America's Galactic Foreign Legion - Book 5: Insurgency (6 page)

“I’m not drunk. I’m just intoxicated by your
lovely presence.”

“Liar!”

“Am I bad?” I asked. “”Are you going to spank
me?”

“Probably,” said Valerie, pouting. “I’m
getting a headache. We should try this another time. You are too
wasted.”

“You look very beautiful tonight,” I said. “I
like what you did with your hair.”

“That won’t work,” said Valerie.

“I love you very much,” I said. ‘Don’t
leave.”

Valerie smiled and took me by the arm. We
staggered to my office at Legion Headquarters. We made wild
passionate love on my desktop. The tech geek was right. Valerie’s
computer upgrade could be worth a lot of money. I was foreseeing
the day when cemetery babes were pimped out all across the galaxy.
Sex with Valerie was incredible. I woke up naked, cold, and alone
on my desk Sunday morning with yellow paper ‘post its’ stuck to my
body.

Someone was pounding on the front door.
What have I done?

I ignored whoever it was, vomited on the
floor beside my desk, just missing the waste paper basket, and went
back to sleep. I felt like I had just crossed over to the Dark
Side.

* * * * *

Someone threw a grenade at the spider
commander and his bodyguards as they crossed the Military
Demarcation Line going home. Most of the spiders survived with only
slight injuries. No suspects were seen or apprehended. Lieutenant
Barker and Sergeant Toock had airtight alibis. They were still at
the Blind Tiger celebrating and counting all the money they won
from the spiders. Both denied any involvement. Captain Lopez tried
to inform me about the incident, but I could not be located. I
finally found out when I returned to the Blind Tiger for breakfast
Sunday afternoon. I felt hung-over and swore again to stop
drinking. I needed to set a better example for my legionnaires.
Pastor Jim joined me at the bar between services.

“I had sex with a dead person,” I confessed.
“Does that mean I’m going to Hell?”

“Yes,” answered Pastor Jim. “Most definitely.
Your chances of making it into Heaven are now zero.”

“Is there no wiggle room on that?” I asked.
“There might be extenuating circumstances in my favor.”

“Sorry,” said Pastor Jim. “It’s right at the
beginning of the Bible. Anyone who has sex with the dead will burn
in Hell for all eternity.”

“What if the sex wasn’t really physical, but
was more mental?” I asked.

“Lusting after the dead isn’t much better,”
advised Pastor Jim. “I’d say you’re still toast.”

“Thanks a lot. I’m glad we had this
conversation. I feel better now.”

“The technology of the mind is my favorite
subject,” said Pastor Jim, lapsing into sermon mode. “What kind of
trouble are you in now? What is this ‘mostly mental’ garbage?”

“I’m in deep up to my chin this time,” I
said. “I think the slightest wave will drown me.”

“Care to discuss the matter in more detail?”
asked Pastor Jim.

“No.”

“It cannot be as bad as you are letting on. I
know you are basically a good person. Well, not a good person, but
you wouldn’t engage in any beastly pursuits, unless you were drunk,
which is often, every weekend in fact, and sometimes during
mid-week. Oh, hell, Joey. There’s no saving you. You’re doomed. See
you at church later tonight? I think you need a double
session.”

“I can’t wait,” I replied. “See you
there.”

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Chapter 7

For the first time, human and spider
insurgents met to discuss a common agenda. Usually they just shot
at each other. Both insurgencies wanted an independent New
Colorado, free of the Arthropodan Empire and the United States
Galactic Federation. They wanted no interference from either
imperialist regime and wanted them to go home and leave the planet
to those who were born on New Colorado. The insurgents differed on
how New Colorado would be ruled, but those minor details could be
worked out or fought over after independence was achieved.

“Who will be our leader if we join forces?”
asked David Torres, an ex-militia lieutenant from Redrock. “Who can
be trusted by both species to represent all our interests?”

“Our leader can only be someone who has
proven himself in battle,” insisted Desert Claw, leader of the
spider insurgency from New Gobi. “We need someone who can unite the
entire planet. I propose myself as being up to the task.”

“Not likely,” scoffed Torres. “There was an
assassination attempt on the Arthropodan Supreme Commander of New
Gobi last week. Lieutenant Barker of the Legion is responsible.
Everyone here and across the planet knows about the exploits of
Lieutenant Barker from media coverage.”

