Authors: Dilly Court
Too tired to argue, Phoebe did as she was told. She sipped tea and ate a slice of warm seed cake not long out of the oven while Rose and Judy ministered to Teddy. He opened his mouth obediently accepting tiny pieces of cake, washed down with sips of milk. No one mentioned Gino by name and for that Phoebe was truly grateful. The conspiracy of silence continued
even
later that afternoon when Madame Galina and Gussie returned home. Fred arrived an hour later and he embraced Phoebe as if she were a long lost friend. He smelt of the outdoors and his sleeves were cold and damp after a day spent washing windows, but his welcome was warm. When Herbert and Marcus returned from the theatre in between the matinee and evening performances, their greeting was equally passionate. Phoebe felt that she had truly come home. The large kitchen was the beating heart of the shabby old house, and she was surrounded by friends. No one here would say cruel things to her. For the first time in weeks she felt easier in her mind. It was as if a huge burden had been lifted from her shoulders.
That night in her old room at the top of the house she had the comfort of knowing that Teddy was safe from the malicious tongues of the people who believed the worst of her, and she had the added comfort of Rose’s presence to keep her company through the long hours of darkness.
Rose secured the last rag in her hair and climbed into bed, blowing out the candle. ‘Are you really all right, Phoebe?’
‘As well as can be expected. That’s what they say, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, it is, and I understand if you don’t want to speak about what happened in Italy.’
‘I will one day, but not now. It’s all too raw and I just want to forget.’
‘There’s just one thing I must tell you before you find out for yourself.’
Rose sounded hesitant, almost embarrassed. Phoebe wished that she could see her face, but the room was in almost complete darkness apart from a fractured beam of moonlight that struggled to penetrate the dirty panes of the window set in the sloping roof. ‘Go on,’ she said, suddenly nervous. ‘You’re not ill or anything, are you?’
‘No, nothing like that. There’s no way to make this easy so I’ll tell you straight out. We’ve never had secrets from each other, have we?’
‘Not that I know of. Please tell me – I’m dying of curiosity.’
‘It’s me and Ned. We’re stepping out together. I’m sorry, Phoebe. I know it must seem like treachery but it just happened.’
Phoebe raised herself on her elbow. ‘You and Ned!’
‘I love him and he says he loves me.’
‘Oh, Rose. Be careful. You know his reputation with women.’
‘I do, and he’s told me all about his murky past, but he’s a reformed character now. He’s put all that crime and violence behind him.’
‘How can you be sure? I don’t want to be cruel, but my mother must have thought much the same as you. He’s a charmer, but once he gets his own way with a woman he loses interest.’
‘We’re getting married in the spring,’ Rose said with a nervous giggle. ‘You’ll think it’s sudden and that I don’t know my own mind. I’ve had all those lectures from my pa and Judy, and even from Madame and
Gussie
, but I truly believe he’s changed and that he loves me.’
Phoebe shivered and slid back beneath the covers. It was cold in the room under the eaves but the real chill was in her heart. She had convinced herself that she had put the past behind her, but now memories came flooding back and with them came the pain. ‘And what does Rogue say to all this?’ Just speaking his name hurt her more than she could have thought possible.
‘He seemed pleased that Ned means to start a new life in the country.’ Rose paused, as if choosing her words carefully. ‘I’m so sorry, Phoebe. I’d rather cut my right hand off than do anything to hurt you. I know you had feelings for Rogue.’
‘He followed us to Italy, but he arrived too late. Gino and I were already married. Rogue wanted me to run away with him then, but I refused. I sent him away, Rose. I tried to be a good wife to Gino, but in the end I destroyed him.’
‘No. I’m sure that’s not true.’ Rose’s voice shook with suppressed emotion. ‘He was a good man but he wanted you above anything else in the world, and he was prepared to take you no matter what. If he couldn’t live with the consequences then that was his failing, not yours.’
‘I let him think that I loved him, and I did after a fashion, but it wasn’t enough. I cheated him. I let him down.’
‘I know you better than that, Phoebe. You would have stood by him no matter what. He lost his life
because
of a moment of madness. If he’d stayed with you that night instead of rushing out into the storm he would be alive now.’
‘If I hadn’t lost my temper,’ Phoebe murmured. ‘If I’d told him about the baby, perhaps he would have behaved differently.’
