A New Kind of Bliss (27 page)

“That’ll be Aaron,” Mom said in response to the knock. She’d patiently listened to me ranting for nearly a half hour. “Now, calm down so you can talk this out with him reasonably.” She disappeared into the bedroom.

I let Aaron in, and he took me in his arms. “Beverline told me what she said to you. I’m so sorry, Emily. She should have let me handle it.”

“Aaron, I
told
her how it happened. It just kind of got away from me, got out of control. I felt so paralyzed…I didn’t know what to do. I probably should have talked to you about it instead of trying to keep it hidden.” Then something he said suddenly registered in my brain. “What do you mean, Beverline should have let you handle it? Handle what?”

He took my hand. “Emily, for once I have to tell you that I agree with Beverline, at least as far as the kids are concerned. Valerie and Marsha are fine with me, and they’re welcome at any time, but I don’t think it’s such a hot idea for my kids to spend time with theirs. Kirsten, Arden, and Billy are as impressionable as any other kids, and who knows what ideas they might pick up. Kirsten was just telling me how cute Valerie’s grandson is.”

“So that means she’s going to go get pregnant?” I said incredulously, shaking my head. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this.”

“You’re not a parent, Emily.”

“And you’re not the man I thought you were.”

He abruptly dropped my hand. “I think the best thing I can do right now is give you some time to cool off.”

“Fine.”

“A
ren’t you going out to Sag Harbor tomorrow with Aaron?” Mom asked me on a Friday night. I’d brought us a steak-and-cheese calzone for dinner.

“No. He’s already out there. He left work early today and drove out this afternoon. I’ll be here this weekend. Marsha and I are having dinner tomorrow night.”

“You’re engaged, but spending Saturday night with your girlfriend,” she pointed out.

“She’s treating.”

“Don’t make jokes, Emmie. I’m starting to get worried. Things haven’t been right between you and Aaron for two weeks now. He hasn’t been around on the weekends. Last week he went on that fishing trip with Rosalind’s husband and their sons. Now he’s going out to the island on Friday. I’ve never known him to do that. When is this going to end?”

I chewed my bite of calzone and swallowed it. “I don’t know, Mom,” I answered honestly.

“Mavis has asked me two or three times how you are. I know she’s hinting for news about you and Aaron.”

“Well, Tanis is the one who went in to blab to Beverline about Marsha and Valerie. I’m sure she wants to know what effect it had.”

“Forget about her. If you’re not careful, you’re going to lose Aaron.”

I spoke quietly. “And would that be such a terrible thing?”

“I want you to do whatever makes you happy,” she said without hesitation. “But I do think you’re overreacting, and maybe you don’t fully understand Aaron’s position.”

“Why, because I didn’t have kids?”

“That’s right. I’m sorry, Emmie, but people are very sensitive when it comes to their children. It’s much harder today to raise kids than it was when you all were small. Sex and drugs are everywhere. I wouldn’t have wanted you socializing with a high school girl who’d had a baby or with the kids of the head of a huge drug empire when you were the ages of Aaron’s kids, either.”

“Mom, they’re not going to be thrown together all the time. Marsha’s and Valerie’s kids were only here for a few hours. No one expects them to be best friends.”

“That’s all it takes sometimes to give kids ideas. Aaron’s kids have lived pretty sheltered lives. Who knows what Marsha’s kids have been exposed to, both when their father was alive and since they moved to Sherwood Forest. Valerie’s kids are probably just rich kids who don’t have a lot of supervision, but those are some of the worst ones.”

I sighed. “Maybe it’s best that I
didn’t
have kids. Because I don’t understand what all the fuss is about.”

“Are you actually considering breaking up with Aaron over this?”

“He just doesn’t seem as big a prize anymore.”

Now it was Mom’s turn to sigh. “Maybe it’s a good thing Aaron isn’t around again this weekend. I think the time apart will do you good.”

“I suppose you’re wondering what the occasion is, my treating you to dinner,” Marsha said after we’d placed our order.

“Well…yes.” I knew Marsha didn’t have much extra money, even for eating at an informal place like the one she’d taken me to.

“I’ve made a decision, and I wanted to tell you about it. I’m leaving Euliss.”

I drew in my breath. “You’re
leaving?
”

“Yes. I hate it here, Emily. People are always pointing their fingers at me, usually kids who know who I was married to. The women stare daggers through my clothes, and the men look at me like they’d like to get me into bed. Those projects are just awful. Tiny bedrooms, no doors on the closets. Not that I have either or bedroom or a closet. The kids and I have been sleeping on air mattresses in the living room since we’ve been here. And both Cheyenne and Cameron are hanging out with bad kids.”

