Aussie: A Bad Boy Second Chance Romance (5 page)

I couldn’t look away from the tattoo. I recognized it immediately. It was like a horrible dream; the worst nightmare I’d ever had. My stomach lurched.

He’d tried to stop me as I pulled up his shirt, but I kept going. The first thing that popped into my mind was that he was going to give me a line like: Are you sure you want to do this?

Yet, there was no way he couldn’t read my body language—how insanely I was going at him—that yes, I was sure I wanted to do this.

My heart lodged in my throat as my eyes drifted up from the tattoo to his face. I was trying to make sense of it all, to comprehend the fact that I’d seen it before. I knew exactly where, exactly when.

“I’m sorry. I was trying to tell you,” he said.

I inhaled deeply and scrunched up my face, almost a contorted expression of disbelief. I wanted to deny what I knew full and clear. It was him. I shot out, “What were you trying to tell me?”

“I should have mentioned it, said something…” he trailed off. His voice was a hoarse whisper. Still inches apart, the look between us took on new meaning.

“Did you know? You knew, didn’t you? You knew it was me all along?” I spat out in disgust.

He put his hand on my arm, but I pushed it away.

“You used me,” I accused.

He couldn’t seem to find his voice. Finally, “It’s not like that.”

“Then what is it like?” I ducked around him, backing down the hall a few steps, putting some much-needed space between us. “You knew it was me at the club, and you’re just now getting around to telling me?”

He was silent.

Torn between sadness, disappointment, and rage, I shook my head. “No. Just, no.” Tears welled up in the corners of my eyes.

He offered his apology again, as if that would be enough. “I’m sorry.”

I shook my head. “You can’t just say you’re sorry about something like that. Why didn’t you tell me?”

He leaned against the wall and straightened out his t-shirt that I’d done a pretty good job of wrinkling and twisting in my fingers.

“Let me explain.”

“Yeah, sure, that will make it all better,” I answered sarcastically.

He stood straighter, gathering the will to tell me. “What happened that night…that’s the only reason I didn’t text you back or return your calls. I wanted to tell you, I just didn’t know how or when. Look, I didn’t come here tonight planning for any of this to happen. It just did.”

“I’m so fucking embarrassed.” I spun around, not wanting to face him.

“You don’t need to be. We were both there caught up in the moment,” he said. “And I tried to say something, right before you lifted my shirt.”

“So, it’s my fault?” I spat out. I was seething mad.

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

I lowered my voice. “That sounds exactly like what you’re saying.”

“I don’t know what else to say, Dawn. I’m sorry.”

My body was tense. My nerves burned. Frustration pulsed through my veins. The pure lust I’d felt with him morphed into anger and embarrassment. Not a good feeling.

My head was on fire. I put my hand to my face, then to my forehead. I looked down at the floor. I looked at the wall. I was looking for an answer, something to make this all right. But it wasn’t there.

Without looking at him I said, “I need to think.”

Luke nodded. “Dawn… Never mind, I’ll go downstairs.”

I said, my voice almost a whisper. “I think you should go.”

I looked at his face. It was expressionless. Nothing on it. All I could feel was disbelief.

He walked past me, then down the stairs, as he said, “Thanks for the pizza.” I couldn’t read his voice. I couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or if my mind was filtering it so that’s what it sounded like.

Jesus, this was fucked up.

A soft voice in my head gently suggested that I had good reason not to trust him, and this was just another sign.

***

About a week later, Scott called. He’d been away with his father hunting over the weekend. He was hoping we could get together for dinner. Honestly, I didn’t want to go, but I also didn’t feel like being here when my parents got home from their trip, so I agreed.

Plus, I needed to fix this part of my life. I knew it was time.

I’d decided I need to also admit what had happened at the club, or more so that I’d cheated. More so, I knew it was the kiss with Luke that breached his trust. I wasn’t interested in bringing up Luke’s name, and he didn’t need to know all of the details, but I needed to be straight with him.

I couldn’t do it. Not at the restaurant. I put it off, and decided to do it when he dropped me off. I was trying to work up the courage.

When we pulled into my driveway, I saw that my parents hadn’t gotten home yet. I looked out the window, trying to sort out my words. When I turned back toward him, he was staring at me.

Scott said, “I could tell you weren’t yourself at dinner.”

Great. I was so easy to read. Here it comes.

“And,” he continued, “I know I wasn’t either.”

I looked over at him, not expecting that last part.

When I looked back at him, he turned away and stared straight ahead, through the windshield. “I wasn’t on a hunting trip. I was in Sacramento.”

