A Secret in Her Kiss (12 page)

Chapter Thirteen

T
he pasha caught Mari’s chin in his fingers. “I wouldn’t have asked you to do this. You risked much by coming here. You are more loyal than my own kin.”

Mari blinked away tears. No, he wouldn’t have asked her. That was why she had to come.

Yet she couldn’t claim the loyalty he attributed to her, nor could she deny it without an explanation she could not give. She hadn’t betrayed him with her work for the British, but she had betrayed his government. He wouldn’t see a difference in the two.

Just as Bennett would not.

A part of her had hoped coming to Esad with this information would assuage her conscience. That the scale between her deceit and loyalty would tip back to neutral, but now she was more confused than ever.

She’d done the right thing by coming here. The ambassador and Talat had no right to scheme as they did, but now Esad had placed her on a pedestal she did not deserve.

“I have made the right choice with your dowry.”

“Dowry?”

Esad smiled fondly at her. “Beria and I are old. Neither of us have need for our wealth. We are settling most of it on you when you marry.”

“But—”

“Hush, I know you will marry someday even if it is not to your major. We have been discussing the plan for months.”

Esad was wealthy enough to buy and sell the Prince Regent several times over. “Your family won’t be happy.”

Esad snorted. “Bah. My brother’s children have been slinking about like a pack of hungry jackals for the past ten years. They will live with what I give them or get nothing at all.” He patted her cheek. “You are our true daughter in everything but blood.”

Mari scrambled to her feet. “I cannot accept.”

Esad chuckled. “It would be foolish to turn down the money. And don’t worry about the wealth turning young men’s heads, only Beria and I and my lawyer know.”

No, Talat must also know. His odd probing comments to Bennett earlier now made sense. He thought Bennett pursued her because he’d somehow discovered this dowry.

Mari backed toward the door. She didn’t want the money. He wouldn’t give it to her if he knew the truth about her. “I don’t want it.”

“This is one of the reasons we are giving it to you. You will use it wisely.”

Her conflicted emotions settled in her chest, making it difficult to breathe. Would it always be like this? Even after she was done with Vourth, would she ever be able to look Esad in the eye without flinching? She would trade every penny in that dowry to be at peace with herself. To be able to sit at Esad’s table and not have to know herself an impostor.

“I have to return to the soiree before I’m missed.”

Esad nodded. “I will send some servants with you for your protection.”

Mari continued to inch backward. “No, Selim is waiting for me. I’ll be fine. Farewell.” She spun and hurried out the door, her pace slowing in the garden.

She was a traitor.

She sat heavily on the edge of the fountain. The two men she cared about most would undoubtedly call her one to her face. In fact, both might condemn her to hang.

And the worst part was that she wouldn’t change either set of actions that earned her the title. So she couldn’t even feel regret, all she could feel was the grief.

She told herself the tears burning in her throat were from guilt of having Esad believe she was something she was not. But that didn’t explain why her knees shook worse now that she was returning to the soiree.

She would have to face Bennett eventually. She walked through the gate to where her coach waited.

Selim sat stiffly on the box. “You have an angry suitor inside. Should I throw him out?”

As if Selim could make Bennett move if he did not wish it. “No, he’s no doubt annoyed that I ran out on him. I’ll talk to him.”

She ducked her head and scrubbed at the tears that insisted on lingering in her eyes. Then she opened the door.

“Annoyed? That’s a mild word for what I feel.”

Mari climbed in and shut the door behind her. Bennett loomed in the interior. She perched in the opposite corner of the coach.

“What the devil were you thinking!” Bennett’s voice cracked like a slave driver’s whip. The soft humor from earlier was gone. Her eyes grew accustomed to the dark, and the angry lines of his face coalesced in the darkness.

He loathed her.

Any hope that she’d be able to convince him to understand withered. The tears behind her eyes burned hotter. “The information that your cousin gave the bey was designed to humiliate Esad. I couldn’t let them hurt him.”