I suddenly heard both Aaron and Mom telling me that parents had to be careful about whom their kids associated with, but that wasn’t the subject at hand, so I pushed the thought away. “But, Marsha, where will you go?”

“James wants me to come down to South Carolina. The cost of living is lower there, and besides, that’s where he is.”

“Are you going to live with him?”

“In the beginning, yes. That’s the only way I can afford to go. The kids are going to stay here with my mother while I go down and get a job.” Marsha looked almost embarrassed. “I’ll tell you the truth, Emily. James wants me to marry him, but I’m holding off. If we find that we can live together under the same roof, we’ll probably get married. If not, I’ll get an apartment for me and the kids, but by hook or by crook, I’m getting the hell out of Euliss.”

“Wow. I’m flabbergasted, Marsha. I knew you and James talk a lot on the phone and stuff—”

“I’ve been down to see him a couple of times on the weekends. What can I say, Emily? It
feels
right. And the sex is great. Who knew he had all that talent?”

My heart wrenched, but at the same time I had to force myself not to make a face. James was buff, yes—there’s no such thing as an out-of-shape Marine—but the thought of that ugly face with its big blubbery lips slobbering all over me was just plain revolting. Even Marsha had wrinkled her nose at him the night of the reunion. Now she’d done a hundred-and-eighty-degree turn. I didn’t understand it, but
I
didn’t have to sleep with him. I had Aaron…I thought.

But do you really
want
him?

The thought came hurling at me like an out-of-control baseball. Even if I got over his disapproval of my friends’ children, was I kidding myself by thinking I could truly be happy with him when I wasn’t getting all I needed? Half the time I didn’t even climax anymore. And what about Marsha? Had she blinded herself to any shortcomings James might have just because he offered security for her and her children?

“All right; let me ask you this,” I said, determined to get the truth out of her. “Do you love him, really? Or are you just telling yourself you do because the sex is so good?”
Just like
you’re
trying to convince yourself that sex doesn’t matter…

The corners of Marsha’s mouth turned upright in a dreamy smile. “I know it seems odd because of how we used to make fun of James when we were kids, but he’s just wonderful, Emily. He’s sweet and kind, generous. We get along great. He’s good to my kids. And he wants to take care of me.” She rolled her head back as if stretching her neck muscles. “I’ll tell you something, Emily. If he’d joined our class before that day Tracy tore off my hairpiece, he would have kicked her ass on my behalf. Not because he liked me or anything, but because he’s a gentleman. He just has strong feelings about people mistreating other people. How can I not love him, Emily?”

“I don’t get it. If you love him so much, why not just marry him now?”

“Because I want to be sure, Emily. I have to be sure this is the right thing. Not just for me, but for the kids as well. I’ve got to get them out of Euliss, but I’d be stupid to think that everything’s just going to fall into place. I have to make sure I can find a job. I’m willing to take this chance, but it has to be done right,” Marsha explained. “Marriage is a big step. The foundation I build now will determine if it’s going to be for keeps.” She paused. “And I
want
it to be for keeps.”

I nodded. “I understand.”

“You’ve been such a good friend to me. Valerie and Rosalind, too, but especially you, since we were in grammar school. I don’t know what I would have done once I came back to town if you hadn’t been here. That’s why I wanted to buy you dinner, to say thanks for everything.”

My eyes filled with tears. “I guess I can’t believe it,” I sputtered. “When are you leaving?”

“Next weekend. I gave my notice on Monday, and I already made my train reservation. Next week is going to be real busy. I’ll have to ship my clothes down there, plus I want to spend as much time with Cameron and Cheyenne as I can. I don’t know how long it’ll be until I see them again. I’m hoping I can bring them down and get them in school before it starts, but I don’t know.” Marsha raised her shoulders for a second, as if she’d had a sudden chill. “I’m very excited about it, Emily. Following your heart always feels right.”

“What about your mother?”

“She’ll be sorry to see us go, but she agrees that the kids should live somewhere nice. She even says that once I get settled she’ll look into apartments down there, retire, and move down there herself.”

Mrs. Cox was in her early sixties, considerably younger than my own mother. She’d gotten out of waitressing years ago and now worked the reception desk at a social service agency.

“You know what they say,” Marsha said brightly. “Mama knows best.”

“Not always,” I said dryly, thinking of my own mother’s attempts to match me up with Aaron. “Sometimes they just
hope
for the best.”

I kept thinking about our conversation as I drove home, and even after. Marsha was following her heart and was on the verge of a new life. She’d faced facts and made her move.

Maybe I needed to do the same.

When I woke up Monday morning I knew what I had to do.

