As things stood, we were going to have to sell a ton of soapmaking supplies to recoup our investment, and I was hoping the woman was worth it.
“I’m sorry you’re unhappy,” I said. “I’d be glad to personally move you out to the Mountain Lake Motel if you’d like.” The Mountain Lake wasn’t exactly a dump, but it couldn’t touch Jean’s accommodations.
“I don’t think so,” she said with one raised eyebrow. “I understand the Lakefront might be more to my liking, though.”
There was no way on earth we could afford a place as elegant as the Lakefront Inn, but I couldn’t come out and say it so baldly. “We tried, but they were booked solid. Sorry.”
“Very well,” she said with a sigh, as if her graciousness alone was all that was keeping her there. “Now, Ben, I need your help. I must have some time alone before I speak. Is there someplace I could get away from my fans in order to focus my energies on my presentation?”
I looked around, and if anyone shopping in the store had noticed her, they were doing a fabulous job of disguising their delight. Still, she was the main draw for our event schedule, so it couldn’t hurt to make her happy, especially since it wasn’t costing me anything. “Of course. We have a break room that you’ll find comfortable, and it has the added bonus of being stocked with some of the best baked treats in this part of North Carolina.”
“Where is it?” she asked.
I pointed to the door toward the back, just off the selling floor where we were standing.
She frowned at it in disdain, then asked, “Don’t you have anything more . . . private?”
“I suppose you could use my office,” I said. “It’s upstairs, and it has a beautiful view of the shop down here.” I gestured to the darkened glass above us.
“There’s an elevator, I presume,” she said.
“No, ma’am, but the steps aren’t bad.”
It was clear that I’d somehow managed to disappoint her yet again. If this woman put on her high-and-mighty act during her presentation, I was going to have people throwing bars of soap at her to get her off the stage.
“Very well,” she finally agreed. “Lead the way.”
I led her through the hallway door to the back, past the idle production equipment and up the stairs. My brothers had howled when I’d demanded they shut the line down for the two days of festivities, but Mom had backed me up. We needed their help out front, and whether they liked it or not, they were going to be working the cash registers later, hopefully until their fingers were bruised from ringing up all of the sales we were going to make.
I led the contessa into my office, and she looked around with a critical eye. I could swear I saw her deliberately sniff the air before she turned to me and said, “As green rooms go, this is rather squalid.”
“As an office though, I like it just fine.” I was half expecting her to ask for a basket of red M&M’s and a Swedish masseur, but she plopped down in my chair and immediately swung around to survey the sales floor below.
“I’m concerned about something,” she said as she tapped the glass. “Are you certain you have enough books?”
“I think we’ll be fine.” I’d pushed Mom to order the contessa’s books through Diana Long, my current girlfriend and the woman who also happened to own the only independent bookstore in town. Though Dying To Read carried mysteries exclusively, Diana had used her resources to order the books for our event. She’d be handling the autograph session after the contessa’s presentation since she was used to dealing with authors and we weren’t. While Diana had told me that most of the writers she hosted at her shop were delightful, she had shared enough horror stories to make me realize that she’d be our best choice for handling the contessa. I scanned the crowd of shoppers below and saw that she’d slipped in since I’d escorted our guest upstairs.
“Is there anything else you need?”
She waved that gloved hand at me again. “No, you may go. I trust you’ve set up my materials as requested?”
Demanded would have been a better choice of words. The contessa’s assistant, Sharon, had dropped by the shop the night before with a diagram in her hand, every detail spelled out. It had taken me half the night to get it just right, and Sharon had stayed until past midnight to make sure of it.
“Will your assistant be joining you soon?” I asked.
“Sharon will introduce me, of course, but beyond that, I’m not quite sure what the girl is up to. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear she was sleeping in. Her door was closed when I left this morning. Now if you’ll leave me, I must focus on the presentation ahead.”
