Knuckles slam into the back of my head and I go crashing down to the pavement, the rocks skinning my face and embedding into my cheek as I come to a halt upon the rough ground. Dark splotches dot my vision and my eyes begin swelling as Jack picks me up, then slams me down into the ground. Something in my right arm cracks but there’s no time to wonder what it is, for my father is beating me.
My body is thrown carelessly around from blow to blow as slaps and punches rain down upon me. Sometimes my face breaks with the contact and blood goes gushing outside my wounds. I try to throw my hands up but he easily bats them away. The scariest thing about the whole thing isn’t the pain but the way his bloodshot, wide eyes gaze at me in fury and fear as he hits me over and over. I look in them and see that he is as lost and scared as I am, and that he cannot stop himself. That isn’t my father looking back at me. It’s a monster.
“Leave me alone! Please!” I cry. I go to scratch his eyes but he rips my hands away and claws at my own, leaving deep gashes on the edge of my eyebrow. He grabs my shoulders and I realize that I have to stop him. If I don’t, he’ll kill me. Doing the only thing I can think of, I raise my knee up to ram him in the groin.
He instantly falls over and forcing myself to get up I begin running, my one arm dangling limply by my side. My eyes are starting to swell shut but I pay no attention, staggering and stumbling to get away. There’s nothing left in me but survival.
I have no idea where I am but by the time my lungs are burning I’ve ran for five minutes at least. “What have I done?” a voice calls from afar, screaming. “WHAT HAVE I DONE? ROSEMARY!”
I don’t hear the voice calling my name because my soul is no longer in my body and I am watching myself from afar run and run and run, leaving a bloody trail. I know I must be in pain, but I feel none.
“Stop, Rose!” the voice cries out, and it is a voice that is shattered and shatters the world. “I don’t want to hurt you! I didn’t mean to hurt you! I love you!”
I don’t hear anything more out of him, either because I don’t want to or because the entire world is mute to my ears. All that matters or ever mattered is running, but for some reason I am unable to run anymore as I turn the corner of an alleyway and go crashing down to the ground, gone before I even hit the pavement.
*
I can barely sleep that night. I’m up at four in the morning, walking out to my car before the sun comes up. Dolly is up before I am, surprisingly. She gives me a cup of coffee and sends me off with all her luck, which I appreciate. For all the world’s bad people, there are a lot of good ones hiding.
I drive to the next town as quickly as possible, but don’t arrive there until the sun comes up. It’s dawn when I step out of my car to search the area, looking down every nook and cranny to try and discover where he could be hiding...
There. That’s the same type of vehicle that ran into me. Hoping and praying with all my might I dash up to it to see that it’s not only the same type of vehicle, it’s the same one exactly. I can tell by the dent in the front made by me personally. I start searching the parking lot, wondering if I should go to the front desk and ask for the room, or if I should hide out here and wait for him to come out. But would that put Rosie at risk?
...I change my plans when I see small red dots littering the parking lot. That’s blood. Fearing it might be Rosie’s, I start following the trail, dashing from dot to dot only to arrive at a car dealership in which I see that there’s now a small
puddle
of blood, a pool which makes me gag.
Please don’t let it be Rosemary’s, please don’t let it be Rosemary’s...
I follow the now red river with dread, my stomach tossing and turning. What if...what if I found her, and she wasn’t...I break into a run. The river flows onward and onward until it slows, turning the corner of an alleyway and stopping at...
“Rosemary!” I cry out, rushing to her side and skidding to a stop. Her back is turned to me and I hear her utter a soft moan. I gently take her shoulder and turn her over, my insides filling with anger and hatred for her father as I observe her face.
Cuts and bruises are dashed upon it as one side of her face swells to a abnormal proportion, oozing blood as she squints out of her black eyes to look at me in pain. She utters a soft note before she gives a deep breath and lies utterly still.
