Jobu’s
Rum had hit the Austin music scene running. Bentley had apparently set them up to play in some of the bigger bars and they were received well and requested often. They started booking more and more shows which was great for Mason and the guys, but meant that he wasn’t able to talk at night nor was he able to come home to visit. Our phone conversations had been moved to my lunch time, which was normally around the time that he was waking up from being out late the night before. We never went a day without speaking but I couldn’t help but feel like we were growing apart. We even missed one another over the Thanksgiving break. I had gone home to visit my family which was less than hour from Mason’s apartment, but
Jobu’s
Rum was playing the entire weekend in Dallas.
I was anxiously
awaiting
the first weekend of December, which was Noah and Mina’s bachelor/ bachelorette parties, but more importantly marked the end of finals week. All of the guys were supposed to be coming home for the party, and they had given Bentley strict instructions not to schedule anything for them that entire weekend.
That Friday I had my two final exams. I had been a complete ball of stress due to the countless hours of reading, minimal sleep, and having not seen Mason in nearly four weeks. I hated that we would be split up between guys and girls for most of the night, but the important thing to me was that he would be sleeping in bed with me that night.
When I had finally turned in my last paper, I stepped outside and grabbed my phone to check the time. At the sight of a missed call and voicemail from Mason, my stomach dropped and I immediately knew something wasn’t right. I listened to his message which only confirmed my suspicions.
“Hey Angel, I know that you’re probably in your finals but I just wanted to let you know that I’m not going to be able to make it tonight. I am
soooo
sorry, but we have an opportunity to play for the tour manager and record label for
VanderBlue
and we can’t pass this up. If they like us, it could be life changing. I am so sorry. I will be home in the morning and will stay until Monday morning. I love you. Call me when you get this.”
A combination of defeat, anger, disappointment, and loneliness washed over me. I hurried to my car as the tears began splashing down my cheeks. I just wanted to go home and curl up in bed. As I approached my car, I noticed a small package slipped under one of my windshield wipers. Momentarily forgetting about my devastation, I grabbed the small square wrapped in brown packing paper and bound with a rubber band. “Scarlett” was written across the front in a familiar handwriting. Not waiting to shuffle through all of the possibilities in my head, I removed the wrapping to find a book ~ Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach. Interesting. I opened the inside cover to find the neatly handwritten words
“Fly with your own wings, Psyche. You are stronger than you think. There will be many trials and tribulations to pass before being rewarded with your ambrosia.”
I slid down the side of my car and sat on the concrete and read those three sentences over and over. What did he know? How did he know? Why did reading his words after not speaking to or seeing him for months stir feelings inside of me that I thought had been buried forever? Why did I feel like everything was falling apart?
Reluctantly, I pulled myself off the ground, got into my car, and tossed the book onto the passenger seat. I couldn’t even let my mind go there in that moment. The first thing I had to deal with was my
non-
relationship with Mason. I understood that the music was important and that he felt accountable to his friends, but I was tired of playing second best. I needed him to do something to show me that he wanted this to work. Words could only go so far.
When I got home, I hit Mason’s name on my call list and braced myself for what I knew was going to be a tough conversation.
“Angel,” he answered.
“Hey, I got your message.” I said flatly.
“I’m so sorry about this, Scarlett. You know I wouldn’t do it unless it was REALLY important.”
Afraid I would lose my nerve if I waited any longer, I unloaded on him. “When do I become REALLY important, Mason? I haven’t seen you in over a month. You told me you would come home every week and I have seen you once.”
“Angel, you know that I have to do these shows. Right now it’s about getting us out there as much as possible. I miss you like crazy, there’s nothing I want more than to come home to you, but when I agreed to commit to this with these guys, I didn’t know...”
“Yeah, I get that. I know I wasn’t around, and I really do understand, but it doesn’t change the fact that I always come after them and the music, and I’m tired of never being first. I don’t want to sound like a selfish brat, but it’s like you’re not even trying. You do whatever your whore of a manger tells you to do, like her little puppet. If you turned down one show would it be THAT big of a deal in the grand scheme of things? No, it wouldn’t, but you’re too afraid of standing up to her for some reason, and I’m the one that gets to sit here alone. You moved me into this apartment claiming it would be easier for us to be together the nights you stayed in Houston, but the problem is you’re NEVER in Houston. Instead I get to look around this place and be reminded of you all the time and the fact that you’re not here! “
“Angel…” he tried to cut in.
“Stop, let me finish. This isn’t what I signed up for, Mason. I love you and I miss you
and I
want to be with you, but this isn’t being with someone. One five minute phone call a day isn’t a relationship. I feel like you’re ready to move on with your life, and I don’t blame you for that. I know you love your music and I really hope that you become a huge success. But I can’t help but feel like I don’t fit into that future. You’re there and going places; I’m here and going to school.”
“Hang on one sec, someone’s knocking on the door,” he said. I rolled my eyes and sighed.
I heard him answer the door and then several male voices in the background. Mason then said to his friends, “I’ll be right there… yeah, I know… I’ll meet you in the car in five.”
“Okay, sorry, that was Cruz. He’s ready to go.”
“Yeah, I heard and please stop saying you’re sorry for everything. God, it makes me feel awful that you’re always having to apologize to me,” I said frustrated at the entire conversation. “Look, go do what you’ve
gotta
do. You’ve got people that need you. I just want you to really think about what you want and where you see this going. I can’t do this by myself and that’s what I feel I’m doing right now. So let me know what you want, but something’s
gotta
change,
Mase
.”
I hung up the phone without saying anything else and before he could reply. Ten seconds later it vibrated in my hand with a text.
