Amelia's Journey (32 page)

Then he spotted the envelope on his desk with his name on it. Why had he not seen this earlier? He slid his fingers under the flap to break the seal. His eyes went to the bottom of the page, and when he saw Ben's name, he quickly read the rest. A band tightened around his heart at each word. Perhaps he had misjudged the boy after all.

Amelia flung herself across the bed and sobbed until her throat ached and her body went limp. How could Papa have issued such an ultimatum? Now she'd backed herself into a corner and didn't know what to do. If she apologized, she'd end up doing what Papa wanted and lose Ben, but if she didn't, following through with her threat would bring heartache to everyone. Running away wasn't the solution, but what was?

Footsteps crossed the rug, then Mama settled at her side, placing her hand on her head. “Amelia, my sweet child, I heard what happened in the study. You don't want to run away to Grandma's house, and you don't want to marry without your father's consent. Anger causes us to say things we don't really mean, and backing down from them is hard. The best thing to do now is to stay here, be patient, and let me continue to work on your father.”

Amelia sat up and swiped her fingers across her cheeks. “He'll never change his mind. He was furious with me, and I…I just blew up at him. I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it.”

“If you apologize to him and respect his wishes, it will go a long way toward changing his attitude. You also need to forgive him for issuing such an ultimatum.”

Amelia couldn't do that now, and maybe not for days or weeks. This was something she'd have to work through.

After a few minutes, when Amelia didn't respond, Mama leaned over and kissed her forehead. “You have as many feelings to work through, as does your father. I will be praying for you both.” She rose from the bed and slipped from the room.

Sobs filled Amelia again. What she'd done had been wrong, but she couldn't seek forgiveness from him, nor could she give it. Only God could change the way things were, and so far He hadn't. The situation had only grown worse.

Ben stood with his father, surveying the nearly complete house. “You've done a fine job, son, and I'm proud of you.”

He bent and picked up a stone and threw it toward the stream, where it hit with a splash sending ripples over the still waters. “I hope whoever lives here will appreciate the work we put into it.”

Ben gazed at his house made of sturdy pine boards and stone dug straight from the Kansas earth. He'd used a sloped roof like Pa had done on the main house in hopes of adding rooms later. The porch stretched across the front, ready for a rocking chair or two. His heart ached because he would not be here to share it with Amelia. If things went well in Boston with his uncles, Pa would sell the property. If not, Ben would return and live here alone. The dream of Amelia and him sitting on the porch in the evening, watching the sunset or listening to the music of the paddle wheel turning in the water ended with his decision to live in Boston.

He and Pa walked back to where they had tethered their horses, and Pa swung up into his saddle. “What are you going to do if Isaac Carlyle doesn't accept your decision?”

“I'm not really sure, but it's what he indicated he wanted. I love her as much as you love Ma.” He'd seen enough of the relationship between his parents to want it for himself and Amelia. Everything Ma and Pa did for each other was out of their love not only for each other but also for the Lord.

Ben continued, “Amelia told me she couldn't cook or sew, but that won't matter now. She'll have others to do it for her.”

“That she will, but I have the feeling Amelia isn't one to sit around and let servants do all the work. She just might surprise you.”

“I'd appreciate that, but one thing has been bothering me. Mr. Carlyle doesn't want Amelia to leave Boston and come to Kansas because it's so far away, but you and Ma are not keeping Mary Beth from marrying Andrew because he lives in Boston and not Kansas.”

“It's different for us because we moved away from our parents. We understand the importance of a young couple going where they think it will be best for them to live. Mary Beth has always liked Boston, and now she'll live there with her husband.”

If only Mr. Carlyle could see things the way Ma and Pa did. The way the man felt now, he and Amelia didn't have a chance if Ben didn't return to Boston and the family business, and even that wasn't a certainty. He'd asked Mr. Carlyle not to say anything to Amelia about the letter and the decision. Telling her of his move back to Boston to be with her had to come from Ben and no one else.

Chapter 31

F
or two weeks Amelia avoided her father and spent a great deal of time with her grandmother, only going home to sleep and eat breakfast after Papa left for his office. She had written Ben to tell him to send letters to her at her grandmother's address. A new one had just arrived in the day's mail delivery. She tore open the envelope and held the letter with shaking hands.

Dear Amelia,

I was so sorry to learn of your disagreement with your father. I know how angry I was with him when you left Kansas. I love you, and I know you love me, but after much prayer and talking with the Lord, I've decided we can't go on against your father. Our marriage would be miserable, and you'd never be happy.

