“You don’t have to—”
“Shh.” The hot wash of his breath bathed her temple. He smoothed his hands up her back. “Let me make love to you, Tori.”
“Yes.” She melted into him, her lower body rubbing against his arousal. His fingers were already unlacing her halter.
“Move your hips like that again,” he breathed. “I like it.”
The top of her sundress fell away. He thumbed her bare nipples, bending to kiss her mouth at the same time. She groaned, rocking her hips against his erection.
“That’s it.” He hardened impossibly. His arms tightened around her. She felt herself falling, the ground moving upward to meet her, and then she felt her shoulder blades press into the cool, damp sand.
Nick loomed over her, his eyes intense, one hand easing her skirt up over her thighs.
“You’ll ruin your good clothes.” She gasped as he found the sweet spot between her thighs.
“Screw the clothes.”
He leaned over her; the tip of his tongue found her ear. A tidal wave of weakness washed through her and she shuddered, reaching for him. He levered himself up on his elbows, watching as she undid the slippery buttons on his dress shirt with trembling fingers. The smooth fabric parted. She spread her fingers on his bare chest. His heart pounded under her palms.
The last breath of an ocean breaker slid close, but didn’t touch them. Nick shoved her halter top to her waist and bent his head to one breast. He caught her nipple with his teeth, biting gently. His hand slid up the outside of her thigh, lifting her skirt to her waist.
“You always wear these flimsy dresses. Is it because you want to drive me crazy? You’ve done it, you know. I’m officially insane.”
He stroked her through her panties. Then he groaned. “God. You’re so wet for me.”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
He worked her panties free, losing them in the sand. A breeze whispered across her moist skin, making her shiver. He nudged her legs apart, lifting her knees.
His breath hitched. The ocean roared in her ears.
“You’re so beautiful like this.” His voice was ragged and full of wonder. “So wild. So open.”
She gazed up him. His face, so handsome, so harsh, was framed by silver night clouds. The sand was cold on her back, but male heat bathed her stomach and thighs. Nick looked at her, his expression almost reverent. As though she were the moon, the stars, and the heavens, all rolled into one.
She clung to the moment. It was everything she’d wanted, everything she’d imagined. Her fingers fumbled at his belt buckle, tugged at his zipper. She slipped her hand into his boxers and stroked him. He was heavy and hot, hard and soft, all at once.
He guided her hand away. His hot mouth opened on her breast; his hands swept over her bare skin. He teased her until her breath came in gasps, stroking his fingers between her legs, his tongue licking into her mouth.
She raised her hips in invitation. He ran his palms over her bottom, tilting her hips. He entered on one strong stroke. She felt him deep inside, deeper than she’d ever felt him before. Her body clenched around him, possessing him. Claiming him as hers.
He flexed his hips, making her groan. “This really turns you on, doesn’t it?”
“What?”
“Doing it in the open. Where anyone could see us. Hell, someone could be watching right now. Do you like thinking about that? About someone watching?” He cradled her head in his palms and took her mouth as he drove himself inside her.
God help her, she did like it. She tried to tell him, but all she could manage was a gasp as he plunged deep.
“I don’t,” he said.
“Wh-what?”
He rocked back and forward, stealing her breath again.
“I don’t like it. I hate it. I hate cheapening what we have by rutting in the sand like horny teenagers. I hate how I lose my mind when I’m with you. Hate that you make me want to do things like this.” He pulled out almost completely, then caught her hips in a painful grip and slammed back in. It felt so good she wanted to sob.
But his words…his words didn’t feel good at all.
“I don’t want to be this way with you, Tori. So…raw and desperate. It just hurts too goddamn much.”
A wave caught them, drenching Tori’s skirt. Nick’s body pressed her down into the wet sand. He moved inside her again. The pleasure rose.
“Nick…Oh, God…”
“Yes,” he hissed, his voice low and intense, his body moving more quickly, more deeply inside her. “Say my name, Tori. Scream for me.”
Another wave skittered across the sand, splashing their joined torsos. Nick cradled her in his arms, shielding her from the worst of the water, never once losing his rhythm. Her hips lifted off the ground with each thrust. Sand scraped her back.
Another wave hit. An answering swell surged inside her, lifting her, pushing her high, then higher still. She wrapped her legs around Nick’s waist, her inner muscles rippling. But the big payoff wouldn’t come. The edge just hung there, out of reach.
She moaned, reaching for the fall with all that she was. It was no use. Nick was deep inside her, and it felt incredible. But it wasn’t enough.
He wasn’t close enough.
