A Prairie Dog's Love Song (8 page)

“How’s about you get us some coffee so we can sit out here?” Nora said. “I’d like to pretend this is my view for ten minutes.”

So Joshua made them some coffee, and they sat on the old porch swing.

Nora was right. It was a sight worth staying bundled up for. The ranch was covered in a thin blanket of snow, and Charlie had put up the wreaths on the stable and the front of the house. The small white lights they left up around the stable all year long were lit up and shining against the snow, and the big sugar pine in the front yard was lit up too. For the first time, Joshua felt like Christmas might be coming after all.

“I s’pose you’d like to hear how it all imploded after you made that grand exit of yours,” Nora said.

Joshua grunted.

“Okay, then. Well, right away some of the real religious folks, like the Temples and the Montgomerys, they said they were not at all happy ’bout the idea. But then Jessica Temple said she reckoned that if you were gonna sin, better to do it in the open, and if you all wanted to live like a real committed couple, and not be carrying on all loose and all, then that was better than it might be.”

Joshua thunked his head back in the rocker and looked at the moon.

“Then Henry Atkins stood up and said that if he wanted to consort with homos, he’d live in the city.”

Joshua growled a little.

“Then Sheriff Taylor stood up and asked Henry how he’d known about Ben’s porn in the first place. Henry went into a long-winded story about a friend visiting him and recognizing Ben on the street—get this, his friend
the
vice cop
—as if Henry had ever had a friend in his entire sorry life. Sheriff Taylor just let him play that rope out. Then the sheriff reminded Henry that they’d confiscated his hard drive once for that logo dispute he’d had with the Red Poppy Ranch. So he knew damn well what Henry got up to on the Internet, and maybe he oughta think twice before he went throwin’ stones at gay houses.”

“No!” Joshua said, shocked.

“Swear t’ God. Henry turned purple and stomped out right about then. He was followed by Linny Davis, who ran out sobbin’. She had her cap set on you in a big way, poor thing.”

“I ain’t said two words to her since high school.”

“Yeah, well. She always did have more hope than chest.”

“Then old Jenks stood up. You know how crazy he is about Old West history. He said cowboys humped each other all the time, back in the day, cause they were on the trail so long, and there weren’t any women. And some of ’em even paired up for keeps, living together like two old bachelors—wink, wink—so he didn’t see how we could get all uppity about it, like it weren’t something real men did, when that was ‘part of the history of the true West.’”

Joshua grunted.

“And Amy Wentworth said she wrote gay fan fiction for some TV show called
Supernova
or somethin’, and that she already shipped you and Ben. Then Madge said all the arguing gave her a headache. And Bill said maybe
he
should go into porn, ’cause they likely didn’t have headaches all the time. And about then Ike said ‘better a good-looking boy like Ben than sheep.’ And I swear that was aimed at someone in particular, I just know it, but I can’t figure out who.”

Joshua had a few ideas, but he didn’t say them.

“Then folks started eatin’, and that was that.”

Nora paused to take a breath. “I never woulda guessed some good would come outta Jenks reading all them Western history books. But I think folks took what he said kinda serious. Like, if it was some modern laxitudiness comin’ into town, that was one thing, but hell, if the old boys done it….”

Joshua grunted. “Nora, what’s the gist of it?”

Nora patted his arm. “Joshua, you’re a fine human being and good rancher, and most people have never heard you string more than three words together in your life, so folks know this is important to you.

“The gist of it is, not everyone’s gonna be dancing at your weddin’, and I reckon you’ll lose a few customers. But no one’s gonna run you outta town, shoot your livestock, or spit on you at Mickey D’s. You bring Ben home, you two’ll be fine.”

Joshua shook his head. He should have felt relieved about that, but now a new concern was born, and it ate at him with sharp little teeth.

He looked down at his rough hands. They sure weren’t polished and fine like the boys of B2B.

“Now that I put my intentions out there, what if I can’t get Ben to come home? Or what if he comes home and he don’t want me? I’ll look like a fool.”

Nora eyed him up and down. “Honey, don’t take this the wrong way, but you are one seriously hot piece of sausage. Now that you’ve outed yourself, if Ben don’t take you up on it, we’re gonna have queer cowboys linin’ Main Street trying for their shot.” She snorted. “Hell, maybe we’ll start us a gay pride parade.”