‘Oh, Phoebe. I cried all night when I heard that you’d lost your baby. I can only imagine how you must have felt.’
‘It was my punishment.’ Tears slid down Phoebe’s cheeks. ‘I didn’t want it at first. I didn’t want anything that tied me to Gino for life, but when they told me that both my husband and my baby were dead, I wanted to die too. I blame myself, Rose.’
‘That’s nonsense, love. Gino was a grown man. He must have known it was a stupid thing to do, setting off in such dreadful conditions. You can’t spend the rest of your life punishing yourself.’
‘Do you really love Ned?’ Exhausted from travelling and the emotions that had been stirred within her, Phoebe forced herself to relax. She knew that Rose was talking sense, and that she must not allow her personal tragedy to cast a shadow over her friend’s happiness.
‘I do,’ Rose said simply. ‘And there’s another thing, Phoebe. Ned is living in the farmhouse and he isn’t ever going back to London. He says he’s quite keen to work the land, which is wonderful.’
‘I suppose they convinced the excise men that they had nothing to do with the smugglers or Rogue wouldn’t have been free to follow me to Italy.’
‘Exactly so. Merrydew and his wife and the others were arrested and sent for trial. The last I heard they were in Dover jail and will be for quite some time. Rogue’s contacts in the City of London police cleared them of all suspicion.’
‘I don’t see how the police could turn a blind eye to their criminal activities.’
‘They were collaborating with the police for years, so Ned told me. You know the old saying about taking a thief to catch a thief; well that’s what they’ve been doing.’
‘But they had a reputation for being one of the worst mobs in the East End.’
‘Which is why the leaders of the high mobs never suspected anything until it was too late. They were either caught or fled south of the river.’
‘If only he’d told me,’ Phoebe said softly. ‘I always thought that he was responsible for my pa’s death. I wish he’d trusted me enough to tell me the truth.’
‘Maybe you ought to see him and ask him to explain.’
‘I doubt if he’ll ever speak to me again, or that he’d have the slightest interest in me now. I’m not the same person I was before I married Gino.’
‘Of course you are. You’re just tired and unhappy, but it will pass. Everything does in time.’ Rose yawned and the bedstead creaked as she turned on her side. ‘Go to sleep, love. Everything will seem better in the morning.’
Phoebe stared into the darkness. It seemed to stretch into infinity, and nothing would ever be the same again.
IT TOOK PHOEBE
a week to get over her travel fatigue, and in that time Rose had taken Teddy under her wing, her fondness for the little boy growing deeper as she saw traits in him that reminded her of his father. His eyes, she said, were the same shape and colour as Ned’s. He was a miniature version of his parent, and that made her love him even more.
At first Phoebe was simply grateful to be relieved of the responsibility for an energetic toddler, but as the days went by and she regained her full strength, she began to resent Teddy’s growing dependence on Rose. Sitting by the fire in the front parlour one evening she confided her worries to Judy.
‘You’ll have to face the fact that when Rose marries Ned she’ll be Teddy’s stepmother,’ Judy said, looking up from darning a man’s sock. ‘If Ned still wants to raise his son there won’t be anything you can do about it.’
‘But Teddy is my responsibility,’ Phoebe said in horror. ‘He’s my baby brother and Ma would want him to stay with me.’
‘You don’t know that for certain.’ Judy eyed her speculatively. ‘Ned is his father, and as far as I can see he’s determined to put his old life behind him. Rose
loves
Teddy and she’d care for him as if he were her own.’
Phoebe bit her lip. She had expected Judy to be on her side. ‘But I was planning for us to live here with you. I’ll get a job somewhere, or I’ll go back to doing what I know best and set up as a medium or a fortune teller. I can work in the theatre or a tent on the beach.’
‘I speak as I find, Phoebe. You must do what’s best for the boy, and perhaps that means giving him up.’
Phoebe was shocked by Judy’s words. ‘But I love him too. I don’t see why you and I can’t bring Teddy up together.’
‘It’s not as simple as that.’ Judy moved the work candle a little closer. ‘I must get Marcus to have a gas mantle put in this room. I’m straining my eyes in this poor light.’
Momentarily diverted, Phoebe stared at her in surprise. ‘What has Marcus to do with it?’
