A Story of Now (24 page)

Mia goes to her desk and brings a handful of tissues for Claire. She sits beside her again and presses a hand into the centre of Claire’s back. And Claire lets her tears fall, released by the permission of that touch. This touch tells her she has a right to feel bad, that she doesn’t need to just grow up and get over it.

“I’m so sorry,” Mia whispers.

“It’s okay.” Claire sniffs. Her embarrassment at these tears instantly renders her defensive. “I mean, I’m an adult. I should be able to do this. I am doing this.”

“Yeah, but,” Mia presses on Claire’s back for emphasis, “if anything like this happened to me, I’d totally want my parents to be there.”

“Yeah, well, most of the time I don’t want my mother there. But it would sure as hell help if she were now.”

Mia nods and rubs her hand in small soothing circles on Claire’s back. And she does it until Claire finds her breath again and the tears finally stop.

And when they do, Mia makes them tea. They drink it silently on the bed as Blue watches over them, a silent, vigilant sentry. Then Mia carries her books over to her desk and arranges them into a big pile.

“We can’t study anymore,” she declares wearily. “Want to watch a movie or something? Just chill?”

“Sure,” Claire says numbly. She couldn’t concentrate on study now anyway.

They lay Mia’s laptop on the bed between them and watch a film on it. Claire reclines against the pillows and tries to focus. At some point, her phone lights up, but knowing it’s probably her mother, she doles out her small punishment for her mother’s neglect and ignores it. She can find out the news from the hospital. Claire does not feel like talking to her now.

But she can’t concentrate, either. She stares past the screen and wonders how life is going to go back to normal after this. She can’t even imagine it, days where she doesn’t carry around this fear and this sadness, or now, this anger at her parents.

Mia turns to her, frowning. “You okay?”

Claire nods. “Sort of. I’m just…I don’t know.” And before she knows it, she is crying again. Small, manageable tears this time, shed without rage. Now they’re just tired and overwhelmed tears.

Mia stops the movie and puts her hand on Claire’s arm. “Let’s just go to sleep. Then, tomorrow when you see Cam in the regular ward, you’ll feel even better.”

Claire nods, obedient, glad Mia seems to know what to do because she doesn’t have a clue.

“Do you need anything? More tea? Something warmer to wear?”

Claire shakes her head and wipes her eyes. “No thanks, I’m fine.”

“Does it bother you if Blue sleeps on the floor? He usually does.” The dog raises his head at the sound of his name then drops it back on the floor.

Claire smiles down at him. “Of course not.”

Mia pulls off her jumper and climbs under the covers. Claire does the same. She turns over onto her side, and faces the window as the light flicks off behind her. “I’m sorry to be such a mess,” she whispers into the darkness. “It all just kind of hit me.”

“Shh.” Mia’s voice is soft as she settles onto a pillow behind her and presses her hand on Claire’s back. “You’ve been amazing at keeping it together. But you get to not be okay. God, Claire, it’s not like you’re being melodramatic. Cam was really badly hurt. You can be as much of a mess as you want.”

Claire doesn’t say anything. She can’t. She pulls the covers higher over her shoulders.

“And, you know, it will all be okay.”

“I hate it when people say that.” Claire smiles into the darkness.

“Why? It will be,” Mia insists as she shuffles closer to her and winds her arm around Claire’s waist. “I know it will. So put up with it.”

Claire doesn’t say anything. She just leans back a little and settles into the sympathetic circle of Mia’s embrace, grateful to be here in the shelter of this room right now. “Night, Mia,” she whispers eventually.

“Night, Claire.”

“And…thank you.”

And all she feels is Mia’s arm tighten around her.

* * *

Claire wakes to a world barely different than when she fell asleep. She’s still on her side, still encircled by Mia’s arm. The only difference is the early light leaking into the room and the fact that she feels almost normal. For the first time in a while, she feels as if she really, really slept. She opens her eyes a little and smiles to herself. And although she doesn’t move, her waking must send some current through to Mia because she begins to rouse. She rolls away from Claire, and her arm slides off her waist. Claire listens as Mia yawns quietly and sits up in bed. Blue’s claws clatter excitedly on the floorboards.

