Chapter 28
It was a week later and the last seven days had not been easy ones for Hannah. Outwardly she had appeared the same, inwardly she could feel herself shrivelling a little each day. She had been true to the promise she had made herself in the kitchen that first day and the next time she had gone into Jake’s room she had acted as though all they’d talked about was the weather. And so it had continued. Somehow she had managed to chat and laugh and carry on as normal but the price was crying herself to sleep each night and this feeling that she was diminishing in the core of her. It was about the third day that it came to her that she was experiencing a taste of what Jake had endured all his life, and with the knowledge came a new understanding of the man she loved.
The knowledge provided no answers to the situation she now found herself in. Maybe there were none. And so day followed day as she continued to play the part allotted to her.
She didn’t know what to do. What
could
she do? she asked herself, as she ran one of the sheets she had washed that morning through the mangle in the wash-house. She couldn’t beg and plead. He had been pleasant enough since she had spoken but with a cool reserve about him. He was holding her at arm’s length. Perhaps she
had
got it wrong. Perhaps he didn’t love her as a man loves a woman. Perhaps he cared for her only in the same way he cared for Naomi. She didn’t know any more. All she did know was that her declaration had made it impossible for her to stay once he was well.
The last of the sheets done, she straightened her aching back. She had been in the wash-house since eight o’clock that morning and it was now eleven but the poss tub was finally empty, the clothes mangled. All that remained was to peg everything on the two long lines at the side of the farmhouse where they caught any wind, and it was a fine drying day. It was cold but the sky was high and the sun was shining and there was enough wind to ensure come evening everything would be dry.
She had left Rose in charge of preparing lunch and baking some bread and cakes in the kitchen, but as she left the wash-house with the first of the three baskets of clothes to be hung on the line, she saw Jake’s mother hurrying towards her. The expression on Rose’s face was enough for Hannah to drop the basket.
‘Come quick.’ Rose did not shout; on the contrary, her voice was low but urgent. ‘He’s up.’
‘Jake?’
‘Aye, who else?’
They reached the kitchen door and Rose clutched at Hannah, preventing her from entering the house. ‘I heard a commotion a few minutes ago and there he was, staggering down the stairs. How he didn’t go from top to bottom, I don’t know. And he’s dressed.’ Bending her head still closer, she murmured, ‘I think he’s gone round the bend, lass. I do straight. When I asked him what he was doing he said he’s resuming his rightful place in the house. Just like that. That’s word for word. And then he made his way into his study. I went to the door to see if I could help and he told me to come and get you. Wouldn’t let me say another word. Just kept repeating for me to get you. All this has been too much for him.We’ll have to send for the doctor.’ Opening the door, Rose let Hannah precede her into the kitchen, saying, ‘Do you want me to come with you?’
‘No, no, it’s all right.’
‘What if he collapses?’
‘Then I’ll call you.’
‘I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw him.’ Again Rose was clutching at her.‘And I thought he was getting better an’ all. Lass, I couldn’t stand something happening to another of my lads and that’s the truth, it’d finish me off. First Joe dying and Adam as good as—’
‘Nothing’s going to happen to Jake, Rose.’ It was the first time Hannah had called Jake’s mother by her Christian name but both women were too upset to notice. ‘And he
is
getting better. Just the fact he’s up and downstairs proves that.’
‘You haven’t seen him,’ said Rose darkly.‘He looks like death warmed up and there’s something in his eyes . . . He’s not well.’
‘Let me have a word with him and then we’ll decide what to do, whether to send for Dr Stefford or not. All right?’
‘Aye, all right.’ Rose followed Hannah into the hall, saying, ‘I’ll wait out here and you call if you need me, lass.’
‘She won’t need you.’
The voice from the study caused the two women to look at each other and Rose to remark drily, ‘There’s nowt wrong with his ears anyway.’
Hannah stood in the doorway of the study looking at the man seated at the desk. She could see what Jake’s mother had meant. He did look like death warmed up.
Jake stared back at her for a moment and then said, ‘Shut the door please, Hannah.’
She did as she was told but didn’t venture further into the room, not until he said, ‘Come and sit down. I won’t bite.’
Slightly reassured at the normality of his voice, she took the seat he’d indicated on the other side of the desk. ‘You’ve frightened your mother to death.’
‘Have I? I’m sorry about that. I was hoping to be down here and established before anyone knew but she’s always had cuddy lugs.’ He smiled but she could see it was an effort.
‘You shouldn’t be up. Dr Stefford said—’
‘Damn Dr Stefford.’ And then he waved his hand. ‘No, I shouldn’t say that, he’s been very good, but one more day in that bed and I would have been climbing the walls, Hannah. Believe me. It was of vital importance I came downstairs.’
‘Why?’ She glanced at his desk. ‘There’s nothing that can’t wait when getting up too early could put you back weeks or worse.’
