Allie's War Season Three (64 page)

I don't think I'd ever once seen him with a single hair out of place.

Despite his careful disguise around the humans and the dark-brown contacts he wore over what I'd been told were shocking, blue-green irises, he wasn't what I would call 'politically neutral.' Naldaran had been invited to and had attended more than one strategy discussion with the Adhipan and the Rebels...and even with some of the CEOs of the seer businesses who leased suites on the upper floors. At times, all of them had been forced to come to mutual agreement on security issues, particularly those pertaining to our location and potential vulnerabilities being stationed in the middle of a predominantly human city.

No one had come out and said it outright, but I doubt I was the only one who had wondered when New York itself might become more of a militarized zone. In which case, this hotel would transform rapidly into even more of a military command center than it already was. We would also likely be forced to move even more of our operations underground...especially if the skies themselves were breached.

So far, most of that remained theoretical.

I couldn't help hoping it remained that way. It already made me nervous, the fact that a deadly, OBE field protected the helipad on the roof. The vibrations scared most of the birds away, but I'd seen a number of corpses anyway, enough that there was little doubt in my mind what it would do to a person who tried to get inside.

But no building was un-breach-able...I knew that, too.

"Well," I said finally. "We'll talk about it. In the meantime, yeah...find whoever you can. Start with my Aunt Carol. She's in Arizona..."

When the others looked at Revik, I glanced his way, too, seeing him nod.

Once he had, the meeting seemed to be over.

Seeing him lift his weight off the console, I motioned with my hand for him to stay. Surprise flitted across his expression, but I saw relief there, too. Once I saw the stress underlying that look, along with a deeper tension, I knew my conversation with him couldn't wait until after the meeting upstairs. When Balidor stopped next to him, as if to talk, I saw Revik send him something with his mind...just enough of a ping that Balidor looked startled, right before he glanced at me, understanding in his eyes.

Wreg didn't seem to need to be told.

He smacked Loki good-naturedly on the back of the head and followed him and Anale and Yumi out of the room. They didn't so much as spare us a glance when they walked out, although Balidor paused again by the door.

"Should we start without you?" he said.

I nodded. "Sure."

Balidor was already walking out when Revik leaned over, hitting the shield on the windows to black them out, disappearing Surli from our view. I hadn't really thought of that, but I found myself oddly grateful. It was hard enough to feel alone with Revik down here.

After the others were gone and the door closed, I stood in front of him for a few seconds, feeling strangely shy.

He was leaning against the console again, his legs and feet splayed, propping up most of his weight...or at least holding it in place. Something about the posture brought back that same rush of feeling that had come over me by the elevators.

"Are you angry with me?" he said finally.

"Angry?" I glanced up, feeling my skin flush when I realized how I'd been staring at him. "No. Why would I be?"

"You're acting strange, Allie."

I shook my head, but not really in a 'no.' Folding my arms more to get them out of the way, I stood there, trying to find words. Eventually, I realized I was blushing.

"Look, I'm sorry," I said. "I really don't mean to be...acting strange. I guess I am kind of...struggling...right now. I didn't want to make a big deal about it, but I didn't want you to think it was you. Meaning, anything you were doing..."

Feeling his light pull back, turning more protective again, I sighed.

"Revik," I said, forcing my eyes up. "It's really not a big deal. I just need some clarity, I guess."

"Clarity?"

"Yeah...about the thing you said. About wanting to wait."

I saw understanding flicker briefly across his face, along with surprise, but neither one really diminished the wary look there, or the deeper layer of confusion.

"What are you asking me, Allie?" he said.

"I'm trying to figure out what's okay for me to do."

"Do? As in do what? What do you mean?"

I sighed again, combing my fingers through my hair.

"You know," I said, gesturing vaguely towards him with one hand. "...As in
do.
With you, I mean...or to you. As in me doing things that you could misunderstand, or that might push things with us in one direction or the other. I'm trying not to, you know..." I made another vague gesture at his body. "...I guess I'm trying to respect boundaries. But I'm not sure what they are."

"Boundaries?" He still looked puzzled, and now like he was trying to read me, too.

"Yeah." Exhaling, I fingered my hair out of my face again. "I thought about it, and I realized 'Dori was right about that, about what I was doing with you before the bank op. I think I was, you know...being manipulative. Not on purpose," I added, seeing him frown. "...But I'm trying to be more aware this time. More careful, you know..."

The wariness had gradually begun to fade from his expression as I spoke. The puzzlement remained, but now coupled with a more open look, even a kind of disbelief.

"Are you asking if you can touch me?" he said.

Relieved that he'd understood, I nodded, exhaling again.

"Yes," I said. "I'm having...issues. In that area, I mean. I guess I knew I was, but when I saw you there, waiting for me by the elevators, I realized...well..." I hesitated, feeling my skin flush a little hotter. "I just realized I didn't really know. What I could do, I mean. We haven't really talked about that." Seeing the incredulous look growing on his face, I sighed again. "Look," I said. "I told you it wasn't a big deal..."

He burst out in a laugh, startling me. Unfolding his arms, he placed his hands on either side of him on the organic console, and grinned at me, clicking in disbelief.

"Gaos di'lanlente.
So none of this...it doesn't have anything to do with Surli?"