“I love you,” she cried on a gasp. “Do you hear me? I love you.”
“Tori…” He groaned, gripping her bottom and slamming into her body so savagely that for a moment she couldn’t breathe. He bit her neck, sending a spark of pain into the surging pleasure.
“Come for me, Tori. Come
with
me.”
His plea sent her over. She crashed and broke in a free fall, clinging to him. He went rigid, groaning his own release. She felt the hot pulse of his seed shooting deep inside her.
And that was when she realized they hadn’t used a condom.
The wave of pleasure crashed, rolled, receded. Nick lowered himself to the sand beside her, his lips pressing the hollow of her neck, his breath coming in gasps. She lay still, her hand cradling his head, her heart nearly pounding out of her body. Her senses were spinning, as if she’d stepped off a whirling boardwalk ride. She was happy, shaken, and trying to catch her breath.
All too soon he levered himself off her. He stood and offered her a hand up. His dress shirt was plastered to his torso, and his trousers were covered with sticky wet sand.
A cool breeze stirred the air, and she shivered.
“Shit,” Nick said. “We’re freaking soaked.”
A little family planning is always a good idea.
Leigh checked the condoms in her jacket pocket before leaving the house. She’d taken one, then at the last minute went back to add a second.
Who knew? Better to be prepared than sorry.
Jason, looking very hot in gray sweatpants and a Beach Patrol T-shirt, was waiting by the dunes.
“I didn’t even have to sneak out,” she told him. “No one’s home. We were all at the Boardwalk, but we couldn’t find Johnny and Tori before the fireworks started; then Johnny called and said they’d already left. I think they were headed to Johnny’s club to hear Mimi sing. So Alex brought me home. He took Sophie to his place for the night.”
“What about your dad?”
“I have no idea where he is.”
“So it’s all good.” Jason slung his arm over her shoulders and kissed the top of her head.
They cut across the beach toward his street. But he didn’t kiss her again until they were in his kitchen, behind the closed door. His lips touched hers once, twice, then a third time.
“I can’t believe you’re finally here.”
A shiver of excitement raced through her. At least, Leigh hoped it was excitement. What else could it be? She loved Jason. And he loved her.
“I can hardly believe it myself.”
“Yeah. I thought…”
“What?”
“Never mind. You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”
He pulled her close. The crazy fire swept over her, the one only he could light, the one that made her forget all her doubts. His lips touched her cheeks, her nose, her eyelids. His hands framed her face, his fingers sifting through her hair. His mouth slanted over hers, his tongue sliding along the sensitive inner lining of her lower lip. She sighed and let him in.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body against him the way she knew he liked. She was rewarded with a sexy sound from the back of his throat, something between a moan and a growl. His arms tightened around her as he slid his tongue in and out of her mouth in an imitation of what they’d soon be doing with their bodies.
She stiffened slightly, thinking about it.
He pulled back, breathing heavily, his forehead pressed against hers. “Are you sure you’re okay with this? Because if you’re not, tell me now. I won’t be able to take much more. I want you so bad.”
“I want you, too,” she said quickly.
“God, I’m glad.” He hugged her close, and she felt his smile against her temple. “I love you, Leigh. Let me show you how much.”
He caught her hand and moved it to his stomach, then lower, slipping it beneath the elastic waistband of his sweats. He closed her fingers on his erection, holding her there.
Oh, God.
It was hot in her palm, and very hard. In fact, it was harder than she’d imagined, and…it was
pulsing
. The sensation unnerved her.
He slid her hand along his shaft. She tried to imagine opening up her body and letting it in. Would it hurt? Stacey said it had, the first time.
She tried to take her hand away, but she didn’t pull very hard and he didn’t seem to notice.
“God, that feels good,” he said.
“Jason…”
He gave her a lopsided smile. “Nervous?”
“I guess.”
His arms went around her. “Don’t be.”
“But…it might hurt,” she said in a small voice.
“Nah,” he said. “It won’t. I won’t let it. Come on.”
He laced his fingers in hers and tugged her toward the stairs.
“We didn’t use a condom.”
Tori threw out the comment as casually as she could, while she retied her halter straps behind her neck.
Nick gasped in a breath.
It was as if he’d been sucker punched. He actually staggered a step backward. At the same exact instant, Tori’s stomach cramped.
“Fuck.” He dragged a hand down his face.
“Fuck.”
And that about summed it up, Tori thought savagely. Suddenly, what they’d done on the beach seemed cheap. Just like Nick had said.
She licked her lips, which had gone dry. “I guess that means forgetting the condom was an accident?”
