I held up a finger and caught Connor’s eye.
“Hold on one sec, Klaus – don’t go anywhere!” and then Connor swiped the phone screen, presumably muting the call. “What’s up?”
“If you want him to come in, you’ve got to be nice and
ask
him,” I whispered, even though the call was on mute. “I know what Mr. Westerholtz said, but if you order Klaus around, he’ll turn it into a… a pissing contest.”
Just for a second, I was going to say ‘penis-measuring contest,’ but that wouldn’t have been ladylike.
And I didn’t want to give Connor the impression I was thinking about his… uh… you know.
Because I wasn’t.
Except for that peek below the belt at the beginning.
And, since I was almost going to say ‘penis-measuring’… maybe I
was
thinking about his just a little bit right at that moment. In an abstract, totally metaphorical kind of way.
Totally
metaphorical.
Anyway, Connor suddenly burst into a full-on grin. He turned back to the phone, swiped it off mute, and almost shouted, “Alright, Klaus, you heard your boss, get your ass back here right
now.
”
My eyes bugged out.
He did exactly the OPPOSITE of what I just told him!
And he was having a great time doing it. Connor looked like a five-year-old boy hearing the funniest fart joke of his life as Klaus snarled,
“W-well, ABOUT that – what EXACTLY is it you need me for?”
“Don’t you worry your pretty little head about that, Klaus. You just get back over here pronto.”
I glanced at Stanley. If I looked anything like what Stanley looked like at that moment, we were both about to poop bricks.
“I don’t like your tone,”
Klaus snapped.
“Yeah? Well
I
don’t like your
attitude
. Dave basically – oh, that’s right, that’s Mr. Westerholtz to
you.
”
I was covering my mouth with both hands by now.
Stanley was shaking his head slowly in that Roy Scheider in
Jaws,
glassy-eyed ‘You’re gonna need a bigger boat’ kind of way.
Connor looked like he was having the time of his life.
“Anyway, Dave basically said that when
I
say ‘Jump,’
you
ask, ‘How high.’ And you’re not asking ‘how high’ yet, Klaus.”
“This is – this – Mr. Westerholtz wouldn’t – ”
Klaus sputtered.
“Of course, if you want your assistant Lily to handle what I need, we could do that, too,” Connor suggested in a suddenly conciliatory tone.
I almost screamed,
Say WHAT?!
Stanley looked over at me like,
Girl, you better get your ass outta that water before Jaws gets you.
Klaus went silent.
“…is Lily there?”
he asked warily, with definite undertones of fear.
Connor winked at me. “She’s over by the elevators. You want me to go over and let you talk to her?”
“…yyyyyyes. Yes, why don’t you do that,”
Klaus agreed. The relief in his voice was palpable.
He obviously didn’t want me to hear his utter humiliation over the last couple of minutes.
If he only knew…
“Okay, hold on,” Connor agreed, then held up a finger
shhhh!
to his lips as he grinned like a madman.
Stanley was looking at me like,
Too late. Here comes Jaws.
Connor waited about ten seconds, said, “Here she is,” and then handed the phone over to me.
“Lily?”
“Uh, hi, Kl – Mr. Zimmerman,” I quickly adjusted.
Damn it, I almost gave it all away!
Klaus didn’t notice, thank God. He was a little preoccupied.
“Thanks for NOTHING, Lily. Now this little – ”
“Still on speakerphone, Klaus,” Connor called out helpfully.
I would have laughed if I weren’t so horrified at my situation.
There was a brief pause.
“…ah, situation is a bit more pressing than I originally thought,”
Klaus course-corrected.
“I need you to take the gentleman back to the office and show him whatever he needs.”
“Uh… anything?”
“Well, I don’t know about ‘anything’ – ”
“‘How high,’ Klaus. I’m not hearing ‘how high’ yet,” Connor spoke up, then choked back his laughter.
Exasperated, Klaus snapped,
“There are too many confidential files, too many sensitive – ”
“We can call Dave again,” Connor offered. “Or…
you
can come in and get the files for me yourself.”
