“Thanks.” The more time he shared with Pandora, the more confused he grew. When it came to the fairer sex, he excelled at the short game. One or two nights—tops. Mornings could be tricky, so he avoided them like brussels sprouts. So here he was on his second morning with the nanny and despite the fact they’d barely even spoken, let alone had sex, he honestly wasn’t sure how many more he could take. Something about her had him all riled up and flustered—in his line of work, never a good thing.
With Quinn tucked back into his snap-bottom T-shirt, Pandora scooped him up and cradled him against her.
His son looked happy, and that fact calmed Calder’s choppy nerves. Truly, he needed to chill. Pandora was the nanny. Nothing more. No need to rely on his usual shtick, or worry about spending too much time with one woman, because she wasn’t his woman. If anything, he should treat her like one of the guys. “Got anything going on this weekend? Thought we might get back to the beach, only this time do it up proper. More volleyball. Soggy sandwiches. It’ll be great.”
“Um...” She looked to the baby, out the window, to the changing table—anywhere but him. “That sounds amazing, but I have plans.”
“Oh?” He’d placed her firmly in the friend zone, so why did he feel shot down? It didn’t happen often, which left him needing answers. Only because he was her employer, no matter how much he wanted to drill her about what she was doing that could be more important than chilling with him and his son—he knew damn well he couldn’t. Shouldn’t. It would be a seriously needy move, and Calder never lacked for female attention.
“Rain check? I’ve never been on a picnic, so...” As her words trailed off, so did her eye contact. Interesting. What would the nanny be doing on Saturday? Or should that
what
be replaced by a
who?
Chapter Five
Wednesday afternoon, the computers Calder’s team had been using to study the latest Afghanistan satellite-photo-intelligence models were down. Cooper and Heath used the opportunity to nap. Calder and Mason had just finished a five-mile run and sat on a bench, soaking in rays.
“Damn nice day,” Mason said. “Reminds me why I left Alaska.”
Calder had tilted his head back and closed his eyes. He opened them to glance sideways at his friend. “Thought you bolted because of Melissa.”
“Well, that, too. But mainly because of the weather.”
“Uh-huh. You’ve given me so much crap over the nanny, I’m shoveling it back your way.”
Resting his arms behind his head, Mason said, “Whatever. Speaking of which, haven’t heard much about her today. Everything all right?”
Calder sighed. “I guess it’s going good. Both Quinn and the house are freakishly clean, and she’s a great cook.” That said, the beach rejection stung his manly pride. His rational side knew giving the matter a second thought was ridiculous. The part of him used to women falling for his SEAL charm still didn’t get it. What had he done wrong? “Look, I shouldn’t even mention this to you, but after the volleyball game, I found out Pandora had never been to the beach.”
“What?” Mason scratched his head.
“I know, right? Anyway, I’ve been meaning to spend more time with the little guy, so I figured we’d do the whole day-at-the-shore thing with him on Saturday, only—”
Mason laughed. “She turned you down, didn’t she?”
Lips pressed tight, Calder had never wished more he’d kept his big mouth shut.
Still laughing, Mason said, “Mr. Professional Working Relationship who yelled at us for asking if Pandora was a sex-kitten nanny broke his own rule, huh?”
“Forget it. Sorry I brought it up.” Calder had honestly thought it would be a good idea to spend time with Quinn. The beach was always fun. The whole thing shouldn’t have been a big deal.
Standing, Calder headed back to the building housing their classroom.
“Aw, come on....” Mason trailed after him. “Don’t go getting your panties in a wad. I’m sure the nanny has a perfectly good reason for turning down your date.”
“It wasn’t a date,” Calder snapped. “I don’t like her that way. Wouldn’t be right.”
“Might not be right, but if she’s hot and you two share tight quarters, what’s your plan to keep things platonic?”
Calder tugged open the metal door, welcoming the rush of cool air. “Drop it, okay? I don’t need a plan, because nothing’s going to happen.”
“Then why are you so pissy over her wanting an afternoon for herself?” Mason stopped off at a vending machine.
Though his friend asked a valid question, Calder didn’t have an answer. If pressed, he suspected his true problem stemmed from the simple fact he was scared to death of once again being alone with his son.
*
C
ALDER
RODE
STRAIGHT
home from the base only to find Quinn and Pandora heading down the block. He parked his bike in the garage, then hollered in their direction, “Wait up!”
After closing the door, he pocketed the opener, jogging to meet them.
“Hey.” She veered the stroller against the sidewalk’s edge to make room for him. “How was your day?”
He shrugged. Now that he’d caught up with the duo, he wasn’t sure why he’d even tried. All smiles, Quinn kicked and made baby noises. Pandora had been smiling. However, since his arrival, she’d pressed her lips into a telling line of tension. “You two headed for the park?”