“Hell, yes, it was an accident! Jesus. Do you think I’d—” He cut himself off, his eyes widening. “You did, didn’t you? You thought I didn’t use a condom on purpose. You thought I’d decided to give in and get you pregnant.”
She started walking up the beach. He followed. In the distance, an explosion of fireworks burst over the brightly lit Atlantic City skyline.
“No,” Tori said, painfully aware of Nick’s grim expression. “I didn’t think you wanted to get me pregnant. That would be the absolute last thing I would think.”
He grabbed her arm. “You should’ve said something. When you realized we weren’t protected.”
She shook him off. “I was caught up in the moment.” She laughed, but the sound was ugly. “Just like you.”
She picked up her pace.
“Tori. Come back here.”
She ignored him and ran for the street. At least, she thought she was running that way. It was hard to see. Her vision had suddenly blurred.
“Tori, stop. We have to talk about this.”
“Talk?” She whirled around to face him. “Now you want to talk?”
His jaw locked. “Yeah. I do.” He stared at her for a long moment. “I want you to know that if you’re pr—” He just about choked on the word. “If you’re pregnant, I’ll stick by you. I won’t abandon my child.”
The glare of the street lamp washed out his complexion. He looked exhausted, Tori thought. Exhausted and depressed.
“But you don’t want another child. Ever. You told me that.”
Seconds ticked by. “Yes,” he said quietly. “I did say that. At least, I don’t think I want one. And certainly not like this, not when…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Look. What I’m trying to say is, call me old-fashioned, but I believe a baby’s parents should be married before it’s conceived. Otherwise, it’s a big mistake to bring a child into the world.”
“And you wouldn’t be caught dead marrying me. Is that what you’re trying to say?”
“No, damn it, it’s not. Stop putting words into my mouth.”
But he’d hesitated a moment too long before saying it.
Tori’s heart dropped like a stone in the ocean.
“I know you don’t want to marry me.” She hugged herself, trying to stop her shivering. She could still smell him on her skin, could almost still feel him inside her.
“And you know what?” she continued. “I’m glad. We’d be miserable together. In fact, I wouldn’t marry you if you begged me.”
He just stood there, eyes hard and angry, arms crossed. Looking at her, but saying nothing.
She gathered the scraps of her pride and started walking home.
He didn’t follow.
Leigh was just about naked.
Her shirt and bra had disappeared almost as soon as they’d entered Jason’s bedroom. Her shorts had been a more recent addition to the clutter on his floor. But he wasn’t rushing her. Oh, no.
They’d started out on the beanbag chair in the corner. That had been fine. After all, they’d made out there before, plenty of times, though never with the house empty. Jason had gone so slow, been so sweet and gentle, that it’d been Leigh who’d finally reached behind her back and unhooked her bra.
Things went quicker after that.
Now she lay on Jason’s double bed wearing nothing but a lacy thong. Her breath quickened as he stripped off his T-shirt, the movement causing his pecs to ripple. Leigh had seen his bare chest loads of times, of course, but somehow, here in his bedroom, in his
bed
, the sight of him hit her harder.
He leaned over her, his gaze dropping to her breasts. The tight smile on his face looked more like pain than anything else. “You’re like a dream, Leigh. Like a centerfold.”
She gave a nervous laugh. “That’s supposed to be romantic?”
He flashed her a grin. “Sorry.” He turned away to put on a CD. He was back in a heartbeat. He caught her hand, and then, like some character from a book, kissed her fingers. One by one. He caught her gaze over the back of her hand, his beautiful eyes flaring dark.
He stood and pushed his gym pants over his hips. She sucked in a breath—he’d gone commando under his sweats! She tried not to ogle, but her eyes dropped anyway.
She couldn’t
not
look at him.
She stared. Jason’s penis was huge and red and ugly, with a bulging purple vein running down one side. She couldn’t take her eyes off it. Suddenly, a scrap of lace and dental floss seemed a pretty flimsy barrier between her virginity and Mr. Red.
The thought made her giggle.
Jason took a step toward the bed. Mr. Red bobbed.
It looked way too big to fit.
Not a comforting thought. But, really, it couldn’t be true. When had she ever heard of a guy’s thing not fitting?
Never, that was when.
She lowered her lashes and made another surreptitious appraisal of Jason’s package. When you got right down to it, a penis was a truly ridiculous-looking appendage. A baseball bat with a misshapen knob on top.
It was just the same color as Tori’s love spell candle.
The giggles hit again.
