Anything Goes on a Friday Night (11 page)

Fridays lately have been hard. The beginning of each new weekend brought more turmoil and hurt. I wasn’t going to go to the party with Jane. I didn’t want to mingle with new people and put on a pretend smile. I just wanted to pig out on junk food and repeatedly watch
The Breakfast Club
. But Jane insisted. And when Jane insisted, she usually won. She promised if I wanted to leave, she’d leave with me, and we’d both pig out on junk.

I ran home to get some of my things after confirming that neither my dad nor Nancy were there. I wasn’t ready to see either of them yet. After getting ready and packing my things, I came into the living room where Jane was waiting for me.

“You know what I think?” She had a silly grin on her face. It made me slightly nervous.

“What?” I put the straps of my bag over my shoulder.

“I think you should look for Finn tonight.”

I laughed. “No. I strategically ignored his snide remarks and stupid adorable smile all week. I’m not entertaining him, Jane. No way. I just want to go and have fun.”

“But you’re back on the market! Fuck that stupid Channing guy! Get out there and meet new guys. You’re in high school; act like it!”

Tears stung my eyes, and she became instantly apologetic. “Oh damn, Ellie! I’m sorry. Don’t mess up your mascara!”

I laughed and blinked away the tears. “It’s waterproof.”

We both laughed.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

I shook my head and waved my hand. “No problem. I’m just not ready, okay?”

She nodded. “Okay. Sorry. Really I am.”

I motioned toward the door with my head. “Come on. Let’s get out of here and go have some fun.”

She jumped up from the couch and looped her arm with mine on our way out to my car.

I EXPECTED THE PARTY
to be at a house. Not a tree stump. Literally. The place was called “The Stump,” and everyone crowded around it like some ritual. Four bonfires were blazing in different areas, and everyone was drinking and laughing. I looked at the “responsible” adults at this thing, generously handing out liquor to the minors.

I listened to people talk about staying the night in their vehicles and the adults agreeing that it’d be safer, so they weren’t driving. I was shocked. All of the parties I went to were us teens avoiding adults. We would sober up, then drive home, and pretend like we were out doing responsible things. This was insane, but, I was actually having fun.

I liked these people. They were all more accepting of the girl from their rival town than I had expected. There were no petty fights or drama with this group. Not like my group back home where there was always someone getting mad about something. This was nice.

I wasn’t purposefully looking for Finn Kerr. I swear I wasn’t. But everyone else was here, so I was confused as to why he wasn’t. He did sort of invite me here a few days ago, so where the hell was Mr. Snarky-Pants?

I followed Jane around most of the night. She introduced me to people, and I answered the same question over and over.
“Why did you move here?”
I just answered it generically each time.
“Because my dad got a new job,”
I’d lie. Jane knew the truth, but no one else needed to know that much about me.

As I followed Jane to another group of people, I stopped and grabbed the back of her shirt to stop her. She turned to look at me.

“What’s up?”

I shook my head. “I think I’m just gonna sit on that vacant tailgate over there.” I pointed in the distance to a truck near a bonfire that was only coals now. “I just want to chill for a bit. Go have fun, and come find me when you’re ready to go.”

“You sure? We can leave now if you want.”

“No. I’m fine. I’m actually having fun, but I just want to go recluse for a bit.”

She smiled. “Okay, but text me if you’re ready to leave.” She took a sip of her beer.

I nodded and then walked toward the tailgate. I found a nearby ice chest that was labeled “Community Beer”.
Don’t mind if I do.
I chuckled to myself, opened the lid, and grabbed one. I popped the top and hopped up on the tailgate. My feet dangled, and I stared at the coals. I was trying desperately not to let my mind wander to Channing and Katie, but I couldn’t help it.

My hands were shaking so badly I almost spilt my beer. I felt myself losing it. This was the first time I wasn’t too busy to think about it for longer than ten minutes. I took a deep breath and blinked my eyes, trying to fight the tears. I was failing. My breaking point was when I noticed the beer in my hand. Channing’s favorite brand—Coors.

I pulled my phone out to text Jane.

Me: I changed my mind. I’m ready. I need to leave.

Jane: I’ll meet you at your car.

I hopped off the tailgate, leaving my half-f beer there. I hurried through the crowd of people and loud music. As I was running, I ran right into Finn. I looked up at him, and he tried to say something, but I tried to move past him at the same time. He took notice of my tears and stopped me by looping his arm around my waist. I put my hand to his chest to push him away, but he held me close against him. Before I could talk myself out of it, I gripped the front of his hoodie and buried my face against it. I wept so hard that I was surprised I didn’t pass out from the lack of oxygen.

I should leave.

I should go to my car and walk away from this confusing yet comforting situation.

