Authors: H.M. Ward
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Natalia awoke on a massive bed. Sunlight was pouring into
the dark room through a window above. Tiny patches of colored light filled the
room. As the previous night came back to her, she sat up slowly. The red corset
was nowhere to be seen, and she was wearing a black tee shirt that smelled like
Eric. The red G-string bottoms were still in place. He must have changed her
out of the corset, which she was grateful for. The metal boning dug into her
ribs and bruised them while she wore it. Looking around the room she could see
that she was inside a group of small buildings that had collapsed on each
other. At the center was a stained glass window, probably from a church. That
was where the colored light was coming from. The rose window was still standing,
held up high above the rest of the mess left from the war.
Natalia didn’t see Eric at first. It took a moment for her
eyes to adjust. Or maybe she just didn’t believe what she was seeing. Eric was
sitting cross-legged on a stone, watching the dust dancing in the stream of
colored light. He looked like a child, frozen, mesmerized by something so
common and simple. His hair looked lighter, golden, in the light that crowned
his head. His face seemed at peace, and lacked the hostility that was usually
pinched between his
brow
. He stared unblinking,
looking almost forlorn, as if he lost something he’d never find.
She cleared her throat, and said softly, “Eric?”
Flinching, he turned his face in her direction. Pushing
himself off the stone, he walked toward her. His chest was bare, as were his
feet. Dark jeans hugged his narrow hips. The way the sunlight sparkled on his
hair, made her heart race. He was beautiful. Eric could feel the change in her
pulse, but didn’t realize what she was reacting to.
“How are you feeling?” He stopped in front of her, looking
down at her sitting up in his bed.
Her blue eyes were weary, “As good as can be expected.” Shame
colored her face, and she lowered her gaze. Images from the brothel flooded
into her mind. She wasn’t sure why she was blushing, but for some reason, the
idea of seeing Eric there made her squirm. That wasn’t something that she
intended on sharing. She hated that she had to go there, but she did. It was in
her nature. It was something she needed to survive.
Natalia stared at the bed sheets. There was no trace that
Eric had
laid
next to her and rested last night. The
spot next to her was smooth. Pressing her fingers to the bed, she shifted her
weight. Last night ended so poorly with her foot crashing into his skull, and
after all of that he saved her.
Again.
Her stomach
twisted. There was no way he was the man she was looking for. He couldn’t be. Not
after that. If he was the vindictive bastard that slaughtered her mother, he
wouldn’t have been so kind. It was that kindness that rattled her. True
kindness was something that was rare, but Eric had it in him, and when it came
out, she was afraid.
“Eric, about last night…” but he cut her off. Gazing up at
him, she saw his amber gaze drift away from her face.
“Nothing happened between us last night.” Folding his arms
against his chest, he leaned back against a piece of rubble that had once been
a mighty stone wall.
“Eric, I can’t forget last night. I want to…” her voice
trailed off. No, she had to spit it out, “But, I shouldn’t have done that. I
knew Carina would kill me and I—”
He nodded, his eyes piercing hers so hard that she gasped,
“She will. If she gets her hands on you, you’re dead. You don’t screw over a
person like Carina, and you did. The only reason you’re alive right now… Ah
fuck.” He ran his hands through his hair, and turned away from her. He did it
again. He saved her. He saved her from Carina. He saved her from the Valefar. What
was wrong with him?
“The only reason I’m alive right now is because of you. I
know. I get it. I can’t survive on my own. I’m obviously too stupid to be
alive.” She sat on the bed, her lips falling lower and lower at the corners. Eric
would give anything to know what she was thinking, why she was at Carina’s in
the first place, but she didn’t say. And he wouldn’t ask.
He turned back to her, “Either that or you have a death
wish.” It felt like he was punched in the stomach when she looked up. Her cold
blue eyes struck him, but he didn’t regret his words.
Lowering her lashes, she tried to hide her reasons, “I
don’t have a death wish.”
“Then why are you constantly around people who can kill
you? A few well-placed kicks won’t save you.” His voice was soft.
“It saved me from you.”
