Across The Divide (3 page)

“I wish the vow worked both ways. I want to be able to feel you and know you are still alive.”

One blond eyebrow arched on Ryker’s face. “You want to feel me, huh?” He surged up, flipping me. I fell back on the pillows. He crawled between my legs, and his eyes locked onto mine. He lifted my T-shirt up my body, his lips grazing my stomach, his stubble tickling as his mouth moved.

“Feel this?”

He tilted my hips up, my underwear slithered down my thighs, and his hands roamed freely over my exposed skin. I let a small groan escape. I wanted to reach out for him, to touch him, but my arms wouldn’t move. I struggled, feeling a slight pressure against them holding them down. Reality scratched at my brain, pulling me back toward reality.

“Stop. Stay with me.” Ryker clawed over me, placing his hands by my shoulders, his knees on either side of my hips. “Just a little longer.” He inclined, his lips finding mine.

It felt like home. Emotion surged through me, igniting my desire for him.

“I’ve done some interesting things, but this might be hitting a new level,” he mumbled against my mouth.

“Why? You’re not even real. This is all in my head.”

Ryker lifted his head, his intense gaze burning into me. “Zoey, I will make you another promise. I am going to bury myself into you so deeply and fiercely we are both going to feel it in reality.”

Time continued on, divided only by intervals in which researchers or Rapava entered the room. I was left alone in the darkness curled in a ball in the corner with only my fears and memories.

Ryker’s presence in my dreams was the only dash of strength I felt that kept me from revolting against Rapava. But even those spikes were lessening. I wanted to believe I had endless strength to fight, but I didn’t.

Some days no one came in, leaving me alone with my dreams of Ryker, memories of Sprig, and happy times with my sister or Daniel, anything which kept me sane. Other days it was an endless stream of tests and medical staff, treating me like a specimen.

I now lay coiled up, my head on my knees, humming a song to myself I used to sing Lexie to help her sleep. Sanity oozed from me like a sliced milk carton.

Something flickered above me. My eyes squinted against the sudden blaze of light, and I lurched away from it, digging myself into the corner, hiding. Lights meant people coming in: needles, drugs, exams, forced food and pills through tubes when I denied them.

Filthy, tangled strands of hair fell into my face, guarding me from the onslaught of rays burning my pupils. The sound of the squeaking metal door curled my back into a tighter ball. My arms still wrapped around me. I had lost feeling in them days ago. I had stopped talking and eating. Only my thoughts let time pass, and I indulged in them.

Footsteps sounded at the doorway, heading for me. Already I knew this person was not my usual visitor. Most of the staff had clipped, determined steps. Rapava’s sounded the most pronounced. His ego making sure every step resonated in my bones.

A floral perfume scent hit my nose, and I peeked through the gaps of my locks. The plum color of my hair had become only a hint of lavender coating my brown tresses. Just like my hope, it was fading with each passing day.

The short, curvy figure of a woman appeared in my line of vision. Long snowy-white hair cascaded around her shoulders, and her side-swept bangs were pinned back by the reading glasses perched on her head. She stopped, sadness filling her soft brown eyes as she took me in.

I used to consider Kate Grier an aunt, a crazy aunt who was scattered and talked your ear off. But I loved her because of those things and because she was warm and caring. Kate’s hugs could cause any bad day to become better. She had a nurturing presence, making me want to curl into her warm embrace and forget all my worries.

Her betrayal hurt the most.

She glanced over her shoulder at the door and then climbed down on the floor in front of me. “Oh, Zoey.” Her hand reached out to touch me.

A growl rose in my throat.

Her hand stopped and dropped back on her lap. “I don’t have much time,” she whispered so low I barely heard her.

I kept my eyes on the wall.

“I’m sorry I haven’t visited before,” she muttered. “They are always watching and listening.” Then she cleared her throat, her voice escalating an octave. “Please stop fighting us.” Kate’s hand brushed the hair away from my face. “We are only trying to help you. We. Want. You. To. Get. Better.” Her round, brown eyes willed her determination into mine.

I glared at her then returned to staring at the wall.