“Barker lead us?” asked Desert Claw.
“Nonsense! He hates all spiders.”

“Barker has proven himself in battle against
Arthropodan marines, and by assassinating spider commanders,”
advised Torres. “But, he has also led successful attacks against
the Legion and even wounded Colonel Czerinski in an assassination
attempt. Lieutenant Barker could be impartial enough to govern. He
is the general we need to unite New Colorado.”

“But Lieutenant Barker is a legionnaire now,”
said Desert Claw. “He ruthlessly wiped out Window Rock. I cannot
forgive him for that!”

“Publicity from the atrocities committed by
both sides at Window Rock brought us all the more recruits,” said
Torres. “Lieutenant Barker will also bring elements of the Legion
to our side when the time is right.”

“Let it be done,” conceded Desert Claw.
“Contact Lieutenant Barker as soon as possible. The Fist and the
Claw will fight as one!”

“
Viva la Revolucion!”
shouted Torres
and his followers. As the cheering died down, Torres raised his
hand to get everyone’s attention. “Lieutenant Barker set up this
meeting. He is here now! He will address you now!”

Lieutenant Barker threw back his sweatshirt
hoodie and stood between the two groups of insurgents. “So you both
are convinced you can take on the Empire and the Legion at the same
time?” asked Barker. “You need an ace in the hole. I bring you that
ace. How do you think I got into the Legion? I have powerful
sponsors from humanity and the Spider North who want an independent
New Colorado. We have been infiltrating the Legion for quite some
time. Units loyal to our cause are just waiting for the right
moment. The uprising will be so bloody and swift that the United
States Galactic Federation will want nothing more than to negotiate
an exit out of New Colorado. They’ll be happy to leave us
alone.”

“And what of the Empire?” asked Desert Claw.
“The Empire has never backed away from a fight.”

“When the Emperor accepted an Americanized
spider queen from New Colorado to unite the Empire, it was the
biggest mistake of his life. If we kill the Emperor, Queen Rainbow
will let us go. Independence is assured.”

“You know that for certain?” asked Desert
Claw. “No queen has ever ruled Arthropoda independent of the
Emperor. She doesn’t have the authority to let us go.”

“There will be a small window of opportunity
after the Emperor’s death when she will be able to proclaim New
Colorado’s independence,” said Barker. “She has confided that she
would like to see a free New Colorado.”

“She plots to murder the Emperor, too?” asked
Desert Claw.

“No,” said Barker. “The Queen is devoted to
the Emperor. We will make it look like Green spiders did it.”

“I like that,” said Desert Claw. “We get our
independence, and the Empire helps us get rid of those
money-grubbing Greens, once and for all. But how can we kill the
Emperor?”

“The Emperor is coming to New Colorado to
celebrate the Queen’s birthday,” replied Barker. “When we strike,
the planet will rise up as one!”

“
Viva la Revolucion!”
shouted Desert
Claw. Once again, both groups joined together in the chant.

* * * * *

Corporal John Iwo Jima Wayne sat alone at the
bar of the Blind Tiger Tavern. Sergeant Toock joined him. “You have
a sordid past,” commented Sergeant Toock. “I’ve been reading your
file.”

“Don’t all legionnaires?” asked Corporal
Wayne. “My past is supposed to be kept confidential.”

“Your past is special,” said Sergeant Toock.
“You have been an Arthropodan commando team leader, an insurgent
leader, and a Hell’s Angels leader. You have been decorated by the
Legion, but you got busted back to private for assaulting Czerinski
during a unit inspection. Now you have joined Lieutenant Barker and
G Company, hoping to see more combat? I am having trouble figuring
you out.”

“All you need to figure out is that I do not
drink with oversized ants,” said Corporal Wayne. “Your smell
offends me. Get lost!”

“How would you feel about a free and
independent New Colorado?” asked Sergeant Toock. “A New Colorado
free of the corruption of both the Empire and Old Earth.”

“The key word is
free
,” said Corporal
Wayne. “Would the leaders of an independent New Colorado value
freedom?”

