“You seemed to be enjoying our scandalous behavior every bit as much as I did,” he reminded her.
She sighed. “I can’t deny that.”
He gave her a satisfied nod. “Now we’re getting somewhere. Most people would have fought for what we had, proved it meant more than what anyone assumed. It seems to me the only thing you did was prove your father right.”
She regarded him with shock. “Excuse me?”
“The going got tough, and what did you do? You ran. You walked away from the job and from me. Quite the double whammy, wouldn’t you say?”
“It sounds as if your opinion of me isn’t any better than my father’s,” she said. “Tell me again why you think we should waste time trying to reconcile?”
Even as she spoke, she was gathering her purse and gloves, preparing to leave.
“There you go again, running just because I said something you didn’t like.”
Because of the taunt, she made herself stand her ground, fury causing her to tremble. He was on his feet, as well.
“Matthew O’Brien, are you calling me a coward?”
“If the shoe fits…” He held her gaze, then said quietly, “Dance with me.”
“What?” she asked, incredulous at the out-of-the-blue, poorly timed request.
“We seem to communicate much better when you’re in my arms,” he explained.
“That’s no way to resolve our problems,” she insisted, but with his hand outstretched and his gaze steady, she found it impossible to resist. “Fine. Whatever.”
But even before they’d taken a step toward the dance floor, she knew she’d made a mistake. Picking a fight with him had felt a whole lot safer. She’d never been able to think straight in his arms.
He hesitated, obviously disconcerted that she’d accepted his invitation, albeit ungraciously. “Really?”
She gave him an impatient look. “It’s a dance, Matthew, not an invitation to bed.”
A wicked gleam lit his eyes. “We’ll see about that.”
Despite the deliberate challenge in that comment, Laila felt herself relax once she was in his arms. It felt so good to be close to him again…so dangerously tempting. The sparks were flying all over the place, but she felt safe, too. Cherished, even. It was surprising, given how annoyed she’d been with him just moments ago.
“You still sure about not joining me in bed?” he inquired, the teasing question a whisper against her cheek.
She allowed herself a smile. He was such a guy! “You were the one who declared this trip a sex-free vacation. And not ten minutes ago you were berating me for having no gumption. What would your opinion of me be if I allowed you into my bed after all those promises we made before we left home?”
“I’d still respect you in the morning,” he said. His expression was somber, but his eyes were twinkling.
She laughed, then sobered. “Seriously, Matthew, after what you said a little while ago, why would you still want to sleep with me? It sounded as if you think I’m spineless.”
“Sorry,” he said with apparent regret. “I was trying to make a point about how easily you backed away from conflict, when I know you’re stronger than that. You’re also a complicated, exciting, desirable woman. I can’t even look at you without wanting you so badly it makes my whole body ache with it,” he said frankly, allowing his hand to slide from its respectable spot on her back to someplace suggestively lower.
There it was, the open declaration that made her feel like all of those things, a view she’d never held of herself before they’d gotten together. They were heady words for a woman who’d accepted that she was every bit as stodgy as the parents to whom she was so frequently compared.
It would be so easy to say yes to Matthew tonight. That was the problem, though. She’d said yes too quickly from the beginning, established a pattern that was filled with heat and no demands or expectations. For a long time it had satisfied both of them.
Now it was clear that Matthew wanted more. She knew it. So did his entire meddling family. He’d transformed from lusty playboy to a man ready to settle down and play by all the rules. Laila was still trying to catch up.
“No,” she said, the word little more than a reluctant whisper. She looked into his eyes with regret. “I can’t do this, Matthew. I’m sorry. I don’t want to go back to the way things were.”
“Neither do I,” he insisted. “I want us to take the next step forward.”
The trouble with that was, she thought, it was even more terrifying. She left his arms hurriedly, grabbed her gloves, purse and coat and exited the pub, walking as fast as she could to escape him, to escape her confused thoughts, and most of all to escape the desire that once more was simply too much for her.
“Go after her, you idiot,” Luke said when Matthew walked to the bar and ordered another pint of ale.
