Always Been Mine (12 page)

I laughed once. “I saw the look on your face. You were as surprised as I was. You didn't know you'd see me here.”

He shook his head. “I didn’t know Matt would be with you.” His thumb ran down my cheek to my jaw, and lightly rubbed back and forth next to my chin while fingers slid up towards my ear. “I wanted to see you. Not him. Not you with him.”

I realized suddenly that we were standing closer than we had been a minute ago. Had he moved or had I slid closer to him? I’d forgotten how much I missed his touch, and I closed my eyes for a second. He was so close I could smell his cologne, a familiar ache growing in my core. His fingers were soft, lulling me into relaxation.

Then I remembered where we were. I opened my eyes, surprised to see him watching me. “Did you think I came here alone? I get it. You wanted to see how I’d react being in the same room as her, right? Or maybe you just wanted us side by side, so you could see that you chose the right woman?”

Will tipped his head down towards me and sighed again. “Joey, I said I was sorry. I wasn't thinking.” He leaned his forehead into mine as his free hand held my shoulder. “I miss you.” 

I heard the bell on the restaurant door jingle as Matty came out, holding our bag of food. He stopped short, hesitated a minute, and then took the two steps right to us. “Great performance in there Billy Boy. I almost believed you weren’t fucking Rachel.” He held his palm out to me, smiling. “Keys?”

I stepped back, letting go of Will’s hand, forcing apart the connection we were having, grabbed the keys out of my pocket and handed them to my friend. Matty didn’t move, just stood next to us, almost between us, invading the bubble that Will had just created. Will’s eyes turned to ice as he glared at Matty. “Mind giving me a minute with my wife?”

“I do, actually. Our lunch is getting cold.” He stepped forward, completely between Will and me. “None of them can see you, Billy, so you can drop the loving husband act. It doesn’t impress Jo.” He stopped, chuckling. “Unless you’re doing it to make me jealous. If you are, no need. I know who she’s going home with.” Matty caulked his head to the side. “If you’ll excuse us,” Matty drawled out slowly, “your estranged wife and I have plans.” The way he emphasized plans made me blush.

Will made a snorting sound, and moved towards the door of the restaurant. “Call me when you decide about tomorrow, Joey.”

Matty turned to me, a weird look on his face. “Tomorrow?”

I walked around the front of the car, to the passenger side, easing into my seat, explaining as I went. “I told him I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know if we had plans.” I pulled the seat belt across me, looking up when Matty stayed silent. He smiled, then his hands cupped my cheeks and he pulled me close, kissing me softly. His lips worked against mine, teeth catching my bottom lip, making me moan. I grabbed at his shirt, pulling him close, kissing him back. I was breathless before he pulled away. I opened my eyes, not even sure when I’d closed them, to see him grinning at me. “What was that?”

He smiled again. “That was me kissing you. Because I can.” I raised my eyebrow. Matty was so weird sometimes. But he only smiled. “I have Sam this weekend. I would love it if you join us tomorrow, but I understand if you need to work things out with the douche nozzle.” He pointed his thumb back to the restaurant. “Right now, I just want to go somewhere I can kiss you.” I smiled as I leaned into him again. “Yeah, here works.” He laughed, reaching out and pulling me toward him. Will, or any of his co-workers, could have walked out and caught us, but at that moment, none of them even crossed my mind.

I sang along to the radio as I drove home the next morning. It had been a few weeks since I’d been there, but it had been my home for so many years that I was able to get lost in my thoughts and my car practically drove itself. I smiled, thinking about Matty and the day we’d had yesterday. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had such a fun, relaxing day filled with laughter and kisses. We’d spent the majority of the day on my couch, talking and cuddling. It had been wonderful. 

I didn’t know how to classify what we were. He was my best friend, which explained the ease of our time together and the ability to talk about everything or nothing. And now, we were
involved.
I laughed at how absurd that sounded. We were best friends enjoying everything the other had to offer. Everything. Thank God I was so comfortable with him; if I wasn’t, I would be too embarrassed to ever look him in the eye again.

