“I’ve always heard that a person’s whole life flashes before her eyes just before she dies. Yet it wasn’t the part of my life that’s behind me that I saw, it was the part that’s still ahead of me. And standing up there in the loft, wondering if I was going to get out of there alive or not, I suddenly realized something.”
“What?” asked Laurel.
“That I don’t want to spend my life being a doctor. And that the only reason I’ve been telling myself I wanted to go to medical school is because it’s what my father and both my brothers did. Somewhere along the line, I managed to talk myself into believing it’s what my mother would have wanted me to do, too.”
Tears were welling up in her eyes. Yet instead of blinking them away, embarrassed over being caught crying, she let them stream down her cheeks. “I never really had a chance to get to know my mother. Of course, I have memories of her from when I was a little girl. But she died when I was only ten years old.”
Glancing at Laurel, she added, “You didn’t know that, did you?”
“No.”
“How could you? I never told you. I never told anyone. Not about my mother—or very much else about myself, either. I was trying to protect myself. I figured if people didn’t know much about me, they wouldn’t be able to hurt me.” She bit her lip. “But do you know what? They didn’t have to. I’ve been doing a good enough job of hurting myself.
“My love of science is sincere, Laurel. But I think that what I need to do is step back and decide what I really want to do.” Gesturing toward the magnificent woods stretching out before them, she added, “Who knows? Maybe I’ll even end up coming back to Alaska, working as a field biologist.”
“That’d be great,” said Laurel. “But I have one piece of advice.”
“What’s that?”
“Leave your hair dryer home.”
The joyful laughter of two young women cut through the stillness of the forest, a sound as sweet as the chirping of the birds and the rustling of the leaves.
* * * *
Cassie stood on the edge of the clearing, watching Russ untie a row of knots that had formed in the strings of the fish traps with strong, confident hands. The early morning sun was shining through the trees at a low angle, lighting up his face. On it she could see an expression of complete contentment.
“Russ?” she said softly, taking a step toward him.
He turned, surprised. “Oh, hi, Cassie. I didn’t know you were out here.”
“I-I
wanted to get you alone so I could say thank you.”
Russ laughed, waving his hand in the air dismissively. “Oh, it was nothing. Taking out knots, fending off bears ... as far as I’m concerned, it’s all in a day’s work.”
She laughed, then quickly grew serious once again. “I think you were incredibly brave.”
“Maybe if I’d had the time to stop and think about what I was doing, I wouldn’t have done it. But at the time it just seemed like the thing to do.”
“Very few people would have had the courage to go into the cabin after a bear. Especially armed with nothing more than a spray can!”
Russ shrugged. “I’ve fought off wild animals before.” With a self-conscious grin, he added, “Of course, never anything bigger than a crazed squirrel.”
He pushed aside the dark bangs that had fallen into his eyes. “You were pretty brave, too. Mariah and Danny both claim that if it hadn’t been for your levelheadedness, they never would have got out of there alive.”
She could feel her cheeks turning pink. “I wouldn’t go that far.”
“It sounds like you were pretty amazing.” Russ’s voice had grown softer. “You know, Cassie,” he went on, “I’ve been thinking about what I said to you. Remember, about how you’re a really special girl and all?”
Cassie nodded. By now, she was certain her cheeks had to be a bright shade of scarlet.
“Believe it or not, not long ago somebody actually gave me almost the exact same speech. And hearing it from the other side made me realize two things. One is that that person was probably right. Even though the words can easily come out sounding like whoever’s saying them is just trying to make you feel better, they really are true. About me ... and about you.”
“The other thing is that you really are special, Cassie,” Russ hesitated a few seconds, then reached over and gently took Cassie’s hand in his. “So special, in fact, that lately I’ve found myself wondering if maybe you and I could try to get to know each other better.”
He was looking at her with a strange intensity. Cassie could feel her heartbeat quicken. He took a step closer, his brown eyes fixed on hers. She realized for the first time that that was what she wanted, too. Slowly, everything else was slipping away: the field stretching ahead of her, the forest all around, even the endless gray-blue sky, reaching up forever. Knowing that kissing Russ was going to be one of the most special moments of her life, she raised her face to his.
* * * *
“Cassie?” Laurel asked, cocking her head to one side. “Are you all right?”
As she’d wandered into the girls’ bedroom in the cabin, Cassie looked as if she were about to burst. Her cheeks were flushed, her green eyes were shining, and there was a distinctive lilt to her step.
