Angels in My Hair (30 page)

I gave him a hug. I could see all the angels around him and
his guardian angel holding on to him. I smiled to myself. I had
noticed how the angels were getting the children to say
goodbye to their dad in such a gentle way. Christopher passed
Owen in the hall as he went out and Owen came and sat by the
fire talking to his dad. He too was going out. Joe and I were left
alone for the evening.

We sat by the fire talking a little and then Joe fell asleep. I
watched the television, sitting beside him. Around midnight
Joe opened his eyes. He was confused and didn't know where
he was. I comforted him and told him it was okay, that he was
at home. He looked at me and smiled. 'You should go to bed
now, Lorna,' he said.

'I'll wait for you,' I replied.

'No, you go ahead,' Joe said. 'I want to sit here for a little
while on my own.'

I kissed Joe, said goodnight and went to bed. Shortly
afterwards he came into the room. I don't know how he
managed to walk; I believe his guardian angel carried him. As
he got into bed beside me, Joe said, 'Lorna, do you think I will
be all right? Will I make it through the night?'

As I said, 'Joe, don't worry, I will be looking after you. You
will be okay,' his guardian angel shook his head at me.

At some stage I must have fallen asleep cuddled up to Joe. I
woke suddenly. Joe was having a bad turn. The room was full
of light. It was crowded with angels and spirits, among them I
saw the spirit of my da standing by the side of the bed. I looked
into Joe's eyes and saw that the light was almost out. He didn't
recognise me. There was no glow around him.

My da said, 'Lorna, let him go. You know you cannot ask
again.'

I was holding Joe in my arms, my eyes full of tears. I knew I
could not ask God to allow Joe to stay; I knew the answer
would be no. I lay Joe back down on the bed. Christopher was
staying out with friends but I called out to Owen and he came
running.

'Your dad is dying,' I said. 'His time is almost gone.'

Immediately Owen jumped up onto the bed.

'Mum,' he said looking at me, 'I know Dad said we were to
let him go, but I have to try. He's my dad and I love him.'

I let him try. He sat on the bed calling his name and rubbing
his face, trying to make him conscious. I didn't have the heart
to tell him it wouldn't work this time. God had said no and all
the angels and souls were here to take Joe to Heaven.

I raced to the kitchen to phone for an ambulance. I did
everything I usually did when Joe took a turn. I called a taxi
driver we knew and asked him to call and collect Christopher
on his way over. Then Owen called out, 'Mum! Dad's stopped
breathing.' I rushed into the bedroom and at the door I met
Joe's soul, accompanied by his guardian angel. Joe looked so
beautiful; he was radiant. He smiled at me, then looked back
into the room at Owen before disappearing.

The ambulance came and they took Joe away. Christopher
and I followed the ambulance to the hospital in the taxi.

I don't remember much of the funeral. Joe's death was a big
shock, even though I had known for so long that he was only
on borrowed time. God had granted the miracle of life for Joe
and I knew God would not grant that miracle a second time.
He had told me never to ask, because he would have to say no.
It was extremely hard for me not to ask God, not to beg. I
didn't want to let Joe go, but I knew I had to. I know he looks
after me and the children every day, and I thank him for his
love, kindness and gentleness.

I wore that birthday ring for about two weeks after Joe's
death. Then I took it off and never wore it again.

Shortly after Joe was buried I resumed seeing people and
helping them with their problems. I always kept my private life
separate from the work that God and the angels ask me to do.
For the most part, people who came to see me were not aware
of my loss. However, a few did find out and they were very
kind. I received cards of sympathy from people who had come
to see me – despite the many problems they had of their own.

It was a very difficult time for me, but long walks in the
grounds of Maynooth College helped. I would walk around,
visit the church and walk along the long corridors of the
college, looking at the pictures of young men who had become
priests. I talked to Joe often and I asked him how he was
keeping. I told him how the children were doing and laughed
with him, saying, 'I know you know how they are doing
anyway!' I could feel him walking beside me. One particular
day, some months after Joe's death, I was finding it really hard
to cope. I had seen several people that day and some of them
had really tough problems – seriously ill children and very
difficult situations. I was exhausted and distressed after they
left and so I went out of the house and walked towards the
college grounds. I would always wait until I went through the
gates to talk to God about the things that people had come to
me about; their hurt and pain and also their joy. I would walk
around and talk to God about their problems and the problems
of the world, asking, 'Can you not work a miracle?'

This day I was finding it hard to cope, and I shared a little
with my guardian angel and with God. I told them I was feeling
really down in myself.