Bennett’s tone and expression did not soften. “I don’t care if it was a plan to overthrow the sultan himself. That information was classified and you knew it. You betrayed England.”

Her remorse burned into anger. “My loyalty has never been to England. I give my loyalty to people who have earned it. Esad has done so many times over. Unlike some, I value my friends more than empty ideals.”

Bennett’s lips tightened. “The information was classified.”

“You say that like it is sacred. Maybe it is to you, but not to me. I took no vow to England. You simply assumed that I shared your priorities.”

“I assumed you had honor.”

Her heart contracted at his cold statement. “You assumed many things apparently. Perhaps next time you should find out the truth before making assumptions.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You would have told me?”

“Yes.” While there were things about herself she might like to hide away, she would have had no qualms telling him her loyalties.

“Like you told me you were going to Esad’s?”

“It isn’t the same.”

His face disappeared in the shadows. “Why do you help the British then?”

“I draw to help the Greeks. England can rot for all I care.”

“Then why did you agree to keep drawing after Chorlu? Did they offer you that much money?”

Shock momentarily stilled her. She stared at him. “You mean you don’t know?”

Bennett appeared unconcerned. “Know what?”

“They forced me to keep drawing.”

“Was the amount of money they offered you that high?”

“You think I would risk my life over money?” She shook her head in disbelief. “Yes, that’s exactly what you think, apparently. Contrary to your continued belief, I’m not a fool. You cousin threatened me.”

Bennett leaned back and crossed his arms. “How did he threaten you?”

“Your cousin came to me after I told him I was finished. He said that interest in the Greek movement was waning, they were going to remove Nathan.”

“He’s that important to you?”

The disinterest in his voice flayed her. “Not to me, to the Greeks. He’s been the one training them. Your cousin said if I drew the last two forts, Nathan would be allowed to stay and finish his mission, and if not, he would be assigned elsewhere.”

“So noble of you. Why do you want to help the Greeks?”

She quieted. “Do you know while other girls played with dolls, my mother and I would play rebel and soldier? When I went over to play with another girl, I had to be able to draw a sketch of the room we’d been in, accurate to the inch, when I returned.”

If anything, Bennett’s face became harder. What was she doing? She didn’t want his sympathy.

She glared at him instead. “My mother spent every moment in England arranging for the freedom of her people. She was returning from an attempt to raise funds for the rebels when your blasted country killed her.”

“Your mother died of lung inflammation.”

Mari didn’t try to explain her anger to him. She couldn’t explain it to herself. She just knew that everything English had failed her. Her father’s English sister who had taken her away. The English doctors who’d failed to save her mother. The damned English soil that covered her casket.

“So why act now? You’ve been back in this country for ten years.”

She swallowed. She refused to tell him about the other rebels and how closely she was tied to them. “They executed a Greek rebel four months ago. It was a woman. They left her body there at the city gate for a month as a warning.” Mari rubbed her arms despite the warmth of the coach. “It could have been my mother.” Mari had gone at night to cut down the body. That was when she’d met Nathan. The woman had been his lover and associate.

The infernal tears returned to her eyes. She exhaled slowly to contain them.

“So the British are a pawn in your little rebellion? A tool to help weaken the Ottomans?”

“As I am to the British!”

She’d known he would offer no sympathy, so why did it feel like he’d spit in her face? She lifted her chin. “Do my intentions matter? The British want the information as much as I do. Twice you have forced me to continue when I would have ceased.”

The coach halted, then creaked as Selim climbed down from the box outside.

“I will tell Selim to return you to the soiree.”

Bennett grabbed the door handle before she could reach it. “I’m not leaving.” He opened the door and offered her a hand. “Let me escort you inside.”

Mari refused his hand and jumped down. “That is really not necessary.”

Bennett grabbed her arm with a gentle yet steely grip. “I insist.”

Selim stood a few feet away, his eyes straight forward, but he could hear every word. She couldn’t deny Bennett again without raising suspicion. “Fine.”

Bennett led her straight to the women’s quarters. Achilla gasped at their entrance.