His smile tightened, as did his voice, “I wouldn’t brag about
that, if I were you. You caught me off-guard. I didn’t leave you alone to hand
you over to Carina. I went to find her to…” he stopped speaking. Running his
hands through his hair, he pushed off the wall and turned away. Why’d he tell
her that?
“To, what?” she asked.
Eric glanced at her. Natalia’s lips were parted. They were
perfectly pink and completely confused. She looked so good sitting there in his
shirt. He took a deep breath and decided to tell her.
“To buy
you.
To spare you from her.
I had no intention
of handing you over to Carina.”
Natalia’s eyes narrowed. She gazed at him like she didn’t
know who he was. “But you said…”
“I know what I said. I know what I told you.” His jaw
tensed, like he was trying to keep himself from saying more.
“So, you lied,” she asked, tilting her head. Her long dark
hair hung over her shoulders. Her fingers were clutching the bed sheet, her
knuckles turning white. “You wanted to make sure the only person who could hurt
me was you.”
“Fine,” he walked over to her and shoved his hands in his
pockets to keep from touching her. “I admit it. I don’t want anyone else to
hurt you, but I can’t promise I won’t—that I...” He closed his eyes, and when
he reopened them, the intense look he gave her made her stomach flutter. “That’s
not the way I’m wired.” She stared at him, her eyes impossibly blue.
Eric had a dark side. It was the one he thrust forth for
the world to see. He hid this part of him.
The soft part, the
good part.
It was as if he didn’t want anyone to know he could feel. Her
chest felt tight. Swallowing hard, she said, “Agreed.
So now
what?”
She conceded? He expected more of a fight from her, more
pleas for him to see what she thought she saw, but Eric knew it was only vapors—mists
of what he once was. There was no way to reclaim that man. This is what he was
now.
Nothing more.
Eric looked at her, “I don’t know.”
He shook his head and sat down next to her. “Avoid Carina. I’ll check in on you
from time to time. And if you ever knock me out again…” he turned to her, his
eyes filled with heat, his arms tense like he’d hit her.
She looked away, unable to maintain the intensity of his
gaze and nodded, “I panicked. Sorry.”
He shook his head, taking her by the shoulders, forcing her
to look at him. “You don’t have the luxury to panic. You don’t get do-overs,
Nat. You’re breakable. You’re too small and too fragile. Don’t go to places
where you don’t belong. It’ll end your short life faster than you can blink.” Something
inside of him wanted to soften for her. He wanted to show her that unprotected,
selfless part of him. He wanted her to know him and press his lips to hers. He
groaned and released her, his fingers leaving red marks on her arms from
gripping her too hard.
Surprising him again, she nodded. There was no tension in
her body, like she was at ease with him there, so close to her.
Natalia’s mind was at war. She loved it when he was like
this. There was something soothing about it, about him. It was like the rest of
her world could just melt away and be gone. It could be just her and Eric, if
she’d stop chasing her past, trying to avenge a death that was eons ago. Leaning
into him, she rested her head against his chest. Eric’s heart beat steadily,
with a calming rhythm that made her feel safe.
For once he didn’t resist
her,
he
didn’t push her away or spew nasty words. Instead he wrapped his arms around
her, feeling her warmth, enjoying the sensation of the rise and fall of her
chest as she breathed. He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes, breathing her in
like air. Part of him came alive around her, but it’d been so long that he
didn’t realize what it was. He pushed the thought away. Nothing would make him
ruin this moment. Nothing he could say would end this, and take her from him.
They remained like that, in complete silence, both of them
too afraid to move—afraid of shattering something they both wanted, but neither
could admit to. Somewhere along the way, fondness changed and become something
else—something more—something too frightening to admit.
Natalia breathed deeply, keeping her face on Eric’s chest. She
couldn’t get the picture of him sitting on the stone out of her mind. Her face
tilted to the side, looking up at him, “Eric,” she said softly. “Why were you
sitting there, looking at the light?” When he didn’t answer she wondered if she
should say anything, but she felt like it was a piece of the inner-workings of
Eric’s mind and she wanted to know. She continued, “That’s a rose window, isn’t
it?
