Against The Darkness (Cimmerian Moon) (29 page)

July 16
^th
, 2012

“We have to
start preparing for the winter,” Eric says, entering the kitchen and making a
beeline for the bread that Jillian has just pulled out of the oven. “I’ve come
to check the supplies.”

“Already?” I
ask. I’ve come to visit Mia for a few minutes. The clinic is quiet and it’s not
my turn in the garden. But to pass the time I plan to head there after I leave
the kitchen.

“We don’t want
to be caught with our pants down at the first sign of snow.”

He reaches for
a piece of Jillian’s bread, but she slaps his hand, making a loud smacking
sound. “I didn’t make that for only you, mister. You’ll get your share at
dinner.”

He pulls his
hand back and shakes it in the air. “Have you been lifting weights woman?
Ouch.”

I stifle a
giggle with my hand.

“Big baby.” Mia
cuts off a slice of the bread and hands him a piece. “Here you go, this should tide
you over.”

Jillian puts
her hands on her hips. “What did I tell you about feeding strays? You’ll never
get rid of him now,” she jokes.

Mia looks to
Jillian sheepishly. “I’m sorry, but I owe him for the candy bar that he brought
me yesterday.”

“That was so
good,” I say, rubbing my stomach. “I haven’t had candy in ages.”

He stuffs the
bread in his mouth. “I knew what I was doing when I brought back the chocolate,”
he says, eating with his mouth full of food. “Men are outnumbered here. I
consider that a smart move.”

Jillian shakes
her head and turns back to kneading the next batch of bread that she’s baking. “Well,
nobody said you were dumb, Eric.”

“We should be
pretty good on supplies; we’ve been stocking up.” he says, making his way to
the storage room. “Pretty soon our storage room will be overflowing,” he
hollers. “Which is good because hunting and scavenging will be dangerous when
the snow falls. Snow fall equals footsteps and trails. We’ll have to spend most
of our time hunkered down in the compound to avoid leading the lizards straight
to us.”

A tingle runs
down my spine.

“I have faith in
you men to keep food in our bellies,” Jillian says, paying more attention to
her bread than she does Eric.

He comes out
of the closet with a satisfied look on his face. “We’ll survive, but we could
always use more. We’re saving the lizard pellets just in case we start to get
lean.”

“Can we please
think of another name for them? Lizard pellets sound so…” I shudder.

“Sorry babes,”
Mia says. “But I think that name kind of stuck.

“Argh.”

“I know it
gives you bad memories,” Eric says. “So if you think of another name, we’ll use
it.” He leans against the counter and I see Mia trying to slip him another
piece of bread while Jillian has her back turned. “We’re going hunting
tomorrow. Are you coming up with us?” he asks.

I perk up.
“Sure. My mom can handle things in the clinic. And maybe Anna can take my day
in the garden.” Anna’s a thirty-year-old woman who came to the compound a
couple of weeks before we did.

I’ve only gone
up a couple of time. Wade has taught me how to make traps and Rocky is teaching
me how to use the bow and arrows. My aim is good and my hands are steady. From
a secure position, high in the trees, I can hit a deer with no problem at all.

Winston is a
good hunter too. He goes for the smaller game, rabbits and squirrels. Getting
him up and down the stairs is no hassle for us anymore. Jillian made him a real
harness. We only take him up about once a week, but going on top is something
that he loves.

Jillian turns
just in time to see Eric stuffing another piece of bread in his mouth. “I swear
you’re more trouble than you’re worth.” She snaps her towel at him, hitting him
on the thigh with a “wap”. “Go on, get.”

“Ow!” Eric
hollers out.

Winston enters
the kitchen by ducking under the swinging doors.

“And you too,”
she says to him. “We won’t have any food left if we keep giving handouts to the
both of you.”

Winston puts
his ears and head down and starts to back out. He whimpers, as if Jillian hurt
his feelings, keeping his big puppy eyes on her.

Jillian rolls
her eyes. “Oh, here,” she says, handing him a piece of venison. He swallows it
in one gulp. “I swear you’re getting fatter every day. Pretty soon you’ll be
too heavy for anyone to carry your hairy tail up the stairs. Now get. Those sad
eyes will only get you one treat out of me.”

“Come on
Winston,” Eric says, giving the dog a scratch behind the ear. “We’ll go where
we’re wanted.”

I giggle
uncontrollably as they leave.

“So, what’s
going on with you and Wade?” Mia asks.

I shrug.
“Nothing. Same-old, same-old. We’re just friends though. He isn’t pushing me
for anything more.”

She looks up at
me, raising a brow. “What about you and Jason?”

“Nothing there
either.”

Nothing
will ever be there.

I shake the
thought from my head. I don’t want to think about that. Because…

I love him
.

“Too bad.” Mia
says, interrupting my internal monologue. “I thought things would have changed by
now. Especially since this is pretty much our lives now.”

“What are you
saying? You thought he would settle for me? I don’t need anyone to settle for
me.”

“No, no,
that’s not what I’m saying. I meant since he doesn’t have to fight how he feels
about you anymore. I’m pretty sure it’s hard for him to keep trying to ignore seeing
you for the woman you’ve turned out to be.”

I snort.
“Yeah, right. That fork in the road has been closed. There’s a ‘Do Not Enter’
sign planted firmly in the ground. Our friendship has taken a different path
and I’m fine with it.”

Mia rolls her
eyes. “You can lie to anyone else, but you can’t lie to me. I really don’t see
what the holdup is. You guys have been playing cat and mouse forever.”