Jason’s expression cooled a bit. He looked less like a lover and more like a confused puppy. A naked confused puppy.
It was too much. Leigh struggled to keep the laughter down, she really did, but she truly couldn’t help it. She was too wound up, too nervous. She giggled again, then laughed outright.
Jason frowned. “What’s so funny?”
Leigh clamped her hand over her mouth, biting down on her bottom lip so hard she was sure she tasted blood. Jason looked really annoyed, and she couldn’t blame him. She had to stop laughing. She really had to.
She couldn’t.
“Shit,” he said. “What’s the matter with you?”
“Nothing,” she gasped.
“It’s not nothing.”
“I’m sorry.” She struggled to keep another bubble of laughter from bursting.
“I thought you wanted this, Leigh.” His voice quavered a bit.
Leigh’s laughter ebbed. “I do. You know I do.”
And she did. She really did. The trouble was, she wasn’t sure if she wanted it right here, right now.
But she didn’t know how to tell that to Jason.
The mattress dipped under his weight. He rolled toward her, pulling her into his arms. Her breasts rubbed against the blond curls on his chest. His legs slid between hers.
Every part of her touched every part of him. Skin-to-skin. She could smell his deodorant, even taste the sweat on his skin; they were that close.
Too close.
He nuzzled her breast. Kissed her nipple. She grabbed fistfuls of his quilt to keep herself from pushing him away. What was wrong with her? She was acting like a little girl. After all, her virginity was no big deal. It was a liability, actually. Something to get out of the way.
All her friends had done it. Even Stacey. There was nothing to it. All she had to do was lie back and let Jason do his thing. It wasn’t
his
first time. He knew what he was doing.
He left her breast to kiss her lips again. Leigh concentrated on that. It was nice. Familiar. She loosened her death grip on the quilt, forcing herself to skim her hands up Jason’s chest. She linked them at the back of his neck.
His full weight came down on her. He kissed her neck, her shoulder. He was breathing harder now, his skin shiny with sweat. Mr. Red was prodding her thigh.
She tried not to think about that. At least, not yet. She thought about Jason’s mouth, his lips. He was a fantastic kisser, and he was really getting into things. He threaded both hands through her hair and held her head steady while he explored her mouth with his tongue.
She sighed and relaxed a little. It felt good. Her apprehension receded. She could do this. He left her mouth and kissed his way down her neck to her breasts. He caught one nipple in his mouth and suckled gently.
She gasped and arched a little ways off the bed. This was good, too. Very good. She cradled his head against her breast, feeling sexy and womanly. And there was an added bonus. In order to reach her breast with his mouth, he’d had to scoot down her body. Mr. Red was no longer jabbing her thigh like a blunt-tipped fireplace poker.
He nuzzled her cleavage and dipped his fingers inside her thong.
She tensed. “Jason—”
“Shhh…” He eased the thong over her hips. Over her thighs. Over her calves.
Oh, God.
Now she was completely naked, and Jason was looking at her with an expression she’d last seen on a trip to the zoo—in the wolf habitat. He lowered himself on top of her again, kissing her, touching her everywhere.
“I want you so much, Leigh.” He covered her mouth and kissed her again, harder, deeper. Mr. Red was back, harder and hotter than before. If that were even possible.
“I love you, Leigh. You know that, don’t you?”
She couldn’t breathe.
She remembered the condoms.
“Jason?”
“Hmmm…?”
“I…I don’t want to get pregnant. I
can’t
get pregnant. My dad would freak. We have to use a…” She couldn’t bring herself to say it.
Oh, God.
Why hadn’t she brought this up when they both had all their clothes on?
“Condom,” he said, pulling back a little.
“Do you have one? Because if you don’t, I have a couple in my jacket.”
“You brought condoms?” His eyes registered surprise and more than a little amusement. “You didn’t need to. I’ve got some.”
“Oh.”
“Leigh. I told you not to worry, didn’t I?”
“Yeah,” she said, feeling foolish. “You did.”
He leaned across her and yanked open the drawer of his nightstand. He fumbled in the clutter and emerged with a square packet. Sitting back on his heels, he ripped it open and rolled it on.
Mr. Red became Mr. White.
Leigh supposed she should have felt relieved, but somehow she didn’t. Jason’s equipment seemed even more menacing now that it was sheathed. He crawled back to her on all fours like a big, deadly cat.
She stared up at the ceiling and saw a New Jersey Nets poster.
And that was when she knew she couldn’t go through with it.
She didn’t want this. She loved Jason, and he loved her, but this didn’t feel right. It wasn’t enough. She wanted something different.