“I’m not about this life, Jahlil.”
“My name is Jah, not Jahlil,” I said with a little extra bass in my voice. I was irritated because this bitch wasn’t my bitch, and my bitch was all about that life, but now she had me out here living without her and dealing with half ass hoes that couldn’t walk a mile in her shoes. I knew it wasn’t Kari’s fault, but I was still pissed.
“Well excuse me Jah! Like I said, I can’t be the girl that is stuffing drugs in her pussy, stashing guns at my home, or ducking from bullets with you. That’s not me and if that’s what you expect from me, then maybe we need to reevaluate where this relationship is going. I don’t even deal with drug dealers, but I thought you were different and made an exception.” I laughed a little as I turned to her.
“Baby girl we ain’t got no relationship, you just a bitch I was fucking so don’t flatter yourself into thinking it was anything more.” I watched as her facial expression changed, but I didn’t care; I was much more than just some “drug dealer,” and I didn’t need no bitch but one – and she wasn’t her.
“You ain’t gotta be about that life, and I don’t want no bitch with me that will fold under pressure, so let’s just agree that shit’s been real and go our separate ways.” I started my whip and waited for her to get out.
“You can do what you feel with that weed too; I ain’t taking no risks riding with it.” Kari shook her head and stepped out of my truck, I didn’t even stay to make sure she made it in the house before I burned rubber off her street; shit, I had somewhere to be.
I didn’t make it into the house until after 2:30 in the morning; I was dog-tired and had to be up in the morning for class. As I was stripping out of my clothes, I heard my phone chime. I looked at my screen and saw that I had a text from Laela, which was weird because she didn’t give me anything but attitude and dirty looks the entire four hours we were moving the shit.
Laela:
I can’t lie it fucked me up seeing you with that girl earlier, I miss us and life is too short for me to keep doing u like I been. So I apologize and maybe we could chill soon. I love u Jahlil Jones.
Me:
I love u too Laela (Mrs. Jones) I’m glad u ready to act civilized and quit fuckin wit a nigga head.
Laela:
Whatever Jah, u got a lot of shit going on but I just wanted u to know that I’m gon always rock wit u. I just miss us being a team maybe we can slowly work it out but we gon have to get yo baby mama a muzzle first. Lol
Me:
Girl u funny, fuck that hoe. You my wife and the only bitch I need on my team. Hit me tomorrow a nigga tired tho.
I placed my phone on the charger and was sleep instantly, with thoughts of Laela fresh on my brain. I couldn’t have been sleep no more than an hour when my phone rang. I ignored it the first two times, but by the third time I was pissed as I grabbed it to see that it was Ericka calling me.
“Fuck!” I yelled, irritated that she had just interrupted my sleep. “What, man?” I answered.
“Jah this is Ericka’s mother and she is in labor; the ambulance just came and got her, you need to go meet her at the hospital.” Before I could respond, she had hung up on me; Ericka’s mom didn’t care for me, and the feeling was mutual. I got out of bed and hopped in the shower before I headed to the hospital; my long day had just gotten longer. Soon as I got in my truck, I sent a text to Laela, Tone, and Gio and let them know that Ericka had gone into labor. I knew I didn’t have to say anything to Laela but I figured starting off on a fresh start, I should start being more truthful.
I got to the hospital in 20 minutes. I didn’t know if she had started pushing or not, so I was trying to hurry and find her before I missed the birth. Even if I wasn’t sure if the baby was mine, I would feel like shit if it was and I didn’t see my first child enter the world. Once I made it to the labor and delivery floor, I was met by Ericka’s family and was pointed in the direction of her room. I entered into her room and expected to hear crying and screaming; soon as I approached Ericka, she rolled her eyes.
“Oh you finally decided to show your black ass up, sorry ass nigga,” Ericka said before stuffing an ice cube in her mouth.
Before I could respond, the nurse walked in and was checking the machine behind me.
“Are you the father?” the nurse asked; I paused for a second.
“Yes ma’am I am, I’m Jahlil,” I said, watching as she wrote something down on her chart.