There was a long pause on the other end. Klaus was obviously thinking about his options: avoid a potential reaming from Westerholtz, or perform a little CYA.
“The CEO has instructed me to give Mr. Brooks whatever help he requires, Lily,”
he finally said.
“So do whatever he asks.”
“Anything?” Connor asked.
“Anything.”
I could almost hear Klaus’s teeth gritting together as he said it.
“Okay,” I agreed. “Have a nice – ”
“Is that all, Connor?”
Klaus cut me off.
I wanted to throw the phone across the room. I might have, too, if it were mine.
“No, it’s not,” Connor said, crossing his arms. “That was very rude what you just did to Lily.”
I looked up in shock.
Stanley shook his head like,
Here comes Jaws again.
“W– what?”
Klaus asked, equally astounded.
“Apologize to her,” Connor demanded.
“That’s really not necessary,” I said in a squeaky little voice.
“Yes. It IS,” Connor insisted. “Klaus?”
“This is ridiculous – I’m not – ”
“Are you always that rude to everyone, Klaus, or just to the people you can get away with it? Employees, waiters, people you can abuse your power over?”
“I’m not going to take this from – ”
“I think I might call Dave back,” Connor mused. “I know he’s very nice to his personal secretary Amanda. I think he’d be interested to know how you kiss
up
and kick
down
.”
I was about to faint.
My very limited life at Everton Consulting was flashing before my eyes.
Stanley looked like he was watching a train wreck he was powerless to stop.
There was a loooooong pause on the phone.
“…sorry,”
Klaus mumbled, the way a stylish woman ‘of a certain age’ might say her age in a crowded doctor’s office.
“What was that? Couldn’t hear you!” Connor shouted.
“Sorry, Lily,”
Klaus seethed.
“Is that all, Misssster Brooksss?”
“It’ll do, I suppose. Have a good night, Klaus!” Connor called out, then reached over, took the phone away from me, and hung up the call.
I must have been staring at him like he’d grown an extra head, because Connor gave me a mystified expression.
“…what?”
“What do you mean, ‘what’? What the hell was that?!” I fumed.
“My only entertainment on a boring Friday night,” he grinned, then turned around and stuck out his arm. “Stan, a pleasure. Good to meet you.”
Stanley just nodded his head in stunned silence as he shook hands.
“Shall we?” Connor asked me as he gestured to the elevators with one hand and put the other on the small of my back.
Oh.
My.
God.
Just that firm pressure there – the warmth of his hand, of his very
large
hand pressed in the curve of my back – sent a pleasurable jolt of electricity up and down my spine.
And his fingers slipped a little farther down as he pushed me gently forward. Just an inch or so.
He didn’t touch my rear end or anything, but… it was headed in that direction before his hand stopped and his fingertips pressed a little harder.
My knees got a little weak.
“Okay,” I agreed feebly, and we walked over to the elevators.
He withdrew his hand as we moved, and as soon as I felt his fingers move away, I thought about stopping just so he would touch me again to usher me forward.
I didn’t do it, though.
The elevator door opened as soon as Connor pressed the UP button, and we stepped inside.
“What floor?” he asked.
“23rd.”
As the doors closed, the last glimpse I had was the marble foyer and Stanley’s stunned face behind the reception desk.
I realized that might possibly be the spot I was standing when my boss decided to fire me.
As the elevator began its quick ascent to the upper floors, the anger rose inside me again.
“Who the hell do you think you are?” I blurted out.
Connor looked over in surprise. “What?”
“I said, who the hell do you think you are?”
He broke into a heart-stopping grin. “Did I tell you before how adorable you are when – ”
“ – I’m angry, yeah, yeah,” I snapped, not about to be put off. “Do you realize you might have just lost me my job back there?”
He looked at me, studying my eyes, peering deep into them. “Tell me something, Lily.”
“What?” I asked, exasperated.
“Do you like Klaus as a boss?”
He was entirely sincere. No snarkiness or anything.
I pulled back a little, surprised at the question. “What?”
“I said, do you like Klaus as a boss?”