“That’s the last thing she wants tonight,” Matthew told his brother. He knew perfectly well that Laila had deliberately picked a fight with him to slow things down because she was scared not only of her feelings, but all the pressure from everyone else who was determined to see them married.
“All women want to be pursued,” Luke said with surprising conviction for a man barely out of college.
Despite his age, though, Luke had made a practice of emulating Matthew and their brother-in-law Mack, both of whom had well-known reputations for casual flirtations. Luke, however, seemed to have added an element of wisdom that had eluded Matthew, at least.
Still it was difficult for Matthew to take his little brother’s opinions all that seriously. “Says the man who’s in Dublin alone.”
“Only out of respect for our sister,” Luke said. “I spoke to Kristen just tonight, and she’ll be flying over to meet me as soon as the rest of you take off for home. We’ll start the New Year together.”
Matthew frowned. The news was not only unexpected, it was distressing. He didn’t trust the woman. He knew she’d deliberately tried to work her way back into Mack’s affections, even knowing that he was married and Susie had cancer.
“It’s that serious?” he asked Luke worriedly.
Luke shrugged. “Not a word I’d choose,” he insisted. “I can’t be a hundred percent sure yet, but it has potential. Maybe watching all the rest of you fall in love has influenced me, but I like the way Kristen challenges me. She’s not even close to what I expected.”
“And have you taken our sister’s feelings into consideration?”
“Of course,” Luke said. “Didn’t I just say that Kristen’s not here because of Susie?”
“Suze won’t be one bit happier if she finds out later that the two of you are together.”
“Hey, I’ll worry about that if things do start getting serious. Right now we’re just together off and on, sort of like you and Laila.”
Matthew bristled. “It’s not like that for Laila and me,” he said heatedly.
Luke didn’t back down. “We both know it was,” he said.
“Well, things change.”
“She walked out of here alone, didn’t she? And you let her go. If you ask me, somebody’s still playing games.”
“Well, it’s not me,” Matthew insisted.
“Laila, then?”
“No. Geez, you’re a pain,” he said in exasperation.
Luke grinned. “Only because you know I speak the truth. If you want her, you’re going to have to fight to prove it. Sitting here with me and licking your wounds isn’t going to cut it.”
Reluctantly, Matthew had to admit he had a point. “Thanks for the advice and for the pint,” he told his brother, then walked off whistling.
“Hey, who said I was buying?” Luke called after him. “You owe me for straightening you out.”
“Only if this works out,” Matthew said.
His upbeat attitude was all for show, though. Realistically he thought there was a very good chance that Laila would slam her hotel room door in his face.
9
T
he brisk walk back to the hotel had calmed Laila’s temper and left her filled with regret. Oh, she knew she’d been wise to walk away from Matthew without leaving even the tiniest opening for him to seduce her tonight, but it hadn’t been easy. Her body was practically humming with desire.
Rather than going directly to the hotel, she kept walking. The streets were still busy, and she felt safe enough walking along Grafton Street to do a little window shopping. Lights twinkled merrily in shop windows along with holiday displays that reminded her of those back home. Many of these had a more old-fashioned look to them, with caroling figures dressed in fur-trimmed velvet, piles of artificial snow and scenes of children anxiously awaiting the arrival of St. Nicholas.
She circled around and paused to smile at the statue of Molly Malone, which seemed to be a huge tourist draw judging from the people having their pictures taken with it.
She was barely halfway down the final block leading back to the hotel when she saw Matthew. His expression was slightly frantic as he talked with one of the hotel doormen. Wondering what on earth might have happened to upset him so, she instinctively hurried forward.
“Matthew, is everything okay? Did something happen after I left the party?”
When he whirled at the sound of her voice, then saw her, his entire body seemed to relax. “There you are,” he said, his relief unmistakable.
The doorman gave her a wink. “I think he was fearing you’d run out on him.”
She studied Matthew. “Is he right? Did you think I’d left for home?”
