Authors: R.S Burnett
“Just as long as you’re moving away for the right reasons and not running away” Tom says waving his bottle towards me.
“I’m not running away” I frown to myself and take another drink from my bottle, trying to work out how to put it into words “I’m moving away to move forward. I have so many memories here, not all of them good. I’ve watched both my parents die here. I want to move away from that and not have my past hiding in every corner. I need a fresh start, to be surrounded by fresh faces that wont look at me with sympathy in their eyes all the time. I want to be the person I used to be. The one my dad was always asking for” I smile to myself happy with my explanation but everyone just frowns at me not understanding. “It doesn’t matter, I just need a clean slate”
“I wish you wouldn’t go. It doesn’t seem right” Cat pouts at me snuggling up to Tom.
“I wish you could come with me, I’ll come back and visit lots, it will be like I never moved away” I try smiling to reassure her but we all know it won’t be the same.
“I can remember when we build our first fire down here, your dad went crazy” Cat starts laughing at the memory.
“Yeah, he chased after us all the way down to the water and when he couldn’t catch us he sent my mum in after us and she soaked us” I join in with the laughing as the memory washes over me.
“It wouldn’t have been so bad if we didn’t let fireworks off” she snorts.
“Oh no! I forgot about them!” I slap my hand over my mouth remembering that we took some fireworks from my dads office that were for the new years eve party the following night. “That was bad, we could have gotten hurt” I shake my head at our recklessness.
“You two were trouble” Tom laughs at us.
“We got better as we got older” I say but can’t keep a straight face.
“We watered all Mrs. Blackmans plants with orange juice and then covered them with flour” Cat tells them smirking at me.
“Oh what about poor Mrs. Daniels dog? We got her soaking wet and covered her fur with flour too!” I laugh.
“Do you have flour fetishes?” Travis asks looking amused.
“No, it was the hardest thing to clean” I shake my head at him and relax into his side drinking my beer, letting the childhood memories wash over me.
We sit around the fire for hours remising and joking with each other. It’s comfortable and completely peaceful. I honestly can’t remember the last time I was this happy without it feeling forced in some way.
“Since it’s your last night, if you still have that stuff can we do our voodoo ritual now please?” Cat begs slurring slightly.
Both the boys turn their heads to us.
“I don’t know... Oh what the hell” I stand up and stumble slightly. “I’ll be right back” I call over my shoulder and fail at running in a straight line to my house, well it’s not my house anymore, but still.
I head into the foyer and start searching for the boxes that I need. The door closes behind me.
“Oh thank god, can you help me carry them down to the beach, there’s about twelve I think” I call out, bent over the boxes opening the flaps to see what’s inside because the writing is all blurry through my drunken haze.
“What are we looking for?”
I spin around at the sound of Kyle’s voice. The quick movement makes me light headed and I sway on the spot, once I have recovered I frown at him.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I ask not bothered that it’s rude. I’ve had enough of his games.
He takes a step towards me but I take one back. He notices my retreat and stops to frown at me, looking confused. “What do you want Kyle?” I ask again more resigned than angry now.
“I .. we ... I don’t know” he frowns harder.
“Can’t you just let me have one good night? It’s my last night here, I want it to be a happy one”
“I make you unhappy?” he asks me looking surprised.
“No, you confuse the hell out of me” I point a finger at him, not sure why.
“You’re not the only one who’s confused Lou” He snaps at me, taking me surprise.
“Oh well heaven forbid that Kyle Carlton is confused. Please tell me what can I do to make your life easier? How can I make it all better for you?” The sarcasm is pouring out of my voice and he winces.
“Look that’s not what I meant ... If you just stayed, it would be better” his eyes are pleading, but I won’t be taken in by them again.
“Better for who?” I put my hands on my hips in an attempt to show him I’m not budging on my decision.
“You ... me ... us ... I don’t know” I can tell he’s frustrated and confused so I turn my anger down a notch.
“Kyle, you left me honey” I smile sadly at him and walk forward until I am in front of him, only a hair width away and lift my hand to his cheek. “You walked away from us, not me. You wasn’t happy with me and I accepted that. I let you go because I knew I could never be enough for you” He opens his mouth to speak but I cut him off “You walked away from our life into another wonderful one. You have a beautiful woman that is carrying your child and will soon be your wife. You have a family now and I’m not part of that. I’m not going to lie, those five years we were together were the best of my life so far and I haven’t been that happy since. When you walked away from me to find something better, I let you go. Maybe I shouldn’t have, maybe I should have put up a fight and things would have turned out differently but we can’t live on a maybe. Now it’s your turn to let me walk away. I need to find my something better. I’m so sorry that it wont include you, but that future isn’t a possibility for us any longer. I have to find my own way now, I need you to return the favor that I granted you two years ago, let me go Kyle” Unshed tears are pooled in my eyes and I lower my hand from his face.
“No” he whispers shaking his head slowly “I won’t let you leave, I can’t”
“You have to” I try to blink back the tears but it just sends them rolling down my cheeks.
He lifts his hand to my face and uses his thumbs to brush the tears away “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me”
“I can’t. I’ll always love you Kyle but it isn’t enough”
I shake my head at him and take a step back but he follows me.
