Authors: J. Rose Allister
She looked away and tugged the scarf around her neck, tying the ends in a hasty knot at her throat. “Nothing.”
“Mornin’,” Connor said to the other man. She watched a look pass between the men that tightened her chest. They held each other’s glittering stares long enough to not only make her quiver with nerves, but wonder whether some special werewolf communication was going on beneath the surface.
Nash finally gave a silent nod of greeting to his new alpha and pushed himself away from the doorframe. “Didn’t mean to interrupt.”
Terra shrugged. “We were just talking.”
“That’s what I was hopin’ to do.” He looked at Connor. “I wanted a word with Terra, if I might. In private.”
His eyes were seeking Connor’s approval, and Terra scowled. Once again, they were acting like Connor had any say over what went on with her.
“That’s Terra’s decision,” Connor said, cutting off the barbed comment she’d been about to spit out. “Not mine.”
Connor looked at her, and she blinked in surprise. “I, uh. Oh.” Wonderful. Now that she had the reins she wanted, she couldn’t decide which way to steer the horse.
Did she really care what Nash, who was staring at the floor near her feet, had to say? Was she really stupid enough to want to be alone with him again, get suckered in by the pretty eyes of an animal?
Some part of her distrust must have shown in her expression, because when Nash finally ventured a glance her way, he flinched. “I understand why you don’t want to be alone with me.”
She folded her arms and shot Connor a glare. “Isn’t that nice. And just why
was
I alone with you—and while naked in bed?”
Connor cleared his throat. “You were sleepin’ when I came in to shower. I didn’t think.”
“No, you didn’t. Not to mention you did know I said I didn’t want to play snuggles with him in the first place. I’d have rather frozen.”
“I’m better now, Terra,” Nash said, ignoring her rude snort. “I know you don’t care because of what I did, and I’m damned ashamed that you have every right to feel the way you do. That’s why I want to talk to you. Please.”
The last word held a taut edge of anguished plea that joined their gazes. Her pulse fluttered at the pain reflected in his stare, and while she shouldn’t give a shit whether he felt bad or not, she gave a sigh and shrugged. “Whatever. We’ll talk.” She bent down and retrieved the socks and underwear she wouldn’t be wearing until a washing and balled them up in her hand.
“I’ll finish cleanin’ up,” Connor said. When she made a move toward the door, however, he stopped her with a gentle hand on her sleeve. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”
“Listening to every word, no doubt,” Nash said.
“I won’t eavesdrop,” Connor said.
“And you’ll avoid that with your super wolf hearin’ how?”
“I’ll have the shower runnin’. I wasn’t done when Terra came in.”
“Not too loud, I hope,” Terra said, and he paused to look at her. She sighed. “Just make it fast.”
She started for the door again, but when Nash didn’t move out of the way, she stopped and arched a brow pointedly. He backed off.
He followed her into the other room, her heart skipping when Connor turned the shower back on. Now that she was upright and more awake, she noticed that the furniture had been righted at some point, and the animal carcass was gone. She tried not to think too much about that part. One of the lampshades was askew, cracked and worse for wear. The bedding was still mussed from where they had all slept together, and with a little jolt Terra wondered whether the men had done more than just sleep after she’d passed out. God, had they done it while staring at her ugly, naked body? Had they touched her?
She shook her head to herself. No. That didn’t seem like Connor’s style, and he’d made it damn clear that Nash wasn’t allowed near her without permission. Sleeping together, on the other hand, was apparently no issue.
“Ugh,” she said quietly.
Nash sat down on the mattress, sliding his hands through his wavy hair. Terra glanced around, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. She felt stupid just standing there with her socks and underwear balled up in her hand, but she sure as hell didn’t feel like sitting on the bed or even over at the table. This seemed more like a general stand-up-and-hear-it-out occasion—from as close to the bathroom door as possible.
She clenched her laundry in front of her when Nash finally looked up. “I didn’t figure you’d really agree to talk to me,” he said. “Now that you’re here, I ain’t sure where to start.”
Words wouldn’t come for her, either, so she stayed silent.
“I can’t go back, you know.”
She had to work to loosen her tongue. “Huh?”
“To my job. Ranchin’s the only thing I know. Only thing I ever been good at, outside the sack.” Her eyes narrowed, and his eyes flashed with guilt. “But Connor says it won’t be safe.”
“Ranching is too dangerous?” she asked, wondering why he was telling her this. Or why he thought she cared.
“
I’m
too dangerous.”
She swallowed. “Oh.”
“It can’t work for me anymore, bein’ around the rancher life. The same damn reason I wound up firin’ Connor yesterday is now my own personal cross to bear. Guess that’s my punishment for kickin’ him loose.”
That pricked her curiosity. “Why
did
you fire him?”
“No horse could stand the poor bastard. I didn’t have a single ridin’ animal that wouldn’t completely pop a bolt when he got near ’em. And forget lettin’ Connor anywhere near a cattle herd. They practically stampede to get clear.”
She frowned at him. “Why did Connor try to be a cowboy if he doesn’t have a good touch with animals?”
“Oh, it weren’t always that way. Afore he was turned, he was a born and bred cowhand, same as me. But now, animals can sense what he is. A cold, dangerous predator.”