“Glad to,” I said as I scooted out the door. I thought about putting a DO NOT DISTURB sign up on my door, but nobody had any reason to come up there. Mom had the only other active office upstairs since my grandfather had deserted his, and she was fluttering around the sales floor below like a butterfly searching for a place to land.
I was at the bottom step when I found myself wrapped in the embrace of a solid, curvy brunette with deep brown eyes. After Diana kissed me, I said, “I’m happy to see you, too.”
She laughed, a sound that never failed to delight me. I’d been recently dumped in a budding relationship with Kelly Sheer—a local attorney now trying to reconcile with her ex-husband—when Diana and I started dating. It had been tough going at first, but it hadn’t taken long for her to capture a very special place in my heart.
“You must be excited,” Diana said. “There’s quite a crowd out here already.”
“I just hope our guest of honor doesn’t disappoint them,” I said.
“What’s the matter, do you have a diva on your hands?”
“Diana, she showed up wearing red satin gloves; this from a woman who makes soap. You’d think she produces gold in that kitchen of hers instead of cleansers.”
“Her books are popular, Ben,” Diana said. “I’ve asked some other independent sellers I know, and they say she moves a lot of books for them. Besides, she probably wears the evening gloves to keep that ‘glamour’ image she tries to portray.” Diana lowered her voice as she added, “She’s not really a contessa, you know, or any kind of royalty at all. The entire getup is an elaborate pseudonym for her writing persona.”
“So what’s her real name?” I asked. If the self-proclaimed contessa got too pretentious, I’d drop her real moniker casually into the conversation just to get her attention.
Diana frowned. “I don’t know. I did some snooping around on the Internet after I ordered her books, but it’s a pretty closely guarded secret.”
“Isn’t that the whole point of a pseudonym?” I asked.
“You’re kidding, right? Mystery writers use them all the time. I even know one man who’s got another series that he writes under a woman’s name.”
“How did that happen?” It truly was a fascinating business she worked in, and sometimes I thought she had the better career between the two of us.
“He came here for a signing once and I asked him the exact same thing. It turns out that a different publisher liked his style, but they thought he’d sell more books with a female name because of the traditional mysteries he writes.”
“And were they right?”
Diana grinned. “I don’t know yet, it’s too early to say, but I like everything he writes.”
Cindy, my youngest sibling, poked her head through the door. “There you are. Ben, Mom’s looking for you. Should I tell her you’re canoodling in back with your girlfriend?”
I was starting to answer when Diana beat me to it. “In all honesty, I wanted to canoodle, but Ben said he was too busy so I’m settling for a little gossip instead.”
Cindy smiled. “Oh, goody. I adore dirt. Tell me.”
I brushed past her and said, “I’d love to, but you said it yourself. Mom needs me.”
She stuck her tongue out at me—something that made her look barely as old as the eighteen years she had—and Diana trailed along behind.
“Spoilsport,” Cindy said.
“Every chance I get,” I replied.
Once we were out on the sales floor, Diana said, “I’d better make sure the books are in their proper sequence of publication. Sharon was pretty emphatic about it when she came by the bookstore yesterday afternoon.”
“So she read the riot act to you, too?”
Diana smiled. “She’s nice enough, but I get the distinct impression she isn’t her boss’s biggest fan.”
“I can’t imagine that,” I said with a smile.
“See you later,” Diana said as she moved to the table stacked high with the contessa’s books.
I found Mom by the front register, and from the pained expression on her face, I had a feeling that I was going to have more trouble on my hands than a temperamental writer. My mother was a slim woman with frosted hair, and it always delighted her when people expressed shock at the fact that she had seven children, the youngest already eighteen.
“I’ve seen that look before,” I said as I neared my mother. “What’s wrong?”
“Benjamin, I know I should be happy we’re filling up, but there are too many people here. Perhaps we should have gotten more help for these events.”
“Don’t worry, we’ve got it under control,” I said. “With the guys helping out up front, we should be fine.” I patted her shoulder as I added, “Enjoy it, Mom. It’s a day to celebrate.”
