We were like an aul courting couple arms round each other holding hands and all that, a bit soppy but sure I didn’t care I was all for reinventing myself or maybe the Thailand was doing it for me sure I never expected that now. It was like we were on the outside looking in just the two of us in our own wee bubble if we weren’t busy pleasuring each other we were out observing the madness as things built up to the big full moon party. Sometimes we’d just sit down at one of the wee food stalls and grab some noodles or something and watch the backpackers dancing about and getting pished it was quite funny so it was but also a bit sad, sure most of them were totally lost they didn’t know who they were or what they were doing.
It’s pretty hedonistic, Lana says to me, that’s a good word, I says, are we living a hedonistic life then, sort of but in our own way, she goes, on our own terms it’s weird but sometimes you step over a line in life like you wander off the path and all of a sudden you’re in the forest and you see these other people walking along the path all going the same way with the same resigned expressions on their faces and you realise that was you a minute ago but now you can see it you can’t go back even if you wanted to you can try stepping back onto the path and joining the rest except they’re blind they can only see what’s right in front of them but you, you can see the forest all around with the trees stretching up into
the canopy and the tropical birds and all this cacophony you’re part of that now and it’s wonderful but how can you explain it to all these people on the stone path who can’t see what you’re seeing?
She was totally on the money right enough, how could I ever tell Big Jim and them ones about the world I’d seen there was no going back for me now sure it would be like being in prison I couldn’t do it, what about if everyone you know is on the path, I says to Lana, does that not mean you’re on your tod in the forest?
No one’s ever alone in the forest, she says, running her fingers up the length of my forearm, there’s always others you just have to find them but you’ll know when you see them.
A wee shiver ran up my back even though it was still dead hot outside. Aye I know, I says, I know that now it’s just I feel like the first of my kind or something like an aul explorer.
You’d be surprised, she goes, I’ve met a few like us but not many true enough that’s why I had to leave Indianapolis.
That’s right I keep meaning to ask ye what it’s like there only your ginger bits keep distracting us.
Oh don’t say that, she says, crossing her legs and blushing you’ll light a spark in me again, I need a rest.
I don’t really know where Indiana is, I goes, all I know is Indiana Jones, it must be a bummer if you live there and your name’s Jones sure everyone would take the mickey asking ye where your temple of doom was and that.
What about the Indy 500, she says, you must have heard of that.
The car racing, I goes, aye right enough that’s out your way isn’t it, is that where your man Cruise done the
Days of Thunder
? That’s a good aul movie so it is. What’s his name, Cold Trickle or something?
Lana laughed, yes! she goes, Cole Trickle his character’s based on a real driver, I was a pit girl one summer when I was seventeen that was bedlam you get treated like a whore but it was either that or the county fair and I couldn’t stand another few months in the donut truck I can’t even look at a donut now without retching. I don’t mind a donut, I goes, in fact I wouldn’t mind one right now I’ve an aul sweet tooth do you want to get some banana fritters or something?
I ordered dessert from the Thai lad he gave Lana a good looking-over couldn’t help himself like but he near shite when I gave him a stare, two minute two minute, he says, aye hurry up you wee fucker, I goes, or I’ll slap the lugs off of ye.
Lana goes, look they’re mad not to mention totally drunk.
I looked round and there was a couple of Thai lads setting fire to a big skipping rope they were standing up on crates and they started whirling it round it looked good so it did only these pissed backpackers all ran in and started jumping over it or trying to anyway. They went round a few times before it would hit them in the gob and they’d scream and drop down to the sand. Everyone
would laugh and cheer and then the rope would start up again round and round the flames leaving a trace in the air that was weird on the eyes. Fuck me, I says, that’s a bit dangerous especially with all these combustible dreadlocks and what have ye in the mix someone’s going to set their fisherman pants on fire and burn their arsehole.
Lana snorted and says, this explains the queue at the first-aid stall we saw earlier.
I was curious about the America I wouldn’t mind going maybe so I says to her, did you just bail out of the Indiana as soon as ye could like? Doesn’t sound like there was much going on there it’s in the middle of nowhere is it not?