Kate could be clueless and absentminded but was never cruel or acted like she had a god complex. She had compassion for the fae. Although her love was truly for science and helping humans. Was she that blind? Could she not see what Dr. Rapava’s true intentions were? Did she agree with them if she did know?

“Daniel would not want to see you this way, Zoey.” Her warm hand cupped my cheek. I pulled away, turning my head from her. “He’d want you to
fight
. But not like
this
.” Her tone caught my attention. She tilted closer to me, her words tickling my ear. “Don’t let all his hard work be in vain. You can stop it.”

My head jerked over to her, for the first time really taking her in. Her face was expressionless, but I still couldn’t fight the feeling she was trying to tell me something through her eyes. Did she know Daniel was secretly investigating and finding information to take DMG down?

“What?” My dry throat crackled, not used to speaking, and my eyes scrutinized every inch of her face.

“We want you to get better,” she repeated.

I watched her a few moments more before I faced the wall again.

“You have family who care about you here.” She leaned in to kiss me on the temple, her voice low, snaking into my ear. “Daniel didn’t die for you to give up. Play the game, Zoey.”

She then stood and walked out of the room, the door clicking behind her. The light went off several minutes later, surrounding me in darkness. A blanket of fear and loneliness clenched my chest, leaving me with Kate’s words to mull over.

“Play the game, Zoey.”
The sentence rolled over and over in my head. It was hard for me to trust anyone here, but a feeling in my gut told me Kate was on my side trying to help me.

“Play the game,” I mumbled to myself, taking in the deeper meaning. I suddenly felt I had never seen Kate before today. We all brushed her off as sweet and flaky, the absentminded professor. What if there was more to her? Was she more aware of what Dr. Rapava was really doing far below her office? I hoped she was against it.

I wasn’t ready to fully trust my theory, but if Kate was sympathetic to my side, she would be a great ally.

She was right about one thing; I needed to play the game. I would not beat Rapava the way I was going. Standing by my ethics would only leave me locked in a closet till I was no longer useful. He was smart, so I couldn’t do it half-assed. This was as dangerous as a cop going undercover to spy on the mafia. My life depended on him believing I changed. The old Zoey had to come back.

I couldn’t slip up. The line I would have to walk was thin, but if I took it slow, let them believe I had reformed, eventually they might begin to trust me and let me out of this room.

It was all or nothing.

Game on.

I had to be subtle and proceed much slower than I would have liked. But if Rapava came in one day, and I was suddenly “cured” he would never buy it. The depths I had to dig inside myself to keep patient and determined bit at me like a mosquito—constant and relentless.

It took eleven excruciating days.

I focused on the small things: acknowledging the people who came in the room, taking more bites of food and thanking them for it, answering questions when they asked. I could see it in their faces that my deception was working. Their interactions with me were energized, and they spoke to me like a timid child they were trying to encourage, instead of a lab rat.

Adapting to the pace of a sloth was painful. The straightjacket seemed to grow tighter around my chest with every moment. A couple of times I almost broke, but I dug deeper, knowing the strength was somewhere in there.

By the fifth day things started to change. With every visit after, my treatment improved slightly. They took off my jacket when Rapava deemed me “no longer a threat to myself or others.” I was given more substantial meals and even a blanket and pillow.

As my advancement progressed, Rapava’s visits increased. Those were the hardest to get through. But Kate’s words kept coming back to me.

Play the game
.

And I did. Each day feeling like years.

“I am proud of your progress, Zoey.” Rapava had come in after lunch on the twelfth day. Right away I felt something was different in his demeanor with me. “I think you have made such incredible strides this week, I want to reward your headway.”

I straightened against the wall, standing almost like at command. “Sir?”

“We are going to get you cleaned up, fresh clothes, even a new room. How would you like that, Zoey?”

His condescending tone drove my nails into my palms.

“I would like it very much, sir.”

“Good.” He nodded. “After you get cleaned up, I’d like to reveal all the positive things we are doing here. I’ll have Nurse Delaney take you to the showers and get you situated in your room. Then I will show you around.” He stalked to the door. “I hope this trust we are building between us will continue, and you will return to your old self again.”