“Hi Jahlil, I’m her midwife and right now I am checking her and the baby’s vitals. Ericka has already received an epidural, and these lines right here are her contractions, do you see how close they are?” I nodded my head as the nurse showed me the paper that was steady printing from the machine. “Okay Ericka, let’s check and see how far you are dilated, sweetie.” The nurse got in between Ericka’s legs and stuck her hand underneath her gown. “Oh wow, okay let me go get the doctor honey, looks like you are ready to push.” The nurse got ready to walk out of the room. “Wait, can I use the bathroom first? I think my nerves are getting to me and I have to boo boo,” Ericka said.
I took a seat in the chair and rubbed my face; it had been a long day and I couldn’t believe my child was about to come into this world in a few minutes.
“Oh no sweetie, that’s the pressure from the baby ready for you to push.” The nurse grabbed her cell phone off her hip and made a call to the doctor; no more than two minutes later, the doctor entered the room and he and the nurse both scrubbed up and had me put on a hospital smock as well. Twenty minutes later, the nurse had coached Ericka into pushing out a baby girl, while I held her hand at the same time. I cut the umbilical cord and once the baby was cleaned and vitals were done, the nurse had brought her over.
I was still somewhat in shock behind what I had witnessed, so I let Ericka hold her first. She had named her Jahlisa Kaeliegh Martin-Jones; when it was my turn to hold her, I just stared at her long and hard. Honestly, I didn’t feel anything; not joy, not disappointment – nothing. Even though this is my first child, I knew that I should have felt that connection and I just didn’t. She was a beautiful baby with light eyes and barely any hair; she was damn near white looking her skin was so light. I handed her back to Ericka and took a seat, trying to process everything.
Looking at the baby, I just didn’t feel like she was my seed. There was always a possibility that it wasn’t my baby, but now being here and dealing with this retarded bitch all these months, fucking over my relationship with Laela and being dragged out my sleep to witness the birth of a baby that wasn’t even mine had me seeing red. When I looked up, Ericka was already crying. I watched as the nurse grabbed the baby and let us know that she would be taking her to the nursery for a little bit, and would bring her back when it was feeding time. Once the nurse had left, Ericka burst out in sobs. I didn’t feel bad for her; I felt bad for Jahlisa because her mother was a trifling hoe that had brought her into a world of confusion.
“So who else were you fuckin’ on E?” I asked her between clenched teeth. I wasn’t mad that I wasn’t the father; I was actually relieved that I had dodged this bullet, but I was pissed about the wasted time.
“A couple different people,” she said, barely above a whisper.
“Bruh speak up; you been loud as fuck this whole pregnancy, now all of a sudden you wanna whisper. Be a woman and own up to your faults; you too old to be playing games. You just brought a beautiful baby into this world, so you need to take responsibility for your actions good or bad,” I said, now standing up over her.
“I slept with Rico, Tone, and a couple other niggas from the block, but honestly I think that this could be Rico’s baby.” She shook her head as she wiped her eyes; I just stood there for a minute before I finally just walked out of her hospital room, without saying another word. I stopped at the nurse’s station before leaving and scheduled the paternity testing for later on; it was now after 7 a.m., and I was dog-tired. I sent a text to my coach and let him know I had something come up, and I wouldn’t make it to practice today. I also emailed my instructors and let them know I wouldn’t make it in, and to email me the assignments.
Once I got to my car, I just sat for a moment. I didn’t even have any weed on me to smoke, and I needed it bad. Once I powered my phone back on, I had a few messages from Gio and Tone asking if I needed them. I placed my phone in my pocket and drove home, ready to finally get some sleep. When I pulled up to the house, I was surprised to see Laela’s car parked out front. I went inside the house, and found her and Gio sitting in the living room smoking. Lae looked like she had been crying, and I felt like shit knowing that her tears were caused by my reckless actions. I took a seat next to her, and she threw her legs over mine. I took a deep breath and hit the weed. Nobody had said anything since I had walked in; I guess they were all just waiting on me to speak.
