed my eyes and sighed.  “I’m not with John.”

“What?”

“It was
very brief
.  I had too much to drink
when the guys and I went
out
to celebrate my passing the Bar and
John
made sure I got home okay.  I was so depressed. 
I got your flowers and it messed me up. 
I needed comfort, solace, and he was there.”

“Of course, he was,” Will said, his voice thick with sarcasm.

“No, this was my fault.  All mine.  He didn’t do anything.  It was
all me
.  Well, you know what I mean.  I am a horrible person and now, not only have I hurt him, I’ve hurt you.  It was very selfish of me.”

He sighed
and closed his eyes
.  “No, this
has been
all
my
fault.
  I drove you there.  And, it’s not like I wasn’t trying to find my own comfort.”

We both sat there for a moment, neither of us knowing what to say or do next.

Finally, I
broke the silence. 
“So we’re both sorry.  Where does that leave us?
 
We’re in the same place we were when you broke up with me.”

“No, not exactly.  I only
thought
I couldn’t live without you then.  I
know
it now.  It didn’t take me long to realize that I made a huge mistake, but then I
was afraid
I’d lost you
and, when I saw you with John, it appeared to confirm my fears
.  I really didn’t
lose you
,
though,
did I?”
  His eyes
were
hopeful.

I shook my head, no.

“Then we’ll figure it out together.”

Will
pulled me off the couch and started to kiss me, lightly at first,
and
then a little more urgently.

I then
received
the shock of my life.
 
Will leaned up and
asked, “Marry me now?  I don’t
want to wait.  I don’t want to be without you one more day.  We can go to Las Vegas and
cele
brate later with our families and friends.  Please?  I love you.”

It took me a second to recover and, when I was able to process what he had said, I smiled.  “I love you.  I never wanted to be apart from you either and still don’t.  Of course, I’ll marry you.  Tonight if you want.  But you have to promise me one thing.”

“Anything.”

I almost begged
,
“Make love to me first.  I have missed you more than you can imagine.”

“I doubt that.  I know how much I missed you.”

Will
kissed me and backed me into my room as he did so.  As we were together, I could almost feel the black hole I had been living in for the past few months close
behind me
.  I couldn’t tell Will I loved him enough.  It seemed that he felt the same way.  Not only did I feel unbelievable pleasure, I felt overwhelming relief that this long, dark period was over.  Will and I would be together forever, starting today.  We would be bound to each other
and he wouldn’t leave me again.

W
e were both sorely tempted to stay there together for the rest of the weekend.  Will was anxious, though, for us to get going and get married –
that very day
.

While I packed
for the trip
,
Will
made the arrangements.  When I was ready to go, he took my suitcase from me, took my hand and led me to his car.  We needed to go to his place before the airport s
o that he could get his things.

We arrived at
Will’s
house
in the Palisades
and he led me inside by the hand.  We ran into Stephen and Kate as we walked through the family room.  When they saw me, Kate practically screamed, “
Oh, thank God!”

When Colin and Gemma heard Kate, they
rushed
out of Colin’s bedroom and found us.
Stephen, Kate, Colin and Gemma each hugged me tightly and I could he
a
r, “I’m so glad you’re back,” ”It’s so nice to see you again,” “We missed you,” and other simila
r sentiments while they did so.

When they were
finished
, Gemma asked, “What happened?  Wh
en did you get back together?”

Will responded, “Today.”  His relie
f was clear.  He smiled, happy.

Kate then spoke, looking at Will
and smiling, “I was hoping
this would happen.  When you asked for Shannon’s address
a few weeks ago
, I was fairly sure it would
eventually
.  I’m so happy for you.  It’ll be nice to have the old Will back again. 
And w
e missed you, Shannon.”  She looked
over
at me, smiling.

Will spoke again
with
excitement in his voice, “She isn’t going anywhere ever again.  We’re getting married
today
.”

“Oh, my God!  Really?”
Kate
smiled brightly, but
there was a little shock there.

“Yes.  We’re just here to get my things.  We’ll be back tomorrow night.”  Will bea
med and I’m sure I did as well.

They all
gave
us
congratulations
hugs
and
looked genuinely happy for us.

Colin asked, “Do we ge
t to have a party to celebrate?

Will responded, “The six of us can
next
week sometime.  I think we’ll do something more formal, here and in England, for the familie
s sometime in the near future.”

When e
veryone started to talk over each other
,
Gemma pulled me aside
to
ask, “How have you been these past few months?  We were wor
ried about you and missed you.”

“I missed you too.  It was just so hard.  I didn’t want to do anything or see anyone that would remind me. I’m sorry.
”  I was sad thinking about it.

Will seemed to overhear me and winced. 
He must not have
realized how much pain I had been in these past
few
months.

She tried to comfort me.  “We understood.  We just worried about you.  We didn’t agree with Will that you would b
e okay.  You weren’t were you?”

I looked at Will as I
said, “No.”  Will winced again.

W
ill then grabbed my hand and said, “We’ll have to talk about all this when we get back.  We have a plane to catch.”  He then pulled me in the direction of his room.  I could hear the girls scre
aming with happiness behind me.

It had been months since I had been in this room.  Nothing had changed.  I smiled when I noticed that Will still had the picture of the two of us taken in England
at our engagement party
prominently displayed
in the frame I had bought for him
in Italy
.  I thought about all of the time we spent in
this room
together and desperately wanted to relive some of th
o
se memories.  I looked at Will and could tell that
he was thinking the same thing.

Will pulled me close and kissed me.  He must have been thinking about what I said to Gemma because he said with feeling, “I’m so sorry to have put you through that.  If I had realized
,
I never
. . .”
He looked sad.

“It’s over now.”  I said, trying to reassure him.  “But I have to tell you that it bothers me that you don’t seem to realize how much I love you.  How could you possibly have thoug
ht I’d be fine if you weren’t?”

“I don’t know.  I wasn’t think
ing straight.”  He looked down.

I waited for him to look up at me and asked, “Promise m
e you’ll never doubt me again.”

“I promise.”

I kissed him then.  “
I love you more than anything.”

His
deep green
eyes registered the depth of his feeling.  “I love you more than anything
. 
Let’s go get married.”

While he was packing, I watched.  He handed me one of the dresses still hanging in his closet that I had worn in England.  It was the blue one I wore when he proposed.  “This was special.  Why don’t you
wear this when we get married?”

I smiled and took the garment bag
from him
.
  I found the shoes and handbag as well and put them aside to place in my suitcase that was in the car.

Will
r
emoved from a drawer in the closet my diamond necklace, earrings and engagement ring.  He helped me put them on
again
and I could tell that he hadn’t been
happy that I had returned them.