“Yet he tried anyway.”
“He was desperate. The pack he was in from the time he got turned got taken over by some hotshot new alpha. The new alpha ordered the pack disbanded and left them to fend for themselves, all to settle an old score.” Terra frowned. “Connor had nowhere to go and tried to turn to the one thing he knew. But I guess he can’t live that life, and now, neither can I.”
“Because animals will be skittish around you?”
“Connor says animals will react the same to me as they do him, and that I don’t got the control yet to resist the huntin’ urge when faced with a frightened animal.”
Oily unease dredged the insides of Terra’s stomach, sliding low in her gut. “That’s for damn sure.”
Nash raised his head, and with a small start she realized his eyes were glassy with tears. He rose abruptly and lashed out, pounding a fist on top of the night table. The already damaged lamp clattered and almost fell back over, and Terra jerked back against the far wall.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “My fuckin’ emotions are all over the place. This is bullshit. I am one screwed son of a bitch.” He shook his head and turned to her. “But that ain’t your problem. None of it.”
She stared at him, willing her body not to tremble. Had Connor heard that little outburst? Maybe not, because she could still hear the shower running.
He sank back down on the bed. “I know you think I asked you in here because I owe you an apology,” he went on. “I aim to give you one, but that’s not why I want to talk to you.”
Her brows furrowed. She expected some stammering, perhaps, followed by a lame excuse for his behavior. Groveling would have been nice, too. Certainly not this. “Was it to tell me why you two can’t be cowboys?”
His eyes glittered. “We’ll always be cowboys. But no. I asked you to come in here to tell you why my apology don’t matter.” He glanced down at his jeans, seeming to notice the grime and blood for the first time. “Sorry ’bout the mess I’m in. Figured the chances of you talkin’ to me would be a lot less if I walked into the bathroom naked.”
She folded her arms to stop from shaking. “So far I can’t see why you bothered. Your attempt at showing remorse isn’t exactly inspiring.”
That brought him to his feet, and the piercing need in his eyes shot through her. She stifled a gasp and pressed herself tighter against the wall. “But I
am
sorry, Terra. More than sorry. Please don’t misunderstand that. That man you saw last night, well, that ain’t who I am. I’m sick inside, knowin’ what I tried to do. And I know you must be, too. I’m beyond thankful Connor stopped me. I can’t apologize enough to change things.”
She avoided his eyes. “That doesn’t mean you don’t owe me the attempt.”
“You’re right. And I intend to start makin’ amends right now by givin’ you an important piece of advice.”
She stiffened her spine. “What kind of advice?”
“Get away from here. Now.”
“Excuse me?”
“Connor’s gonna ask you to stay. Despite what we are, despite the fact we can’t offer you a thing—not even safety, between my issues and what’s after us. You need to be strong enough to resist the tug in your gut that draws you to him. I ain’t sayin’ it’ll be easy, but you have to get out of this before it turns ugly.”
“Like it hasn’t already?” Her arms untangled. “Actually, I was planning on going right after you got finished saying whatever it was you have to say.”
He gave a visible shudder of relief. “Good. I’m glad.”
Irritation jabbed at her. Okay, so maybe she wasn’t about to join a Nash-the-werewolf fan club, but the fact that he couldn’t get her out of there fast enough was a little annoying. Was he that reluctant to have her around Connor? Maybe he wanted to keep his new alpha all to himself. It was beyond strange to think that a guy could be jealous of her that way, but the two men had already become much more intimate than she and Connor were. Now that she thought of it like that, a keen sense of being shoved away to become part of the sideline audience gripped her around the throat like a jagged claw.
“I suppose I should be glad you’re in such a hurry to get rid of me,” she said, a bit surprised at the venom in her tone. “It’s not like we’re exactly getting along.”
“It ain’t like that. Sendin’ you away ain’t what I want. But it’s for your own good.”
She forced herself to meet his eyes. “Oh? And I suppose you’re going to tell me you don’t want me out of the way so you can have Connor?”
Her eyes widened at the remark. That wasn’t something she meant to let tumble out.
His eyes sparked with something she couldn’t quite read while he folded his arms across his broad chest. “I already have Connor.”
Her nostrils flared. Now he was really starting to piss her off. Again. Still. Continuously.
“Don’t give me that dagger-eyed look,” he went on. “I’m not tryin’ to make this a contest. I don’t
have
Connor the same way you do. But I do have a bond with him now, a complicated one. And it ain’t goin’ away.”
She fought the urge to hurl her balled-up laundry at him. “I don’t think it’s complicated at all. You’re both gay, but you might have had confused feelings about that until you got together last night. And it’s obvious the two of you share things I don’t have any clue about. Such as the way you get off on pain and hurting people.”
Now it was his turn for a sharp scowl. “What? I don’t get off on that.”
“No? Your dick sure was sure hard when you were getting choked and whipped last night. And when you were trying to force yourself on me.”
He shook his head vehemently. “I told you, I’m sorry for that. It slices me up to think of how that all happened. I ain’t gonna make excuses for it, but I will say I have never, not ever once in my life, treated a woman that way.”