All or Nothing (8 page)

Braydon had set out a bottle of wine and two glasses on the coffee table. “Would you like a glass?” he asked, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Sure,” I said, trying to sound agreeable. But something about tonight, about being here, felt off. Maybe it was just the sting of rejection that he hadn’t invited me over. Either way, I decided I would let it go for now and try to enjoy the evening. Despite the weirdness, it was clear he wanted to be with me. I didn’t want to overanalyze that aspect of the situation.

We sat together on the sofa and enjoyed a glass of wine. Braydon filled me in on the photo shoot he’d had earlier with two female models and a live boa constrictor. The women were completely comfortable with the snake and Braydon
was the one terrified of the thing, which sent me into a fit of laughter.

“It was longer than the room we were in. Seriously, it’s not funny, kitten. It wound itself around my thigh and I about pissed myself.”

“Aw, poor baby. Sounds like a tough job.” I patted his knee. “Do you need me to make it all better?”

A slow smile curled up his mouth. “That sounds tempting. But not yet. You seem wound up and I need to get you relaxed first.” He grinned.

I sipped my wine and looked out at the twinkling city lights below, relishing the moment but also feeling totally confused by it. Our encounters always felt more like romance than a casual arrangement, and it was totally confusing my heart. I didn’t want to sit here, drinking wine and watching his gorgeous eyes sparkle while he told me amusing stories, making me fall deeper under his spell. I came into this agreement thinking it’d be more of a
wham, bam, thank you ma’am
situation. And so far it had been anything but. Real feelings were starting to develop and I had no idea if he felt the same way. His hesitation to bring me to his apartment tonight told me probably not. Some girls might think a hotel room was a special date night, but I wasn’t that delusional. First, this wasn’t a date. It was a private room with a bed where Braydon could fulfill the obligations of the arrangement I was seriously starting to question. Was I insane? Why had I agreed to this?

Then Braydon changed everything. He looked over at me, his gaze darkening with his desire, and I felt like the most beau
tiful woman in the world. I was addicted to that feeling. This beautiful man wanted me.
Me.
I would give in to my desires tonight. Even if I woke up confused again in the morning.

He moved with the stealth of a panther, slowly setting down his wineglass and turning his body to mine. My heart thumped unevenly and my hands clutched the stem of my glass, desperately needing something to hold on to. Braydon’s fingers found mine and he removed the glass from my grasp, setting it with his on the table. “Come here.” Taking my hand, he pulled me from the couch. I rose on shaky legs and stood before him. Seeing him dressed so casually, with his bare feet and playful smirk, made me weak in the knees.

I allowed Braydon to lead me into the adjoining bedroom. A large bed dressed in white linens beckoned us, but Braydon released my hand and sat down on the edge and hung his head in his hands.

“Bray?” I carefully stepped closer, wondering what had changed in the course of thirty seconds.

He lifted his head and the crease I saw in his brow was unexpected. I’d never seen him be anything but cool and easygoing. “Do you even want this?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

“This arrangement—is it what you want? I hate thinking I’ve lured you into something against your will.”

I hadn’t done anything I didn’t want to do. That much was true. I sat down on the edge of the bed beside him and considered how to answer. The truth was I wanted more, but something told me if I pushed him right now, I’d lose him. He
was giving me what he was capable of, and he wanted reassurance that I accepted him and all his limitations. He must have picked up on my contemplative mood out in the living room. “Yes, I want this. I want a real relationship someday, but I know you’re not looking for anything steady. I’m not going to let that stop us from hanging out. I like our time together.”

His eyes lifted to mine and the little crease in his forehead disappeared. “I do, too.”

“Good.” It felt strange that I was the one reassuring him about this when I myself felt anything but confident. We had an amazing connection that translated into so much more than just sex. Maybe in time he would see that. I just needed to be patient and go with the flow. Two things I wasn’t good at. I scooted a little closer and Braydon brought his hand to my cheek, lovingly stroking my jaw and tucking my hair behind my ear so he could lean down and kiss my neck. His tenderness was unexpected and calmed me instantly. It was crazy how one minute he could rile me up, and then in the next render me speechless.

