Allie's War Season Three (24 page)

"Allie, gods..." He groaned again. "Don't. Please. Please, don't do this..."

"Do you want me to stop?" I said.

"No. I want you to let me go..."

I shook my head. "I can't do that. Tell me if you want me to stop."

I waited another minute, watching his face tighten as he tried again to fight me from the Barrier. I felt that disbelief there still, a near anger at himself that he hadn't stopped me before I'd crippled his light. He fought harder, but still couldn't connect the structures well enough to get around me. He tried again, trying to access the telekinesis that time.
 

When it didn't work, he just hung there, supported on his arms as he panted, trying to think through where I held him. When he still didn't move, I slid my fingers under the band of his pants, pushing them down his legs, still caressing his skin, waiting to see if he would stop me. He didn't. He lowered his head, his shoulders clenching as he closed his eyes.

For a moment I could only look at him.
 

I hadn't seen him naked in... well, in a really long time.
 

Longer than I'd let myself think about before now.

"Revik," I said, softer. "Open your light..."

"I can't... Allie... I can't do anything..."

I helped him, using the structures, and he groaned louder, gripping the bedspread in one fist, then my shoulder with his other hand. I slid my fingers around him, caressing his skin, the tattoo on his groin, and he fell silent again, struggling against my light, fighting to breathe even as he tensed under my hands. I felt his disbelief sharpen, mixed with a deeper surrender, a part of him that knew how to do this, that had done this before.

Jealousy sparked in my light at the realization of where that familiarity came from, worsening into a darker pain as my light reacted around his.

He gave a low laugh, gripping my hair.

"You're jealous..." he said. His voice caught on the accent, coloring the bitterness in his words. "You're using structures on me you earned fucking other men, and you're jealous..."

Tensing, I looked up at him. The pain in his voice worsened.

"Gods, Alyson... how many men have you done this to? How many?"

"You promised," I said, biting my lip. "You promised you wouldn't ask about that..."

"I'm sorry." His eyes looked like he meant it. "I am sorry, Allie... I just... gods. Maybe 'Dori was right... maybe I can't handle this..."

He fell silent again when I ran my fingers over his skin, exploring him with my hand. My eyes drifted down to his erection, even as I forced my own light back, controlling it with an effort. It was hard not to look at him, though... especially when his back arched under my fingers. I kissed his chest, letting my hand slide lower. He didn't usually get this hard outside of me, not without me using my mouth.
 

I curled my fingers around him, stroking the length of him lightly before letting my fingers trail over the hard thorn curving out of the end.

As soon as I touched him there, he let out a weak cry, breaking into a sweat.

Realizing he would come right there if I let him, I tightened my hold on his light until he gasped, leaning his face against mine.
 

After a few more minutes, our light was so entwined I was having trouble focusing my eyes.

"What do you want?" I asked, breathless.

"You know what I want..." he said in a groan, his eyes half-closed. His skin was still emitting heat; he was sweating, clutching my hair. Feeling the reaction in my light to his words, he shook his head, as if resigning himself.

"Use your hand," he said finally. "I want to look at you... I want to look at your face..."

"Do you want me to take off my clothes?"

"Yes." He closed his eyes. "Gods. Yes... please..."

I released his arms long enough to writhe the rest of the way out of the robe, then to pull the shirt over my head. I hesitated only another second before I pushed the shorts down past my hips too, kicking them off the bed with my feet and legs.

His eyes were on me then, glazed.
 

I let him look, caressing him again as his eyes traveled down me slowly. After another pause, I tugged his shirt up past his shoulders. He let me, still pressing his body against mine, his hand heavy on the bedspread until I raised it to get the last of the shirt off his arm. Sliding my hand between us once more, I began stroking him, watching his face, although I couldn't hold his stare. I didn't know how long to hold him off... whether I could even handle watching him come without doing more. It was almost impossible to pull my own thoughts out of where they wanted to go, to try and view this with any kind of objectivity.

After a few minutes, I pushed at his chest, my hands turning him carefully, so that no part of the bandaged area on his back fell under his weight or mine.
 

I had my mouth on him before I let myself think about that, either. His disbelief slammed my light when he felt my tongue and breath... then his pain spiked violently, his fingers clenching in my hair when I didn't stop.
 

I stopped him from coming until his skin burned under my hands, his fingers sweating where they caressed my face. I curled my tongue around the end of him, feeling his pain worsen to the point where he nearly left his body. He groaned louder when he came back, right before he let out a long, drawn-out cry.

When I didn't stop, his hand fell on my shoulder, gripping tight enough to hurt.

A few seconds later, he cried out again. It went through me, even before another flood of his pain washed over my light.

"Allie... stop. Stop..."

I did as he said, looking up. He stared back at me, his eyes opaque. I saw pain in his face, but more than that, a kind of lost look, like he didn't know where he was. The pain worsened as I stared, until I could barely breathe.

"You're different..." he said, and that pain reached his voice. "You're different now, Allie. You didn't do it like this before. Your mouth feels different..."

"Revik... don't." I shook my head, feeling my throat close. "Don't. You knew I would be. You knew it wouldn't be the same..."

