Chapter 33
I
t was a four-hour drive to Ithaca. We were halfway there and already through two of Madison's preselected playlists. The car was getting smaller.
“Seriously, how long is this drive?” Emily whined from the passenger seat, where her legroom was about double the space in the rear.
She was surprisingly on time this morning. And no one brought up the skipped ballet practice. She had never missed rehearsal before (aside from scheduled family vacations), so Madame Colbert didn't waste a second questioning her illness. Not like Madison and I did. We still hadn't managed to find out what was actually bothering her.
“Hey, you're not the one driving,” Madison droned from behind the wheel. “Don't you think I'd rather be lounging around daydreaming to the music?”
“At least you have something to keep you occupied,” Emily continued.
“What? Not getting us killed? Yeah, I guess that does pass the time.”
“Can we please listen to something other than Justin Timberlake?” Lilly pleaded, tossing her head against the back of her seat.
“This is Nick Lachey,” Madison argued.
“Is there a difference?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“Well, then how 'bout this? Do we have anything other than this God awful pop music?”
“What would make you happy, Lil? Some Ricky Martin? A little Marc Anthony?” Madison mocked. “I'm sure I have your people on my iPod somewhere.”
“All right, chill out,” I piped up. “Lilly, this is Madison's car and she's driving, so she gets to control the radio.”
“So, we all just have to suffer at her mercy?”
“Pretty much.” Madison smiled wide into the rearview mirror.
The trees outside were already changing colors. The farther north we drove, the more colorful they got. Dozens of golden or red-leaved trees whizzed by on the hilly landscape. Within an hour, the scenery had gone from suburban to country, and the closer we got to Ithaca, the more rural the view.
But I still couldn't picture Vince's campus. My parents had described these “mini Grand Canyons” plopped in the middle of the university grounds with pedestrian bridges for students to cross. They even brought me back an “Ithaca is Gorges” T-shirt, thinking it was so clever. I had a hunch it was as unique as an “I heart New York” T-shirt in the middle of Times Square.
“So what exactly
is
the plan?” Madison asked as she swiftly changed lanes.
“Well, we lucked out because both of Vince's roommates are away this weekend. So we have beds to sleep in,” I said, leaning forward to chat between the front seats.
“Two in a bed?” Emily groaned.
“Hey, it's better than the floor.”
She shrugged.
“We'll probably just walk around for a bit. See the campus,” I explained. “Then, we'll hang out at his fraternity. He got initiated last night, and he claims it's been ânonstop partying' ever since.”
“Vince could throw nonstop parties in the public library,” Madison scoffed.
“This is true. But he said a lot of people come up for this. So we're not the only âguests.' ...”
My voice trailed off. I hadn't told them about Bobby yet. I thought if Emily heard that he was going to be there, she wouldn't come with us. And now that I'd kept quiet so long, I felt like I was lying. (Who created the whole âlie by omission' term anyway?)
“Oh, cool. So there will be other high school kids?” Madison asked.
“Um, yeah,” I mumbled, slumping back in my seat. “That's sorta the thing ...”
“What?” Emily asked, twisting her neck toward me.
“Well, it's just, I mean, I was gonna tell you... .”
“What?” Madison asked, peering at me through her mirror. “Spit it out.”
“It's just, well, Bobby's gonna be there,” I said in a barely audible voice.
“What?” They all screamed in unison.
“Bobby McNabb?” Emily choked.
“
Our
Bobby. As in âLocker Buddy Bobby.' He's going to be there?” Madison asked.
“Yeah. It has nothing to do with us,” I said quickly. “His dad's an alum. He's taking Bobby up there to try to convince him to apply to Cornell.”
“When did you find this out?” Emily glared at me.
“On Wednesday,” I murmured.
“Three days ago! And you're just telling us
now
!” she shrieked.
“Why does it matter? He had plans to go long before he found out we were going. And he's our friend... .”
“So, then why didn't you tell us?” Madison asked.
Lilly was seated silently beside me with a slight grin on her face. She had been encouraging me to pursue something romantically with Bobby for weeks now, and I was certain she saw this weekend as our big opportunity. If it made Madison or Emily uncomfortable in the process, that was just a bonus.
I paused, my eyes shooting between Madison and Emily.
“You want the truth?” I asked.
They both nodded.
“Fine. I didn't tell you, because I thought you'd make a big deal out of it,” I said, looking at Madison. Then I turned my gaze toward Emily. “And I thought
you
wouldn't come if you knew he'd be there.”
“So, you intentionally wanted to put me in an awkward situation,” Emily stated. “Gee, thanks.”
“Why does it have to be awkward?”
“Because it is!”
“Because you two went out this summer?”
Emily opened her mouth to say something, then snapped it shut.
“What? Em, tell me. Because I don't understand.
Do
you like him?”
“I'm not having this conversation right now,” she huffed.