I went in to work but told them I had an important legal matter to attend to and would have to leave at lunchtime. A little past one I got into the car and headed for Washington Heights. I could wait for Aaron to come home, but I thought it would be better if I talked to him in the impersonal setting of his office.

I arrived just before two. I hoped he’d be back from lunch by then. “I’m Emily Yancy,” I told the receptionist. “I don’t have an appointment, but if you can let Dr. Merritt know I’m here, I’m sure he’ll see me.” I’d never been to Aaron’s office, and whenever I called him I dialed his cell number, so I doubted they had any idea I was his fiancée.

“Oh…um, yes.”

The receptionist, who appeared to be in her midthirties, was acting flustered, like it was her first day on the job. She’d better get her act together if she expected to be a long-term employee.

“Just a moment, Ms. Yancy.” She closed the frosted-glass slide, and I could see a blurred outline of her body as she got up and went into the rear.

I busied myself by looking at the waiting room, which looked like any other. Sturdy, nondescript pine tables and matching chairs covered with nubby fabric in basic beige. The coffee and end tables were covered with health-related magazines, plus those for fashion and sports.

I turned when the hallway door opened. One look at who walked in and my knees suddenly felt wobbly.

It was Aaron…and Shelly Muldoon.

The shock on their faces probably mirrored my own.

“Emily!” Aaron said after a few long seconds of silence. At that moment his cell phone began to ring. He ignored it. “I didn’t…what’re you doing here?”

“Hello, Emily,” Shelly said uncertainly. She’d suddenly gone pale, and the expensive-looking beige knit dress and matching jacket—something that Jackie O. likely would have worn—made her look bland.

I simply stared at her. “Aaron, I need to talk to you about something important.”

“Sure. We’ll go into my office.” He turned to Shelly. “Excuse us.”

She nodded, worry in her eyes.

Aaron led me to his office under the watchful eyes of his staff, then closed the door behind us. “I’m sorry, Emily. I didn’t know you were coming down…obviously.”

“How long have you been seeing her?” I quietly asked.

“I haven’t exactly been seeing her. Not in the way you’re thinking. It’s just that…things haven’t been too good between us lately. Shelly called the week before last and invited me to lunch. I found that I enjoyed myself. You and I had just had our fight, and here was an hour when I could forget about all the turmoil in my life. We’ve been eating together pretty regularly since. That’s all there is to it.”

Eating together, he’d said—not lunch. So Aaron had been having dinner with her as well. And anyone could see Shelly wanted more than lunch from Aaron. “But there
could
be more,” I prompted.

“Not while you and I are engaged. I’m not a cheater, Emily.”

“I see,” I said, realizing after the fact that I sounded just like Beverline. “Well, at least knowing you have a replacement lined up will make it easier.” I slipped the engagement ring off my finger and put it in his palm. “I think both of us know that it’s not going to work. Maybe Beverline was right. Maybe I’m not the right class.” I thought of Shelly’s expensive ensemble, the large but discreet gold square-linked chain around her neck, the beige and brown designer purse that dangled from her arm.
She
probably didn’t run with, as Beverline put it, mothers of numerous out-of-wedlock children and widows of drug kingpins.

“I told you that class stuff is ridiculous, Emily. But you’ve closed yourself off to me. I don’t know what to do, how to make things right.”

“If you’re finding solace in the company of another woman, there
is
no making it right, Aaron. I’m sure you already knew it was over between us and were just waiting for the official word to come down.” I saw truth in his eyes. “Um…I’m going to talk to Mom and see what she wants to do. Under the circumstances, I don’t think she should continue living on your property.”

“There’s no need—”

“No, it’ll only remind you of me and will make you uncomfortable. The kids, too. I don’t know the best way to handle that, but we’ll figure that out.” It made me physically ill to have entered their lives, especially Billy’s, and then have to suddenly leave. I’d made Billy a promise to be his mother, and now I’d broken it. Worse, with him in Sag Harbor, I’d be gone when he returned, vanishing like the stains from wet paint once it dried. What if he had trust issues as an adult because of that?

“I’ll take care of that. Emily, I don’t know what to say.”

“You can say that there aren’t any hard feelings, and I’ll be happy.”

“No hard feelings,” he said softly. “I’ll never forget you, Emily. You taught me I can love again. I’ll always be grateful to you for that.”

“I won’t forget you either, Aaron. And I’ll be out just as soon as I can make arrangements.”

“Will you go back to Indianapolis?”

“Yes.” My next words brought a smile to my lips. “It’s my home.”

Shelly was still in the waiting room when I reentered it, along with a few patients. She looked increasingly nervous as I approached her. “It’s all right, Shelly. Aaron and I decided to break our engagement. You’ve got a clear path.”