“Okay…”

He let out a huge sigh after getting the words out, but there was more. “I slept with someone. I was with Kyle and Kevin, and we were out at this bar one night and it…just…it just happened.”

As Scott confessed, I felt an odd mixture of emotions: anger, relief, regret.

Anger that he’d cheated on me. Relief that this was over and that this was my way out without having to hurt him.

It was obvious the relationship wasn’t working for him either. He clearly had the same lack of feelings that I did.

Then the regret washed through my veins. I’d spent so much time and energy worrying about how to end this. He’d given me the perfect out, which led right back to relief.

A thought suddenly occurred to me. Maybe it was an odd one, but it was symbolic of the lack of excitement and adventure in our relationship. “Remember we were going to go to Sacramento for the International Festival last year, and the year before that, but never did? That was last weekend, wasn’t it?”

He just nodded.

I smiled and spoke softly. “I always wanted to go to that. I still don’t know why you didn’t take me. But, hey, at least I wasn’t there over the weekend, right?”

He arched an eyebrow, confused at my reaction. “You’re taking this a little too easily.”

I nodded, looked forward, down the street, thinking this was the last time I’d be in his car, the last time either of us would have to pretend that we were together for all the wrong reasons.

“I guess I am,” I turned to look at him. “I mean…Come on, Scott, you knew this was going to happen sooner or later, right? I wasn’t sure how or when things would end, but we couldn’t keep going on like we have.”

He looked confused. “What are you talking about?”

“This,” I said, my hand motioning back and forth between us. “This. Us. We’ve been pretending we’re in love and…we’re not. All this time, we kept hanging on for the wrong reasons, our parents, you know… and now you finally let go and proved it with your trip.”

Scott’s eyes wrinkled at the corners. His brow furrowed tightly. I was surprised at the shock in his voice. “You don’t love me? Seriously? You’re kidding me, right? I mean, I love you. I’m crazy in love with you.”

I sat up straighter, alarmed, my own confusion setting in. The anger returned. “Wait. You’re madly in love with me, yet you cheated on me. How exactly does that work?”

“Yes.” His voice was a desperate, pleading whisper.

Neither of us said a word. I blinked, looking away, glancing out the window. Nothing made sense.

He shifted to face me. “It was just one time. A mistake. It didn’t mean anything.”

I turned my head slowly toward him. “It always means something. Sex always means something. Don’t pretend it doesn’t. I’m pretty sure if you thought it was okay to sleep with someone, you knew what it meant for you.”

There was no way to know whether he got it, whether he understood that he had cheated because he was bored in our relationship. But this was typical Scott—he wanted what he wanted, even if it directly contradicted something else he wanted.

“Maybe we can talk tomorrow,” he said. “I’m sorry I upset you.”

“I’m not upset, Scott. I’m pissed off, more so, because you don’t understand that this ‘thing’ between us is over. How do you not get it?” I reached for the door handle. “And there’s no need for us to talk about this. Not tomorrow. Not at all, actually.”

“You’re upset; I know…” he started.

I shook my head. He refused to believe that his sexual adventure with whoever it was (I didn’t even care) wasn’t an issue for me. I was more troubled by the fact that he was trying to insist that we’d somehow work this out. I didn’t want to work it out. I wanted to be done, finished, I wanted him to just go away. It wasn’t just about the cheating.

“Wait,” he said, as I opened the car door.

I closed the door and started toward the front door of my house. I didn’t need to hear any more of what he was saying. That had to be one of the weirdest break-ups in history, and yet I felt fine. Not great. Not sad. Just fine, like always.

I didn’t feel like facing my parents tonight. I had too much on my mind and really didn’t feel like listening to them talk about their trip. Plus, I needed to think.

I went to my room, changed for bed, turned the lights off and climbed into bed. My mind raced with countless thoughts. I knew sleep wouldn’t come easy. I’d be in for a sleepless night.

I heard my parents get home just before 11 p.m.

I’d already put my phone on silent for the night, but I rolled over and checked it around 1 a.m., hoping there’d be a text or missed call from Luke. Nothing.

Somewhere around 4 a.m., I started to dread the morning. Work was going to suck. I was emotionally drained. I couldn’t stay in bed anymore, so I climbed into a chair by my bed and watched the sun come up over the trees.

By 6 a.m., I’d decided what I was going to do.

I’d had some bad weekends in my life, but this one was right at the top. I knew to give her space and decided not to contact her. She probably realized it was a mistake to see me in the first place. I’d call eventually, but I knew not to push things. It was my own fault. I wasn’t being fair keeping it from her. I’d hold out until Monday, then give her a call. I’d be able to gauge her tone.