Joshua could almost picture it. And suddenly, it didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

B
EN
GOT
off the Greyhound bus and looked around the parking lot. His dad’s truck was there, but Chet wasn’t waiting for him in it like he was supposed to be. Ben put his bags in the back and looked around, but there was no sign of his brother or the keys. He checked his phone for messages, feeling disappointed. Chet knew what time his bus got in. Hell, it was weird enough that Chet wouldn’t come pick him up at the airport in Billings, and that Ben had been told to take the bus to Clyde’s Corner. But his dad’s surgery was tomorrow, so maybe Chet was busy at the hospital. Then why hadn’t he left the keys in the truck?

The bus left. Ben found himself alone, and he shivered. He’d missed the cold, crisp air of Montana, but his blood had lost the feel for it. He cautiously walked to the end of the parking lot so he could peek down Main Street. There was a good foot of snow on the sidewalks. Main Street looked so pretty in the dark, with the garlands and lights, and the big tree all lit up at Town Hall. The street stretched off farther toward the lights of Gibbon’s Theater and Nora’s Diner and, farther down, Macy’s Park. There were a lot of people on the sidewalks tonight, just hanging out. And there were a slew of lights down there at the park and wafts of music too. Ben suddenly realized—it was the night of the Christmas dance.

His heart gave a miserable little thump like a dog too worn out to do more than shift its tail. He used to love the Christmas dance, all the decorations and the food, the music and the dancing. He danced with every girl in his class, and some of the older ladies too. He’d act all polite and gentlemanly, and they ate it up like cornbread and cream.

It hurt bad knowing he wouldn’t be welcome there now, that people would stare and whisper. This was why he hadn’t wanted to come home. He couldn’t bear it. And he couldn’t bear seeing Joshua, not when Joshua had just walked away from him without even
trying
to change his mind.

Ben had almost given in a dozen times in the past few weeks. He wasn’t as proud as he’d sounded that day, and his will was weak. Being Joshua’s dirty little secret was better than not having Joshua at all. But then there was the whole town’s opinion of him that kept him away. And besides, Ben didn’t think he could stand it if Joshua only wanted him as an occasional fuck buddy. He’d said he’d watched the videos. Maybe he just thought Ben was easy. Maybe it had just been sex after all, even if Ben’s heart wanted him to believe it was more.

That’s when Ben saw the man on the horse coming down Main Street.

J
OSHUA
HAD
decked Valmont out with a soft blanket in Christmas red, a black collar with jingle bells, and red ribbons plaited in his tail and mane (that had been all Nora). Against the horse’s white hide, the red looked real festive. Joshua had decked himself out too, in a red button-down shirt under his heavy black wool coat and new jeans. He wore his best black cowboy hat.

He was so nervous as he rode up to the bus station that he thought he was gonna expire. But when he saw Ben standing there, watching him approach with wide, confused eyes, a kind of peace took root inside him and helped still his nerves a little. Ben looked seven kinds of wonderful standing there in his canvas and sheepskin jacket and looking very unsure of himself. But when Joshua drew closer, he saw Ben accept that it was him, and he saw the look of happiness and want that came over Ben’s face, even if just for a moment.

Joshua stopped Valmont with a light tug on the reins and swung himself down.

He stood looking at Ben, and Ben looked at him.

“Where’s Chet?” Ben asked.

“Wanted to fetch ya myself,” Joshua said.

“Why?”

“Gonna take you to the dance,” Joshua said with calm certainty.

Ben looked a little panicked and shook his head. “I can’t. I don’t wanna see anyone. They’ll all be lookin’ at me and…. I just can’t, Joshua.”

Ben started to back away, but Joshua reached out and took his hand and held it firm.

“Ben.”

Ben took a deep breath and met Joshua’s eyes.

“I missed ya. We all missed ya. Give us a chance.”

Joshua didn’t know how Ben would answer. But he held Ben’s hand warm and sure and gazed into his eyes, trying to let his calm love and certainty shine through. Ben’s shoulders dropped as he relaxed a smidge.

“You really think it’s okay?”

“Yup.”

“What about Chet?”

“He’s there.” Joshua tilted his head toward the park.

Ben took a deep breath. “Okay. But if it’s weird, I’m leavin’.” He started to walk toward the park, but Joshua didn’t release his hand.

Joshua nodded at Valmont. “Said I’d come to fetch ya.”