Finn would want an explanation I wasn’t ready to give. The last person I would have ever sought out to comfort me was holding me in his arms. But it felt good. Scary good.

Damn, he smells good.

Wait, what? In the midst of a breakdown, I’m noticing how he smells like citrus and smoke? I really am losing it.

Once I relaxed, Finn eased his hold. I slipped out of his arms and wiped my eyes. Our eyes met, and it was too much to see the care and worry in his. I didn’t want him to see me like this, and I didn’t want to trust him. I couldn’t afford to let anyone else besides Jane into my messed up life. The possibility of getting hurt again was too great.

His blue eyes were reeling me in, and it was getting hard to breathe.

“I have to go.”

I didn’t give him a chance to respond. I hurried down the gravel road, looking for my car. There were so many vehicles parked alongside the road, and I didn’t pay attention to how far back on the road I had parked.

I finally found it and got into the driver’s seat. I put my head to the steering wheel and lost it again. I’m not sure how long I had been sitting there with my face plastered against the leather when suddenly I felt a hand rubbing my back. I looked to my right and was relieved when I saw Jane. I sat up straight and took several calming breaths. I wasn’t sad anymore; I was angry.

Determination began to boil in my blood. I cranked my car and pulled onto the road. I was going to confront them both. I was going to yell until my heart didn’t ache so badly. Channing and Katie were going to know just how much I hated them both.

“Ummm, where are we going?” Jane asked when I turned toward Fredericksburg at the 4-way stop.

I gripped the steering wheel and kept my eyes on the road. “To Channing’s.”

Jane didn’t say anything. She sat in the seat silently. She didn’t try to talk me out of my insanity; she just rode along. Jane was my ride-or-die bitch and had become a better friend to me in just a week than Katie ever was.

When we pulled up to Channing’s, he wasn’t there. No one was. I’m sure he was out partying or whatever. I had no idea how I’d react if he pulled up or if he had been here. Would I have really said anything to him? Probably not. I kept my hands on the steering wheel and stared at his house. Tears fell down my cheeks, and Jane remained silent.

“I’ll never forget when he asked me out. Katie and I were at her house, and she told me that some friends were coming over. I didn’t know Channing then. He didn’t go to the same school at the time. Anyway, he came over, and I couldn’t stand him. He wouldn’t stop staring at me, and when he said something, it was flirty and like he was trying too hard. Like I’d be some girl he could just hook up with because it was convenient and because I was there, and Katie was off making out with his friend in her room. Maybe that should’ve been my sign to stay away from him.” I laughed and shook my head. “Well, they ended up leaving, Channing getting absolutely nothing. He called Katie about an hour later, asking to talk to me. He begged me to date him. He begged for two hours straight. I would hang up; he’d just call right back. It was pathetic. So you know what I did?”

Jane laughed. “What?”

I smirked. “I told him that if he really wanted to date me, he would have to come back to Katie’s and ask me in person, like a real man.”

“And he came over and did it, didn’t he?”

 “Sure did. At 3:00 in the morning in Katie’s driveway. I thought I better give him a chance. Guys just don’t do that kind of stuff.”

“What a jerk.”

I scoffed. “Yeah. I can’t make sense of it all. I mean, he said he was my forever. He said that kind of shit all the time. He told me he respected that I wanted to wait to have sex. Of course he respected it, because he was getting it from my best friend. He didn’t need it from me.” Tears filled my eyes.

“Do you want to leave or burn down his house?”

I chuckled and shook my head. “I like his parents too much to do that. But if it was just his, I’d consider it.”

She smiled. “And I’d help.”

“Jane,” I said, wiping my tears, “you’re the best.” I put my car in reverse and pulled out of his driveway, heading back toward Jane’s.

S
HOULD I ARGUE WITH
Dad and Nancy, or should I just let her lie to his face? She hit me. Several times. Dad didn’t believe me last week; why should I think he’d believe me today? I listened to Nancy cry and apologize and watched Dad comfort her. It made me sick.

I stared at my hands until she was finished talking and then looked at her. “Okay,” I said with no energy to argue.

“So, you accept her apology?” Dad asked me.

I forced myself to nod. I wanted to punch the lying bitch in the face, but I refrained somehow. “Sure, Dad. Why not…”

I didn’t have any fight left in me. Nancy was the liar, but Dad thought I was. He thought I was being a “teenager” and overreacting like “normal teens” do. So I’d just let him keep thinking that. I was done with this. I just wanted to move past it and see whether Nancy would get better or worse. 

When I walked into my room, I wondered what had happened to my backbone. There was a time when I’d never let anyone treat me like dirt. But I had enough. I was so emotionally drained that it was easier to put more shit under the rug and hope like hell it never reappeared.