She texted before I could call her, Monday, just after lunch. I was setting up a display for a wine sale. All day, I’d been thinking about the beach. I hadn’t been there in so long, and not since I moved in. It would feel good to get my feet in the sand and water again. I could even check out the surf shops and get a look at some boards.

When my phone buzzed, I almost ignored it until I was finished with a part of the display I was working on. My first thought was Megan, but then I remembered I’d changed my number. Could it be Dawn?

I was glad to see it was from her.

She messaged,
Hey, can we talk? I mean in person
.

Hell yes, we could talk. I thought for a moment and wrote back.
Pick a place and I’ll be there.

A couple of minutes went by. Still nothing. I started to text her back that she could come to my apartment, but before I could finish, she’d sent me another message. Once again, we were on the same wave length.

She asked,
Can I come to your place?
 

After sending a text back with my address, she mentioned that she got off work at six. She’d be by not long after.

I did a half-assed job finishing up the display and called it a day.

***

“What?” she said when I opened my apartment door. “What’s that look for?”

She looked great. She’d put on a dark, red dress and had on heels.

“You shouldn’t have gotten all dressed up for me, but I appreciate it.”

She smiled. “You wish.” She stepped past me, brushing against me. I couldn’t help noticing the floral scent. Was it perfume, shampoo? Something. Either way, she smelled amazing. 

She turned and faced me. “Do you do that a lot, what you did a the club? Come on to women, get them off, and then leave?”

“Why? Did you come for more?” I grinned.

She fought back a smile. I could see it. I could always see it.

“I just want to know—”

I cut her off. “No, I don’t.”

I walked to my kitchen and she followed. I fumbled around in the refrigerator. “Want something to drink? I’ve got a few beers, some Dr. Pepper, let’s see…”

“You’re avoiding.”

I took two beers from the fridge and closed the door, and said, “I’m being hospitable and all that.”

I flipped off the top, then handed her the beer. She scowled and shook her head. Trying to decide what to say next, she scanned the apartment.

“It’s not much, but it does the job. I just moved in,” I said. “I haven’t even walked down to the beach yet. I was going to do that tonight.”

“Did I mess up your plans?” she asked.

“No,” I said. “The beach will still be there. I can do it another time.”

“Are you still surfing?”

“I haven’t in a long time. I’m thinking of getting back into it.”

She smiled. “That makes this place even more perfect.”

I laughed. “Your house has bathrooms bigger than my entire apartment, and this is perfect?”

Dawn rolled her eyes. “It’s not my house, it’s my parents. I’d move into a place like this in a heartbeat if I got paid more or got a better job. I can’t afford to with this current job.”

“It’ll happen one day. You’ll get there.” I walked over to my new couch, sat down, and patted the cushion next to me.

Dawn sat.

We were quiet for a moment or two. She’d obviously wanted to talk about something but she wasn’t coming out with it. I figured she was going to tell me that she felt guilty about cheating on Scott and, just like old times, I was supposed to come up with some guidance.

My plan was to play it cool, act like it didn’t matter that much. I wasn’t going to let her see me vulnerable.

She hesitated a few moments longer, then finally spoke. “So, I broke up with Scott.”

Okay. Quick change of direction here. While I’d teased her about not being able to break up with him, I didn’t think she’d actually do it. Did she want to do it? Or had I pushed her? I didn’t say anything, but waited.

Dawn picked at the label on the beer bottle, her eyes laser-focused on what her fingertips were doing, avoiding eye contact with me. But then she looked up. “He, uh…slept with another girl over the weekend.”

This would have been the perfect time to say I told you so but she didn’t need to hear that right now. So I just said it in my head and tried not to let it show on my face.

“You were right about him all along.” She shrugged, playing it off like it didn’t matter.

“Different reasons,” I said.

She looked confused and cocked her head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“I didn’t think you’d break up with him for that reason. I mean, yeah, I didn’t expect that he cheated on you. It was more I thought you wanted your happiness back, you know, and that you could do better.”

She blushed and gave a half-smile. “You know how to make a girl feel good. Thanks, I mean, that you thought I could do better. Sometimes, I think I doubted it myself.”

“Actually, I do know how to make a girl feel good,” I teased. “The other night at your house, and at the club.”

She didn’t say anything. My directness had stunned her. I wasn’t trying to make her go silent. It wasn’t my intention. It’s just that there was no reason to avoid the obvious. There was something between us. Chemistry. Sizzle.

Her body language changed instantly. She clasped her hands, and pressed her knees together, not sure what to say or do.

I stood.

She looked up at me, hesitant. I could see her brain ticking, trying to figure out what to do.

I cocked my head to the side, indicating the hallway. I took a step toward my bedroom and she followed.