Asher (7 page)

             
Scarlet’s white Camaro came down my long driveway. I sat in the porch swing watching as she made her way to the house. We hadn’t talked much in the past two days. She seemed to get that I needed some distance with Asher being back.

             
She really had no idea how crazy things had gotten.

             
When she stopped and her car door swung open, I realized that she may be my best friend, but there were some thing I just wasn’t ready to talk to her about. I wasn’t telling anyone about this until I got myself mentally ready to tell Asher that we weren’t related. Once I realized that my daddy was my daddy and that he loved me even more than I had even known, I was left knowing that this horrible secret that kept Asher from me was no longer there.

             
Running to him had been the first thing I thought of doing, but then I remembered Steel. I had to deal with Steel. And what if… what if this had been too much for him and Asher didn’t love me that way anymore. I just… I had to think. I sat on my porch and listened to my mom humming as she cooked lunch, knowing that I was safe. This life wasn’t about to be pulled out from under me.

             
“Since my best friend couldn’t pick up a phone and call me or heck even text me, I figured I better come check on her. The Sutton boys got you in a tangled web yet?” she asked as she walked up the steps to the front of the porch that wrapped around my house.

             
“Sorry. I’m spending a lot of time with my thoughts,” I told her patting the empty spot on the swing beside me. “Sit. Talk,” I said.

             
Scarlet flicked her red hair behind her shoulder and smirked. “Fine, but only ‘cause you’re sexy,” she teased, then sat down beside me. She gave the swing a big push with her legs then pulled them up in front of her tucking her knees under her chin. “Brent said there’s been some drama.”

             
I nodded. “Yeah, you could say that. But right now I just want to stay away from it and get some peace. I have to talk to Steel, but not yet.”

             
Scarlet sighed. “Please don’t tell me you’re gonna break it off with him. He loves you. Don’t mess it up because of Asher’s sexy ass. He ain’t worth it.”

             
She didn’t know. Any of it. But hearing her talk about Asher like he wasn’t worth fighting for was hard. He was so worth fighting for. Steel did love me and I had to figure out if what I had felt for him was love. I knew without a shadow of a doubt I was in love with Asher. I adored him. He was everything I’d ever wanted. But he was also dangerous. He could hurt me so easily. And he might not want me.

             
Steel did. At least I thought he did before he found out the truth.

             
“You talked to Brent today?” I asked her wanting to change the subject.

             
She nodded. “Yeah,” she replied then looked out at the front yard. “I talked to Bray too.”

             
The fact she had talked to Bray wasn’t a big deal… or it wouldn’t have been if she hadn’t said it like she felt guilty of something. I studied her a moment and wondered if I had been so wrapped up in my own life that I had missed something important in hers.

             
“Yeah, why did you talk to Bray?” I asked trying to sound casual.

             
She didn’t look at me, but the way her shoulders tensed wasn’t good. Not good at all. “Scarlet?” I asked wanting her to look at me.

             
“Do you ever wonder what Bray’s thinking? He’s so guarded. He rarely smiles,” she paused and a small smile touched her lips. “But when he does smile, it’s really something.”

             
Whoa.
This was seriously bad.

             
“Scarlet, um, is there something you need to tell me?”

             
She let out a long sigh, then turned her head and rested her cheek on her knees. “Probably shouldn’t. It’s bad. I’m bad for even thinking about him. What kind of person does that? He’s Brent’s twin brother. But they’re so different. He’s… moody, and snarly and mysterious and he’s got this sexy angry look that makes me feel funny in my stomach, you know?”

             
The Sutton boys were trouble. Beautiful trouble. Lots of stinking trouble.

             
“Bray isn’t like Brent and that’s good. Because Brent loves you. Bray likes girls and he likes getting blowjobs. You’ve heard the stories. The guy gets off on girls dropping to their knees and he is rough with them. Remember what Jenn said about him gagging her and calling her names while he was doing it?”

             
Scarlet grinned and then pressed her lips together. “Yeah, but she also said it was sexy and she went back for more and more.”

             
What?
“Scar, please tell me you are kidding me,” I said. Nothing about that sounded sexy.

             
Scarlet lifted a shoulder in a little shrug. “The idea of Bray talking dirty to me while getting off makes me kind of excited,” she squeezed her eyes together tightly. “That makes me a slut, doesn’t it? I sound awful even just saying that.”

             
I had no answer for this because I didn’t think that sounded exciting at all. The rumors about Bray and his sexcapades were rampant. Not just in Malroy but the entire county. Girls loved him, but they said he wasn’t sweet and easy. He took what he wanted.

             
“If Asher,” she said lowering her voice, “pushed you down to your knees in front of him and shoved his dick in your mouth and told you that you had a dirty little mouth, and then called you his bad girl and said you were naughty and needed to be punished… that wouldn’t turn you on?”

             
I couldn’t respond. The idea of being on my knees in front of Asher and being able to bring him pleasure made my heart race and my body feel feverish. Okay, maybe she had a point.

             
“But you love Brent. Why would the idea of Bray doing these things excite you?”

             
She turned her gaze back toward my yard. She wouldn’t look at me. What was she not telling me? Had I missed this completely? “He’s different. I like it when I can make him smile. He doesn’t smile enough.”

             
We were two peas in a pod. Both torn between two Sutton boys. Maybe our reasons were different but who was I to judge. I wrapped my arm around Scarlet’s shoulders and rested my head against hers.

             
With a shove of my feet I got us swinging again, then pulled my feet up under me. “Bray can’t be trusted with your heart. You know that, right?” I told her.

             
She didn’t reply right away. We listened to Mom humming and the sound of the tractor out in the field. It was peaceful. Until Scarlet replied.