“When you didn’t answer the door to your room, yes,” he admitted. “It’s not as if you hadn’t threatened to do just that earlier today.”
“I went for a walk. Nothing more.”
“Well, you took ten years off my life,” he told her. He gave her a speculative look. “The least you can do now is have a nightcap with me.”
She allowed herself a smile. “Really? The least I can do?”
He nodded. “It’ll be a start.”
“I probably shouldn’t ask what you have in mind for payback after that.”
He grinned. “Probably not.” He gave the doorman a tip. “Thanks for trying to reassure me that she was still in the neighborhood.”
“I told you she’d greeted me as she passed by, now, didn’t I?” the man said. “And that she had no luggage. I keep an eye out for our guests. It’s part of the job.” He gave Laila a broad smile before assuring Matthew, “And I’ve been at this a long time. You’re not the first to fear they’ve been abandoned. Now that you’ve been reunited, the two of you should enjoy the rest of your evening.”
“We will,” Laila responded.
“Nice man,” Matthew said as he steered Laila inside and toward the bar. He gave her a hopeful look. “Unless you’d rather have that nightcap upstairs?”
“The bar suits me fine,” she said.
After they were seated and had ordered Irish coffees to take away the night’s chill, Matthew met her gaze.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” he said earnestly. “I just get so frustrated sometimes that you apparently can’t see what I see when I look at the two of us. It seems we’re always taking a few steps forward, then an equal number back.”
Curious, she asked, “What do you see, and try to keep it PG-rated, if you don’t mind.”
He laughed at that. “Now, see, there’s precisely the problem. You seem to recall only what the two of us are like in bed, while I’ve always viewed the whole package.”
“Matthew, there was no whole package,” she protested. “We didn’t do anything except sneak off to your place for sex.”
He held her gaze. “And whose fault was that?” he challenged.
“Mine,” she admitted readily. “But if we go back down that road, we’ll only argue some more.” She studied him closely. “Were you honestly able to view that period when we were together some other way?”
“I wouldn’t be half so upset about our breakup if we’d only been about the sex, Laila. You know my history. If that was all it was about, I had options.”
She grimaced at the reminder. “Okay, what was different with me? How did you know it wasn’t just your usual pattern of falling into and out of bed with one more woman?”
His gaze was direct and unflinching. “Because I wanted you to stay,” he said simply. “I never tired of being with you. I looked forward to catching at least a glimpse of you at family functions. I never got this panicky feeling that things were moving too fast with us. If anything, I thought things were progressing too slowly.”
She smiled at that. On the first night they’d bumped into each other at Brady’s, things had gone from simmer to boiling in a matter of minutes, it seemed. After years of their being nothing more than casual friends, sparks had flown.
“I wanted more,” he continued. “I always wanted more. From our first night together, I knew I’d never have enough of you. And not just in bed,” he added hurriedly. “I like the way your mind works. I like that you have goals and ambitions, and it killed me that I was even partially responsible for your walking away from one of those goals.”
The sincerity behind his words was unmistakable. Laila allowed every word to seep into her heart, warming a spot that had grown cold and fearful. She wanted to believe him,
needed
to believe him. And yet trusting that something that had begun so impulsively and had ended so badly could possibly be right was terrifying.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
She held her fingers a scant quarter inch apart. “That I’m this close to believing you.”
“How close are you to risking everything and jumping back into this relationship?”
She widened the gap between her fingers ever so slightly.
He nodded, grinning. “That’s pretty good given the chasm between us not that long ago.”
She smiled. “Not just pretty good. It’s a miracle.”
“’Tis the season,” he said lightly.
Laila laughed. “So they say.”
“Care to go upstairs and see if we can close that gap?” he inquired, his eyes filled with daring.
“Now, that,” she said firmly, “would take more than a miracle.”
It would take a leap of faith she had no idea if she could manage.
“Can I at least walk you to your room and sneak a goodnight kiss?” he asked hopefully.
“I wouldn’t say no to that,” she told him, already a little breathless just at the thought of it. “But
outside
the door,” she added very firmly.