I will be in Boston in a few days after you receive this letter. We'll see each other and talk more about this face-to-face then as I have some important news to share with you.

Until I see you, I remain faithfully yours, Ben

She laid the letter aside. Ben was right even if she didn't like it. Mary Beth had said Ben was coming early, ahead of the family, and would arrive on Monday. They could meet here at Grandma's house and talk, but what good would talk do? They had to act, make something happen.

Grandma entered the room. “I think it's time we had another conversation. I've let you come over here for the past two weeks because I knew you had things to work out in your mind, but it's been long enough. If your thoughts are not yet clear, I think you may need a little help.”

Amelia picked up the letter and handed it to Grandma. “This is what Ben thinks.”

Grandma read the paper and set it on the table. “He's a wise young man. Listen to what he has to say when you see him again.”

“I want to, but this whole mess is more than I can handle. I don't know what to do.”

“You asked your mother and me to be on your side, but are there really sides we must take? You and your father are in opposite corners, but both of you are right in your feelings but wrong in the way you are expressing them. Your father doesn't want you to move so far away from your home here and lose you. He's acting in the only way he knows to keep that from happening. You want to marry Ben and leave Boston, and you're doing what you think is right in going against your father's wishes.”

Amelia studied her hands then clasped them together. She hadn't truly considered Papa's reasons for his attitude. Maybe he hadn't been trying to control her life after all. He kept saying he wanted what was best, but for whom?

“He's already lost me, and I think he sees that now. I don't want it that way, but I can't forgive him or apologize.”

Grandma reached for the Bible on the table by her chair and opened it. “Here in the sixth chapter of Matthew, verses fourteen and fifteen, Jesus talks about forgiving. ‘For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.' That simply means you must forgive others their sins just as our Lord forgives ours, or our petition for forgiveness is in vain.”

Amelia let the words soak in. Her heart ached in the worst way as though it had been ripped apart. Only God could put it back together, but it would take effort on her part to be obedient to what He required of her. “I will think about this and pray about it. I do know what is right, but I can't do it now. I'll wait until Ben is here and we can pray together.”

On Monday, after a long weekend on the train, Ben's heart thumped in his chest as they entered the station in Boston. All through this trip he'd sat alone, read his Bible, prayed, and rehearsed his speech to Mr. Carlyle and what he'd say to Amelia. Mary Beth said she'd meet him and take him straight to Amelia at her grandmother's house. He had only met Mrs. Carlyle once at his grandfather's funeral, and he'd been impressed by her kind spirit and her strong faith exhibited by the words spoken to his grandmother at the services.

His letters to Amelia through Mary Beth and then to her grandmother's had not been the way he would have liked to communicate. It was too much like deception, but he didn't have any other choice if wanted to keep in touch with her. Each letter had been saved and read over and over again as she expressed her love and how much she missed being with him. They gave him assurance that his decision was best for both of them.

The train stopped, and Ben gathered his belongings. Soon he'd see Amelia and she'd know of his decision to stay in Boston after the wedding. His uncles planned to meet with him tomorrow and go over the details of his position with the company.

Ben searched through the horde of people and spotted Mary Beth waving at him. He grinned and returned the greeting. He elbowed his way through the crowd to reach her. When he had finally pushed through and stood before her, she stepped away, and Amelia smiled up at him.

At first he could not speak then he gulped and held out his arms. “Amelia, I can't believe it.”

She stepped into his embrace and wrapped her arms around his back. “Believe it. I couldn't wait another minute to see you.”

Mary Beth smiled and her eyes danced mischievously. “The carriage is waiting for us, and as soon we get your bags, we'll be on our way. I asked our driver to stop at our place and drop me off, then you and Amelia can go on to her grandmother's house.”

With one arm around Amelia, Ben retrieved his bag and followed Amelia out to the carriage. Once settled inside, he could finally say what he'd bottled up for so many months even if Mary Beth sat across from them. She'd understand since she loved Andrew as much as he loved Amelia, if that was possible.

He held Amelia's hand. “I've missed you so much. My love has grown stronger in the days we've been apart.”

Amelia squeezed his hand, and the love that shone in her eyes brightened his hopes and filled his heart with more assurance that God ordained and blessed their love.

“My life has been miserable without you. No amount of talk from Mama or Grandma has helped with Papa. We've let him be for the past two weeks since I lost my temper.”

“That's something I'm glad I didn't have to see, and I hope I never do.” Amelia had always been somewhat of a rebel according to Amanda, but she'd always been good-natured and easy to get along with. Lashing out in anger had never been in the picture. Ben still found it hard to believe that she had behaved in such a manner.