I paused.
Something in his gaze was asking for an honest answer.
Against my better judgment, I gave it.
“Not really. Actually, no. Not at all.”
He nodded, satisfied. “Good.”
“Why ‘good’?”
“Because – ”
The elevator slowed down rapidly. I wasn’t sure if the butterflies in my stomach were because of the abrupt deceleration, or because of what he said next.
“ – you seem way too smart, talented, and interesting to be working for a jackass like that.”
Just then the elevator doors
dinged
open. He broke our gaze and walked out onto the 23rd floor, leaving me stunned in his wake.
But I recovered quickly.
I followed him out into the main lobby, past the receptionist’s desk which was adorned with flower arrangements that would be thrown out by the cleaning staff at night. The receptionist was gone for the weekend, so I buzzed us through the main door using the badge in my purse.
Actually,
everybody
had left for the night. The entire floor of cubicles was quiet and half-dimmed.
“You sure do have it in for Klaus,” I said, picking the conversation back up.
He grinned. “And you don’t?”
“I have to work with him every day. What did he ever do to you?”
“I had to suffer through a couple of conference calls with him.” Connor shook his head in exaggerated regret. “Forty-five minutes of my life I’ll never get back.”
“Forty-five minutes?! Try six months,” I retorted.
“Which you’ll
never get back.
You really shouldn’t be wasting your time as his punching bag, Lily.”
“That’s all very nice, but a girl’s got to eat.”
“That she does. But never take bread scraps when you could – and
should
– be dining out on lobster.”
“I don’t know what world
you
live in, Mr. Brooks – ”
He looked over at me like
You did NOT just call me that
.
“It’s Connor. My friends call me Connor.
Klaus
calls me Mr. Brooks.”
I couldn’t suppress my smile.
“Ah, I knew I could make you laugh.”
“That was a smile, not a laugh,” I said, intent upon not giving in that easily. He was charming, but he was kind of infuriating, too.
“I’ll get there,” he said confidently, and grinned.
“Yeah, well, I don’t know what world
you
live in, Connor, but in mine, bread scraps are sometimes all you get.”
“We either make our own realities, Lily, or we accept the realities others impose upon us. You’ve got way too much going for you to accept a reality that includes Klaus as a part of it.”
Ooooh, Mr. Philosophy,
I thought, annoyed.
Mr. Mommy and Daddy Paid For My Education at Harvard and Gave Me My Million-Dollar Business Contacts.
As though he could read my thoughts, he stopped on a dime, caught my arm, spun me gently to face him, and stared into my eyes.
It took me a couple seconds to hear his first few words, because that hand on my arm was making my legs go weak.
“Did I have a lot of advantages growing up? Yes I did. I’m a very lucky guy, and I recognize that. But part of my upbringing was that I learned my strengths, and I learned what I was worth, and I never let anybody tell me differently. When I look at you, Lily, I see a beautiful – ”
I almost collapsed.
Did he just call me beautiful?!
“ – woman who is poised, very intelligent, in control of herself, doesn’t take any crap – oh, wait, skip that last part,” he said, as though making a mental note. Then he started walking again. “Is it this way?”
What a JACKASS!
I seethed inwardly as I ran to catch up.
“You know, you talk a big game for a guy who’s here to look at somebody else’s business files on a Friday night after closing hours.”
“Uh oh, did I touch a nerve?” he laughed.
God, he could be so infuriating!
“Why
are
you here, exactly?”
He put his hands in his pockets, looked around the empty cubicles, and shrugged. “Oh, I don’t know… thinking about buying the company.”
I snorted. “Right.”
He gave a little
eh, who knows
look. “Maybe one day. Once I save up my pennies.”
“So you can have a whole company to kiss your ass, huh?”
Oh man, as soon as I said it, I wish I could have taken it back.
But he just roared with laughter.
“I don’t know about other people kissing
my
ass, but…”
Here he cast a sly look down at my backside.
“…I wouldn’t mind kissing somebody else’s.”
Again – beet red.
Fwoosh!
All the blood went to my face.