From a church?
This used to be a church, and you
made it your home.” She didn’t understand. Eric thought he was evil, he thought
he was beyond repair. She saw it in his eyes. Hell, he told her a million
times, but things like this confused her. Why would someone who thought they
were damned live in a church and stare at the colored glass with such awe?
Eric shifted uncomfortably, releasing her. He didn’t want
the moment to end, but that question reminded him that this was just a rouse. There
was nothing that could happen here. There was no way he could love her. She’d
pin-pointed something that made him squirm with regret. Eric lay back in the
bed, folded his hands behind his head, and looked at the light. Ivy asked him
that once, and he didn’t answer.
His eyes traced the colored beams, watching the light with
longing. Before he knew it, he was speaking, saying things he never thought
he’d say, “It’s the way it is.
The light.
It flows and
never stops. It never changes, never ends—it can be beautiful and devastating.”
His voice faded, becoming softer and softer as he spoke. He seemed to forget
Natalia was there until she moved. Her long dark hair fell in waves over her
shoulders. The make-up that covered her perfect skin was washed away last
night. He’d been careful not to wake her, but he couldn’t stand to see her
looking like that. She wasn’t some slut to him… she was more. His stomach
twisted as she looked at him, seeing things that were long gone. He was a ghost
of who he was. Eric could feel his mind slipping away from him on a daily
basis. Soon there would be nothing left but bloodlust and rage.
“Like you,” her voice was soft, gentle. “Eric, there’s so
much more than that. I don’t know why you can’t see it.” She sure as hell
could. It was why she didn’t kill him. It was the reason she doubted him. These
rare occasions made her pause.
He laughed, but there was no joy in it. “Natalia, how can
you say things like that? How can you pretend to see any good in me when I’ve
done such…
”
She cut him off, “I’m not pretending. It’s there, hanging
on by a thread.”
His golden gaze turned toward her, “You don’t know what
you’re looking at. What you’re seeing. I’m the same man who killed two people
last night. I’m the same man who was at the brothel to find another Jocelyn to
slaughter and ease my pain. Natalia, there is no thread. It’s gone. All of me…
what I was, it’s gone.” His voice was soft, remorseful.
There was no arguing with him. She knew he wouldn’t believe
her. And she couldn’t tell him what she was, that she knew he wasn’t that far gone
yet, but if he didn’t change… The thought made her shudder. If he didn’t
change, this part of him would be lost—gone—as if it never existed. The
darkness, the evil twisting inside of Eric would overpower what little good he
had left. No, words wouldn’t help him, not now. Swallowing hard, she felt her
pulse racing higher and higher. Eric sensed the change in her, but thought it
was because she believed him, not because she was contemplating something that
warred within her mind. Without another thought she leaned down and gently
brushed her lips against his. Eric’s mouth was
soft,
his lips were smooth and perfect. She wanted to deepen the kiss and taste him,
feel him, but she knew better. Her lips lingered for a moment, before she
pulled away.
Eric didn’t know what she was doing, and before he figured
it out, her lips were on his. He froze, feeling a surge of emotions flood his
body, emotions that were good and pure. It stunned him, making him freeze in
place. His eyes remained on her face, watching her long lashes as she kissed
him. It wasn’t until she pulled away that she opened her eyes and gazed at him.
He began to sit up, but she held up her hand, “No. Eric,
stay there. Stare at the light. It seems to be something you need.” Leaning
back on his elbows he watched her, surprised again. Her fingers plucked the
front of the shirt she was wearing. She blushed slightly and looked down, “Is
there somewhere I can change?” She knew Eric saw her naked, and for some reason
it bothered her even though it shouldn’t, not if she worked at a brothel, but
her cheeks burned. She couldn’t suppress it, couldn’t hide it. When did things
change? Was it last night? Or did it happen ages ago and she never noticed? Assuming
he was her mother’s assassin all this time, well, she thought that was the
reason why she stayed. But maybe it wasn’t. Maybe there was something more.