Ah, it’s not too bad, she goes, after I left high school I got a job in a cocktail bar downtown, the money was good but it was long hours. It took me a while to save enough to hit the road.
Her parents were aul hippies she’d told me before, no money in the bank so no question of paying for her to go to college or nothing once she turned eighteen she was pretty much on her own but she didn’t mind. You didn’t see too many girls travelling by themselves but Lana had been on the go for a couple of years now, she was only a year younger than me sure she’d been mountain climbing in India and all sorts.
You must of put a fair aul bit aside to keep you going this long, I says, though don’t be worrying about money now sure I’ve got more than I could ever spend.
Yeah, she says, you’ve been a bit mysterious about
that did you rob a bank or something not that it would bother me necessarily, she goes on, grinning.
Nah never no banks, I says, sure they’re too hard just a couple of post offices and the odd bookies nothing major.
Did you ever shoot anyone, she goes, laughing. The way she said it threw me off guard and before I could stop myself it was out of me, course, I says, her eyebrows went up and I caught myself then, but you know most of them deserved it well maybe not most of them but some of them did anyway. Fuck sake, I was thinking, stop running your mouth or she’ll be on the next fucking boat out of here.
Sure she just shrugged, I couldn’t believe it. I shot a guy once, she goes, he followed me home from the bar and tried to jump me in an alley just around the corner from my parents’ place.
I just stared at her struck dumb sort of thing.
He was a big bastard too, drunk and strong I wouldn’t have stood a chance. Lucky I listened to Tyrone the bouncer rather than my dad.
Did he give you a piece to carry, I says, finding my voice even though it sounded dead quiet.
Glock 26, she nods. Compact and fits in your bag. Good if you’ve got small hands. She sniffs then and looks off into the distance down to the water’s edge. Shot him twice, she says all confident like it was nothing, he didn’t die though he had to have a liver transplant. He’s still in jail, or at least he should be.
How old were you, I says.
Nineteen, she goes, it doesn’t bother me or anything I mean I’m not one of these gun nuts or really messed up about almost being raped that’s just what it’s like in Indianapolis and either you stay there and carry a concealed weapon when you go out at night or you go live somewhere else. I left the year after and haven’t really been back since. She changed tack then and a big grin broke out on her face, you know I collected My Little Ponies when I was a kid I had like a thousand of them, most of them still in their boxes.
Right, I goes, but what’s that got to do with putting a cap in someone’s ass? I put on my best American accent to try and lighten the mood but it wasn’t very good like.
Oh that’s how I can keep travelling, she says, they’re worth a fortune to collectors especially if the boxes haven’t even been opened. I left them with my cousin, he sells a bunch of them when I need money and puts it in my account.
I laughed dead loud, are you fucking joking, I says, you mean you’re riding a wee pink horse round the world?
Yeah! she goes, ha ha I never thought of it like that, ride ‘em cowboy!
I was in a right aul good mood after that wee talk, everything about this girl was falling into place for me sure she was ticking all the boxes she reminded me of Tanya only even better even more worldly or confident it takes a certain type of person to throw down on some big fucker who’s trying to tear your clothes off in a dark alley, fucking Glock 26 she says, unbelievable like.
Here, I says to her, I know this aul full moon party stuff’s a load of aul bollocks but since we’re here sure we might as well get into it what do you think, totally, she says, let’s cut loose and dance the night away a bit of hedonism never did anyone any harm after being cooped up in that retreat I’m just about game for anything.
We got ourselves a couple of drinks not the buckets sure that’s for mugs but a couple of good cocktails with umbrellas in them and whatnot. We hunted down some of the trance people sure they stood out a mile only a few of the bars on the beach were playing that sort of music anyway a constant thrum it was, driving into your brain relentless like only in quite a good way it’s hard to explain if ye’ve not experienced it. I wasn’t totally sold but you have to admire anyone with specialist taste particularly when it comes to music. Anyway you could see some of the backpackers drifting towards that part of the beach curious like this wasn’t a sound they were familiar with and when you’re off your face it’s sort of perfect it grabs ye by the shoulders and holds you up all night like a pal who never gets tired and wants to keep going sort of thing sure you feel like a puppet on a string.