"It wasn't even that long. You weren't there that long. How could you be doing this like this, unless you were..." He shook his head, his voice suddenly hard. "Did you service every fucking seer there, or what?"

I felt my jaw clench, even as something in my chest tightened. "Stop it," I said. "Right now. Or tell me to stop, one or the other. If you don't like what I'm doing, then..."

"I like it... I like it too much..."

"Then tell me to stop. Or drop it, Revik... I mean it..."

"Fuck." He closed his eyes, his jaw clenched. I felt him thinking about it, imagining me in China, imagining what I'd done. I felt the part of his mind that wanted to go there, that wanted to tease it out, know the details, even as he tried to force it away. I felt possessiveness there, too, more of that jealousy, turning into aggression as his eyes hardened on my face...

"I love you," I told him. "Please... hear me on this. I love you, Revik..."

His fingers clenched in my hair. I felt him trying to come again and stopped him, coiling my light into his until he closed his eyes. I didn't want to end things like this, not with that in his light. I knew I probably
should
let him, but I just couldn't.
 

His pain worsened when he realized that I wasn't going to give in, right before he let out a low groan.

"Allie," he said. "Allie... gods. I don't want to hurt you. Please... just..." His voice faded, even as I felt another flush of that pain, along with a denser vulnerability. Again, I felt him trying to let it go, to push it out of his mind. "Damn it, Allie... make me forget. Please..."

I kissed him, leaning on his chest as he kissed me back, until we were both gasping against each other's mouths. My hand still on him, I let him roll over so that he was mostly on top of me again, then we were looking at each other, staring into each other's faces. It occurred to me suddenly why he'd asked to end it like this. He wanted to look at me, like he said... he also wanted to imagine he was coming inside me.

He let out a groan, gripping my wrist.

Feeling him fighting me again, trying to get free, I tightened my hold on his light. Pain eclipsed my vision as it hit me that I was too lost in him already.
 

I'd gone too far... I was hurting him, more than I needed to. Once I'd admitted that much to myself, I knew I needed to finish this, to at least try and pull us both back.
 

Gripping his hair, I used my light and my hand more deliberately as he stared into my face. By the time it had built in him again I was losing control, too. I let his light slip from mine enough that he was thrusting his body against my hand, groaning louder as the pain worsened for both of us.

"Let me," he gasped. "Gods, let me this time, Allie... please. Please..."

My pain worsened when he started begging me, to the point where I couldn't look at him. He let everything in him grow soft, completely submissive.

"Please," he murmured. "Please, baby. I'll lose my fucking mind... please..." His light opened more, turning liquid. "Please. Gods... please... please..."

Gasping, I opened my light, relaxing my hold on his.

He came, hard, startling me when his fingers dug violently into my shoulders, holding me down and against him.
 

His throat emitted a thick cry as he let go, louder than I'd ever heard from him in sex... loud enough that I knew they must have heard it on the other side of that door. His body arched against mine; he sank his weight, using most of his strength until he was groaning, still moving against me as he looked at my face.
 

I couldn't keep the reaction out of my light and he pressed down harder, leaning into me as his groan deepened, rising from further down in his chest.
 

By the time he finally passed over that crest, I could only lie there, gripping his arms, watching his face.

His desire worsened after he'd finished, even as his body gradually grew still.

I let go of more of his light and he shifted his weight, moving his body off mine.
 

His hand slid between my legs and then his fingers were inside me, deep enough that I moaned, caught off guard. I lost it pretty much right there, before I'd given any thought to whether that was such a good idea, either. He stared down at my face as I came, pain in his eyes, his expression close to soft.
 

After a few minutes, he let his head fall to my shoulder, kissing my throat as my muscles still clutched at his fingers.

"Gods," he murmured. "Gods, wife... I barely touched you..."

His pain sharpened.
 

I felt him thinking about intercourse again, felt his mind fixating on it, even as his cock hardened against my leg. That jealousy was back, mixed with a longing that I couldn't think past, that turned into a near-demand in his light. I gripped him tighter, fighting to regain control over my light... and his... when he raised his head, his eyes glazed.
 

He was pulling on me then, slowly and painfully that time, his light half-asking, half-insisting. Returning his stare, I realized again that it probably hadn't made much difference, doing it like this.
 

Whatever I'd told myself, we'd just made love... or had sex, at least.

That's probably what Balidor had been trying to tell me.

"Are you all right?" I asked lamely, trying to convince myself that this was somehow still salvageable, that I could still pull both of us back. I swallowed as his eyes traveled down me, aware suddenly that I was naked, that both of us were slick with sweat.

I cleared my throat.

"Do you think you could take light now?" I said. "If I asked the others, I mean...?"

His eyes remained hard.
 

It didn't occur to me until then that his fingers were still inside me, that he was caressing my cheek and lips with the fingers of his other hand.
 

Without speaking, he angled his hand against me harder, and I let out another moan, arching my back. I was still recovering from that when he moved his body down mine, his other palm pressing down on my shoulder and neck. His mouth was on me before I could make myself care enough to stop him. His fingers slid deeper... deep enough that I let out a cry, once again losing control of my light.