Authors: J.P. Barnaby
Aaron (41 page)
“You. See. Me.. That. Is. All. I. Have. Ever. Wanted.. We. Can. Figure. Everything. Else. Out..” He placed a small chaste kiss on Aaron’s lips, and Aaron felt him smile. Their fingers entwined, and Spencer held tight as he led Aaron toward the front door.
“The. South. Side. Of. The. Lake., Away. From. The. Houses., Is. Pretty. Quiet.,” Spencer told Aaron as they pulled out of the Sportmart parking lot and back onto the main road. He had gotten Aaron’s shoe size and disappeared into the building. Aaron had actually started to worry before he came back, red-faced, with two pairs of skates and two pairs of thick socks. From his muttering, Aaron had gathered that Spencer had to work hard to make the salesclerk understand what he wanted. Even with the hardship Spencer had to deal with, he never asked Aaron to go inside with him. Aaron could get through an afternoon of skating for Spencer. He could.
It took less than fifteen minutes to pull into Spencer’s subdivision, but rather than turning on his street, they continued past it and turned on a much smaller side street, one that was barely paved. The bumps were amplified in Spencer’s small car, and finally, they reached a small dirt parking area. One other car sat idling in the lot, steam rolling up from the exhaust. Once Spencer and Aaron passed, it pulled out and drove up the small road they’d just come down. They were alone.
Aaron climbed out of the car and looked around. The quiet stillness of the snow calmed his nerves. The lake was more of a large pond than an actual lake, and since the temperature had been below zero for the last week, Aaron figured it was pretty well frozen down to the bottom. Even though he’d never been to that particular lake before, he could see his mother bringing him and his brothers here as little kids, pulling them on a sled, or teaching them to skate on the ice. He could almost see himself out there, fearless, flying across the ice as his mother rushed to keep up. That invincible boy was gone, drowned in the horror and fear of monsters in the dark. He thought maybe through Dr. Thomas and Spencer, though, the boy could be a phoenix and rise from the ashes of his former life. The smallest flame of hope burned inside him, and he nurtured it as he waited for that day.
“You. Okay.?” he asked as he searched Aaron’s face. Aaron simply squeezed back and smiled. They walked over to a picnic table where Spencer dropped the two bags he’d been carrying. The first, Aaron recognized from the sporting goods store, and it held their skates. The second was a backpack, and the way Spencer slung it onto the table made it look pretty heavy.
“A. Bunch. Of. Muffins. And. A. Thermos. Of. Hot. Chocolate..” He dropped the skates and socks onto the bench and wrapped his arms around Aaron. “I. Like. This. Already..”
“I like it too.” He pressed his lips to Spencer’s, sharing leisurely kisses like they had all the time in the world to spend next to the lake. He liked the warmth and security of Spencer’s arms as they held him, his hand rubbing lightly up and down Aaron’s back. It was soothing, and loving, and just… sweet. He bumped against the table, and Spencer’s hardening cock pressed into his hip through their jeans. Fear rose up in Aaron’s throat, and he pushed it down. They were outside in thirty-degree weather. Spencer wouldn’t want to fuck in the snow. The thought persisted as the kissing grew more intimate. He put his hands on Spencer’s chest and pushed back a little.
“Sorry.,” Spencer said immediately and tried to discreetly adjust his erection in his jeans. Aaron watched, his own physical reactions still masked by fear and doubt. Though he’d talked about it, somewhat awkwardly, with Dr. Thomas, Aaron had no idea if he would ever be able to have a sexual relationship with Spencer. While he’d been able to jack off a couple times without completely freaking out, that was so much different than getting naked with someone, even someone he trusted, and opening himself up. Dr. Thomas said it would happen, that he’d be able to open up to someone he trusted eventually, but not to force it, and celebrate the small steps he took in his life.
“Don’t be sorry. I just wanted to ask you something.” Aaron looked over Spencer’s shoulder toward the lake, not sure how he wanted to word his question. He didn’t want it to come out sounding like an accusation, because he couldn’t blame Spencer if the answer was yes, but it hurt to think about anyway.
“Ask. Me. Anything.,” Spencer replied, and stopped putting on his skate to give Aaron his full attention. Something in Aaron’s face must have told Spencer the conversation would be important.
“Do you remember when you sent me that message over chat by accident, the sex one?” he asked and turned his gaze away from the lake and back to Spencer. A frown crossed Spencer’s face, but he nodded.
“Do you still do that?” Aaron asked before he could lose his nerve. He didn’t know why the question was so important to him. If Spencer wanted to talk to other guys to get his rocks off because Aaron couldn’t do that for him, he should be able to. Being upset or jealous felt so fucking selfish to Aaron, and he didn’t want to be selfish. He wanted to be giving and loving like he thought a good boyfriend should be, but it hurt. It underscored all Aaron’s inadequacies.
“No.. I. Have. Not. Talked. To. Anyone. Like. That. Since. You. Kissed. Me.. It. Felt. Like. A. Betrayal. To. You. And. To. Them.. You. Are. The. One. I. Want. To. Be. With. Like. That..” Spencer reached out and touched Aaron’s face, stroking Aaron’s cold cheek with his warm fingers.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to… to… give you what you want,” Aaron finished. He couldn’t even say it. If he couldn’t say it, how could he ever get up the balls to do it? Frustration filled him, and he wanted to tell Spencer he should find someone else, but he just couldn’t. He couldn’t stand the thought of not being with Spencer.
Aaron thought about the sign he’d looked up on the Internet. It scared him to think about sharing it with Spencer, but the feeling had been bursting inside him for a while, wanting to come out. It’s almost like if he didn’t say it, something in him would break.
“I’ve been looking up signs on the Internet to go along with the ones you’re teaching me, and there’s one I wanted to show you.” Aaron took off his gloves so he could make sure the meaning came across. His face, already a little flushed from the cold, heated at the thought of what he was about to do. Spencer looked puzzled, as if he couldn’t understand what Aaron would sign that would make him blush like that.
Aaron held up his hand with his middle and ring fingers pointing toward his palm and his thumb, forefinger, and pinky stuck out. All the air seemed to leave Spencer’s body in a woosh, and Aaron saw nothing but light and love, color and sound as it crossed his face.
Erotic fiction is more than just moans, grunts, and physical pleasure. To
J.P. BARNABY, erotic fiction consists not only of the mechanics of
physical love, but the complex characters and relationships that lead to those all-encompassing feelings of need and longing. Sex without context is merely sex—but sex coupled with attraction, with explosive repercussions—that is good erotic fiction. J.P. authors all different kinds of erotic fiction including gay, straight, male, female, BDSM, sweet, romantic, and dark.
As a bisexual woman, J.P. is a proud member of the GLBT community both online and in her small town on the outskirts of Chicago. A member of Mensa, she is described as brilliant but troubled, sweet but introverted, and talented but deviant. She spends her days writing software and her nights writing erotica, which is, of course, far more interesting. The spare time that she carves out between her career and her novels is spent reading about the concept of love, which, like some of her characters, she has never quite figured out for herself.
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