All About Love: Anatomy of an Unruly Emotion (56 page)

of ways
Stone,
Family, Sex and Marriage in England
, pp. 29ff.

inheritance
Ibid., p. 30

power of his
Quoted in Marilyn Yalom,
A History of the Wife
(London: Pandora, 2001), p. 122

adversity
Stone,
Family, Sex and Marriage in England
, p. 103

happiness
L.H. Butterfield, Marc Friedlaender and Mary-Jo Kline (eds),
The Book of Abigail and John: Selected Letters of the Adams Family 1762–1784
(Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1975), p. 121

companionate family
See Stone,
Family, Sex and Marriage in England
, passim, and R. Trumbach,
The Rise of the Egalitarian Family: Aristocratic Kinship and Domestic Relations in 18th-century England
(New York: Academic Press, 1978)

Productions
‘Of Popular Discontents’ originally appeared in 1701 in the third volume of Temple’s essays published after his death by Jonathan Swift. Quoted in David Lemmings, ‘Marriage and the Law in the Eighteenth Century: Hardwicke’s Marriage Act of 1753’,
Historical Journal
39.2 (1996), pp. 339–60 (p. 339). I am indebted to Lemmings for his judicious analysis of the Actp. 123
the rule
Stone,
Family, Sex and Marriage in England
, pp. 181–2

marriages
Quoted in Lemmings, ‘Marriage and the Law in the Eighteenth Century’, p. 347

marry her
Quoted in ibid., p. 351

dearest friend
Mrs Hester Chapone, quoted in Stone,
Family, Sex and Marriage in Englan
d, p. 218

Church will do
Richard Ellmann,
Oscar Wilde
(London: Penguin Books, 1988), p. 583

a misery
Stone,
Family, Sex and Marriage in England
, p. 214. For more on this source, see also Norman Scarfe,
Innocent Espionage: The La Rochefoucauld Brothers’ Tour of England in 1785
(Woodbridge: Boydell, 1995)

Relationships
See Montaigne,
Complete Essays
, pp. 205–19

abundant
Ibid., pp. 209–10

their choice
James F. McMillan,
France and Women 1789–1914: Gender, Society and Politics
(London: Routledge, 2000), pp. 33–4

over it
Napoléon Bonaparte, letter to Joséphine de Beauharnais, 19 Feb. 1797, in Rafe Blaufarb (ed.),
Napoleon: Symbol for an Age: A Brief History with Documents
(Boston: Bedford/St Martin’s, 2008), p. 40

their fate
McMillan,
France and Women 1789–1914
, p. 38

for girls
Madame Romieu,
La femme au XIXième siècle
(Paris: 1859), p. 13

took place
Lytton Strachey,
Queen Victoria
(London: Penguin Books, 1971), p. 92

imposed
See, for instance, Patricia Jalland,
Women, Marriage and Politics, 1860–1914
(Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2002), p. 47 and passim

as a woman
Ibid. p. 258

admired
Ibid., pp. 76–7

in circulation
John d’Emilio and Estelle B. Freedman,
Intimate Matters: A History of Sexuality in America
(New York: Harper & Row, 1988)

would have been Dearest Child: Letters between Queen Victoria and the Princess Royal
, ed. Roger Fulford (London: Evans Bros, 1974), p. 90, and quotes below from pp. 94, 99, 254

substantial part
Judith Surkis,
Sexing the Citizen: Morality and Masculinity in France, 1870–1920
(Ithaca, NY: Cornell University Press, 2006). I am indebted to this excellent book for these insights on Third Republic France

than two
D’Emilio and Freedman,
Intimate Matters
, p.174

an illness
Sigmund Freud, ‘Civilized Sexual Morality and Modern Nervous Illness’ (1909),
SE
, vol. 9, pp. 177–204 and passim

children
Friedrich Engels,
The Origins of the Family, Private Property and the State
, chapter 2, online version
http://www.marxists.org/archive/marx/works/1884/origin-family/ch02c.htm

me alone
Quoted in Judith Thurman,
Secrets of the Flesh: A Life of Colette
(London: Bloomsbury, 1999), p. 343; and in Colette,
The Vagabond
(London: Penguin Books, 1960), pp. 226–7

Autobiography
H.G. Wells,
Experiment in Autobiography
(London: Victor Gollancz and Cresset Press, 1934), pp. 464–5

intention
Sigmund Freud (1912), ‘On the Universal Tendency to Debasement in the Sphere of Love (Contributions to the Psychology of Love II),’
SE
, vol. 11, p. 179

inconspicuous one
Ibid., p. 183

parents
Robert Wohl,
The Generation of 1914
(London: Weidenfeld & Nicolson, 1980), pp. 5–47 and passim

before the Fall
Ibid., p. 161

law of novelty
Quoted in ibid., pp. 28–9

best wives
‘Good Brainless Wives’,
Time
, 31 Mar. 1923

female body
Quoted in Virginia Nicholson’s excellent
Singled Out: How Two Million Women Survived without Men after the First World War
(London: Viking, 2007), pp. 38–9

over the world
Quoted in ‘Women v. Dictator & Earl’,
Time
, 23 July 1928

out to her
Ibid.