He wanted me back to the time before I knew the truth and thought he was a gift to the medical world. When I believed he truly wanted to help people like my sister. He’d like me even more if he could brainwash me—have another minion to control.

“Yes, sir.” I nodded. Throwing in a lot of “sirs” seemed to make him happy.

He tilted his head in a goodbye and left.

Even after he left I did not move or let any true feeling show on my face. Kate’s statement,
They are always watching and listening,
was a constant warning in my head

A woman about my height entered the room soon after. She was one of the main researchers who had come in to give me shots and food, but she never did the tests. She had dark blonde hair tied back in a ponytail and brown eyes. She wore no makeup except a little mascara and was dressed in baggy, green scrubs, hiding her body, but she appeared to be thin. Her pink-and-black sneakers were the only thing she wore that showed her personality.

“Hi, Zoey. I’m Delaney.” She had an open, compassionate aura about her. Someone who immediately calmed me, like a nurse in a pediatrician’s office.

I was never a person who trusted, no matter how kind a person was. It was not how you survived on the streets. You always needed to be watching out for yourself and skeptical of everyone.

“Come with me. I’m going to take you to the showers so you can get cleaned up.” She motioned me to follow her out of the room.

I silently obeyed. My bare feet shuffled across the cold floor. I still wore the hospital gown I woke up in weeks ago, my hair knotted and filthy, and my dirty skin bruised from the shots. The last time I had a shower was in Peru…that I was aware of. Who knows what they did to me unconscious.

The moment we left the room, I noticed Liam following behind us. 
So Delaney was not my only babysitter
. He didn’t hide the fact he was there to guard me, and he sighed and huffed to let me know how he felt about it.

Delaney took me to a shower stall and sat outside the curtain. Liam stayed outside the door. They weren’t ready to leave me alone, especially when handing me a razor. The hot water gushed down my skin, massaging my stiff muscles and washing away the grime of the prior weeks. It took two washes and double conditioner to untangle my hair. Finally I emerged from the stream when the warm water faded and turned to icy liquid.

“Here are your clothes and undergarments.” Delaney patted the fabric folded on the counter. Gray scrub-style pants and top, white underwear, socks, and a sports bra. I didn’t miss the slight to me. The staff here wore blue or green scrubs. Fae wore gray. Rapava was making it clear I was not one of them.

Under the counter, on the floor, sat a pair of worn black boots. Boots DMG issued to me six months earlier when my last ones fell apart. Emotion came out of nowhere, blinding and blurring my eyes.

“My boots.” I dropped to the ground, touching them like long-lost friends.

“Uh. Yeah.” Delaney seemed unsure why I was getting weepy over a pair of boots. She had no idea what these shoes meant to me. What they had been through. They were the only thing I had left. The dirt and scuffs were like a timeline of the past events of my life. Ryker. Sprig. Croygen. Even that bitch, Amara.

“Dr. Rapava thought you might like something of yours. Also, they were still in okay condition, and even though Seattle’s getting a lot better, it’s still tough to get certain items.”

Right. Seattle was trying to recover from the big electrical storm.

“It’s getting better?” I turned to Delaney.

“Slowly, but yes. I’m one of the lucky ones. My house actually has water and electricity most of the time now. Downtown is still a mess and gangs have gotten worse, but it’s better than it was.” She shrugged. “I will let you get dressed.”

Delaney picked up my shower stuff, cleared the room of anything I could use as a weapon, and exited the small bathroom. She left a disposable toothbrush and cheap comb.

I quickly got dressed but took my time lacing my boots. They felt good on my feet. Like they had come home. Maybe I had been in the dark by myself too long, but I felt this strange connection to them, like they really were old friends. I brushed my teeth and hair then went out to where Delaney and Liam waited for me.

As we walked down the corridor, I kept scanning my surroundings, taking in anything helpful. Every room we passed that I could see into, a fae was curled on a cot, sleeping.

I was also fighting a sluggish, lethargic sensation. Paint laced with goblin metal and iron coated everything down here. I hated it, but I couldn’t deny it was ingenious. Along with being surrounded by poison, they were also injecting us with small doses—robbing fae of their will to fight or the ability to control their magic. A perfect weapon.