"Surli?" Now it was my turn to give him a bewildered look. I glanced towards the blackened window. "Why would it have anything to do with Surli?"

He laughed again, still smiling at me, that somewhat amazed look in his clear eyes. Opening his arms, he motioned towards me with his fingers.

"Come here, Allie..." Seeing my doubtful look, he added, "...Please."

I walked towards him, embarrassed.

"Revik," I said. "It's okay, really...I didn't mean it like that. I was just hoping I could explain, so you wouldn't think it was you. Maybe we can talk about it more tonight..."

He lowered his arms, laying his hands back on the console so that he was just facing me, his light open, along with his body.

"Is this better?" he said.

Looking at his face, I smiled back, clicking a little. I was still embarrassed, but it was hard to remain poker-faced with him grinning at me.

"Is
what
better?" I said, rolling my eyes.

He laughed a little, but I heard more seriousness in his voice when he spoke again.

"Allie," he said. He caught hold of my wrist, tugging on me gently until I stood closer to him. "Do whatever you want. I mean it...anything. Anything you want...it's okay."

I shook my head, folding my arms. I knew my face was probably still edging towards red, but I tried not to think about that either.

"It's okay, Revik. I wasn't going to rape you or anything. And it can wait, I swear..."

"You wanted to do something," he said. "So do it."

Sighing a little, I unfolded my arms, lowering them to my sides. I found myself thinking about his words, and once I had, I realized he was right. It wasn't just about talking to him, or clarifying things between us...that night or whenever. I wanted to touch him. Even with everything Surli had said and all of the crazy crap going on upstairs and in South America and San Francisco and wherever else, I was still fighting these urges to put my hands on him. All of the stress from everything else might even be making it worse. It wasn't like it had been at the cabin...I didn't feel drugged or out of control or anything, but the intensity of it was distracting. We were alone now too, and he wasn't as immersed in that work-space his light tended to fall into when the others were around.

Sighing again, I made myself move. Maybe he was right, and I should just do it, not make such a big deal out of everything.

Walking directly up to him, I didn't give myself time to think. I reached him in a few strides, then slid my arms around his neck, pressing my body against his.

I felt him tense...then slowly relax.

My own light continued to react, pulling at him, trying to get him to open more, but as far as I could tell, his aleimi exuded nothing but calm. Without letting myself think about it too much, I lowered one arm, curling it around his upper back. The fingers of my other hand wound into his hair as I opened my light more, merging deliberately into his. I felt his breath catch that time, but he didn't move, letting me lean on him without taking his hands off the slanted console. If anything, his light softened.

Feeling the willingness there, along with the awareness that I was still holding back, I exhaled again, trying to relax more, to let this thing I was feeling not be a big deal. As soon as I succeeded even a little, my aleimi flared out around his again. I felt him fighting to incorporate the influx of my light, even as one of his hands landed lightly on my hip, holding me there tentatively. I went back and forth in my head, trying to decide if I should just stand there, let my light get its fix without pushing the physical end any further.

I decided the hell with it. He could tell me if I went too far.

Closing my eyes, I pressed my face against his neck. Seconds later, I was nuzzling his skin, exploring his chest with my hand. That irrational thing was still there, an almost pathological desire to pull at him. I wanted my hands under his shirt, but I figured that was going too far, especially with everyone watching and waiting for us upstairs. I found myself talking to him instead, embarrassment still in my voice.

"I know I freaked you out...staring at you...I'm sorry. It caught me off guard, too...I wasn't sure if I should even tell you..." Forcing another exhale, I admitted, lower, "You have no idea how good you looked, when those elevator doors opened..."

I felt him tense, but he didn't speak.

I kept my face and mouth by his ear so I didn't have to see the reaction on his face. Even so, I felt his light open more, right before he turned his face, as if trying to look at me. I was starting to relax for real...slowly, sure...but my light kept unfurling into his. Still looking for skin, my hand that had been caressing his chest moved up to his neck and shoulder, sliding under the top of his collared shirt, massaging the muscle there. I felt him relaxing deeper into me as I worked my way down his back. The only hint I had that my touch was affecting him was his fingers tightening slowly on my hip.

"I'm having trouble keeping my hands off you," I confessed again. "It doesn't have to be sex though, I swear it doesn't. But the touching thing...it seems to be getting worse..." Hesitating at his silence, I dug my fingers into his shoulder, adding, "I mean it, Revik. It doesn't need to be sex. I just might try to, you know...touch you. A lot maybe...unless you tell me not to. I won't be offended if you do, though...I promise..."

I felt pain expand off him, soft enough that I could tell he was still holding it back.

"Allie," he said, his voice low. "There's no possible way I'm
not
going to sexualize this right now..." His fingers tightened on my hip. "...I'm trying. I swear I am. Maybe you should stop talking to me...about touching me, I mean..."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No." He shook his head, tugging me closer.

His other arm wound around me when I let him pull me deeper between his legs. Then he was caressing my face with one hand, massaging my back through the thin material of my blouse. His fingers toyed with the necklace I wore with his ring on it, then the fabric of my skirt, tugging at it, even as he held me against him. He didn't move when my hand kept massaging the back of his neck, but when I looked up, his eyes were glassed. He was breathing harder too, and trying to hide it from me.