Away From the Spotlight (28 page)

“Regardless, please don’t worry about me.”

“I can’t help that.  I
’
ll always worry when you’re not with me.”

He kissed me long and hard before grabbing his bags and heading out to the car waiting outside.  I could hear a little commotion that I imagine
d
was probably some of the paparazzi and a few fans getting
pictures and
autographs.

I stayed at the house for a little while after Will left until I had to leave to get my car in Santa Monica to make it to class by six.  I ducked down in the back of Colin’s
Jeep
as I had the night before.  Apparently, I needn’t have bothered as the crowd
had
disbursed when Will left for the airport.

The rest of the week progressed
somewhat
similarly to the week
before
.
I managed to get
quite a bit of studying done. 
Whenever I would
become
depressed or lose focus,
Carrie
would tell one of her silly stories and I would be cheered and ready to study again.

Will continued
to
let me know that he was thinking of me. 
I received another bouquet of
pink and white
carousel rose
s
the day after Will left
.  I was going to
have to
ask him what the deal was with them.  Although I really liked them, perhaps better than any other roses I had seen, I had never indicated that to Will.

Will sent me intermittent text messages and pictures, sometimes in the middle of the night because of the time difference.  I turned off my phone
at bedtime
so it wouldn’t beep and wake up
Carrie
.

Will
called me every
afternoon
before I went to class when it was
late
in the U.K. and Europe.
  I received camera phone pictures of the
premiere
s in London
a
nd
Rome
.  The crowds were
as
huge as they had been in the U.S.

On Saturday, I had the dreaded dinner with John.  Had it not been for Will
in my life
, I probably would have been excited about it.  Instead, I was dreading the awkwardness.

“Why did you agree to go out with him?”
Carrie
asked
,
curious as to why I was doing something I clearly didn’t want to do.

“He’s my
friend
.  If he wants to be more than friends and I acknowledge that
and
turn him down
,
then I lose the friend.  I
’
ll be working with him at the firm in the fall and I don’t want to cause any problem there.
 
I
just
hope I
read
him
wrong last week
.  Otherwise, I’ll have to be very good at changing the subject so I don’t have to end up turning him down
.
”

“Sounds complicated.”

“It is.  But
please
, if Will
calls the apartment phone while I’m gone
, don’t tell him who I
’
m with.  He is, for some crazy reason, jealous of John and I don’t want to upset him
,
p
articularly when there
’
s
nothing
to be jealous of.”

“If you say so.  I still believe that honesty is the best policy.”

“I know.  You’re right.  I’ll tell him when he
gets back
.  I
’
ll be with him
then
and he
’
ll have nothing to worry about.  But I don’t want him worrying needlessly from
six-thousand
miles away.”

John arrived promptly to pick me up for dinner.  I tried to talk him into letting me meet him at the restaurant, but he would hear nothing of it.  He said he had to stop by the office anyway and
USC
was not that far from the office.

I let John in the door.  He hugged me
very hard
and gave me a kiss on the cheek.  I introduced him to
Carrie
and he said
“
hello,
”
but wouldn’t look directly at her, like he was afraid she would see something in his eyes.

Carrie
amused me when she, in an apparent attempt to help my cause,
showed John the flowers Will had sent me.  John reacted nonchalantly, but it was clear that it bothered him.
Carrie
gave me a look as I
followed
John
out the door
as if to say, “Good luck.  You’re gonna need it.”

As had been the case the previous weekend, we drove silently to our destination with music blaring in the car.  This time, it was
sixties’
rock
.  I sat there wondering if John ever listened to music made after he was born.

Instead of Pasadena, this time
,
we went to a Mexican
r
estaurant in West Hollywood
,
known for its p
assion fruit margarita
s
,
multi
-c
ourse meals
,
and Mariachi band
.  It was a d
imly
lit restaurant with crescent-shaped
leather
booths
-
dark and
romantic.
  John sat close to me in the booth.
  If I hadn’t been uncomfortable before, I certainly was
now
.

