“I have. I mean, I do trust you, Jake. I don’t want you to think
that I believe you’ll ever hurt me. I know you won’t. I do. It’s just sometimes my brain gets overridden by, well, I don’t really know what happens. I just get scared. The nightmares don’t help.”
“This is my fault,
”
he said suddenly, reproach in his voice.
She stiffened and stared up at him in surprise. “What are you talking about?”
“I’ve been letting you bottle this up. You’ve told me a little
of what happened to you, but not everything. You
hardly speak of your life before we met anymore
.
I’ve been letting you get away with that because I didn’t want to upset you. Because
when we first met
I wanted you to like me, love me, trust me
. But we have all that sorted now. So now its time to start talking, my love. The only way to lessen the nightmares is to share them.”
Ally took a deep shuddering breath. “I’m scared to start talking.”
“Why?”
“Beca
use if I let everything out, I’m
terrified that
I’ll shatter.”
He clasped her face with his hands. “Baby, if you shatter I promise to be right here to pick up the pieces.”
Ally stared at him
, k
new he meant every word.
Warmth infused her. She could talk to Jake. He’d never judge her or put her down or make her feel foolish for her fears.
“But first, honey. I think we’d better get some food into you.”
Jake led Ally to the table. She sat and watched him bustle around, spooning out lasagne onto two plates and whipping up a quick salad.
She was so lucky to have him.
Jake was nothing like
him
.
L
ike
Lyle, her ex-boyfriend.
Lyle would never
have
wait
ed
on her, would never have even noticed that she’d worked all day without food unless it affected him. If she’d been late with his meals or had forgotten to get his beer or pay the cable, then he’d notice her.
And not in a good way.
When she’d met Lyle she’d thought he was the man she’d been searching for. Someone strong and dominant. Take charge. A man who would put her comfort, her health and safety above his own.
Ally was odd.
Or before she’d m
et Jake she’d thought she was. T
hat there was something wrong with her. She’d dated men. Nice men. Men that never pressured her, never attempted to
take charge,
tell her what to do.
They’d done nothing for her. Nada.
There had been no spark
. She hadn’t been slightly interested in them sexually. And that had worried her. She’d started to think herself frigid.
Except there was one thing that turned her on. Erotica. Stories filled with dominant men and submissive women. Men that were lo
ving, caring, strong and command
ing. Men who weren’t afraid to take charge, who put their women’s care and safety above their own
.
Those
sorts
of men stirr
ed her blood like nothing else.
Fictional men.
She never thought she’d meet one
for real
. Never thought men like that existed.
And then she’d met Lyle.
“Hey, there, baby. Where have you gone?” Jake asked in concern.
She blinked and looked at him, flushing slightly. “Sorry. Kind of zonked out there, didn’t I?”
He stared at her. “You’re tired. You need more sleep.
I’ve really dropped the ball here, haven’t I?”
Ally hated how he was blaming himself. She wished now that she’d talked to him about her problems. He was right, only by sharing her nightmares would they start to lose the power they had over her.
“What were you
thinking about
before
? I didn’t like the look on your face. It wasn’t a good thought whatever it was.”
She sighed. “I was thinking about when I first met Lyle.”
Jake frowned fiercely. “Through answering an ad.”
Jake highly disapproved of the method she’d used to meet Lyle. She’d answered an ad
vertisement
she’d seen on a spanking website. He
’d
said he was looking for a sweet, little girl to take care of, love and discipline as needed. At the time, she knew nothing of age play, but she’d been sick
of being a wimp, of living half a life
and playing
things safe.
So she’d answered the ad and entered a nightmare. No scolding from Jake was going to make her feel worse than she already did.
Reaching across the table, he grabbed her hand and squeezed. “I know you were feeling desperate, baby and that you didn’t know how else to ask for what you
need
ed. I also know you’ve learned your lesson about answering ad’s from strange men, about meeting with strange men alone, and that you learned that lesson in a way I truly wish you hadn’t.”
“I know it was stupid,” she berated herself.
“You were lost and confused, honey. I’m just thankful that Lyle didn’t permanently turn you off the kind of relationship you need. And I can never thank Kevin enough for introducing us.”
She smiled a little. “I feel the same way. I was so horribly embarrassed that
Kevin
knew a
bo
ut me, about what I wanted. When he found me that day, I thought I would die. I never wanted to see him again.”
“Believe me, baby, as a police
officer;
Kevin has seen a lot of things during his time. The fact that he is a dom gave him the background to know what was going on when he walked in and found you.”
Ally shuddered, not wanting to remember that day, but it was forever etched in her mind. Lyle hadn’t turned out to be the man she’d hoped for. Oh, for a start he’d seemed like her dream man. Strong, confident, stern. He’d taken her on a few dates, swiftly taking over everything.
She ate what he wanted
her to
. Slept when he told her to. Worked long hours and handed over all her money to him. He’d moved her into his
apartment
. Ostensibly so he could look after her better. But she’d soon realized it was so she could become his slave.