She nodded. “They have great baby swings—you know? The one’s that are safety seats?”
“Guess I’ve never much noticed.”
“Quinn loves them.”
Another dig at Calder’s parenting? Or lack thereof?
They walked the last two blocks in silence. The temperature was already cooling off with a hint of approaching autumn in the air. Even from their distance, the sounds of kids playing—laughing—rang clearly through the air. He couldn’t remember ever having been that kid—fully carefree. Sure, after his mom had remarried, things settled down, but he’d been past the playground age.
Upon reaching the park, it struck Calder as surprisingly full. “There always this many people here?”
“It’s a park. Most times, there’s even more.” Her sideways look, not to mention her pinched expression, didn’t sit well with him. Yet again, he felt inept. He’d lived a few blocks from what was apparently a family mecca, yet it’d never even occurred to him it was anywhere he and Quinn might want to be.
“Sorry. I didn’t know.”
“It’s not a big deal, Calder.” She parked the stroller in front of the lone empty bench in a row of five. “Now that you’re here, want to put Quinn in a swing?”
Visions of Quinn screaming whenever Calder tried cramming him into his car seat ran through his head. “No, thanks.”
Pandora effortlessly plucked Quinn from his stroller to plop him into the rubber swing seat and strapped him in. As if the kid knew what came next, he giggled and kicked. The size of his drool-filled grin tugged at Calder’s heart.
From Pandora’s first small push, Quinn howled with laughter. He clapped his little hands and bounced and kicked. His eyes shone with what Calder could only describe as pure glee. Burning heat forced his eyes to close for a moment while at the same time he swallowed the knot at the back of his throat.
He’d never seen Quinn like this—truly happy. But now that he had, something in him clicked. Was this at least partially what parenting was about? Not just keeping your child fed and clean, but figuring out what produced adorable grins? Then earning them over and over again?
“You want to push?” Pandora stepped aside, urging Calder to give it a try.
“What if I push him too high? Is he going to fall out?”
Hands on her hips, she cocked her head. “Really?”
“Well...” He forced a deep breath. “Stranger things could happen.”
Approaching the swing, Calder couldn’t have said why, but his pulse raced and his palms began to sweat. He crouched to reach the little guy, then pushed just enough for Quinn to shriek all over again. “He’s doing it!”
“You thought he wouldn’t?” Pandora asked. “See? You’re doing great. Now whenever I’m not around, you can bring him here on your own. Once he starts walking, he’s going to love the rope bridge and slide.”
Calder took one glance at the wood-planked bridge hanging between two roofed forts. “No way. Too dangerous.”
Now Pandora was the one laughing. “If you think that’s scary, wait till he gets his first bike.”
*
A
FTER
YET
ANOTHER
delicious dinner, helping with Quinn’s bath and tucking him in, Calder fired off a few emails, then tracked down Pandora in the laundry room, folding pint-size T-shirts. A few larger ones he recognized as his own were already stacked neatly beside his son’s.
“Need help?”
“No, thank you. Almost done.” The faint smile she cast over her shoulder made him almost as confused as he’d been that afternoon when he saw his son in the swing. Pandora was constantly doing things for him, but Calder never reciprocated. It was her job to care for Quinn, but she spoiled them both.
“You know I don’t expect you to do my laundry.”
“I don’t mind. Besides, Quinn’s whites barely took up half a load.”
“Okay, well...” Suddenly tongue-tied in the cramped space, he crammed his hands in the pockets of his fatigues. “Thanks. You’re a nice lady.”
A nice lady?
Calder mentally smacked his forehead. What the hell kind of line was that?
Forehead furrowed, she half laughed. “Thanks. I think.”
He covered his face with his hands. “Sorry. That sounded like I think you’re eighty. Obviously, you’re not.” Her black yoga pants and pink T-shirt hugged her in all the right places—even her crooked ponytail enhanced her pretty glow.
“I hope not.” Laughing again, she glanced down shyly before pushing up her glasses. “At eighty, I’m not sure I’ll have the energy needed to chase after your son.”
“Okay, well, whatever your age, I very much appreciate all you’ve been doing—not only for Quinn, but me. You’re an angel.”
She turned from him to place the folded clothes into a basket. “I wouldn’t go that far.”
*
S
ATURDAY
MORNING
, Calder bumped into Pandora on her way out of her bedroom. “You smell good.” The second the words left his mouth, he kicked himself for yet again having nothing smoother to say. The more he was around Pandora, the more he sounded like a mooning fourth grader. Now that the weekend had arrived and Pandora was obviously dolling herself up for someone, he was merely taking a healthy interest in her day’s plans. Any good friend would, right? Only, were they even friends? To cover his confusion, he blurted, “Seeing someone special?”