“Well, why not? When
would
be a good time? Because I've been trying to get you to have this conversation for weeks now!”
Lilly's face glowed with joy as I spoke up to the two of them. She'd been going on relentlessly about my friends' dislike of her, probably with the secret hope that I would suddenly not like them too. And while that wasn't going to happen, I was certain that seeing us argue was boosting her hope that it would.
“Why do you want to talk about it? So you can feel better about yourself for dating him?” Emily asked.
“I am
not
dating him!”
“Whatever.” She shook her head.
I paused, closed my eyes, and sucked in a long breath. Slowly, I unclenched my fists, relaxed my shoulders, and popped open my eyes.
“Em, I would never start anything with Bobby if I thought you liked him. But the thing is, I don't know if you do,” I said calmly. “You don't talk to me anymore.”
“Mariana, you were gone a long time,” Madison butted in.
“I was gone for two months.”
“And you changed.” Madison glanced over her shoulder toward Lilly.
“Oh, so this is all
my
fault?” Lilly snipped. “Blame the Puerto Rican stowaway!”
I shot Lilly a look, thrusting my eyebrows, then turned back toward the front seats.
“Ya know, who cares if Bobby's gonna be there? This is our weekend,” I said, hoping to lighten the mood. “Let's have fun.”
A quiet stillness fell over the car, and we drove the next few miles in silence.
Chapter 34
I
knew October was one of the best times to visit Cornell, but I didn't expect it to look so much like a cheesy collegiate brochure. It was the exact picture kids have in their heads when they imagine the word
college.
Students in red and gray sweatshirts with frayed baseball caps walked through spacious quads that were dusted in burnt orange leaves. Rustling trees, full of autumn hues, lined every paved road and dirt path. Bikes were parked in front of stone buildings with quaint parapets and sweeping arches. Apples, from yellow to crimson, were sold in rustic roadside stands. And students lounged on faded grass, books spread open before them, enjoying the last few weeks before the harsh upstate New York winter roared in.
“Wow, I can't wait until that's me,” Madison mumbled.
“Just the idea of being able to do what you want, when you want,” said Emily.
“Studying outside when the weather's nice ...” I added.
“Shopping in between classes ...”
“Partying on the weekends ...”
“Being away from our parents.”
There was a palpable sense of longing in all of our voices. I had never been jealous of Vince before, not until this very moment. But he was right. This was so much better than Spring Mills.
We met Vince at his dorm. He helped us lug the immense quantity of belongings we had crammed into the trunk for our one-night visit. Each of us had our own âweekend bag' (which in Madison's case was a piece of luggage large enough for a one-month excursion), plus we brought towels, sleeping bags, blankets, and pillows so we wouldn't be reliant upon his roommates' things. It took us three trips to unload the car.
“All right, so this is home!” Vince stood and swung his arms to showcase the room.
It was refreshingly spacious with three desks, towering windows, and painted white walls surprisingly not constructed of cinderblock. They each had their own closet and a five-shelf bookcase.
“Here's the kitchen.” Vince chuckled, pointing toward an illegal coffeepot and hot plate resting on his bookshelf. “It took my going away to college for Mom and Dad to finally let me break the rules.”
“And this is my room, Andre's room, and Paul's room.” He pointed to each of their beds, all covered in different solid-colored comforters (in basic boy shades of red, blue, and green).
“Here's the living room.” He gestured to a small thirteen-inch TV, illegally hooked up to cable, resting on a trunk with a black folding butterfly chair in front of it. “And the bathroom's down the hall. Don't worry, there are separate girls' and boys' bathrooms. You brought shower shoes, right?”
We nodded. Actually, we had made a separate trip after school to pick up cheap flip-flops worthy of a disgusting communal shower. We planned to throw them out before we headed home.
“You guys can just toss all your stuff on their beds. Then, we can head out.”
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“I'm giving you the grand campus tour, which you should find very impressive given that I drank half a case of beer last night. I swear I have more alcohol than blood in my system right now.”
“Aw, you should put that in a Hallmark card and send it to Mom and Dad,” I teased.
“You try going through initiation sober... .”
“How was it?” My eyes lit up.
“Humiliating. They shoved us each into a tiny nook in the frat house and made us sit there for twenty-four hours. Thankfully, I was stuck in a shower stall, so at least I could take a piss... .”
“Ew, gross!” Madison squealed, cringing. “What about the other guys?”
“I don't want to know.” He shook his head laughing. “Then, they brought us into this cigar-smoke-filled room where these old alumni asked the most ridiculous questions. The whole point was to laugh and tell us we were stupid.”
“Gee, sounds like fun.” I huffed.
“Well, you're missing the best part. They read our most retarded answers to the whole pledge class. It was hilarious. Some dude said he thought the Philippines were in the Caribbeanâand he said it
to
a Philippino alumnus.”