             
“Just like Asher can’t be trusted with yours.”

             
She was right. I knew that. But I hated hearing it.

             
The front door opened and Mom stuck her head out and smiled at us. “I have peach cobbler hot out of the oven and vanilla ice cream. Y’all want me to bring out two bowls?”

             
Seeing her smiling blonde head, slightly wide hips and makeup free face beaming at me with such love, made me want to get up and go hold her tight. She wasn’t what the world would consider beautiful but to me she was. She was beautiful on the inside where it counted. She’d loved a little girl who wasn’t hers and made all her bad dreams go away. She’d been there the day I started my period and was terrified of it, and she’d held me when Asher had turned away from me. She was my mom and I was the luckiest girl in the world.

             
“We’ll come inside and eat some with you,” I told her standing up.

             
“I need some cobbler,” Scarlet agreed.

             
I walked over to Mom and wrapped my arms around her. “I love you,” I told her as I swallowed the emotion.

She gave me a quick squeeze and then kissed my cheek. “I love you more, princess. Just remember that,” she replied. That had always been her response when I told her I loved her.

              I hadn’t seen or spoken to Steel in two days. I knew that Bray had told him all that mother had told us. Bray let me know that Steel knew the truth about Dixie now. Going to Dixie and telling her was the only thing I had been able to think about once I got my emotions under control. But then I realized it wasn’t my place.

             
Steel had proposed to Dixie. Momma had been sure to point that out to me. So I waited. For something to happen. Anything. But Steel didn’t come to find me. I was tired of waiting on him to do something.

             
He had left early to go mend the south fence. Bray had said it was Steel’s turn to mend fences when I had asked about him at breakfast. I had to talk to Steel because I wanted to go to Dixie, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t free to do that. The idea that I could hold her. That I could love her was there taunting me. The way I felt about her wasn’t wrong or messed up. It was okay. It was completely okay that I worshiped her. That she owned my soul.

             
But I was waiting on my little brother to do… something.

             
When I got down to the barn, I could see the farm truck headed this way and I knew Steel was in it. The posts he hadn’t needed were clanking around in the bed of the truck as the diesel engine rumbled to a stop behind the barn.

             
Steel climbed out of the truck and slammed the door before looking at me. The anger in his gaze wasn’t what I’d been expecting to find. I hadn’t done anything to piss him off. He was the one who had hurt Dixie.

             
“What?” I asked meeting his angry glare.

             
He let out a hard laugh. “What?” he repeated. “I’m waiting on you to tell me you’re going to see Dixie. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? To tell me you are going to talk to her. To warn me you’re about to swoop in and give her what she wants. What she’s wanted all her life.” He pulled off his work gloves and threw them down on the ground. “What the fuck do I do with that? I can’t compete. Go get her, Asher. Go fucking take her.” He turned and stalked toward the barn.

             
He loved her. Maybe not the way I did, but he loved her. And I loved him. He was my little brother. I had been there when he needed me. I had taught him how to throw a football and how to hit a baseball.

             
And I loved Dixie. But my chance was over. Steel walked in and was there for her when she needed someone. I had walked away without a word. I didn’t deserve her. Steel was the better man.

             
“Steel!” I called out and he stopped just before he entered the barn.

             
He turned back and the anger was gone now, but the pain in his eyes cemented my decision. “What?” he replied.

             
“Go get her. She was yours. She hasn’t been mine in a long time. I’ve lived three years believing what I had with her was wrong and sordid. You only had a day to live that hell. The love you have for her is still pure. It’s still strong enough. It’s you she needs. Not me. I’m pretty sure I’m broken beyond repair.”

             
Steel’s tense stance fell away and his eyes turned to those of a worried brother. “You’re not broken. You’re a good man. A great one.”

             
He was wrong but he loved me. Steel’s love was special and I wanted that for Dixie. She wouldn’t be faced with the dark demons that had taken over my life. The ones I wasn’t sure would ever go away. Finding out the truth didn’t magically fix me. It freed me but it didn’t fix me. That required something I wasn’t willing to take. Dixie’s love.

             
“Thanks,” I told him. “But I’ll be leaving come fall. She needs a man who will be here for her. One that will show her the sunshine every damn day of her life. I have too much darkness in my soul to give her the sunshine she deserves.”

             
Steel stood there staring at me and then he finally nodded. “Okay,” he replied.

“I do love her.”

              “I know,” I assured him.

             
He wiped his hands on his jeans, then flashed me a small smile before jogging down to his white truck. Watching him go wasn’t easy but it was right. The ache in my chest was a part of me now. I knew I had to live with it. Dixie deserved to be happy and Steel made her happy. I would love her for the rest of my life but I would have to love her from afar.

             
The barn door opened and I glanced back to see Dallas standing there wearing nothing but a pair of white shorts and boxing gloves. He was looking at me. I hadn’t known anyone was inside the barn.

             
“I love all my brothers. But just to clarify, you’re the best one. We all know it. Even Steel,” Dallas said with a sad smile. Then he nodded his head toward the inside of the barn. “Come on in and beat the shit out of the punching bag. I just finished and I’m about to lift some weights. The bag is all yours.”

             
Hitting something sounded really fucking good. I walked up to the barn door and Dallas pulled off his gloves and slapped me in the stomach with them. “Here you go, old man.”

             
I grabbed the gloves and felt a grin tug on my lips for the first time in a really long time. “This old man could beat your ass,” I told him.

             
Dallas chuckled and pointed at himself then flexed his very impressive arms. “Dude, you looked at me lately? I’m a beast,” he said.

             
Then I laughed. I really laughed.

             
The surprised expression on Dallas’s face was fleeting, then he was grinning too.