I was surprised when I pulled in my driveway; the trip didn’t seem to take long at all. Looking at my house, sitting in my driveway, panic struck. It looked cold and lonely, even though there were planters filled with wild flowers welcoming visitors and it was sunny and already 70 degrees outside. It didn’t feel like my home anymore. Had things in my life really changed that much in just a couple of weeks?

Will opened the door and stepped through, holding up a hand in greeting. He smiled and bounded down the front steps. “Good morning!” He had entirely too much energy this morning. Great. He pulled open my door before I had a chance to, and stood on the other side waiting for me to get out. “Did you have breakfast yet?”

I shook my head. Matty and I had taken Sam to dinner and the movies last night and because Taylor was still at the house, and Matty didn’t want Sam in the hotel with us, we’d taken him back to Becky’s afterward. Sam didn’t seem upset that he had to go back to his mom’s, but Matty had promised that he’d be there to pick him up before Sam got out of bed. True to his word, he’d left before I’d gotten up this morning.

Will smiled. “Good. I made you some.” He’d made me my favorite breakfast—homemade waffles with fresh strawberries and whipped cream with a side of maple bacon. They were delicious and we made comfortable small talk throughout the meal. The kitchen looked just like it had when I’d left, and for a few minutes, it was easy to pretend everything was back to normal. Will didn’t waste any time once we were done eating though. “We need to talk about the papers.”

I put my coffee mug back on the table and looked at him. “What do you want me to say?”

“I want to know if you really want to get divorced.”

I gaped at him. “Me?” Yeah, ok. “I’m not the one that served you.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “You wanted this. Not me.”

He turned his coffee cup in his hands. “You wouldn’t talk to me.”

“So your answer was to serve me with legal separation papers. To divorce me?” I shook my head angrily. “I needed space. You want freedom. Two totally different things.” He tried to interrupt, but I moved my hand, cutting him off. “What – do you want me to tell you I’m miserable? Do you want me to beg you to change your mind? Cause I won’t do that.” I stood up, grabbing our empty plates, and walked to the sink.

“Aren’t you miserable? Don’t you want me to change my mind?” His voice was curious.

I sighed, putting the plates in the dish tub. “I’m not. I don’t know.” I shook my head, turning. “I’m confused, I’m lost. I’m not sure what I want to happen. I love you. I love the kids. I want to figure this out. But right now…” I trailed off. Right now I had Matty and I was finding myself. I walked back towards the table, meeting his eyes. The flash of anger I saw in his depths made me stop and lean against the wall. “Right now I’m trying to figure things out.”

    
“Alone? You're trying to figure out things alone?" I didn't answer him and he laughed bitterly looking out our window. I didn't know what to say. Silence filled the room, and after a few minutes, his breathing became steady.  Watching him sitting there, sipping his coffee at our kitchen table, was familiar and for a few minutes peace filled the room. If I had known that it wouldn't last, I would have left right then. He turned back to me. "How long have you been fucking him?” Will’s tone was light and curious, but I could tell he was forcing it to sound that way. I knew the look on his face well. He was barely controlling his anger.

    
The peace and calm in the room vanished instantly. He had some fucking nerve. “Not as long as you’ve been screwing around with her,” I scoffed at him.

    
“Try again.” He shifted slightly. “I told you I was in love with her, not fucking her.”

    
I narrowed my eyes. Fucking liar. “I don’t believe you.”

    
He laughed, an eerie hollow sound. “You don’t have to admit it, but we both know that deep down, you know it’s the truth.” He glared back at me. “How long have you been fucking Matt?” There were so many things I wanted to say to him. I wanted to tell him I knew he was a damn liar. I wanted to yell that it was none of his business. I wanted to tell him he lost the right to question me. But, I didn’t want to talk about this and I sure as hell wasn’t going to talk about Matty with him. He could fuck off. “What? Nothing to say?” He sneered. “Did you leave here and run straight to his bed?”