Me and Lana were dancing a wee bit after a couple of drinks building up a sweat and trying to get into the music. I felt a wee bit out of place but it was all right sure there was plenty to look at flashing lights and fire twirlers and women in bikinis and fellas doing acrobatics or walking on stilts. Just when I was thinking fuck me I wish I had a couple of pills or a wee line of speed
these three lads danced over towards us. They had good moves so they did obviously they were into it dead tan and skinny they were you could see their aul rippling sixpacks they had tribal tattoos on them too and big grins on their faces.
Right, I was thinking, these ones are on something I’d recognise that goofy expression and clenched jaw anywhere. I gave them the nod and leans in, bout ye lads, I goes, youse having a good night?
Fucking beezer mate, one of them says, putting his arm around my shoulder, course wouldn’t you know it they were English.
I laughed to myself and took a deep breath, you like the trance then, I goes, unreal, he says, his eyes were rolling back in his head a bit, are you all right there, I goes, better drink some water or something you’re sweating like a bastard. His eyes went wide then, oh thanks mate, he goes, I lost track there for a bit hey Richie, he says to one of his pals making a drinking motion with his hand, time out for a minute.
He put his arms right round me then sort of giving me a hug, you stay here mate all right we’ll be right back we want to have a dance with you and your girlfriend you’re nice people gorgeous couple you are, my name’s Dave by the way sorry I’m a bit chatty and touchy-feely you know what I mean.
Aye no bother, I says biting my lip thinking, Dave Dave why’d he have to be called Dave he seems all right though try not to be prejudiced Will still getting used to
calling myself that. Lana was throwing her hair all round and letting it hang down over her face it was brilliant in the moonlight and with all the fire reflecting off of it and that. She pushed it back out of her eyes and leans in to me still dancing, they looked like they were on X, she goes, I had to think about what she was saying for a minute, X aye right ecstasy good name for it, I says.
What do you call it, she goes, just pills, I says, or dancing batteries or Dambusters or red meanies, yeah all right all right, she goes, how many types have you got in Ireland? Loads, I says, we used to get them in bulk from Holland sure I always had a couple on me just in case. Just in case of what, she says, a house music emergency just in case Carl Cox pops round for lunch?
I laughed and goes, pretty much, we popped them like aspirin sure I’m dead used to them it takes a couple to get me going now, do you want me to ask these lads if they have any spare?
Well we’re going to need something, she says, I’m not a drug fiend or anything but how often do you find yourself at a full moon party?
She had a point like. I waited till your man Dave come back with his mates Richie and whatever the other one was called, he was dead pleased to see me like we were aul pals or something. I told him our names and he give us both a big hug he was flying no doubt about it sure he’d probably not even ‘member us in the morning. The third one was called Jez it turned out sure I could of guessed if they’re not called Dave they’re called Jez don’t
know what the score is there like, the mysteries of being English. They were all right actually quite good fun we started joshing each other good-natured like I asked Dave if he had any pills and he goes, sure no problem mate we brought loads over with us.
Are youse mad, I says, do you not know what the penalty is for that here in the Thailand life in prison, ah well, he goes, sure you only live once.
I had to laugh they weren’t bothered at all, well just watch yourselves, I goes, if you see the peelers coming through the crowd just calm yourselves down and don’t give nothing away these cunts will shake you down for everything you’ve got if they know you’ve pills on ye.
You’re absolutely right, he goes, that’s why we’ve got Jez on security detail, isn’t that right Jezza.
Sure I looked at him and he was away with the fairies, aye good idea, I says, look sort us out and I’ll watch your back I’ve a bit of experience if you know what I mean.
He thought that was dead funny for some reason and slipped us a couple of green pills, what are they like, I says, they’re not bangers are they, no no, he goes, they’re dead smooth a bit trippy but lovely just take half at a time though otherwise they’ll come on too strong and you’ll be spackered.