A Royal Engagement: The Young Royals Book 1 (8 page)

There were so many expectations on me that had never been there before.
 
How on earth did Jacob stand it?
 
I'd had my future pretty much mapped out and now it was all gone.
 
I hadn't asked to be born into a Royal family and I hadn't asked to be thrust into this position of Heir Apparent, Queen in Waiting.
 
Nobody had asked my opinion on any of this, but I was expected to walk away from what I had dreamed of for my life to live the dreams of someone else.

I grit my teeth as I listened to the empty platitudes of nobles who could care less about my grief and suffering.
 
All any of these people cared about was how it affected them and their future, nobody spared a thought for the reluctant princess.

Intellectually I knew the angry thoughts that circulated my brain were part of the grieving process, but that didn't help to dampen the ire.
 
I was angry.
 
I was angry because just about every other person in this chapel, in this town and in this country got to choose their own destiny.
 
But not me.
 
I had no say in the matter.
 
With the careless decision of someone to wipe out half of my immediate family they had taken away my choice.

My fists clenched into hard balls at my side and my posture was rigid as I sat surrounded by selfish, entitled morons.
 
I knew that as soon as the official mourning period was over, their sickeningly sweet smiles and empty platitudes would turn to snide remarks and back stabbing.
 
I may be inexperienced in court machinations, but I wasn't blind to them.

The problem with the way our government was run was that every member was there with their own agenda.
 
The four year term of office meant that government only planned for things they could get done within the timeframe.
 
It was shortsighted and did our country no favours.

In the same vein, the nobility of our country, for the most part, were only in it for what they could get out of it.
 
I'm sure there were peers that did seek to do some good with the privilege that they had been afforded, but there were far too few of them.
 
Money had become synonymous with power and the nobles fought over it just as mightily as starving beggars in the streets, they were only dressed better.

The congregation stood to sing a final hymn and it broke me out of my fast spiralling hate-fest, not exactly the most appropriate thing to be ruminating over at my own brother's funeral.
 
I unclenched my hands and let the tension fall from my shoulders as I stood with everyone else and sung of the amazing grace of our Lord.

If my brother could read my thoughts from his throne in heaven, I have no doubt that he was laughing his backside off.
 
He loved the intrigue of the court, thrived on the political manoeuvrings of the Parliament and adored the showmanship of his title.
 
He had often riled me up about the politics of our country just for sport and I was sure he would have found my ugly thoughts entertaining.
 
It made me smile, in a way, and was probably a fitting tribute to him.

Jordan moved away from my side to take his place as pallbearer, as did Will, Carlos and several other of Jacob's friends.
 
I held my mother's hand as we followed the casket down the long aisle of the grand the Cathédrale Saint-Etienne de Calanais as the organ played and the choir sung.
 
I had done this walk twice in two days and I would be glad to never grace the footsteps of this place again.

As the casket was loaded into the hearse for it's scenic trip through the city, passed all of the grieving subjects and on to the mausoleum where we so recently laid my father to rest, I made a promise to Jacob.
 
I would rule where he could not.
 
I would take up his mantel and his birthright and step into his shoes to fulfil the promise he could not.
 
And I would leave a legacy that not only would he and father be proud of but so too the many St Benét's to come after me.

I stared at the ceiling of my bedroom and wondered why it was that on the first day that I'd had that I could actually sleep in, I was awake before the sun was even up.
 
Today was the official start of the palace's mourning period.
 
It would last three months for me, six months for my mother.
 
I would be required to wear black and to stay within the confines of the palace as much as possible.
 
There would be no outside visitors, no visiting heads of state and no engagements, royal or other.
 
I was pretty much grounded.

That didn't mean I got to be a lady of leisure though, despite what the public might think.
 
This was a time of metamorphosis for me as I changed from the child princess into the Queen.
 
The coronation would be held at the end of my mother's mourning period and I had a lot to do if I wanted to ensure my crown and my throne were secure.

But today was a rare day off.
 
I could stay abed if I so desired and order food to be brought to my room like I was ensconced in a fancy hotel.
 
But instead, I was restless and I couldn't sleep.
 
I threw the heavy covers back and switched on my bedside lamp.
 
The door opened and Scott stuck his head inside to see what was happening.

"I'm going for a run," I said to his unasked question, "Can you see if Meredith's awake?"

He nodded and pulled the door closed.
 
I knew that they would wake her if she wasn't already awake and I wasn't the least bit perturbed by it.
 
I needed to run and think and talk and she was my preferred partner in all of those activities.
 
Besides, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't mind.

The door opened again as I was lacing up my runners and she stuck her head in.

"Ready?" she asked and I nodded.

As per Von Bartham's instructions, since I was going running in the palace grounds, I had four guards accompanying me.
 
Luckily they knew me well enough to stay back and let me have some quiet time with Meredith.
 

We didn't speak at first as we ran.
 
The monotonous sound of our pounding steps in the foggy, barely light morning had a calming effect on me and almost lulled me into a sense of being alone.
 