“Go to hell!”

“Oh, sweetheart," he smiled nastily, "I’ve been there for years.”

Screw him. “You’re not the only one, buddy. I’ve been there right along with you!” I was shouting now.

He gave me a sad, mocking look. “Oh, that’s right! I forgot… poor Jo. Her life has been so fucking horrible." His face turned hard and he raised his voice. "I’ve given up everything, sacrificed everything I had. For you. To give you this,” his hands swept across the kitchen, “to give you a life you wanted and deserved.”

“A life I didn’t ask for! A husband that is never home, a family that never spends time together, a job that breaks my heart. You think you're the only one that’s sacrificed? You’re the only one that has lost something? You would see it like that!”

“Yeah, well, at least I had enough balls to stay and try to work it out. I didn’t run away at the first sign of trouble.”

“You didn’t run away?” I screamed at him. He couldn’t be serious. “Maybe you should have! But, no. You had the” I held up my hands and made air quotes with my fingers “’big balls’ to stay married and go behind your wife’s back. You were too fucking busy making a fool out of yourself over a younger woman to even notice you had a wife. And you sure as hell didn’t try to make anything work.”

“Jesus Joey, get off your fucking sky-high moral horse!" He screamed back. The cup of coffee he had on the table went flying through the air. I had all I could do to not jump at the sound of glass shattering. His voice went ice cold. “You have some fucking nerve talking about the things I do behind your back. I’m not the one that has been having an affair for years.”

Really? “You know damn well I didn't have an affair.”

“Yeah.” He gave me a nasty look, obviously not agreeing. “Maybe you weren’t sleeping with him, but you might as well have been. There have been three people in this marriage for a long time now. Me, you, and the asshole you run to about everything. I should have known; the first sign of trouble and you run. Packed your shit and ran away.”             

“First sign of trouble? No.” I shook my head. “I’d say when someone’s husband tells her he doesn’t love her, it’s not the first goddamn sign. I was just too fucking blind to see the others.”

“I never told you I didn’t love you,” he snarled. “I never told you I was going to leave. I never fucking planned to leave!”

“Yeah, ok.” I sounded like a petulant child. “So, when you sat there,” I pointed at the table, “and got pissed off because you didn’t want me to see what was on your phone and you told me that you couldn’t help that you loved her, you were what? Just letting me know? Trying to make me jealous? Making sure I knew where I stood?” He was infuriating. I knew he was trying to piss me off, and I was taking the bait. But, if he wanted a fight, I'd give him one. I looked around, hoping to find something large enough to throw at him. Not finding anything, I stomped my foot. “You knew fucking well what I would do. I told you years ago, if you cheated again I would leave. This is on you, not me.”

“And where did you go? Oh, that’s right. Right into someone else’s bed. Obviously you were real heartbroken. You left because it was a convenient excuse for you. You could play the victim, saying I hurt you, and no one would be surprised you’d ended up with Matt. Because Matt always jumps in and saves you, doesn't he? One call from you and he drops everything. Fuck the fact that you’re someone else’s wife. He’s been waiting for years for me to screw up, couldn’t even give us some time to figure it out. You both forgot one little detail, though.” I raised my eyebrows; that man had quite the imagination. Yes, this was all a grand scheme for me to finally be free of him, to be with Matty. Jackass! “You’re my wife! Not his. If you think you can just walk away that easy, you’re in for a nasty surprise.” He took two steps and was standing right in front of me. The vein in his forehead, the one that showed only when he was beyond controlling his anger, was starting to pop out. My heart began to pound. His voice was dangerously quiet. “How long have you been fucking him?”

He could try to intimidate me all he wanted. But he was still Will, and I wasn’t afraid of him. I’d had enough of this conversation; we weren’t getting anywhere.  “I’m done talking about this.”