“And you like this?” I asked.
“Yeah, it was nuts. Then afterward, we got initiated.” He shrugged.
“Well, how did they do it?” I asked.
“Was there a secret ceremony?” Madison added.
“If I told you, I'd have to kill you,” he joked. “But seriously, I'm officially a brother now, and we're gonna have a slammin' party tonight to celebrate.”
“Sounds good to me,” Lilly said loudly, with a shiny grin. “I haven't had a beer since I left Utuado.”
“Don't worry. I'll take care of that,” Vince quipped. He snatched his messenger bag from his desk and headed to the door, foolishly thinking we were ready to leave.
“Vince, you realize I need to get ready, right?” Madison asked, staring at him cross-eyed.
“Ready for what?” he asked.
“I've been in a car for more than four hours! I'm not going out like this! There are, like, hundreds of college guys out there.”
While Madison's expression was horrified, her outfit, hair, and makeup were absolutely perfectâthough I didn't dare say it.
“You better sit down, Vince. This could be a while.” I smirked.
We all plopped down onto the beds as Madison dove elbow-deep into her suitcase. I wasn't in a hurry. I liked seeing where Vince lived. His familiar movie posters on the wall, his family pictures on the shelf, his CDs lined up. Seeing all that well-worn stuff was oddly reassuring. It was like having him back.
Â
An hour later we were finally strolling through campus. Vince led us on a tour of the gorges, which were as mystifying as my parents had described. Campus facilities sat around giant gaping holes in the earth that jutted out in sharp angles, dropping hundreds of feet toward bubbling creeks below.
We were currently standing about halfway across the steel suspension bridge above Fall Creek Gorge. Vince said it was the deepest gorge on campus, and by the looks of the massive abyss below, he was right. A rush of white water flowed over a mesh of brown rocks. I leaned onto the metal safety rail and could see a shallow waterfall off in the distance protruding from a wall of thick green and yellow trees.
“You know, kids kill themselves here all the time,” Vince whispered ominously.
“Nuh uh,” Madison scoffed, resting against the rail.
“Yeah, they do. At least one kid dives into the gorge each semester. But no one's jumped yet... .”
“Vince, you're lying.”
Lilly and Emily stepped beside me. We all pushed against the rail, staring into the dramatic gorge.
“I'm serious. Cornell has the highest suicide rate in the country. Ask anyone. But, seriously, who knows if they're all
really
suicides.. . .”
“What are you talking about?” asked Lilly.
“Kids get drunk all the time. Can you imagine wobbling over this bridge wasted in the dark? I mean, accidents happen.”
“You're saying kids just fall in?” Lilly asked.
“Don't believe him!” I warned.
“Fine, don't. But if you look all the way down, all the way to the bottom, you can see the wooden crosses students placed in honor of every student who's jumped,” he whispered in a deep voice before taking a few steps back.
“No way,” Emily muttered.
“Where?” Madison asked.
“All the way at the bottom. Off toward the right.”
We craned our necks over the rail, peering into the dark. My hands gripped the metal spokes as I glimpsed a hint of something faint below. I strained my eyes, struggling to make it out, until suddenly the bridge rocked below my feet. My upper body flung back as I stumbled to catch my balance in the rapid ripple of quakes.
We yelped, our hands clenched to our chests, as we spun around to find Vince laughing hysterically. He was jumping up and down.
“That was awesome!” Vince yelled between cackles. “I can't believe you guys fell for that!”
He bent over with a spasm of giggles. I quickly darted toward him with my leather purse held high.
“You jerk!” I screamed, pounding him with my oversized bag.
Lilly, Madison, and Emily rushed over, their bags swinging.
“I can't believe you did that!”
“Jerk, jerk, jerk!”
“Stop it! Stop it! Can't you take a joke?” he hollered, his arms swatting wildly.
“That was rude!” I yelled with a massive thud.
“It was funny!” he said. “The bridge shakes.”
He glanced up innocently, then quickly straightened his shoulders, perfected his posture, and calmed his expression.
“Um, hey! Good to see you,” he said to a person standing behind us.
We all slowly placed our bags on our shoulders as discreetly as possible. A rash of heat sprinkled across my face. I didn't know why I cared that a stranger saw me assaulting my brother with an angry mob, but for some reason I did.
“Don't mind my sister,” Vince muttered, clearing his throat. “Hey, wait. You're the alum from Spring Mills, right? My sister and her friends go there.”
We all turned around, knowing in the pit of our stomachs exactly what was about to transpire, but still unprepared anyway. I landed face-to-face with Bobby and his dad, and the air sucked from my chest. My face burned from pink to fire-engine red.
“Bobby, aren't these your friends from the film screening?” Mr. McNabb asked, staring at us. We stayed mute.
“Um, yeah,” Bobby muttered, nodding. “Uh, hi.”
I forced an unnatural smile.