I know my security detail did their best to stay unobtrusive, but I always knew they were there.
 
It is an odd feeling to be watched constantly and I don't really know what it would feel like to be completely on my own.

I've heard it said that the English Queen Victoria's first request as Queen was to have an hour of absolute solitude.
 
Up until that point in her life, she had been watched constantly.
 
I understood her desire and had begun to think I might make the exact same request myself.

There was something to be said of those English Queens and I could probably learn a lot from them.
 
Unlike my own ancestors, Elizabeth I, Victoria and Elizabeth II had all become Queens in their own right and not through marriage.
 
Th first Elizabeth had had to fight for hers and Victoria had had a remarkable influence over the government of her time.
 
Elizabeth II had stood the test of time and survived scandals, caused by her offspring, to remain a well-loved Queen who showed the utmost dignity in all she did.
 
Yes, I could definitely learn something from them.

The promise I made to my brother weighed heavy on me.
 
I was determined to step into his shoes, but I really had no idea where to start.
 
He was naturally charismatic and charming and I had spent the better part of my life hiding from the public.
 
I knew I could hold my own in conversation and could probably fumble my way through a sitting of Parliament without embarrassing myself, but I had no idea how to charm the snakes that waited for me in the grass.

I was not exactly subtle, more like a bull in a china shop, unlike my brother who seemed to have a delicate touch.
 
I had strong opinions and when challenged I was not too shy to stand on my soapbox and proclaim them to anyone and everyone.
 
Not exactly the best way to win over a politician who excelled at double-speak and plausible deniability.
 
I was honest to a fault and had a habit of speaking my mind without thinking first.

Thus far my breeding and extensive training in etiquette had saved me from putting my foot in it, but I knew that wouldn't last for long.
 
For the moment I was off kilter and not thinking clearly, but as soon as I found my feet, I would have to work extra hard to keep my mouth shut.
 
I needed to find allies, not alienate people.

We rounded the palace and I noticed a white van parked in the loading dock.
 
A familiar figure helped to unload boxes from the back of the van and I saw one of the chef's shake his hand as he took the last box and turned to go inside.

Will turned to get back into his truck and our eyes met.
 
I lifted my chin in greeting, but he didn't return the gesture, in fact he didn't move at all.
 
He just stood there and watched us run past with an unreadable expression on his face.
 
I didn't know what to make of the man who was once such a close friend of my brother's.
 
He looked at me like I was beneath him and yet he had shown me kindness in the most unexpected ways.
 
His gaze did things to me and his touch ignited my veins, but then his cool manner and standoffish demeanour sent back off signals to me.
 
He had me completely flummoxed and more than anything, that irritated me.

Chapter Six

"Excuse me Alyssa," Alex said as she came into my office.

I looked up from my laptop, "What's up?"

"You have a visitor."

I sat back in my chair and stretched.
 
It had been a week since the official mourning period began and my days had consisted of little else except running, sparring with Meredith and reading though all of the dry-as-dirt constitutional folderol that I would need to know to dazzle Parliament.

So far I hadn't found anything that forbid me from becoming Queen, but I couldn't help but think that the old-boys-club that was our current sitting Parliament had something up their sleeve.

"I'm not allowed visitors," I replied when it finally registered what she had said to me.

She smiled, "Oh, I think this one will be allowed."
 
She stepped to the side and I noticed Jordan standing behind her.

He walked into the room and his tall, well-built frame draped in his military uniform looked out of place in the soft, feminine space that was my office.

"Good morning Your Grace," he said formally and bowed, "I'm here to steal you away for lunch."

I grinned up at him as he stood once again, "As much as that sounds like a wonderful idea," I said, "I don't think I'm allowed to go to lunch with you."

"Ah," he said, holding up a finger, "I think I have found a loop-hole in the requirements for your mourning period."

"Do tell."

"Well, the rules state that you aren't to have any 'outside' visitors.
 
I am not an outside visitor.
 
I live on the grounds and I work in the palace.
 
Second, you're not allowed to leave the palace grounds, but that doesn't mean I can't take you for a picnic within the boundaries.
 
So what do you say?"

He was technically correct.
 
Having lunch with him would be no different to having lunch with my Ladies in Waiting or Alex or Meredith.
 
But I knew that there were detractors in Parliament who would look for any opportunity to oppose my accession.
 
Having a picnic lunch with Jordan could come across as ignoring the protocols of mourning.

"I don't know..." I said.

"Come on," he cajoled, "If you're worried, I can grab some folders from my office to make it look like a business lunch."

I bit the corner of my mouth in indecision.
 
I wanted to go, I really liked Jordan and liked spending time with him, but I really couldn't afford anything that could be misconstrued.
 
Ah, what the hell.

"No, don't bother," I said standing and shutting the lid on my laptop, "Let's go.
 
I desperately need a change of scenery."

He offered me his elbow as he escorted me out of my office and into Alex's.
 
There, he picked up a large wicker basket with a tartan blanket sitting on top and we headed out to the elevator, my security detail of two following discreetly.