“The baby’s not mine,” I said. They both just nodded their head as I filled them in on the events from the hospital. I grabbed Laela’s hand, and we went to my room. I just wanted to lay up under the one person that I loved more than anything. I didn’t need to talk or to fuck; I just needed her presence. As we lay down, I pulled her close and kissed her cheek. I closed my eyes as she kissed my lips.
“Fresh start,” she said, and I smiled because that was the best thing that had happened in the whole 24 hours.
Jaeda
This past 10 months had flown by. Laela and I were about to be high school graduates, and we would be joining the guys at Cal Berkeley in the fall. It was early May, and prom was a couple of weeks away. The guys didn’t attend their proms, but they were going to accompany Laela and I to ours. I was too juiced to finally be at the end of the road, and on to new journeys. Laela and Jah had been going strong, and I could tell that Jah had really changed from the guy he was a year ago.
Rico ended up being the father of Ericka’s baby, and he was currently serving a three-year sentence for weapons charges. I made sure that his books stayed full, and I also made sure that Ericka’s trifling ass was taken care of; no matter how much I despised her ass, Jahlisa was family because of Rico, and she would always be good.
I was leaving the block a little earlier than usual; I had made all the pickups, and dropped off what I needed to Gio so that he could make the deposits. Our process was pretty much still the same; we just changed up days and locations frequently to keep from getting caught slipping. I was dog ass tired and ready to get into bed; I guess all the extra running around for prom, my senior project, the block, and still making time for Tone was beginning to wear down on me.
I wanted some steak and shrimp fries so I headed straight to the burrito truck for my fix, then I called Tone and asked if he wanted something. I was spending the night at his and Jah’s house tonight, and I already knew he was probably just as hungry as I was. I ended up taking orders for him, Laela, and Jah. As I waited for my order, I sat in the car with my window down. It was pretty chilly outside; the bay area weather was so weird, because it could be warm as hell one day, and then the next day it was freezing. The way it had been lately, I was scared we might not get a summer this year. I hadn’t seen the sun in days, and it now looked like it might rain.
I felt myself getting a headache but as soon as I began to get impatient, my number was called. I grabbed the food, getting limes, peppers, and ketchup, and rushed to my whip. I had recently gotten an Audi Q7 truck, all-white with the cream interior; I loved it, but I didn’t drive it everyday. I was so hungry that I raced to the house; I couldn’t wait to take my shoes off and dig into my food, and then smoke a blunt with my baby before I passed out.
I woke up the next day feeling like shit, and I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I jumped up out of bed and rushed to the bathroom, just in time before everything on my stomach forced its way out of my mouth. My head was pounding; I swear, it felt like I had a hangover. After not having anything left on my stomach to throw up, I brushed my teeth and headed to the kitchen. After all that throwing up, I needed to put something on my stomach, I toasted a few pieces of toast and buttered them, scarfing them down with a cup of Simply Orange and mango juice. Once I was done, I headed back to bed; it was still early morning and I was still feeling like shit, so I needed to sleep whatever this bug was off so that I could start my day.
When I woke up again, it was after 1 in the afternoon. I jumped up, shocked that I had slept that long. I got up and seen that I was the only one at the house. I decided to make me a bowl of noodles. I put a pot of water on the stove to boil and went to retrieve my phone; it was Saturday, and I knew that everybody was in the lab getting the product ready for the streets. I just knew they were going to be pissed that I didn’t show up, but as I checked my messages, I had a message from Laela telling me not to trip and to get my rest. The next message was from Jah.
Jah:
I heard you this morning getting sick, so I let you sleep. Don’t trip about coming out the house just get ur rest and I will be back soon. Hit me if u need sumn. Love u Jae Money
I smiled as I read the text; since I had the day to just chill, I decided to catch up on some of my shows. I had been missing the whole season of Catfish and the Kardashians. I had been interested in watching Bruce’s transition; it was crazy how after all these years, wives, and kids that he was finally about to live his life like he has wanted. I went into the kitchen and made my noodles, and then got comfy in bed as I began my day of relaxation. I took a Tylenol for my head as I felt another headache approaching, and then got lost in reality television.