“Rosie no,” I say, bending down to her side. “Rosie, stay with me,” I murmur, placing gentle kisses on her ear as I whisper into them. “Don’t you go anywhere. You stay.”
She mumbles something inaudible and I keep whispering to her, trying to get her to come back. “I love you more than anything, Rosie,” I hush, making my words quick. “Do you hear that? More than my life. I never want you away from me. Keep hanging on. Hold onto my voice...”
Chapter Six
The weather is already getting warmer. Stuck inside my house, huddled under a blanket with jeans and a hoodie. Playing video games and watching bridal shows. Shows that make me sick but that I used to love so I’m trying to force myself to watch them anyway so I can get back to normal. I don’t feel normal, will probably never feel normal again. But I have to try. I have to try and be anything but broken.
I pick up my phone for about the millionth time to check my messages and wince at my reflection. I’ve been out of the hospital for a week now, but that doesn’t make me look any better. One side of my face is swelled up, and I have two black eyes. There’s no part of my body that’s not bruised or scratched. When I toss and turn at night from my dreams the sores bleed but I don’t bother to clean up the blood on my skin. Noah does that when he comes every afternoon, taking a wet washcloth and wiping me down. I only have one broken rib, while the rest of my bones remained intact, my arm only sprained. I was lucky, for the most part.
I’ve failed this semester. I’ve missed so much school that there’s no point in me trying to go back and at this rate I don’t even feel like I have the energy to. I’ve almost lost my job, but I talked to my boss and he knows the situation. He said to come back whenever I feel ready. For now, I’ve been replaced.
My mother walks into the room. She, Peter and Noah are the only people I’ve seen since I came home. “How are you feeling today?” she asks.
I don’t answer. She sighs and comes to sit down by my side. “When you’re young and in love, it’s never meant to last,” she says, stroking my hair. “I just wish I had realized that before I married...”
“You were my age when you married him,” I say blankly, not looking at her.
“Too young,” she repeats. She shakes her head. “I should’ve concentrated more on school...on work...on having fun and being myself. Playing the field. I was too foolish and naive to know what true love is. I shouldn’t have said yes, and I could’ve saved you from all this mess.” Tears spark in her eyes.
“You loved him.”
“Did I? I don’t know.” She hesitates. “I just don’t want you to make the same mistake.”
“Noah loves me. He came after me. He’s been over here everyday taking care of me.” They were more statements to me than anything else.
“I don’t think he’s the one for you, sweetie. I adore Noah, I do, and you know that. I just want what’s best for you, and and I don’t want you thinking he’s your knight in shining armor just because-”
“He’s the one who found me in the streets! It wasn’t you!” I burst out, pushing her away. She stands up and looks at me, lip trembling, and says with a shaky breath, “Well...alright. Just don’t get hurt. If you have to, hurt him before he hurts you. You should be focusing on healing now, and maybe it’s best if you two take a break. Until you’re better.”
“Leave, Mother,” I tell her. She walks out the door to work and I sit there in silence, staring at the wall.
Noah walks in about two hours later, and I haven’t moved nor looked at anything else since my mother left. “You alright today?” His face is concerned, worried. He’s always worried these days.
“Sit down. I have to talk to you.” My heartbeat quickens, my breath becomes haggard. I can’t breathe.
“What’s wrong?” I can see the fear in his eyes. He knows what’s coming.
“We can’t do this anymore,” I tell him. “We...have have to break up. That’s it. I’m breaking up with you.”
“What?” his face instantly goes white. “Rosie-”
“Just stop,” I say, and I reach out to touch his face. “This isn’t your fault. But I don’t want to end up like my mom and dad, Noah. I don’t want to love you through all these years and then lose you because I’ve lost my mind in the end. I can’t do that to you.”
“You don’t love me,” he says, and his whole body is shaking. He’s crying, and he grabs my hands in his. “Please Rosemary, I’ll do anything. I’ll go to college, I’ll find out what I’m doing with my life, just please don’t do this.”