Claire takes a moment, though, and hides in the pretence of sleep. She wants to stay suspended in this place of comfort before she faces another day that is bound to be like all the recent others. Except now she will take this small respite with her.

She must slide backward into sleep again, because she wakes to a room that is lighter still and empty. She pulls on her jumper and socks and goes in search of Mia.

As she pads through the living room, Blue comes out to greet her. His thick tail wags wildly. She pats him and goes out into the kitchen, where she can hear voices.

Mia and her mother are at the kitchen table. Tasya looks as if she’s dressed for work, neat and formal in a skirt and stockings and a jacket. Mia sits in the corner chair, her feet on the seat, in leggings, sneakers, and a giant T-shirt that she’s pulled over her knees. Claire can tell from the silence that falls and the way they smile at her when she walks into the room, they have been talking about her.

“Good morning.” Tasya gets up. “Would you like some coffee?”

“Yes, please.”

Mia pats the chair next to her. Feeling awkward that she has interrupted some sort of discussion about herself, Claire sits down and bites her lip.

“I hope Blue didn’t wake you. He kept going upstairs to check on you.” She takes one slice of toast from her plate and then pushes the rest toward Claire. “I’ll make some more in a sec. You eat that.”

“Yes, bossy.” Claire takes a bite, glad of something to do.

Mia smiles at her.

“So, Claire,” Tasya says as she puts a mug of coffee and a carton of milk in front of her, “when do your parents get back from their conference?”

“Uh, Wednesday night, I think.”

“Well,” Tasya picks up a pile of papers from the table and puts them in her case, “I think you should stay here with us until they get back.”

Claire stops the piece of toast halfway to her mouth. She frowns and starts to automatically refuse. “Oh no, that’s o—”

“I wish you would,” Tasya says. “It will make life a little easier for you. You’ll be nice and close to the hospital, and you won’t have to worry about anything else.” She closes her case and snaps the lock shut. “You could just come and go as you need, and you and Mia can study for your exams together.”

Claire opens and closes her mouth. This level of kindness, of generosity, is both lovely and daunting. “Oh no, that’s okay, really,” she stutters. “But thank you.”

“And to be honest, I really don’t like the thought of you staying by yourself right now.” Tasya takes her empty mug to the sink.

Mia leans forward. “You should, you know. We can study here, too, when you can’t be at the hospital.”

Before Claire can say anything, Tasya walks over and puts a hand on her shoulder. “You really are very welcome, Claire.”

Mia grins at her. “So, come on, just stop being polite and say yes.”

Claire feels as if she’s under siege. But in a good way. “Really?”

“
Yes
,” Mia insists. “And don’t feel like you’re putting anyone out or anything. Mum loves to take in strays. Look at Robbie, freeloading every Sunday.”

Tasya squeezes her shoulder. “And I insist, actually.”

“Um, okay, th…thank you,” Claire stutters, utterly bewildered by the constancy of kindness from these people but also frightened by the one-sidedness of it. She has nothing to give back.

“Good. I’ll see you both tonight.” Tasya gives Claire one more squeeze. “It will be late-ish. Have a good day. And I hope your brother does too.”

And she is gone.

Claire watches Mia untie the laces of her shoes. “Did you go for a run or something?” She says “run” as if it’s a dirty word. She hates running. Why do it unless someone is chasing you?

“Yep. With Blue. Helps wake me up.”

“That’s what coffee’s for, stupid.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Mia gets up. “I’m going to shower. Are you going to the hospital this morning?”

Claire nods. Where else would she go in visiting hours?

“I’ll walk with you. I’m meeting Pete at the library to go over biochem.”

“Sounds as thrilling as my day.”

Mia smiles and strides out of the room.

Alone in the kitchen, Claire rests her chin in her hand and shakes her head. She already feels better being here.

CHAPTER 31

On the walk to the hospital, Claire tries one more time to give Mia an out because she’s worried Mia might regret this offer her mother made. She is about to take some seriously crucial exams, way more important than Claire’s. And having Claire there means she will have someone else in her house, in her room even, taking up her space and time.

“Are you sure you don’t mind? I won’t be in the way of your study?” she asks.

“God, Claire, of course not.” Mia knocks her elbow against her arm. “You’re my friend. I want you to stay, so stop worrying, okay?”

“Okay then.” What else can she say?