“There are no guarantees,” said Sergeant
Toock. “Leaders are often not perfect. After every revolution,
there is always some sorting out that needs to be done.”

“Where is this going?” asked Corporal Wayne.
“You want me to turn traitor?”

“I just want to know if you could be loyal to
an independent New Colorado,” said Sergeant Toock. “A revolution is
coming. The question is whether you are prepared to take decisive
action with us when it happens. Are you prepared to be a leader in
that revolution?”

“Yes,” said Corporal Wayne. “I could support
an independent New Colorado.”

* * * * *

Lieutenant Barker phoned the prestigious
bookie offices of Sir Babloo Srivastava VII. “Are you Italian?”
asked Lieutenant Barker.

“Certainly not,” said Babloo Srivastava. “Are
you calling to place a wager?”

“Are you accepting bets on the life of
Lieutenant Laika Barker, United States Galactic Foreign Legion?”
asked Lieutenant Barker.

“I am sorry, sir, but we closed new wagers on
Lieutenant Barker months ago,” said Babloo.

“But earlier you accepted bets on Lieutenant
Barker?” asked Lieutenant Barker.

“Yes, sir,” said Babloo. “We are the premiere
bookie establishment for the galaxy. Only our house is big enough
to accept that sort of action. All our action is licensed, bonded,
and insured.”

“So you think you can mess with people’s
lives like that?” asked Lieutenant Barker. “Do you think there are
no consequences for your actions?”

“Sir, the Srivastava name has been a leader
in wagering for generations,” said Babloo. “My family has been a
business leader since the days of the British Empire.”

“This is Lieutenant Barker, and your days of
doing business are over!” shouted Lieutenant Barker. “And you can
shove the British Empire up yours!”

“This is a bit awkward,” replied Babloo. “I
assure you, it is nothing personal that we accepted bets on your
life. We merely meet a need of the public to wager on all sorts of
matters.”

“Nothing personal?” asked Lieutenant Barker.
“Have you ever heard of the T. Roosevelt Space Weapons
Platform?”

“Isn’t the T. Roosevelt some sort of old
rusty Legion troop transport ship?” asked Babloo.

“The T. Roosevelt just dropped from space a
truck-sized rock that is headed for your offices in New Memphis,”
said Lieutenant Barker. “I doubt you have longer than fifteen
seconds to live.”

The phone went dead.

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Chapter 8

“I don’t see how we can keep Lieutenant
Barker alive eight more months,” commented Captain Lopez. “Too many
want to kill him, including me.”

“I know,” I said. “It is all I can do to not
shoot him myself. Keep reminding yourself of the big payoff.”

“The insurgents will probably get him
anyway,” said Captain Lopez. “They’re doing something new. Spider
insurgents are shooting at us from across the MDL with mortars and
rockets. They think we can’t shoot back without causing an
intergalactic incident. The good news is that they’re not all
shooting at us. Other insurgents, maybe human, are firing from our
side of the MDL at Arthropodan troops.”

“That’s odd. Are the spider and human
insurgents cooperating? Or is it just a coincidence they’re using
the same strategy?”

“I liked it better when they were shooting at
each other. You better tell your spider commander buddy I don’t
like being shot at from his side of the MDL. Just today a rocket
blew up the sidewalk in front of Walmart.”

I called the spider commander on the phone as
Lopez suggested. “If you keep supplying the insurgents with arms,
you are going to find those same arms someday pointed at you,” I
said.

“I think you may be right,” said the spider
commander. “I’ll stop immediately.”

“What?” I asked. “No argument? You’re going
to stop giving aid to the insurgents that quickly? What’s the
catch? What made you agree with me?”

“My spies tell me the insurgency is changing
tactics,” said the spider commander. “Spiders and humans are
plotting together. I don’t know what they are up to, but it cannot
be good. I suspect they are giving each other arms, too. I was
planning to cut them off anyway.”

“I want permission to strike at will at
insurgents across the MDL,” I said.

“You do that anyway,” said the spider
commander. “And your aim is lousy. Do you realize how much
collateral damage you cause? It’s a good thing Uncle Sam has deep
pockets.”

“Now I have your permission to cause
collateral damage,” I said. “Perhaps we can start getting serious
about chasing terrorists. They can’t survive without a safe
haven.”