‘It won’t put me back. It will be the making of me. And as for the reason I had to be dressed and myself again . . .’ He stood up and walked round the desk. Dropping onto one knee, he said, ‘If you think I was going to do this lying flat on my back then you’re wrong. Hannah, I love you with all my heart. I don’t know how you can love me but I believe that you do.You will never know what you mean to me. If I tell you every day for the rest of our lives, it won’t be enough.’
And then he flung aside what was obviously a well-rehearsed speech, stood up and drew her into his arms. ‘Tell me, tell me you love me,’ he murmured. ‘Say it.’
‘I love you.’ Her voice was dazed, she felt dazed.
‘And you’re sure? You’re sure you want a fellow like me?’
Her reply was smothered as he took her lips, holding her so tightly against him she could feel the thud-thud of his heartbeat as they swayed together in what was no gentle embrace but a desperate desire to merge. When his lips left hers, they travelled the whole surface of her face in wonder before returning to her mouth, his husky mutterings unintelligible but filled with a desire that needed no translation.
When eventually he raised his head, she would have fallen but for his arms holding her. They were both breathing hard and it was a moment before he whispered, ‘I am a brute, forgive me. I had a speech all ready, I was going to woo you so gently.’
For answer she stood on tiptoe and slipped her arms round his neck, her eyes shining as she pulled his head down to hers and took his mouth with a touchingly inexpert hunger which said more than any words could have done.
When they next parted, he lifted a hand to her face, tracing a path to her mouth as he murmured, ‘I love you.’
‘And I you.’
‘You’ll marry me?’
‘Yes, oh yes.’
‘I promise you I’ll make you happy. Anything that is in my power to give you will be yours.’
‘I only want you. I’ve only ever wanted you.’ She cradled his handsome marred face in her hands. ‘Just keep loving me. That’s all I ask.’
Epilogue
Hannah and Jake were married six months later at the little parish church in Castletown. It was a quiet affair in view of the events which had occurred earlier in the year, but everyone agreed Hannah was a beautiful bride in her gown of ivory antique lace. Her aunt and uncle were abroad at the time of the wedding and Miriam had never been in touch since the day Jake had put her on the train for London. Hannah wasn’t sorry about any of this. Jake’s family were her family now, along with the folk at the farm. She didn’t need anyone else.
They held a feast in one of the barns at Clover Farm after the ceremony. Rose and Naomi and the other women had decorated it from top to bottom with garlands of wild flowers and ivy, and Daniel and John were in fine form as they struck up tune after tune on their fiddles so the assembled guests could dance the night away. Even Rose joined in when Stephen asked his mother to partner him in a barn dance, the sadness that sat on her like a cloak these days lifting briefly.
Jake had had a new wing built to the farmhouse in the last months and this now housed his mother and half-siblings. This arrangement suited all parties well. It meant Rose felt she was mistress of her own home again, the wing having a separate front door along with a small kitchen, sitting room and three bedrooms. For Jake it meant he and Hannah could start their married life together with a greater degree of privacy.
Now, as the company formed in lines to begin the Gay Gordons, Jake drew Hannah to one side. ‘Come and walk with me in the moonlight a while,’ he murmured, his arm round her waist.
Hannah nodded, smiling as they left the noise and merriment and whirling throng of dancers. Nature had conspired to present them with a magical evening. The harvest moon was riding high in the sky and the air was surprisingly mellow for late September, a hundred scents from sun-warmed fields and hedgerows heavy in the still air. Not a breath of wind stirred the grasses and wild flowers at their feet as they walked along the bridle path wrapped in each other’s arms.
The harvest had been completed the week before and as they turned off the path into one of the fields, haystacks rose like watching sentinels against a background of star-speckled slate-blue sky. Jake drew her down onto a seat of baled hay. Lifting her left hand to his lips, he kissed her wedding ring before murmuring, ‘You’re mine,’ a note of wonder in his voice.
‘And you are mine.’ He looked magnificent in the moonlight. The white full-sleeved shirt he was wearing was open at the neck, his formal jacket having been discarded during the dancing, and his black trousers fitted tight against his thighs. Hannah thought he had never looked so handsome.
‘I’m the most envied man in the county, do you know that? What does she see in him? That’s what they’re all saying.’
There was love in his embrace and love in his words, but underneath she sensed the silent need for reassurance. It didn’t happen so often now. Over the last months since they had been betrothed she had made him talk to her, patiently persuading him to open his heart and mind. He was a complicated, enigmatic man but the more she understood him, the more she appreciated what a fortunate woman she was. ‘Only the men would say that,’ she said softly.‘The women would know exactly what I see in you because they see it too.’
He smiled. Lifting his hand, he traced the outline of her mouth with one finger.
For a moment the memory of that other night so long ago when she had loved under the harvest moon intruded. The promises made then had melted away in the light of day.They had been unsubstantial and without weight, fragile and fanciful dreams. But this, this was real.
‘I love you,’ she said softly, reaching for him.
Above the Harvest Moon
RITA BRADSHAW
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