Ally had soon
ended up doing everything. The washing, cleaning, cooking,
and
working. Lyle had lost his job soon after she’d moved in. She wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d been fired.
“He was a lazy, no-good asshole,” Jake said harshly. She jolted a little, unused to hearing him swear.
“I know. But he also introduced me to age play.”
She’d never heard about it, not until Lyle had
brought it up
. She thought she’d find it weird and disgusting
. Instead, she’d been intrigued by the idea of becoming a little girl, of having a Daddy to take care of her.
“And he abused you with it.”
She stared down at his hand holding hers. It was large, but the fingers were thin and long. Elegant. Beautiful. Like Jake. She was so lucky to have him.
“Not always. For a start I enjoyed
being
little Ally
with Lyle
. But then he
started using i
t as punishment, leaving me tied up for hours, making me wear a diaper out in public, humiliating me.”
Jake rubbed his thumb over the top of her hand, soothing her.
“The day Kevin found me
I had a diaper on and nothing else. I’d been tied to the bed for hours.” She let out a little sob. “I was a mess.
Lyle
wouldn’t change me, wouldn’t feed me, he just left me there and when I complained, he-he…”
“He what, honey?” Jake asked even though she’d told him all this before.
“He hit me, over and over. I screamed. The neighbors heard me and called the police. That’s when Kevin came.”
And her life had changed forever. For the better.
“Kevin never gave up on me. He visited me in the hospital. I didn’t want to see him. I never wanted to see him again. But he wouldn’t take that from me. He helped me find an apartment, called me a few times a week.
We became friends. I didn’t have any friends left by that stage, Lyle had forced me to cut off all ties with any friends I’d had before meeting him. T
hen one day, about a year after he’d rescued me,
Kevin
sat me down. Told me he could help me find what I w
as looking for. A man who
would truly take care of me and fulfil all my need
s
. I thought he meant himself. I was horrified. He was like a brother to me.
”
She laughed a little. “
But he didn’t mean himself
. He was horrified when I tried to let him down gently.
”
“He meant me
,
”
Jake said.
She smiled, looking into his gorgeous eyes. “Yes. It took some convincing
for me to agree to meet you
, but I loved Kevin, I trusted him and I knew he wouldn’t let anyone hurt me.”
“You were so terrified that first day, your beautiful eyes took up most of your face. I just wanted to pull you into my arms and hold you tight, tell you I’d protect you from the world.”
“And you have.”
“Not well enough
,” he berated himself.
“
Not if
Lyle
’s still scaring you.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, feeling miserable
. “It’s not your fault, it
’
s just
that
he
comes
at me in my sleep and I can’t get rid of him.”
“Ahh, baby,” he said tenderly. “You were
abused;
those sort
s
of scars take a long time to heal. Maybe something has triggered these dreams. We just have to figure out what it is.”
She knew that look in his eyes. “You’re going to make me go back to the
therapist
, aren’t you?”
He’d made her see one early on in their relationship. She hadn’t wanted to, but she admitted that it had helped a lot.
“I
f I have to. I don’t like seeing
you hurting or afraid.”
Lines appeared on his forehead as he gazed at her thoughtfully. He held out his hand. “Come on.”
Ally took his hand and let him lead her into the living room.
He raised his eyebrow. “Don’t look so sad, I promise you’re not going to your execution.”
“No, but I’m probably heading for a spanking.”
His lips twitched. “
Eventually, baby
.
I’m not about to let you get away with abusing your body. And you wouldn’t want me to.
”
Sometimes she wished he’d let some things go
.
Well, her bottom wished that. In her heart, she knew she needed the boundaries Jake gave her and if he didn’t enforce them that she’d lose some respect for him.
Jake sat on the large sofa and pulled Ally onto his lap. She immediately squirmed, trying to get up.
But Jake kept a tight hold on her arm.
“Ally,” he said sternly. “
Sit still.”
“Let me up, I’ll squish you.”
He stilled.
“Well, looks like you’re getting that spanking now, darling
,
”
he growled.
“What? Wait, no,” she squealed as he turned her so she was lying stomach down over his lap. She knew she’d been stupid to protest
. But s
he couldn’t he
lp it. It would be truly mortify
ing if he asked her to get off his lap because she was too heavy.
Now
she was still on his lap, only she had a completely different
perspective
.
“Jake, no,” she cried
, trying to reach back to protect her bottom
.
He easily caught her wrists in one hand.
“What did I do?”
“You know exactly what you did. And pretending that you don’t will only get you a redder bottom, young lady.” He pushed her sweatpants down.
“Jake, please,” she complained.
“You know how I feel about you putting yourself down, Ally. It will land you over my lap every time.” He pushed down her panties. Ally whimpered.
A slap landed on her
bare
bottom.
“You are not too heavy,
”
Jake scolded.
Smack! Smack!
“You are beautiful, gorgeous, kind-hearted and generous.”