His soft kisses and the warmth of his mouth instantly brought me back to the moment. His hot tongue licked my neck and his teeth lightly grazed my collarbone. I smiled, knowing that was a favorite spot of his. Soon his mouth drifted toward mine and we were kissing greedily. I loved the taste of him, and I couldn’t help myself, I crawled into his lap and straddled him, pushing my hips into his groin and rubbing my tongue against his.

He pulled my shirt over my head and released the clasp of
my bra, his warm hands coming up to hold the weight of my breasts as his thumbs grazed the sensitive peaks. The straining bulge in his jeans told me he was enjoying this every bit as much as I was. Our bodies just fit together. From the way our mouths sought each other’s to the way our hips aligned and worked together . . . it was perfection. He was perfection. And I was in much too deep to stop this now.

After several minutes of his trailing wet kisses all over my breasts, I pushed myself away and crawled from his lap. There was something I wanted to do. I dropped to my knees on the floor in front of him and began working to unbutton his jeans. The dark look in his eyes as he watched me made my breath catch in my throat.

Finally having freed the button, I pulled down his zipper and tugged the jeans from his hips. He wasn’t wearing anything underneath. I wasn’t sure if it was in anticipation of seeing me tonight, but it was sexy as hell knowing he was bare underneath his denim this entire time. He lifted his hips and the jeans fell down to his knees, freeing him to my kisses. And I didn’t waste any time. I’d thought about doing this many times, and even though his piercing intimidated me, I wanted nothing more than to take him in my mouth and make him lose all control.

Wrapping both hands around his generous length, I planted my mouth around him, swirling my tongue against his hot flesh and eliciting a soft groan from him. My tongue flickered against the barbell while I looked up and watched his reaction. His fists were clenched into the bedding and his
mouth hung open as he watched me work. I felt seductive and beautiful watching him come apart. He cursed under his breath and pushed my hair out of my face, bringing one hand to the back of my neck and guiding me deeper, showing me how to please him.

“Oh fuck, kitten, that feels incredible.”

I felt powerful and doubled my efforts. I licked, kissed, sucked, and stroked him to the best of my ability until his breathing was labored and his chest rumbled with a suppressed groan. Freeing himself from my mouth, Braydon lifted me back onto the bed with him. The hungry look in his eyes told me he was ready for more. He made quick work of stripping me of the last of my clothes and laid me down against the pillows. He’d rushed to strip me naked, but now he was slowing down, taking his time and staring at me with a look of adoration.

“Bray?” I whispered.

“Shh . . .” He pressed a fingertip to my lips. “Just lie back and let me make you come.”

I fell back against the pillow once again, breathless and full of conflicting emotions. I wanted this—I wanted him—but I wanted more than just a physical connection. Braydon knew my body better than I did, and he used it to his full advantage. Within moments of his hot mouth closing around my lady parts, I was writhing and coming apart for him.

After he’d finished feasting on me and nibbling on my thighs and hip bones, he grabbed a condom from the bedside table and rolled it on. “I want to fuck you from behind, baby.”

“What’s your favorite position?” I murmured as I rolled on my stomach, remembering how fond he seemed of this one in particular.

“I think you know.” He leaned over me and bit my shoulder.

I yelped and turned my head to glare back at him. He bent his head and tenderly kissed the spot he’d just bitten. “But why do you like it like this?”

“Honestly? I can usually make girls come really easily this way. I think my piercing hits the right spot.”

A shiver zipped down my spine. I didn’t want to think about him with other women, though his confidence was a turn-on.

“Grab on to that sexy ass while I push slowly inside you.”

I did as I was told and Braydon entered me as promised, exquisitely, slowly while pressing sweet, sucking kisses against the back of my neck. He was right about something, this position, this angle . . . it was a deadly combination. My bottom was lifting to meet his thrusts and I was moaning in pleasure into the pillow in front of me.

Once we were both thoroughly satisfied, Braydon disposed of the condom and took me in his arms, kissing my mouth in gentle little nips. I closed my eyes and let the feeling of complete bliss wash over me.

“On a scale of one to sex, how awesome was that?” Braydon chuckled and tucked me securely in against his side. “Shit, kitten. You’re amazing.”