Judy held up the sock. ‘This isn’t mine, ducks. I may be a spinster but I haven’t taken to wearing men’s hose, and as a matter of fact I won’t qualify for that title much longer.’
‘You and Marcus are getting married?’
‘Don’t look so surprised. I may have turned forty but I’m not in my dotage and you knew that Marcus proposed to me before you left for Italy.’
‘I’m sorry, Judy. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own problems that I hadn’t given it a thought.’
‘I know that, which is why I didn’t mention the fact that we’re getting married in the register office
tomorrow
. I would have told you sooner, but you’ve been in such a poorly state since you came home that Marcus and I thought it best to wait until you were yourself again.’
‘I’m really happy for you,’ Phoebe said, staring into the fire. She knew she ought to show more enthusiasm, but Judy’s news had come as a shock, and it changed everything.
‘But what?’ Judy prodded her with her bony finger. ‘Spit it out, girl. Something’s bothering you.’
‘You won’t want me here when you’re married, and anyway you might sell this house. You’ll want to go and live with your husband.’
‘Stuff and nonsense. Marcus owns a poky little cottage at the other end of town, and I’m not giving up my independence for any man. He’ll move in here permanently tomorrow and I’ll continue to earn my own living just as before.’
‘And he doesn’t mind?’
‘He dotes on me,’ Judy said with a smug smile. ‘He’ll do anything I say, and I wouldn’t have it any different.’ She put the darning down. ‘I could do with an early night. We’re having a little party at Madame’s pub after the ceremony tomorrow.’
Phoebe raised her hand to her forehead. ‘I’ve missed so much. I feel I’ve come back to a completely different place. Everything has changed.’
‘Nothing stays the same forever, ducks.’ Judy rose to her feet. ‘Put the guard round the fire before you go up. We don’t want the house to burn down round us, and make sure that whoever comes in last locks the front
door
. We don’t want to invite burglars in either.’ She left the room, closing the door behind her, and the candle flames flickered in the sudden breeze.
Phoebe curled up in the wingback chair by the fire. She felt small and suddenly very much alone. She had forgotten that Marcus had proposed to Judy, who had always seemed to be a confirmed spinster. Nor could she have foreseen that Rose would fall in love with Ned Paxman. A more unlikely pair would be hard to envisage. Madame Galina and Herbert were talking about opening a bar together, although theirs was a purely professional arrangement. Gussie and Fred were also keeping company in a lukewarm romance that had a hint of desperation about it rather than blind passion, but still they had each other, and that was better than facing life unwanted and alone.
Phoebe had to come to terms with the fact that Teddy would eventually live with his father and Rose. She herself would slip into the part of the childless widowed relation whom everyone pitied and invited to their homes at Christmas, or when someone was sick and in need of a nurse or an unpaid nursery maid. The lot of single women without a profession or a private income was likely to be one of servitude and loneliness.
A loud knock on the front door brought her back to the present and she leapt to her feet. As she hurried from the room she hoped it might be Rose, returning early from the theatre. The thought of a chat over a cup of hot cocoa was a pleasing one and she was smiling as she opened the door, but the smile froze on
her
face as she looked up into a pair of sea-green eyes that were so like Teddy’s.
‘Ned.’ Phoebe glanced behind him in the vain hope that Rogue had accompanied him, but he was alone. She felt strangely cheated as she stood aside to let him in. ‘I didn’t expect to see you.’
He stepped over the threshold, pausing in the hallway to take off his top hat and damp greatcoat. ‘It’s good to see you again, Phoebe. I thought that Rose might have told you I’d been invited to Judy’s wedding.’
Phoebe shook her head, at a loss for words. He was so like his brother in looks, if not in nature and temperament, that his unexpected arrival threw her into a state of renewed agitation.
He gave her a searching look, holding out his hand. ‘I hope we can put the past behind us and be friends.’
She stared at his hand, the broad palm and spatulate fingers worthy of a farmer, and his once pale skin tanned by exposure to the elements. ‘For Rose’s sake,’ she murmured, laying her hand in his.
‘Thank you, Phoebe. I know that can’t have been easy.’
She met his anxious gaze with an attempt at a smile. ‘I love Rose, and if you hurt her …’
‘I love her too. She’s a wonderful girl and I don’t deserve her.’