Mari smiled at her through stiff lips. “That will be all, Achilla.”

“But I prepared the bath and your dress—”

“I’ll take care of it,” Mari said.

Achilla cast a worried glance between them. “I won’t be far away if you need anything.”

Mari forced her smile to remain on her lips. “I will be quite all right.”

Achilla sketched a brief curtsy and left.

Bennett released her arm. “Does that door lock?”

“Why?”

“We need to finish our discussion and I want no interruptions from your servants.”

“Then you shouldn’t have given them cause to fear for my safety.”

He straightened at her words but held out his hand. “The key.”

“Here.” As angry as he still was, she didn’t fear for her well-being, at least not her physical well-being. Her emotions she could not guarantee. It would be better to end this now than draw it out. She retrieved the key from its place in the clay jar by the door and locked it. “There. Say what you need to say, then leave.”

“I’m not leaving.”

She glared. “Of course you are. You can’t stay here.”

“I can. By walking out of the soiree this evening, you proved you aren’t capable of keeping yourself out of harm’s way. Despite your treason, you’re too valuable an asset to risk.”

Astonishment edged out her hurt. “You cannot be serious.”

He folded his arms, doing a fairly accurate representation of a wall. “I cannot risk a repeat of tonight’s actions. Not only did you leave the ball without informing me, you walked—
walked
—to your home. In the dark. Knowing that your life is in danger. ”

“I could hardly have told you. You would never have let me go.”

He didn’t reply.

“I did what I had to do. You have to understand that even if you don’t agree with me.”

His level gaze cut through her. “Unlike you, I am bound by my duty and obligation.”

Enough. She was through trying to justify herself to someone who didn’t care. She picked up a pillow from a couch near her and heaved it at him. “Sleep outside the door. I hope you enjoy yourself.”

“I don’t sleep until you do.”

“Look around. There is no way out of here except for the door you had me lock.” In order to protect the safety of the women, there was only one way in or out. The window openings were covered by a latticework of stone that allowed in air, but provided no possibility for escape. She was his prisoner, whether he guarded her from inside the room or not. “I plan to prepare for bed now. It isn’t something that involves you.”

“I will not leave your side.”

If he had said those words a few hours earlier, they would have thrilled her. Now they increased her desperation.

He’d been right in his warning earlier. Memories of what they’d shared in the study burned in her mind despite his obvious disdain. She’d traced each line of the face that now sneered at her in contempt. Those arms that now locked across his chest had enfolded and caressed her.

Heavens, what if things had progressed further?

Her chest ached when she inhaled. She wanted nothing more than to curl up and cry. But she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. She inhaled three more times, latching on to the small spark of indignation that flickered at his callous behavior. Simply because her priorities were different from his, that did not make his right and hers wrong. It wasn’t her fault he’d made false assumptions. If she had to decide whether to help Esad again, she’d make the same decision. She drew her shoulders back.

If Bennett expected her to be a docile, penitent prisoner, then he was a fool.

The duty of every prisoner was to try to be free, was it not?

“I am going take a bath,” Mari said.

“You won’t be rid of me that easy.”

His words sounded remarkably like a dare. His disbelief fueled her recklessness.

She spun and walked toward the bath. His footsteps rang out behind her.

Mari could have grinned as she entered the bathing room. Achilla had prepared the chamber as she promised. Candlelight flickered off the creamy marble pillars and arches. A cool breeze filtered in through the ornamental openings in the ceiling, causing shadows to skip over the walls and the steam above the sunken pool to swirl in a kaleidoscope of patterns.

Towels had been balanced in a neat stack and her red velvet banyan hung over the bench. The smell of the orange oil Achilla used to scent the water drifted wantonly on the air.

Mari slipped off her shoes. The marble tile was cool under her toes. She couldn’t have asked for a more decadent and scandalous setting.

She ducked her head to hide the satisfied smile on her face.
Not the prim hip bath you expected, Bennett?

She reached under her dress, untied her garters, and smoothed her stockings down her legs. She carefully exposed a brief flash of ankle.