The waiter took our drink orders and
promptly
returned with a pitcher of th
e special margaritas
.  He then
recited
our
dinner
options
as there were no menus
. 
I went with
the
spicy
chicken
option
and John went for the shrimp. 
I
f John even attempted to kiss me, I could claim my shellfi
sh allergy to stop it.  I
f he
kissed me passionately
, I would be sick in more ways than one.

“So how was your week?” John asked,
in an attempt to make conversation and
expecting an answer
about how my
stud
ies were going
.

I took my chance to make it clear that Will and I were really
together
.

“Will flew in Sunday between his New York trip and his Chicago trip
to spend the day
with me at the Ritz Carlton
in the Marina
. 
T
hen he was home Tuesday night and Wednesday
before turning around and
leaving again for
Europe.  We had quite an adventure dodging the paparazzi.”  I laughed,
but it
probably sound
ed
a little forced.

“Wow
!
  T
hat
sounds very exciting.
Are you sure that’s what you want?  I know you.  It doesn’t sound like your speed.”
  John wouldn’t look at me as he said this.

“I can’t say that I went looking for
it
.  I didn’t realize when I first met Will that this was what I signed on for
,
but I love him and
I
would do anything to be with him
,
”
I gushed.

I could see John wince
when I
profess
ed
my love for Will.  Although I felt for John, I had made the point I had wanted to make this evening.  Now that I had made my position clear about
my
relationship
with Will
, I should be able to feel more comfortable.
 
Then he hit me with it.

“I’m glad you’re happy.”  In saying that, he didn’t sound like he meant it.
 
“Ashley and I broke up.”

“Oh
,
my God
!
  W
hy?  What happened?”

“You know how I told you that she
’
d been working a lot and traveling
often
for work?”

I nodded.

“Well, apparently, it
wasn’
t
all
just work.  Ashley
fell in love with someone she works with and
decided
she want
ed
to move in with him.  I came home from golfing
last Sunday to find her packed and a good portion of her things gone already.
 
I shouldn’t have been so surprised.  Neither of us had been particularly engaged in our relationship in a
while
.  We were like an old married couple – at
twenty-seven
!  It’s just that we
’
d been together since we were in high school.  We even went to college together.  She’s the only girlfriend I’ve ever had.  I don’t know how to be without her.”

He looked like he was going to cry.  Against my better judgment, I wanted to comfort him.  He was my friend after all.  I scooted
even
closer to him, turned my body toward him and hugged him.  He sat there for a while, hugging me while I felt too sorry for him to let go.
The Mariachi band started to play in front of us and I waved them off to the next table.
 
He finally let go from the hug, but grabbed my left hand with his right under the table.

“I know you’re with Will, but
can you still be my friend?  I
need
you right now.  I don’t think
Max
or Da
n
would be particularly comfortable with me hugging them.”  He laughed a little pathetically.

I laughed too.  “I
am
your friend.  You can always count on me.”

“I’m sorry I’m not going to be much company tonight.  I was hoping we’d have some fun.”

“You don’t need to entertain me. 
This place is
entertaining enough.”

John held my hand under the table off and on throughout the meal, letting go only to take a forkful of food now and again.  I let him because I knew he was hurting and I didn’t want to hurt him further.
  From time-to-time
,
when he looked particularly sad, I would let go of his hand and rub his back a little.  When I put my hand down, he would grab it again, like it was a life raft in the middle of a storm
at sea
.

At the end of the meal, John wouldn’t let me pay my
share
.

“I
t
’s
the least
I
c
an
do since
I
’
ve
been such rotten
co
mpany.
”

He looked so sad I didn’t want to press the issue.

“
You haven’t
, b
ut o
kay
.  N
ext time it
’
ll be my turn.”

We drove home silently, this time without music in the background.  When we arrived,
John
walked around the car to
let
me out.  As I
climbed out of the car
, he
pulled me into a hug
.

“I have to get going,” I said trying to prod him into letting go.

“Okay.  I’ll walk you back to your door.  Thi
s isn’t the nicest neighborhood,
you know.”

When we got to my door, I decided to go with the doorstep awkwardness rather than have
Carrie
see us.  I would never hear the end of it.

“Good night.”  I
g
ave him a quick hug.  “Why don’t we get the guys together and go for drinks tomorrow night.  Just let me know where to meet the three of you.
”