With the matter decided, they settle into peaceful silence. As they turn onto the traffic-choked road, Claire looks over to the monolithic glass and steel structure of the hospital and thinks about the day ahead. She’ll have to go home at lunchtime and get some clothes. And Cam is having his first proper physio session in the afternoon. She wants to be there for that.

He will move to the new ward today, too, if he hasn’t already. It was so nice of Lorraine to call and tell her, even if it was the thing that set off that embarrassing little crying jag in Mia’s room. Claire doesn’t want to think about those tears again because it makes her cringe, mortified at the memory of losing it like that in front of someone. Even Mia.

But Lorraine was trying to deliver good news, and Claire feels as if she wants to thank her properly for going out of her way.

“Do you know if there is a nice florist around here?” she asks Mia. “The hospital one is kind of tacky.”

“Yup, I do.” Mia nods and checks her watch. “I’ll take you to the one Mum uses. It’s great.”

“You can tell me where it is.” Claire doesn’t want to take up any more of Mia’s time than she already has these last twenty-four hours.

“No, I’ll come. I love it.”

“Of course you do.” Claire grins. Such a geek.

When they enter the tiny shop, Claire can instantly see why Mia and her mother love it. It spills over with all kinds of flowers organised by shade, starting with jars of muted pastel blooms at her feet and ending in shelves over her head in explosions of the most vivid shades of crimson, orange, and yellow. And where there aren’t flowers, there are plants—leafy ferns hanging from hooks on the ceiling, a trailing vine framing the window. She has never seen a florist like this before.

She gasps. “Wow.” She tries to take in the profusion of colour.

“I know.” Mia waves at the small, white-haired woman behind the counter who is busily working at tying up a bouquet of purple blooms. “It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

“Uh-huh.” Claire turns in a slow circle, completely overwhelmed by the assault of scent and colour and choice. “I have no idea where to even start. Help.”

“Sure. For your brother, right?”

“What? No.” Claire pulls a face and shakes her head. “His only gift is my presence.”

Mia laughs. “Who are they for, then?”

“For one of the nurses.” Claire stares at the selection and tries to guess what Lorraine might like.

“The one with the hair?”

“Yeah, the one with the epic hair.”

Mia takes another step into the depths of the store and stares up at the top shelves. She digs her hands into her pockets. “I’m thinking something bright but traditional.” She nods to herself as she looks around.

Claire smirks at the seriousness of Mia’s assessment. “Uh, okay, nerd, but I have no idea what that means in flower.” She elbows her in the side. “But you sound like you have a pretty good fallback as a florist if you don’t get into medicine.”

She points at some bright yellow roses. “Maybe those?”

“Nah.” Claire shakes her head. “I hate roses.”

“Who hates roses?”

“Me.” Claire continues to search the shelves. She does hate them. It’s a Brendan thing.

Then she sees them, a cluster of rich orange lilies in a shade crazily similar to Lorraine’s hair. They are half open, nestled among wide leaves of a deep, lush green.

“Those,” she announces as she points at them.

Mia follows her finger and nods. “Definitely those.”

* * *

“I’m bored,” Cam whines. “Talk to me.”

Claire looks up from her book and rolls her eyes.

The nurse tending him chuckles. “First sign a patient is getting well.” He places a piece of spotless white gauze over the wound in Cam’s leg. “They start crying boredom.”

“I liked it better when he slept all the time,” Claire grumbles and puts her book on top of her bag. Actually, she doesn’t mind the distraction at all. She is currently so sick of the sight of her French culture textbook, she’ll take anything, even Cam’s complaints, over revising another chapter.

“But you’re my visitor.” Cam is petulant. He looks like he did when he was ten and realised he’d finished all his Easter eggs before Claire, again. “You’re supposed to entertain me.”

“No, I’m your sister. That means I’m duty bound to be here with you. Entertainment is what the TV is for. That’s why Mum and Dad paid for the premium deal, idiot.”

“Don’t worry, hon. He won’t be bored later.” The nurse winks at Claire as he lifts Cam’s leg and deftly winds the bandage around it. “You’ve got physio this afternoon,” he tells Cam. “That’s going to hurt.”

“Is that a threat?” Cam winces slightly as the nurse fastens the bandage.