Jillian stops
what she’s doing and leans her back against the counter. “The first day I met
Dave he told me he loved me.”

“Whoa, really?
That’s rushing things,” I say.

Jillian
chuckles. “It was love at first sight. It’s a rare thing, most people don’t get
to experience that kind of love.”

“Were you in
love with him too?” Mia asks.

Jillian nods.
“I felt it too. But I had to play hard to get. I pretended that he didn’t exist
for the entire summer.”

“That’s so
cruel,” I say.

She shrugs
playfully. “I made him work for my attention and, just when he was about to
give up and start dating Annabel Green, I gave in and told him that I loved him
too.”

“What happened
then?” Mia asks, hanging on her every word.

I roll my
eyes. “They got married, dope.”

Mia laughs,
high and child-like. “Right, I know how this story ends.”

I rub my
sweaty palms together. What they’re telling me to do is so out of my character.
How can I go and open myself up to him and declare how I feel? I did that once
and it did not turn out so good.

“It’s about
time you had a conversation with Jason,” Mia says. “You both can’t tip-toe
around the subject forever.”

I bite on my
bottom lip, wondering what to do next.

Mia hits me
with the towel, the same way Jillian had hit Eric a little earlier. “Get!”

I rub at the
stinging spot on my thigh. “
Ow
, that really does hurt.”

“She didn’t do
it right,” Jillian says. When she winds up her towel to give me a smack I back
away, putting my hands out for protection. “I’m going, I’m going.”

I know where
to find him. He’s most likely resting in his room before he’s set to get out
scouting later. The entire way there my mind is a jumbled mess. I have no idea
what I plan to say to him.

As I make my
way to his room, I run into Jasmine, or more like she almost runs into me. She
bolts past, without so much as a ‘sorry’ or ‘excuse me.’ I shake my head as her
feet slam on the ground. She must be in some kind of hurry, but I can't imagine
mopping would be that important.

I reach his
room and knock on the door, praying that he’s alone. Otherwise it’ll be real
awkward if MJ and Wade are there too.

“Come in.”

I take a
minute to steady my breathing and to figure out exactly what I want to say.

“I know I
told you that I was okay with how things played out between us. But I was
wrong. I think we should give us a chance. Heck, it’s the end of the world.
What’s the worst that could happen?”

I shake my
head.

That sounds
plain stupid.

“Jason.
Will you be my boyfriend?”

Argh.

That sound
even stupider.

“I said, come
in.”

Right.

I take a deep
breath and enter.

He’s sitting
on his bed with his backpack next to him—a full backpack.

It’s packed
.

He looks up to
me as if he’s surprised to find me standing in his doorway. His eyes are red
and swollen.

“Hey,” I say,
looking around his room. He’s alone. “What’s going on?” I whisper.

Bells go off
in my head.
He’s leaving
.

“I was just
about to look for you.”

I pull my
brows together. “I don’t understand. Why do you have your backpack out?”

He takes a
deep breath and rubs his hands across his jeans. “Sinta, I have to go.”

My mind clouds
over. “Where?”

“D.C.”

“But…why? I
don’t understand,” I stammer out.

“If there’s
something like this here, then I can’t stop thinking that maybe my dad was
right. Maybe the government is still running underground somewhere.”

I feel as
though someone has punched me so hard in the stomach, that all the air has left
my body. “You’re leaving me?” There’s a tremor on my voice.

“We both knew
from the beginning that I was going to go. I only stayed to make sure you all
got home safely.”

I shake my
head. “That’s not all. You said it wasn’t. You…and…I.”

“Sinta.”

And that’s
when I know. I’m too late.

I back away
from him.

“Sin, don’t
look at me like that. My dad was right. This isn’t the time to think about
hooking up with anyone. We’re at war and we’re losing. I have a duty to do. I
have to go to D.C. This is bigger than you or I.”

Don’t cry,
don’t cry, don’t cry
.

I nod. “You’re
right. You have to go to D.C. to see your family and to help your dad.”

I will not
beg.

“I knew you
would understand.”

How could
he be so blind? Can’t he see how much he’s tearing me apart?

“When are you
leaving?” I ask, trying to control the tone of my voice.

“Today.”

My breath
catches in my throat. “When did you decide this?”
Don’t you dare cry.

“I’ve thinking
about it for a while, but I made up my mind a couple of days ago.”

I peer at him,
trying to channel the hurt into useful anger. “And you didn’t think to tell me
until now?”

“I didn’t know
how I would tell you.”

He drops his
hands and goes to his bag.

He’s
leaving me
.

“I’ll go with
you,” I blurt out.

“Sin—”

I shake my
head, walking toward him. The desperate girl syndrome is starting to crawl its
way out against my wishes. “I have to go, you can’t go by yourself. What if
something happens to you? Just give me time to get my things together and tell
my mom. She’ll understand.”

“I’m not going
alone, Jasmine is coming too.”

I want to die.
Everything inside of me screams out in pain. My heart constricts and drops. I
tighten the hold on my feelings. They feel as though they’re beating against
the inside of my skin, trying to get out and yell, scream and cry. On the
outside I know I appear like someone in control.

“I see.” I can
feel a wall as thick as bricks building up around me.

“It’s not what
you think. As I was leaving the room she came by, saw the bag and guessed I was
leaving and asked to go. I wanted to tell you first. You deserve to be told
first.” He picks up his bag and comes to me. “Sin, I…”

I back away
from him. I don’t want to hear anything about how he feels about me, not since
any of it will matter anymore. “Good luck…to the both of you.”