“I love you Lou, you have to believe me” His eyes alone are begging for me to understand, willing me to believe him but I can’t. I can’t allow myself to have false hope.
“Don’t do this Kyle” I beg. Why is he doing this now? Why can’t he let me move on like he has. I would give up everything for him, do anything for him. I don’t think I’ll love anyone as much as I love this torn up, confused man in front of me.
“I can’t just carry on as normal while you go out there and fall in love with someone else” he whispers coming closer to me.
I lower myself to the floor and bury my head in my knees hoping that if I can’t see him, he isn’t really here.
“It’s not fair to do this to me” I cry, the tears falling freely now.
“I know. I know that and I hate that I’m hurting you. I don’t understand it. I’m sorry” judging from how close his voice is, he’s joined me down on the floor.
“Why are you doing this to me?” I don’t look up at him when I ask this. I’m sure he wants to torture me for something I may have unknowingly done to him in the past.
“I love you. Always have and always will” those words and the soft voice he says them in breaks my heart all over again because I know love just isn’t enough. Not now.
I lift my head to look at him and make sure that he is looking directly into my eyes as I say what I’m about to. It’s going to hurt like hell to say it but one of us needs to do something.
“You don’t love me Kyle, or you might think you do but you’re not in love with me. You have someone else that needs you now and in a few months you’ll have a baby that will need you. They are who you love not me. I’m nothing to you anymore, I’m just someone you used to love. The moment you asks Amber to spend the rest of her life with you, you stopped loving me. Don’t deny it because if you loved me as much as you think you do, you wouldn’t have proposed to someone else. You told her you can’t imagine a future without her and you meant that, I know you did. When you came back here and saw me again, it brought memories back and you got confused” I lean towards him and prepare myself.
“I mean a lot to you but not enough, I’m comfortable, I’m safe. You need something more” he flinches at having his last parting words thrown back at him but I have no sympathy. “I’d like you to leave now Kyle and please don’t try to stop me leaving in the morning. Don’t break my heart again, I survived the first time, I’m not sure I have the strength to get through it again”
I stand and walk out the front door back down to the beach.
Like an old wound reopening my heart shatters and the sobs shake my body. Travis is on his way towards the house and jogs up to me when he catches site of me pulling me in close to his side. “Hey, what’s happened?” he asks moving some hair out of my face.
“Lou” Kyle shouts from the doorstep behind us.
I don’t turn but Travis does “Leave it Kyle” he calls over to him and I feel him shake his head before we carry on towards the beach.
No one asks what went on in the house and I don’t offer any information we just sit and watch the waves and the fire.
Someone shaking my shoulder softly wakes me, I pull my eyes open and squint against the light.
“What...” I start but a finger is put against my lips.
“Shh” I rub my eyes to clear my vision and Mason is crouched down in front of me holding a shirt and two take out cups.
I look around at Tom and Cat but they are still fast asleep cuddled under the blanket, I unwrap myself from Travis and as quietly as I can without waking him, I move from under our blanket.
I accept the shirt from Mason and put it over my shoulders as soon as I’m covered he hands me one of the cups, I take a welcome sip of the hot coffee.
We start walking across the beach away from my friends in silence.
I look at him from the corner of my eye a few times but he just smiles at me.
“You and Travis ...” he finally speaks but his voice is soft, questioning.
“Just friends”
He doesn’t comment on my answer only nods to himself.
“He’s not the father, you know”
He says this so quietly I don’t think I heard him right. I stop on my way across the beach, forcing him to stop with me.
“What do you mean? Who?” I demand but lower my voice when I realize I’m shouting.
He shakes his head at me and links his arm through mine, forcing me to carry on with our walk.
“Kyle isn’t the father. Amber’s not carrying his child”
“Then who’s the father?” I frown at him and he turns his eyes away from mine.
“Chris. They have been having an affair since she moved into town with Kyle. He doesn’t know and I don’t want him to know”
“Bitch” I scream making him wince because of how close I am to his ear “Sorry” I shrug “All this time everyone was so worried that I was going to try and get Kyle back and she was sleeping with my boyfriend”
“I’m sorry”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“I’m telling you because you needed to know. Don’t give up on him, not yet”
“Why haven’t you told Kyle?” I ask him confused.
“It’s not my place to, I only know because I over heard her talking to Chris and saw them a few times, she doesn’t know that I know. Anne doesn’t know either. The only reason I am telling you is because Kyle is torn up about you leaving. It’s breaking his heart all over again. I know he loves you, you know it too. To say that he loves you when as far as he knows another woman is carrying his child means, how he feels about you is irrevocable. You can’t just turns that feeling off. I didn’t want you questioning how he feels or what type of man he is. You own his heart Louise. What you do with it is up to you.”
I stop walking and stand staring at his back as he walks away from me.
This definitely changes things. Obviously I can’t tell Kyle, he will just think I’m trying to cause trouble. Doesn’t mean I can’t say anything to Chris though, after all the hassle he gave me about Kyle and all the time he was seeing Amber behind my back.