Liam and Delaney led me down a network of hallways, where the rooms didn’t have windows, and it grew more and more silent.

“Rapava thought it best for you to be separate from the fae.” Delaney keyed a door, opened it, and flicked on the lights. “And to have a little more privacy.”

I stepped in. The room was no bigger than fifteen by twenty. It was painted the typical sterile white. A cot was placed against one wall, a table, cupboards and a sink on the opposite wall. Otherwise it was empty. Not even a toilet.

“There is a bathroom you can use down the hall in the mornings and before you go to bed.” Delaney picked up on my train of thought. “I will store your toothbrush and personal effects there.”

They purposely didn’t want me to have a bathroom. They could control me better this way by keeping all items that could be used as weapons away from me and only used with supervision.

“Well, since I don’t have to unpack or anything.” I turned to leave the room.

“You don’t want a moment to settle?” Delaney asked.

“Settle?” I lifted an eyebrow. “As comfy as the thin cot mattress looks, I think I’m good.”

Liam snorted from the doorway and stepped aside to let me pass. Delaney nodded and followed me out. “Okay, we’ll take you to Dr. Rapava. I think he wanted to show you around.” She sounded relieved to be getting rid of me. She was acting pleasant and professional but was probably nervous as hell to be around me—a tainted human—one who was not totally stable and could kick her ass in ten seconds. Hence Liam. His ego would never allow him to doubt for a moment he could handle me.

The pair led me to the elevator. Liam slid a card into a slot and pushed the button for the level above mine. I subtly glanced at the card in his hand before he shoved it into his pocket. All the cards I had seen before were white with a black DMG symbol on it. This card’s symbol was red.

A key card was needed to obtain access to anything below the first three levels. I had never thought much about access, as I never needed to go below the third level. I figured it was for security reasons to protect it from outsiders. Now I knew it was to keep people in, not out.

Anything below the first few levels of DMG were designed to hold or study fae. The more dangerous you were, the farther down you were held, becoming harder and harder for one to escape. I was detained one level below the middle, teetering on the fence between dangerous and a medium security risk. I needed to keep my behavior in check, stay on script, and gain their trust. Then I might have a chance to move up and be closer to freedom.

Liam nudged me out when the doors opened and herded me down the hall.

I spotted a camera at the end of the hall. Delaney saw the focus of my attention. “They don’t work.” Delaney swished her hand at it. “Been out ever since the storm. They utilize too much energy so we’ve kept them off.”

“Hey.” Liam clicked his tongue, shaking his head at Delaney. “They work fine.” Liam’s voice held a threatening tone to it. Her face turned red and she dropped her gaze to the floor. This was definitely something she wasn’t supposed to tell me. Cameras weren’t working here. Good to know.

They took me into a room where Rapava was mixing vials of colored liquid between tubes.

“Ah, Ms. Daniels.” He took off his protective glasses and came around the table. He hadn’t called me that since before everything happened. The name coming from his mouth was like a slap in the face. I was named after Dr. Daniel Holt, “Daniel’s kids.” This whole time Rapava knew my true origin and how I got my name.

Bastard.

“Come with me, I want to show you what we are doing. How we are helping the human race.”

Delaney and Liam left. Rapava took me around the different lab rooms, showing me the studies and the “progress” into fighting diseases and birth defects. He showed me nothing I could use against him. I felt he was giving me the tour he would do for the head of the FBI or government official checking on what he was doing here. It only displayed him in a good light, emphasizing the achievements and greatness he was doing to help mankind.

I wanted to vomit on my boots, but I liked them too much.

He strutted around, full of one-sided facts and praise for what DMG did. And I kept nodding and saying, “Wow, that’s incredible.” A lot.

Finally we returned to the lower level where I was housed, but we came out the elevators on the opposite side of building. Rapava led me down the corridor, and I figured we were heading back to my room. Instead, he turned another way, stopping at one of the doors.

“This might be of interest to you, Zoey.” Rapava grabbed the handle. “I think this may cement your direction here with us and see what we are really fighting for.”

A nervous sensation curled around my esophagus like a leash. He opened the door and moved aside, letting me go first.

I stepped in.