A Love Like This (33 page)

The past week, Julia still made sure I was
fed, even packed my lunch, but I was sleeping on the couch, and
when we did happen to be home at the same time, I hated the haunted
look in her eyes. Our conversations were uncomfortable and stilted.
I felt alienated from her, and it made my heart hurt. She stayed
far enough away from me that I couldn’t pull her into my arms and
erase all of this shit. We didn’t touch at all, and it was killing
me. This was the worst fight we’d ever had. These were the only
nights she hadn’t been next to me since the two weeks right before
our wedding when she went to New York and I stayed in Boston; or,
when she had a trip for work.

I hadn’t given her the poem. Everyday I
wanted to, but I needed it to mean as much to her as it did to me,
and I just couldn’t give it to her when we were fighting. I’d
opened the perfume and left it on her dresser in place of the empty
bottle. She used it, because I could smell it lingering in the
house when I came home and she was still at work. I missed her more
than I could stand.

It was New Year’s Eve and Julia’s gala was
tonight. I hoped I could make tonight as spectacular as I wanted it
to be. Julia was required to stay until the party was almost over,
but the plan was to make the most of the rest of the evening. I’d
been unable to take Julia on a honeymoon, and since we were trying
to conceive, I made reservations at the Waldorf Astoria over two
months ago. The room had a Jacuzzi and a big king bed, and I’d
arranged for champagne and strawberries to be waiting just after
midnight, the room filled with candlelight, roses, and our favorite
sexy playlist playing on the stereo. It was meant to be perfect and
magically romantic.

When my dad asked me what I wanted for
Christmas and I told him I didn’t need anything, he sent a check. I
could think of nothing I’d rather use it on, and it helped me keep
my plans a secret from Julia. To throw her off the scent, Mom sent
gifts as well, not the least of which was the incredible gown
hanging on the back of the bedroom door.

My hand reached out to touch the silk. It
was a beautiful dark green that matched her eyes, with the
slightest silver shimmer dusting the fabric, fitted through the top
but with some sort of floaty skirt. I could only imagine how
breathtaking she’d look. I took it from the door and laid it
carefully across the made bed, placing her present next to it with
a lone white rose.

Julia was in the bathtub, in our room. I
wasn’t even sure if she wanted me to accompany her tonight, but it
was a public fundraiser and I had a ticket. I could go alone if I
needed to, but I’d be damned if the evening would end without
make-up sex.

I used the other bathroom to shower and
change into my tuxedo. I hadn’t worn it since our wedding. I took
my time shaving and combing my hair before I put on the pristine
white shirt without buttoning it. I felt a mixture of anxious
anticipation and sadness at the possibility that Julia wouldn’t
want to reconcile. I splashed a little aftershave on my face, and
it stung. I strung the bow tie around my neck, leaving it untied,
the top few buttons of the shirt open, and slipped my feet in my
polished black dress shoes.

I looked at myself in the mirror and
decided, determined, I was going to arrive at the gala with my
beautiful wife on my arm.

“Go get her,” I told myself. My heart
pounded. I’d never felt so at a loss to know what Julia’s reaction
would be. I knew her better than I knew myself, but this shit with
Jane was new territory, and while I was angry, too, I had to put
that aside. Doors or pride had no place between us.

Determined to put an end to this misery, I
turned out of the bathroom at the same moment that our bedroom door
burst open, and Julia appeared. In what seemed like a fraction of a
second, she rushed to me and wrapped her arms around my waist
burying her face in my naked chest. She still had her robe on, but
her hair was done up in one of those fancy styles I couldn’t
remember the name of, and smelled like heaven. My arms closed
around her shoulders.

“Baby, what?” I asked, thankful just to
touch her again. Her fingers curled against the muscles of my back
underneath my shirt, and her forehead still rested against me.

“I’m sorry, Ryan. I was so stupid.”

“Me, too. It got way out of hand.” Her hold
around my waist tightened, but she still refused to look up, only
nodding against me.

“Hey. I’ll take care of everything. You’ll
see.” A finger under her chin lifted her face so I could see her.
There were tears in her eyes, threatening to fall. Her face was
luminous perfection; silver and green shadow making her eyes glow;
her eyes lined and lashes lush. I wanted to drown in them. I slid
my arms underneath hers and hoisted her off the floor so our mouths
were at the same level. I brushed my nose with hers, closing my
eyes and breathing her in. Her hands wound in my hair on both sides
of my head. “There never was, nor will there ever be… a love like
this. You kill me when you don’t trust that.”

She nodded, her mouth reaching for mine.
“That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read,” she breathed
against my lips. “Kiss me.”

“You’re so beautiful. I’m afraid I’ll mess
you up.” Having her this close, breathing in her breath, it was
extremely difficult not to crush her to me and do as she asked.

“I don’t care.” Her tongue darted out to
lick inside my upper lip. “Please, Ryan. I missed you so much. I’ve
been so unhappy.”

Julia’s words were my very thoughts, and I
needed to kiss her as much as she needed me to. With a groan, I let
myself fall into it like it was the last kiss we’d ever share. My
mouth plundered hers, hungry for the taste and feel of her. Julia’s
response was explosive, and she met me kiss for fiery kiss. Our
tongues made love to each other in reverence and urgency. My hand
curved around the back of her neck, but my other arm still held her
tight against me. My heart hammered against hers, and I slowed our
kisses to gentle tasting. “I don’t want to let you go, but we gotta
go, babe.” I set her gently down and kissed her one last time on
the mouth then the tip of her nose. Joy filled me up as I looked
down at her brilliant smile. I caught a tear before it rolled down
her face to mar her make-up. “You look… stunning.”