Even now I can remember that day; walking through the
college grounds, feeling the cold breeze, the rain hitting me in
the face. I had no gloves and my hands were cold, I kept my
hands in my pockets, and I could feel the little prayer book I
had in one of them. I remember having to avoid potholes on
the circuit of paths at the back of the college, because they
were full of rainwater and leaves that had fallen off the trees. I
watched people passing by, including a priest who often
walked there saying his prayers. I smiled at him and kept
going. On another of the paths I could see a mother out
running with a pram. She would run and then stop and then
walk very fast, and then run again.

I came around the bend of one of the pathways, and there
were big trees on my right and an open green and a graveyard
with a big cross to the left. As I passed the graveyard I was
talking to God about how I was feeling. I told him, 'I don't
think I can go on, I really need some help from You, my God
and from Your Angels. If you don't help me, I don't know how
I'm going to keep going.'

I took another right turn and directly in front of me, facing
me was the big old college building. I could see it clearly. Then
the strangest thing happened: as I looked towards the college,
directly above this beautiful old building, in the distance and
far up the sky filled with angels. They were very far away. At
first I wasn't sure they were angels. I kept looking and saying
to myself, 'What else could they be?'When they got closer and
closer, flying over the college, I was left in no doubt. They got
bigger and bigger until they were enormous in size. They
descended and got even closer. They were so beautiful – all
gold and white. Their wings were an enormous size, magnificent,
powerful and beautiful, they took my breath away. I
laughed and cried, my body was trembling.

'You have really given me something special!' I said. 'You are
lifting my soul and my heart. I realise now that, no matter how
bad things are, there is a reason for this life: a reason to live, a
reason for joy and happiness and even our tears have
meaning!'

All this time I kept walking, or I believed I was walking. My
legs were moving, my feet were moving and yet, as I realised
later, the earth beneath me was not moving. Some of the angels
turned to fly away from the college. They seemed to be going
away from me, flying further and further away, growing
smaller and then disappearing. I felt a bit sad.

Then I was told to look up and there, in the sky, way up in
the sky, so far it was unbelievable, I saw loads more angels.
These beautiful angels started getting bigger and bigger, and as
they got closer I could see more angels above them. All of a
sudden, in between those angels, higher up again, I saw what
I believed to be another angel. It was so high up it looked
miniscule – it was a miracle that I was allowed to see something
so tiny. I wondered how on earth I could see this little
angel, which was so far away, as it was falling, down, down,
down.

As it fell down through all the other angels it didn't seem to
get any bigger. I kept laughing, I was so full of excitement – I
can still feel it now! My body was trembling with delight. As it
came closer, I could see that it wasn't an angel, it was a tiny
feather!

I watched in amazement as this tiny feather was guided
downwards by those enormous beautiful angels. It was
spectacular to watch this feather descend like a snowflake.
There was a strong breeze blowing that morning, but the
feather kept falling, guided through the air to come directly to
me. I was afraid that the breeze would blow it away, but I
shouldn't have had any fear, I should have known better. The
feather, with beautiful angels on each side, kept on floating
down.

When it was nearly within my reach, but not quite close
enough for me to grasp it, you know what I did? I jumped to
catch it! I couldn't wait any longer for it to come closer. I
jumped as high as I could. It felt as if I had jumped five feet
into the air and, reaching out I grasped the feather. I caught it
and clutched it safely in my hand. I was exhilarated, clasping
it close to my chest.

All of a sudden things changed. I became aware of raindrops
on my cheeks, of the cold breeze. It was only then that I
noticed an elderly couple walking towards me, and I realised,
too, that time had stood still for me. Although I had thought I
had been walking, I hadn't actually moved from where I was
when I first saw the angels. Now, recalling it, I see that from
the moment I saw the angels over the college building, I hadn't
felt the broken stones under my feet or the unevenness of the
path. This was because my feet were not actually touching the
ground. I didn't feel the rain, the wind or the cold. Then when
I grasped the feather time started to move again. I remember
the elderly couple smiling at me – they must have seen me
jumping for something. I smiled back. Now, today, as I write
this, I wonder what those people thought that day? What did
they see? Did they see what I jumped for? I don't know who
they were, but maybe if they read this book they will
remember that day.

I felt so happy and so elevated. It was one of the most
wonderful mornings of my life; getting a gift like that from
God and his angels. I praised God and gave him thanks for the
feather. I thanked Joe, too, as I felt he also had something to do
with it.

I cherish the feather that came to me through the gates of
Heaven, guided by angels. It was a gift to help me feel better,
to make me feel safe, to remind me that there is a reason to live,
that there is hope in all circumstances. It also reminded me
that we all have souls and they are perfect – no matter what we
have done – that our bodies might die, but our souls don't, and
that we all have wings of some kind or another, even if we fail
to recognise them in ourselves or others. We are all, in fact,
angels.