He tugged Ben toward the horse and then got up himself, not releasing Ben’s hand. He tugged again.

Ben looked befuddled. “You want me to ride with ya?”

“Yup.”

Ben looked around nervously. “Ain’t that gonna look a little… queer?”

Joshua laughed, suddenly giddy. He wasn’t sure why it seemed so funny, but it did. “Up, cowboy.”

Maybe it was the big grin on Joshua’s face, but Ben relented and put his foot in the stirrup. He swung up to sit behind Joshua. With a soft mouth click, Joshua turned Valmont toward the park.

He could feel the moment when Ben realized how close they were, and how long it had been since they’d felt each other like that. Ben buried his face into the back of Joshua’s coat, and his arms came around Joshua’s waist. Joshua placed a hand on Ben’s and rubbed his thumb gently across it. A wave of joy and desire swept through him. Just touching Ben again like this was worth everything.

“You didn’t come back for me,” Ben said. It was muffled against Joshua’s coat.

Joshua swallowed. “Reckon I had to work through some things. Ain’t easy for an old dog to learn new tricks.”

“An old prairie dog?” Ben snorted.

Joshua smiled. “Yup. Look, Ben.”

Ben looked up as they rode into the heart of town. Couples and families were standing along the sidewalk, here and there, watching them approach. Ben drew a breath.

“Joshua, there are
gay men on Main Street
.”

“Yup.”

Joshua tipped his hat to Sammy and Dale, who’d come over from Billings. They waved and smiled at Ben. Dale had his arm slung over Sammy’s shoulder, and they were decked out in their cowboy bar finest. A bit farther down were the Hernandez brothers. Both twins were gay, and both held hands with their respective twink dates. And then they passed Emmanuel and Rodger, with their two adopted kids. The family waved happily.

Joshua felt a surge of pure gratitude to Sammy for pulling the small cluster of support together. They were all men Joshua knew from The Loft in Billings, and it was real good of them to come to Clyde’s Corner to help make Ben feel more comfortable.

Ben, hell. To make
Joshua
feel more comfortable.

“Holy shit,” Ben said softly. Joshua held Ben’s arm more firmly and turned his head to look at him. Ben’s eyes were wide, and they shone a little too bright in the glow of the Christmas lights. “You did this?” he whispered.

“Yup.”

“So… the whole town knows? I mean… about me? Us?”

“Yup.”

Ben sniffed. “Um… okay.”

He sounded like he didn’t know what the hell to think or how bad it might be, or if Joshua had done the best thing ever in the history of the world, or screwed up on a run-the-entire-herd-off-a-cliff kinda scale. Frankly, Joshua wasn’t entirely sure himself. But he slipped his fingers through Ben’s and squeezed.

A
T
THE
park Joshua hopped down and helped Ben dismount. He tied Valmont’s reins to a lamppost while Ben stood and shook a little, from the cold and from feeling all discombobulated.

Nora, looking festive in a red boiled-wool coat and an ivy-covered headband, came up to Ben, beaming. She gave him a hug.

“Welcome home, Ben. It’s so good to see you.”

Ben hugged her back, hard. “Thanks, Nora.”

He held her for a long time, kind of like a lifeline. And by the time Ben let her loose, there was a line of people waiting to say hello. The mayor and his wife shook Ben’s hand and then Sheriff Taylor, and then Linny Davis, in what appeared to be a heartfelt example of being a gracious loser. Chet was there, looking all dignified and handsome in his uniform. He swung Ben around like a lasso and made it clear he wasn’t mad none. And Fred hugged Ben too, looking a little shamefaced at not actually being in the hospital.

By then Sammy and Dale and the other cowboys from Billings had arrived at the park, and everyone set to dancing. Joshua stood back and watched it all while Ben gabbed.

He was aware that not everyone in Clyde’s Corner was thrilled about what had happened to their Christmas dance. About half of the town ignored Joshua’s friends, and the other half was being twice as friendly to make up for it. Bill Lamont went around pouring hard cider out of a jug and handing cups of it to the visitors with a loud welcome. Sheriff Taylor was introducing himself with hearty handshakes. And old Jenks was having a field day. He held long, rambling conversations with anyone he could get his hands on about the history of homosexuality in the Old West. Joshua overheard him asking Sammy if he’d ever had sex on a cattle run, and what kind of gay sex exactly was practical in a bedroll, because the history books weren’t real particular on that point.