I lay there, with my heart still pounding and body still clenching with the loss of him, and wondered how I could
possibly hold it together. How stupid could I have been to think casual sex with him was going to be enough? I’d always been a commitment, flowers, and romance kind of girl, even if I hadn’t been getting the full package from the last few guys I dated. A powerful surge of emotion ripped through me as Braydon held me, murmuring sweet things in my ear.

I felt like crying. I was already falling for him, and there was no way he was going to reciprocate my feelings. He’d made it abundantly clear that whatever was happening between us was just sex.

God, I felt like an idiot.

At times he was so careful and affectionate with me, it felt like anything but a random hookup.

“You want to shower before bed?” he asked.

I hadn’t really assumed I’d be spending the night here. I thought this was a place to hook up and then I’d go back home and sleep in my own bed. I didn’t have pajamas, my toothbrush . . . not to mention I didn’t relish the idea of the walk of shame in the morning, dressed in yesterday’s clothes.

I sat up abruptly, knowing this wouldn’t work for me. “I wasn’t planning on sleeping here.”

“Why not?” He patted the space beside him. “King-sized bed. Plenty of space, even for a bed hog like you.”

I got out of bed on shaky legs. I knew the scent of this man, his tastes, his preferences, the soft throaty way he cursed when he entered me. Sex brought out far more emotion for
me. I couldn’t deny it anymore. I wasn’t cut out to be one of his arrangements. The act of sex was far more intimate in my view than Braydon believed. It brought a certain closeness that I couldn’t shake. I thought of him constantly, remembering the feel of his rough hands on my skin, the way his teeth grazed my neck with every thrust forward. . . .

“Let’s face it. We’re supposed to be fuck pals, right?” I bit out. His jaw tensed, but he didn’t argue. “That’s all this is. And we’re getting too close, too familiar. I know how you like your eggs, that you like to take a shower after sex and stay in there for exactly seven minutes. I know that you prefer classical music and jazz, which beers are your favorite. . . .”

Braydon sat up on the bed, studying me with curiosity. “This isn’t what we agreed to. You’re right. I’m sorry.”

I wanted to scream at him; I didn’t want him to be sorry. I wanted him to take me in his arms, fuck logic, fuck all our rules, and make me his. He said all along he felt this powerful connection between us—wasn’t that enough for him to want to be with me?

But instead, he continued watching me with a weary expression while rubbing the back of his neck. “Shall I call you a cab then?”

I shook my head. “No, it’s fine. I can grab one right outside the hotel, I’m sure.” I just needed out of this room, out of this space that smelled of him, of us, of sex. I needed away from his pretty blue eyes, which always saw too much, before I lost it entirely. Stuffing my feet into my shoes, I dashed for
the door. I heard Braydon release a muted curse word just before the door closed. Tears were already swimming in my eyes, so I was thankful for the cover of night.

As soon as I was in the darkened backseat of the yellow cab, I broke down, sobbing uncontrollably while trying to give the poor driver my address. I settled for pointing and stuttering through my tears at the upcoming intersections. The rush of tears had been building for too long, and I could do nothing to stop it. The cab driver handed me a box of tissues and mumbled something in response to my hiccupping my address at him.

I folded my arms around myself, holding tightly. I hated that I could remember how Braydon’s hands felt on my skin, the tender way he held me close, the exquisitely slow way he slid deep inside me, the way his breath whispered softly across my lips moments before he kissed me. I scrubbed my hands over my face, wiping away the stupid tears dampening my cheeks. It was foolish to waste tears on him. He and I would never be more. I knew what this was when we started it. He’d pursued me relentlessly, and I’d stupidly agreed to be his fuck friend. I thought I’d be in control, but now I saw that would never be possible. You couldn’t not fall for a man like him. He was beautiful, kind, funny, and seriously really fucking good in bed. It really wasn’t fair. And now he’d put my life through a blender. He was all I thought about, everything I wanted. And I couldn’t have him.

I pulled in a shaky breath and forced myself to hold it together. Soon the cab was pulling to a stop in front of my
building. I shoved thirty dollars at the driver and climbed from the car, my sore body cruelly reminding me of my intimate encounter with Braydon.