Quinn sat in his walker, grinning and drooling while pressing a squeaky frog head.
“Rah
gaa!”
“Very
.
”
Was it his imagination, or had her green eyes grown brighter from the size of her smile?
Mom? Favorite uncle? Grandmother?
Boyfriend?
So what if she did have a boyfriend? In the week she’d worked for Calder, she’d proved herself to be not only an excellent caregiver for Quinn but a great housekeeper and cook. Calder had no complaints. He’d never even caught her on the phone. Which meant if she did have a boyfriend, they couldn’t be all that serious, right?
Squeak, squeak, squeak.
Calder frowned. Even in his own head, he sounded crazy. “When will you be home? Not that this is your home, but it kind of is—well, you know what I mean.” Since she’d started caring for Quinn, Calder had backed way off from his own parenting duties. Aside from changing the occasional diaper or playing with his son, he really didn’t have all that much to do with the boy. Probably not a good thing, but it was what it was.
Though in his own defense, Calder had taken Quinn back to the park all on his own—twice. He’d even wrangled the kid into the safety seat. Maybe he’d go again today.
“I shouldn’t be later than four. Is that all right?”
“Sure.” It was already ten. How hot of a date could she have with that little time? He was more relieved than he should be that she hadn’t asked for even more time off—like overnight!
“Thanks.” She knelt to kiss the top of Quinn’s head. “I’ll miss you, sweetie.”
What about me?
*
“W
HAT
DO
YOU
THINK
she’s doing?” Calder’s SEAL pal Cooper dragged his chip through store-bought guacamole.
On the apartment’s big-screen TV, Florida pummeled Georgia.
“Beats me.” Before Quinn, Calder had also shared the apartment with Cooper, Mason and Heath. He’d been in his house a month, but he’d lived here with his friends for over three years, meaning this place felt more like home.
“If she is on a date, the guy didn’t put much thought into it,” Cooper said.
“That’s good, right?”
His friend shot him a dirty look. “Maybe for you, but not her. This woman is caring for your kid. The key to you and Quinn being happy is keeping her happy.”
“Good point.” What Calder didn’t understand was why Pandora’s pretty smile and green eyes refused to leave his head.
He grabbed another chip and ran it through the guac. Now that he thought about it, Pandora’s eyes were a unique, avocado green. He’d always liked avocados.
Quinn fussed in his carrier seat.
Calder offered him a bottle, but that didn’t help. His diaper was dry and the kid pitched the pacifier Calder offered. “What do you think he wants?”
“Pick him up.” Cooper shoved several chips into his mouth at once. “When my brother was a baby, lots of times he just wanted to be held.”
“Makes sense.” Calder squatted, scooping the infant up with one hand.
“You’re not doing it right.” His friend took the baby, pushing Calder out of the way. “Like this.” The fact that Cooper hadn’t held a baby in a couple decades, yet instantly put Calder’s son at ease, incensed him. “You’ve got to hold him close. Let him know you care.”
Do I?
The thought killed Calder. He didn’t want to be
that
guy—the kind of dad who never connected with his son. No way could he live with eighteen years passing only to realize he’d screwed up everything and his own kid was a virtual stranger. They’d connected at the park, so why not now?
Calder took advantage of Heath and Mason being out on a beer-and-pizza run. “Mind if I ask you a personal question?”
“Shoot.”
“I’m not even sure where to start.” He tilted his head back, working the muscles on his suddenly tight neck. “You guys all know how Quinn entered my life, and I guess I’m still struggling to form a connection with the little guy. I feel like I should have this instinctive draw toward him, you know? But most days, I’m not even sure what he likes to eat—let alone how to really be a good dad. My own father was hardly a prizewinning specimen, but you come from a great family, right? Since you had a great dad, I was hoping you might share a few pointers.”
Cooper snorted. “Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you hit up the wrong guy for that information. My advice?” He returned Quinn to Calder. “Buy a parenting book.”
*
P
ANDORA
HUGGED
her daughter for all she was worth, then gently pushed her back for a better look. “You’ve grown an inch since the last time I saw you.”
Julia laughed. “Mom Cindy calls me her pretty sunflower ’cause I’m growing so big and tall and pretty!”
“You’re beyond pretty,” Pandora said past the lump in her throat. “You’re gorgeous.”
The social worker assigned to Julia’s case sat in the corner of the pale blue room with its one window that was meant to be cheerful, but how many times had Pandora been here, praying one day she’d take her daughter home? How many other parents like her were on the same seemingly sinking ship? She’d taken state-mandated parenting courses. She’d proved herself capable of holding a job. Still, in the court’s view it wasn’t enough. Would it ever be enough?