Her hand ran down my bare chest. “You don’t
look so bad yourself, but now you have lipstick on your face.”
Julia reached up to wipe some of the edge of my mouth with her
thumb. I felt so relieved. “Thank you for still wanting to be with
me tonight.”

“Where else would I want to be but with you?
Ever.”

“Don’t make me cry again. I already cried my
eyes out when I read the poem. It literally stopped my heart.”

“I meant every word.” And just like that, we
were Ryan and Julia again. I breathed a sigh of relief.

I took her hand and led her back into the
bedroom. Her eyes were teasing when she dropped the robe and
underneath had sexy black silk and lace lingerie. It was a
strapless corset, matching lace panties, and stockings held in
place by the garters on the corset. I could see everything through
the lace, but the subtle covering made her body all the more
delicious.

“Are you trying to kill me?” I groaned. She
reached for the dress and I bent to kiss the back of her shoulder.
I wanted nothing more than to make love to her, but instead, I
helped her into her dress, zipping it up and sliding my hands down
her bare arms. The diamond hairpins from our wedding sparkled in
her hair. I was speechless when she turned to me and started to
button up my shirt and then tied the bow tie. The entire time, I
stood mesmerized by the perfection of her features, now glowing,
and her eyes full of love. I stood motionless under her
ministrations. I thought I’d lost that light in her eyes.

My knuckles brushed the back of her cheek.
“Don’t forget to remember… how much I love you.”

Her face got serious and she cupped my jaw
as she nodded. “I love you more.”

“Do you wanna fight about it?” I chuckled,
but love squeezed my heart. I shrugged into the jacket of my
tux.

“I’m done fighting. I’m in the mood for
love.”

“There is a God after all.” My tone was
teasing but my intentions were right on point. The evening would
begin for me when the gala ended.

She took the rose that I’d given her and
broke it off, firmly placing the stem through the boutonniere hole
in my lapel, smoothing the material when she was done. “You look
perfect.”

“I know you’ll be busy tonight, but I want
to dance with my beautiful girl.”

Her white teeth flashed and a low laugh left
her when she threaded her fingers through mine.

~10~

Lincoln Center was buzzing. Julia was
spectacular. I stood and watched her cool composure with a sort of
awe. This was a public event to benefit AIDS research, but many
very important people were attending; powerful business leaders,
famous fashion designers, celebrities, musicians, the mayor of New
York, and several of the big wigs from Condé Nast from all over the
world. She looked elegant and so stunning; simply breathtaking. I
swirled the scotch around my glass and the ice clinked on the side
of the crystal.

The food was incredible; catered by a famous
chef whose name I couldn’t remember. I reached for one of the
stuffed shrimp the waiter proffered and popped it in my mouth. The
concert—a melding of several of the world’s most accomplished
classical ensembles—went off without a hitch. I was amazed that six
separate groups could practice in different parts of the globe and
then come together and be so magnificent. Julia had done her due
diligence, introducing me to everyone, but the names started to
become lost to me. I didn’t know how she remembered them all, but
she did. I made small talk with Meredith and John, sent Andrea a
smile and wave from a few feet away, and avoided Turner as much as
I could. He was busy snapping photographs. I’d have to make sure
Julia got copies of the one of the two of us.

Everything was perfect. I’d never been more
proud of her as I stood beside her and listened to her words. Being
so close to her over the years had made me take for granted how
well read and educated she was, and how well she carried herself.
Maybe taking her for granted was the wrong word, but this certainly
reminded me how amazing she was.

She looked so stunning that I found my eyes
locked on her constantly, sometimes forgetting to breathe. Pride
swelled my chest like a peacock’s. This was her party, this was her
world, and she handled it with calm, elegant precision. Later, with
me, she’d alternate between lascivious and loving, tender and
taking, but always passionate. She spoke to me without words, when
our eyes would connect and the edges of that gorgeous mouth would
lift in a sly smile, flirting and letting the tip of her tender,
pink tongue peak out to lick her lip or bite her lower one. I was
rock hard just looking at her, and I needed to adjust myself badly.
I hoped no one noticed.

Julia was holding an almost-empty glass of
white wine in her right hand. She leaned in to excuse herself from
the matronly woman she was speaking to and glided toward me. I
couldn’t help it, my arm snaked around her waist and pulled her
close enough that she could feel the effect she had on me. My open
lips found the pulse at her temple and lingered on the warm skin
and she sighed. I could feel her breath rush over the skin of my
neck, and my arm tightened.

“When can you leave? I can’t wait to get you
alone.”

“Mmmm…” her fingers curled into the front of
my shirt and pressed into my abdomen. I could hear the desire in
her purr. “Just after midnight. What time is it?”

“11:40.” The music playing throughout the
room was classical but the din of voices was constant. I longed for
when the only sound in my ears was her breathing and soft moans.
“We’re almost there.”

She looked up into my face with lazy, hooded
eyes. “Are we?” she teased softly and pressed her hip into my
erection.

“Soon,” I said with a smile and bent to kiss
her mouth. I didn’t care if she spilled her wine, or if I happened
to drop the glass in my hand; I didn’t care that there were 400
people around us. My tongue pushed hungrily into her mouth, and
though our surroundings gave her a second’s hesitation, soon she
was returning the kiss in full measure. I pulled her tighter,
kissing her deeply. She reluctantly pulled her mouth away, but mine
wanted to cling to hers.

“Ryan. I’m working.”

“I know. I can’t help it. You’re so
beautiful tonight.”

I scanned the room over her head as her lips
brushed my jaw, and my eyes locked with a pair of blue ones not
twelve feet in front of us. My heart stopped.
What the fuck was
Jane doing here?
Anger exploded, and my eyes saw red while heat
infused beneath my skin like fire.