“As a matter of fact,” she replied, wearing a huge grin, “I’ve never felt better in my life!”
Laurel frowned. “This doesn’t have anything to do with Trip, does it?”
“Trip?
Trip?
Do me a favor. Please don’t ever mention that name to me again!”
Laurel laughed. “Whoa. Let’s go back. I think I missed something here.”
Cassie sat down on the edge of her bed. “You were absolutely right about Trip. He really is a despicable jerk.”
“That’s funny. After what happened yesterday, I’d actually started to feel sorry for him.”
“Sorry
for him? The boy’s an absolute turkey! You should have seen the way he acted when that bear showed up. Oh, sure, I could forgive him for the way he totally fell apart. He couldn’t help that. But he became a madman! He raced ahead of the rest of us when we were trying to get out of the cabin. He even cut ahead of Danny! What’s even worse, though, is that he wanted to send the poor kid outside to get help while
he
stayed safe and sound in the cabin!”
She shook her head in disgust. “How could I ever have been so wrong about someone?”
“At least you found out what Trip Raynor’s really like.”
“Too bad it took a bear attack to shake me out of my stupor.”
“So if it isn’t Trip who’s responsible for that silly grin you were wearing when you came in here, who is?”
Cassie smiled shyly. “Russ.”
“Russ!” Laurel could hardly believe her ears. And yet, now that she thought about it, it all made sense. Perfect sense. And she couldn’t have been more pleased.
“Cassie, that’s wonderful! I had no idea—”
“Neither did I. At least, not until a few minutes ago. But you know, Russ is an unusual guy. I think he’s really special.”
Laurel smiled, “I do, too. And I’m really happy for you.”
“Which brings me to the apology I’ve owed you for a long time now. Laurel, I’m really sorry about how I’ve been treating you. Ever since we got up here, I’ve acted like such a baby!”
“No, you haven’t,” Laurel replied. “You acted like someone in the throes of her first serious crush.” She looked at Cassie earnestly. “At least you’ve got things in better perspective now.”
“I’ll say,” Cassie agreed. A slow smile crept across her face. “Of course, I don’t expect to eat or sleep for the rest of my life....”
“You know, Russ had an effect on me, too.” Laurel held up the pad of paper that had been resting in her lap. “When you came in, I was writing a letter to my mother. At first, I figured I’d keep quiet about the fact that last night Papa Bear came to visit the cabin in which her little girl is living. But then I remembered something Russ told me a few weeks ago.”
“What did he say?” Cassie asked, blinking.
“He said that because he’d grown up on a preserve, pretty much cut off from the rest of the world, he’d always been forced to look inside himself for answers. He convinced me that that’s where the answers lie—not in other people’s expectations.”
With a shrug, she added, “He made me realize that I’m just going to have to keep on being the person I am, hoping that sooner or later my mother will come to accept it.”
“Maybe some of that will rub off on me,” Cassie said, smiling wistfully. “Maybe one of these days I’ll leave Mountainville behind, run off to art school, spend all my waking hours drawing and painting and leading the wild, romantic life of an artist....”
“Who knows?” Laurel replied seriously. “Maybe you will.”
Just then, Mariah popped her head in. “What do you think this is, summer camp? We’ve got work to do!”
Cassie groaned. “You mean we don’t get a day off to recover from a bear attack?”
“Are you kidding?” Mariah countered. “Dr. Wells expects us to pick up right where we left off. We’ve got traps to set, plants to press, butterflies to collect—”
Cassie sighed. “It never ends, does it?”
“No,” said Laurel. “There’s always more to do. More to learn. And more to experience.”
Tossing aside her pad of paper, she jumped off the bed. “Come on, you two. Let’s hit the canoes!”
She strode out of the cabin, onto the porch. She paused there for just a moment, appreciating the warm sunlight on her face, the rich fragrance of the forest, the sweet sound of the birds. And then, with her chin held high and a satisfied smile on her face, she headed down the path, toward the edge of the lake.
To Jesse
Copyright © 1995 by Cynthia Blair
Originally published by Fawcett Juniper/Ballantine (0449704394)
Electronically published in 2012 by Belgrave House
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
No portion of this book may be reprinted in whole or in part, by printing, faxing, E-mail, copying electronically or by any other means without permission of the publisher. For more information, contact Belgrave House, 190 Belgrave Avenue, San Francisco, CA 94117-4228
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This is a work of fiction. All names in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to any person living or dead is coincidental.