as a nation
Anonymous,
Every Woman’s Book of Love and Marriage and Family Life
(Cambridge: Icon Books, 2003), p. 13. Original date of publication unknown

come from it
Ibid., p. 17

serious nature
Ibid., p. 20

man’s part
Ibid., p. 55

risen again
Claire Langhamer, ‘Love and Courtship in Mid-twentieth-century England’,
Historical Journal
50.1 (2007), pp. 173–96

thirty-one years
Stone,
Family, Sex and Marriage in England
, p. 56

exclusivity
Geoffrey Gorer,
Exploring English Character
(London: Cresset Press, 1955) and
Sex and Marriage in England Today: A Study of the Views and Experiences of the Under-45s
(London: Thomas Nelson & Sons, 1971)

employment
Yalom,
History of the Wife
, p. 359

all divorces
Margaret Brinig and Douglas W. Allen, ‘These Boots Are Made for Walking: Why Most Divorce Filers Are Women’,
American Law and Economics Review
, 2 (1), 2000, pp. 126–9

now returned
Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers, ‘Marriage and Divorce: Changes and Their Driving Forces’,
Journal of Economic Perspectives
21.2 (2007), pp. 27–52. This article provides the best summary of marriage and divorce figures in the US and Western Europe that I have come across

thirty-five
Arlie Hochschild, ‘The State of Families, Class and Culture’,
New York Times Book Review
, 18 Oct. 2009

in 1862
‘Marriage Rate Falls to Lowest Level since Records Began’,
BBC News
, 11 Feb. 2010, available at
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8510431.stm

the union
Louise Carpenter, ‘The Myth of Wedded Bliss’,
Observer
, 20 June 2010. The article cites a study by Chris M. Wilson and AndrewJ. Oswald, ‘How Does Marriage Affect Physical and Psychological Health?: A Survey of the Longitudinal Evidence’,
Warwick Economic Research Papers
, Department of Economics, University of Warwick, available at
http://www2.warwick.ac.uk/fac/soc/economics/
research/workingpapers/publications/twerp728.pdf
; and research by Kathleen Kiernan, Professor of Social Policy and Demography at the University of York

will marry
John Cloud, ‘Americans Love Marriage. But Why?’,
Time
, 8 Feb. 2007

excitement thrives
See Esther Perel,
Mating in Captivity: Sex, Lies and Domestic Bliss
(London: Hodder & Stoughton, 2007), pp. 122–3, for an excellent discussion of sexual ruthlessness

sexual novelty
Ian McEwan,
Saturday
(London: Jonathan Cape, 2005), pp. 39–40

suits, helps
See, for example, John Gottman,
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail
(New York: Simon & Schuster, 1994) and John Gottman and Nan Silver,
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
(New York: Crown, 1999)

battering me
Hanif Kureishi,
Intimacy
(London: Faber & Faber, 1999), p. 9

homelessness
Cavell,
Pursuits of Happiness
, pp. 31–2

not desire
Letter to Olivia Shakespear, quoted in A. Norman Jeffares, W.B. Yeats:
Man and Poet
(New York: St Martin’s Press, 1996), p. 257

of time
See, for example, Bettina Arndt,
The Sex Diaries: Why Women Go Off Sex and Other Bedroom Battles
(London: Hamlyn, 2009)

the pain
Leo Tolstoy,
Anna Karenina
, trans. Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky (London: Penguin Books, 2001), pp. 481–2

language
See Susie Orbach,
The Impossibility of Sex
(London: Allen Lane, 1999), pp. 166ff.

of shame
De Beauvoir,
Second Sex
, p. 265

not less
Perel,
Mating in Captivity
, p. 215

first object
Sigmund Freud, ‘The Taboo of Virginity’ (Contributions to the Psychology of Love III),
SE
, vol. 9, p. 205

the Beloved
Emmanuel Levinas,
Totality and Infinity: An Essay on Exteriority
, trans. A. Lingis (Boston: Martinus Nijhoff Publishers, 1979), p. 254

PART FOUR: LOVE IN TRIANGLES

and death
Aeschylus,
Aeschylus I: Oresteia
, trans. Richmond Lattimore (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1953), p. 47. See Tony Tanner,
Adultery and the Novel: Contract and Transgression
(Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press, 1979), pp. 27–9, to whom I am indebted for this point

absolute
Ibid., p. 13

feet of clay
Judith N. Shklar,
Ordinary Vices
(Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1984), pp. 139, 142