His hands came up onto my neck and I stepped back. There was nowhere for me to go and I bumped into the wall. He traced the sore spots where I knew the bite marks were still showing, even though I’d covered them with concealer. “He’s just a friend, huh? A friend that practices vampirism, maybe?” His lips curled in disgust. “Did you enjoy it when he did this to you? Did you like him hurting you?"

"Don't you fucking touch me!" I pushed at him, surprised when he didn't budge. Will had suddenly turned from athletic into solid brick wall. I put my right hand on his shoulder, hoping to keep him from getting any closer. "Get your hands off me!"

He leaned in, pushing on my hand, forcing my arm back. "Did you tell him what a freak you are? Did you tell him you like it rough and he gave you what you wanted? Did he like hurting you? Did you get your kicks going out in public with his brands on you?”

I moved my head, trying to get his hands off me. They only tightened.
Asshole
. I wanted to hit him. No, I wanted to kick the shit out of him. I'd never been as angry with him as I was right now. A few years ago, I’d been big enough to do it. But, now I was barely strong enough to hold him off me. I could hurt him other ways, though. “Brands? Let’s be honest for a minute, shall we? You’re pissed that your sweet innocent little girlfriend saw them and will think you’re a monster.” Using every ounce of courage I had left, I laughed at him. “I saw how she looked at Matt, and I know you did, too. Are you worried she isn’t as innocent as you think and now you’ll never be able to live up to her expectations? 'Cause we both know you never will!”

He inhaled sharply. There, you ass! Now, he would move and I could leave. He didn’t move his hands but leaned closer. I could see every pore on his perfect face. “Did you enjoy another man putting his hands on you, wife? Did Matty make you scream and beg to come? Or did you have to beg him to take you to bed, like you do me?” His voice was barely a whisper.

What in the hell was wrong with him? I’d never seen Will act like this. I searched his eyes, hoping to see what was going on. All I could see was his rage. I gave him one more shove and brought up my knee, hoping to connect with his obviously large balls, but Will was quick. One hand tightened on my neck and pushed my head back into the wall roughly, the other hand found one wrist, painfully squeezing and twisting it as he pushed my arm over my head and his whole lower body crushed mine, forcing my leg down.

I couldn't move. The grip he had on my neck terrified me, and I was afraid if I fought him too much, he’d break my wrist. Will had lost his fucking mind. Panic set in as I realized I didn't know what to do. I wanted to close my eyes to keep him from seeing how scared I was. But, I wouldn't let him win. Instead, I glared back. "Fuck you!"

"Oh, you will!" The tone was cold and threatening and a shiver ran down my spine. His mouth came down on mine and I jerked against the hand on my neck. He didn't back away, instead moving his mouth to my neck, biting at my skin, pinching it between his teeth and then kissing each spot. It didn't hurt, but I struggled against him because I wanted him to get away from me, to leave me alone. His mouth traveled back up and found the tender spot right below my ear. His teeth were sharp, followed by his soft, wet tongue. I let out a small moan before I could stop it. He responded by biting down. Hard. I cried out.

Will snapped his head back and met my eyes. "Tell me to stop, Jo!”  His voice was low, but demanding. I couldn't catch my breath, let alone tell him to stop. The worst part was that I didn't know if I wanted him to. He narrowed his eyes and yelled, "Tell me to fucking stop!"

I shook my head, confused by my actions, and because I didn't know what else to do. The anger in his face disappeared instantly. His eyes moved slowly from my face, down my neck to chest, taking me all in. I wasn't sure what he could tell from the rest of me, but I had no doubt he'd see my nipples standing at full attention, notice the quickness of my breaths. Keeping his hand on my neck, he moved the other from my wrist and fondled a breast. His hand slid down, slowly under my shirt and lightly up my stomach and into a bra cup. He was warm and I leaned into him. His eyes moved back to mine, watching me closely, and I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead, thick fingers closed around my still sore nipple and he squeezed.