“It has nothing to do with love, Noah! I have no choice!” No more than a few weeks ago this would’ve been unthinkable, and I would’ve done the same thing Noah was doing right now. I would’ve been down on my knees, begging for him to stay. But I couldn’t put up with this anymore. “This isn’t going to work! Eventually we’re going to fall apart and I don’t want to do that to you. It’s better to make a clean break now and be done with it.”
“Rosie, I told you that I would never hurt you. You told me that too, was that all a lie?”
“I didn’t lie, but I didn’t see this coming either. Noah, if you love me, you’ll do this for me,” I say, and the tears finally just start pouring from my eyes. “Just...just go! If you love me, you’ll leave me alone. It’s over. We’re done.”
He stares at me for a few more seconds, barely comprehending my words. Then he slowly stands up, turns for the door, and grasps the doorknob. He looks back at me one last time and states, “You know Rosie, I’d do anything for you. I’d rather face the worst thing possible, see everything terrible, lose all that is meaningful and go through whatever is horrible with you than to have everything I could ever want without you. Whatever the case, I wanted to be by your side...it would have been better to be with you and to have lost everything than it would have been to have everything and lost you. And you know what? You may find somebody else, but you will
never
find anyone who loves you as much as I do. I can guarantee that.”
The lock clicks on his way out, like a bullet fired straight to blow away my heart.
*
Pointless.
I pocketed the emerald engagement ring in my jacket, sick at the sight of it. I didn’t know what I was going to do with it now. Those dreams of asking Rosemary to be my wife were now dashed and gone forever. I’d never get
that
chance again. It was all over. I wanted to throw up at the thought of how I had let her chase me away, but in all reality there was nothing I could’ve done about it. I did everything I could, yet there was no saving us. I had failed.
My bike wasn’t riding right so I pulled it over on the old bridge that crossed over the river leading into Lousdale. I had fixed it with ease from the crash, but it would never be the same again. All that was wrong with it now was a slightly loose tire, but I didn’t want to fiddle with it right now. I wanted to think.
I lost her. She meant everything to me, and now she’s gone. I’m directionless in an open world. I’m rambling through life without a clue. Without her, what am I? I hadn’t cared about anything before I met her. I was reckless to the point of stupidity. Would I become that way again? Cold and empty? What would I be besides miserable, confused, uncaring? Rosemary wasn’t like any of the girlfriends I had ever had before. I felt differently about her, felt more. Protecting her was my duty, and I had failed miserably. Would she be alright without me there? I shook my head. There were no answers right now. The only thing left in me was survival. The only thing I had to worry about from now on was making it to the next morning. I haven’t slept, or eaten, since she declared us over. I looked like shit.
“Hey buddy, you need some help?”
I turned to see two burly bikers idling next to me on the side of the road, looking concerned. I must look like a mad man.
“No I’ve just stopped because my wheel was acting funny. I’ve got tools in my bag to fix it.”
“You sure? We can help.” The one man, large with a gray beard, looked at me kindly. He reminded me of my grandfather.
“Yeah, it’s fine.” I pause, listening to the one engine. “Has it always sounded like that?” I ask the one rider, a tall, lanky man and pointing to the bike.
“What? Oh no, just recently. I’ve taken it into the shop and they don’t know what’s wrong with it.” His mouth becomes thin.
“Mind if I take a look?” The two men glance at each other and I say, “I promise I won’t hurt it. I just want to explain what’s going on.”
“Alright kid,” the thin guy says. “We’ll give it a shot. It can’t hurt. I’m going to get rid of it anyway unless the damn racket stops.”
Within forty minutes I have the machine completely fixed. “Go ahead and start it up,” I say. The thin man climbs on it apprehensively, then starts it up. “It sounds brand new!” he shouts over the loud roar, speeding it up and down the bridge. It’s running perfectly.
“You have a gift. Where’d you learn to fix bikes like that?” Gray beard says, watching his buddy zoom by.