Mason (3:22PM): You forgot to say I love you.
Me (3:23PM): You know I love you, but sometimes that’s not enough.
Mason (3:35PM): Don’t be stubborn. I love you.
I decided to take a nap before going to Mina’s party. I felt terrible, I didn’t know what to think about anything anymore, and I just wanted to sleep and make it all go away for a little while. I didn’t think I was being unreasonable to want to see him more than once a month, to talk to him for one short phone call each day, but I also knew that I was playing with fire by basically giving him an ultimatum ~ change or else. I laid my head down on the pillow and passed out within seconds.
The room was pitch black when I woke up. I looked over to the alarm clock and saw that it was eight fifteen. Shit! I had slept way too long! I sent Mina a quick text that I was running a bit late and would meet her at nine thirty, and began getting ready. I had never been to a bachelorette party before; Mina was my only crazy friend getting married at twenty. I wasn’t sure quite what to wear, but I knew that we were going to a dueling piano bar to begin the night. Mina had told me that she had a fake ID for me, and I hoped that it wouldn’t be an issue. Nonetheless, I opted to dress up quite a bit more than I normally did, in hopes I looked a little older.
An hour later, I was dressed in a form fitting black sleeveless dress that hit mid-thigh with black strappy heels. The dress was very plain in the front, but the back was absolutely stunning~ completely fabric-less down to the small of my back. I applied my makeup heavier than I usually wore it and styled my hair in an up-do with loose hanging tendrils to leave my back exposed. Looking in the mirror, I hardly recognized the young woman staring back at me.
Evie
would’ve been so proud at how I looked, but I couldn’t help but wonder what she would think about everything else going on. I hadn’t had time to mentally revisit my last conversation with Mason since waking up from my nap, and as the insecurities and uncertainties of where my life was going loomed over me, I took a deep breath and put up a mental block. I didn’t have time to analyze any of that. I needed to go out and have a good time and ensure that Mina had a memorable night. I needed a break from thinking.
At a little after one in the morning, the limo pulled up to Empty’s and all of us girls spilled out, giggling and acting silly from way too much alcohol consumption. We had a blast at the piano bar singing and dancing, and had ended up spending the entire night there before coming to our home base. We were supposed to meet Noah and all of the guys from the bachelor party there for a night cap. As usual, the guys had claimed their normal table, each sitting in the same chair they always sat in.
Even though I knew they had seen us come in, I jokingly sneaked up behind Max and put my hands over his eyes and whispered, “Guess who.”
“Hmmm. I bet it’s someone that’s dressed in pink,” he joked.
“Wrong. No pink at all tonight,” I said laughing as I dropped my hands and allowed him to spin around and face me.
“Wow! Look at you girls. Impressive,” he complimented all of us standing around the table. Mina was already in Noah’s lap licking his neck like a ravenous nymph. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the two of them. Max slung one arm around my shoulder and joined me in laughing at the PDA clinic being put on by the engaged lovebirds.
All of a sudden, my face got really flushed and I felt a bit nauseous.
Assuming it
was the excessive amount of alcohol that had finally caught up with me, I excused myself to the restroom to splash my face with water and cool off. While I was in the stall, I checked my phone to see that I had missed a call and message from Mason. I felt bad for acting selfish and immature earlier in the day and wanted to tell him how much I loved him and couldn’t wait to see him in the morning. Without listening to the message, I hit the “call back” button on my phone and waited for him to answer
“Hello?”
a
female voice said into the phone, and I immediately knew who it was.
“Let me talk to Mason, Bentley,” I demanded.
“He’s in the shower right now. Can I take a message?” She asked in a fake ass sweet voice.
“Really? He’s in the shower? Where are y’all?” I had only thought my face was flushed before. She was going to cause me to burst into flames I was so hot.
“We are at his apartment. Is this Scarlett?”
“Yes, this is Scarlett. Why are you there and why is he in the shower?” Alcohol had pretty much erased any filters I may have normally had when speaking to her.
Giggling into the phone, she said, “We have been celebrating
Jobu’s
Rum invitation to go on tour with
VanderBlue
and things got a little out of control so he needed a shower.”
“Who’s all there? Let me talk to Cruz or Sophie.” I spat.
“It’s just me and Rat here,
Angel,”
her voice morphed from sugary sweet to mega-bitch. “He and I had a long talk tonight, and I think it’s time you just flew on along to someone else. He’s
gonna
be gone for the next six months and doesn’t have time to babysit or worry about you anymore. Don’t worry
though,
I’ll be sure to take good care of him. I’ve had plenty of practice and know just what he likes.”
Just then I heard Mason’s voice in the background call out, “B? Where are you? Bring me that towel right now!”
In a whisper, she returned to the phone and said, “
Gotta
go, he’s ready for round two,” before hanging up on me.
Sitting there staring at my phone, my body began to tremble with pure rage. I could not believe the conversation that had just taken place. He didn’t even have the decency to talk to me and tell me he didn’t want to do this anymore before hooking up with her of all people. I couldn’t believe that had just happened. What was I going to do? Where was I going to live? Holy shit.
I didn’t know what to do next, but I knew that sitting in the bathroom stall alone wasn’t going to fix anything. I decided that I needed another drink, and I would just deal with all of it later. It was the only thing I could think of to numb me to the overpowering despair that was slowly taking over.
I rejoined the party out in the bar, trying to look like nothing had happened, that my life had not just changed with one phone call. Unfortunately, Max knew something was wrong the moment he saw my face.
He motioned for me to go join him and I scurried over to his chair.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” he asked concerned.
“I need a drink,” I answered.