The frown left her mouth. “Yes, of course you’re right.” She gestured all around us, then added, “It was a wonderful idea, Benjamin.”
“Thanks,” I said as I watched a little old man try to shove a selection of soaps under his coat. “I’ll talk to you in a second. I’ve got to take care of something.”
I left her and caught up with the thief just as he stepped outside our front door.
“Can I help you?” I asked as I touched his shoulder.
He acted as if I’d shot him. The man spun around out of my grasp, ejecting stolen soaps from under his coat like they were on fire. My grip loosened for a second, I was so startled by the display, and he managed to slip out of my grasp. The man must have been a sprinter in younger days, because he bolted off the porch so fast that he was gone before I could catch my breath. I collected the errant soaps and walked back inside. I’d been hoping no one had caught the exchange, but of course my mother had seen it all. She motioned to me, and I walked back to her, prepared for a scolding.
Instead, she hugged me. “Nicely done, Ben. I believe you are in control after all.”
I just shook my head, then I started trolling through the crowd more earnestly, trying to spot anyone else who wanted to help themselves to our handcrafted products. It suddenly occurred to me that my office would be the perfect place to spot miscreants, but unfortunately it was occupied at the moment. That still left my grandfather’s and mother’s offices open, though. But I needed someone on the ground to nab any culprits I found, and unfortunately, my entire family was busy at the moment helping legitimate customers. I did the best I could acting as the entire store security team, but I wasn’t sure if it was enough on a day like we were having. Who knows how much inventory walked out without the benefit of a receipt? That was just one more loss attributable to my idea for the festival. At least we were selling lots of things legitimately. I decided my presence walking among the customers might have a more detrimental effect on the shoplifters than spying down on them from above, so I started walking through the store, keeping my eye out for anyone trying to rip us off.
A little while later, I heard an incessant tapping that I couldn’t place. It sounded as if a lovesick woodpecker was declaring its passion on one of our windowpanes, and it took me longer than it should have to realize that it was the contessa trying to get my attention from above.
I trotted up the stairs and found her standing behind my desk with a scowl plastered on her face. “It took you long enough to get here.”
“Things are a little busy on the floor right now,” I said.
“Where is Sharon?” she snarled at me as I started to ask her what was so urgent.
“I don’t have a clue,” I said. “She’s your employee, not mine.” I was a little more abrupt than I probably should have been, but the woman was already getting on my nerves. If I were Sharon, I’d hide if I could, too.
“If she doesn’t get here in time to introduce me, you’ll have to do it yourself.” She looked like she was as excited by the prospect as I was, which was not at all.
“I’ll get one of my siblings to do it,” I said. I wanted to keep an eye on things in the store while the contessa gave her presentation. I was getting paranoid about our visitors.
“You’ll do it yourself, Ben,” she said as she shoved a piece of paper at me. I glanced at her handwritten scrawl and was nearly knocked over by her use of adjectives describing just how wonderful she was. There was no way on earth I could say what she’d written with a straight face.
“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have someone else do this?” I asked.
“I’m positive.” She glanced at the clock on my wall. “If Sharon is still not here in two minutes, you’ll have to do the honors yourself. I pride myself on punctuality, and I won’t let that child thwart me. Two minutes, do you understand me?”
“I get it,” I said.
I started to leave in search of Sharon when the contessa asked, “And just where do you think you’re going?”
“I thought I’d look for your assistant,” I said.
“There’s no time for that. You will wait here with me, and we will walk down the stairs together.”
“Fine,” I said. I watched as the second hand of my clock plodded slowly around twice, hoping for a reprieve, but none came. It appeared that I’d be doing the introductions myself after all.
She offered me her gloved hand, then said, “Shall we?”
“Certainly,” I said. Maybe if I fell going down the stairs and broke my leg I wouldn’t have to give the introduction. Try as I might, I managed to get down the steps without breaking anything, much to my dismay. She touched my arm at the door in back and said, “When you say my name, project it loudly enough for me to hear you, and I’ll enter.”