A Lady's Choice (13 page)

He shrugged. “I guess it's because I've been working so hard.”

She propped her hands on her hips and directed a stern glare at him. “Are you sure it ain't Sarah you're thinkin' about? Maybe coming back here has reminded you of what happened last summer.” Ellen dropped down in a chair beside him. “Alex, you gotta get over her. She's been gone four months now. She's got a new life, and it don't include nobody from Richland Creek.”

“I know. But I can't let go. Everywhere I look I see something that reminds me of her.”

Ellen reached over and took his hand. “Darling, she made her decision. There's nothing more to do but pray for her.”

“I don't think that's going to help.”

Ellen cast a surprised expression in his direction. “I never heard you say anything like that before.” She paused a moment before she spoke again. “She's home for Christmas.”

“Who is?”

“Sarah. She's at Charlie and Clara's.”

He sat up straighter. “How do you know?”

“I saw her yesterday when I was at the store.”

“Why didn't you tell me?”

Ellen shrugged. “I didn't really think you wanted to see her. You been talking a lot about that Larraine Buckley, and I figured you were interested in her.”

Alex didn't respond for a moment. “I like Larraine.” He raked his hand through his hair. “And I don't need to see Sarah. It'll just cause more problems for me.”

“Suit yourself.” She stood, walked to the cabinet, and took out her mixing bowl. Alex watched her assemble ingredients next to it.

“What are you doing?”

“I'm gonna make a cake for Christmas dinner tomorrow. Charlie got in some fresh coconuts down at the store, and I want Edmund to taste my coconut cake.”

Resentment flashed through Alex. “He's going to spend Christmas with us? Doesn't that man have anywhere else to go?”

Ellen turned around slowly and faced Alex. “I thought you liked Edmund.”

Alex raked his hand through his hair. “I do like him, but he's been here every night since I got home. I think he needs to spend time with other families in the community.”

Ellen's eyes registered hurt as she stared at her brother. “Alex, are you jealous of the attention I give Edmund?”

“Of course not. Why would I be jealous? He's just a friend, isn't he?”

Ellen picked up her apron, tied it around her waist, and wiped her hands down the front. “No, Alex. He's more than a friend. He's come to mean a lot to me, and he tells me he feels the same about me.”

Alex's resentment turned to shock as he leaned back in his chair. “Well, I'm glad you finally decided to tell me about it. I suppose I'm the last to know. Are you planning to marry him?”

“He's asked me, but I ain't told him I would yet. I'm planning to tell him yes tomorrow on Christmas Day.”

Alex pushed his chair back and stood up. His body trembled, and his hands clenched at his side. “I would have expected better of Edmund. He knows I'm the head of this family. He should have talked to me before he ever said anything to you. I guess my opinion doesn't count for anything.”

A tear trickled down Ellen's cheek. “Please don't be this way, Alex. I love Edmund, and I want this chance. Don't ruin my happiness because you're sick over Sarah.”

Alex kicked the chair into place at the table and stormed toward the back door. “Sarah has nothing to do with this. It looks like between the two of you, I'm doomed. She doesn't love me enough to give up her ridiculous cause, and my own sister plans a wedding without even asking my permission. All I've got to say is congratulations to you both!”

Alex stomped across the back porch but stopped as he opened the screen door. He rested his hand on the doorjamb and bowed his head. A feeling of remorse consumed him. Ellen had told him to pray about Sarah, but he couldn't tell her the truth. He didn't pray as much as he used to. What had happened to him?

He used to turn everything over to God, but somewhere along the way he'd begun to think he could take care of himself. Right now he didn't feel like he was doing a very good job of it. He bowed his head, but no words came to mind.

He opened his eyes and looked over his shoulder into the kitchen. Ellen stood with her apron covering her eyes, her body shaking with sobs. He wanted to go to her and wrap her in his arms, but he opened the door and walked away from the house.

Sarah straightened from putting a dress in her valise and glanced around the tiny bedroom she'd slept in while visiting Uncle Charlie and Aunt Clara. Satisfied she hadn't forgotten anything, she closed the bag just as Aunt Clara walked through the open door.

“Are you sure you have to go back to Memphis on Christmas Day? School won't be in session until after New Year's. Surely you could stay for a few more days.”

Sarah shook her head. “I wish I could, but I have some important meetings this week in Memphis.”

Aunt Clara's mouth pursed. “With that suffrage group your mama got you so involved in?”

Sarah sighed in resignation. “We've been through this several times since I've been here. Mama and Poppa both supported suffrage. It was an important cause for them. Now it is for me. I'm sorry you don't approve.”

Aunt Clara's eyes widened, and she glanced over her shoulder before she leaned closer. “I may not have said much when Charlie was giving you what-for about your thinking, but I have my own opinions on the subject.” She smiled and squeezed Sarah's arm. “I'm real proud of you, darlin'. I don't agree with women being denied the rights our men have.”

“Why, Aunt Clara, you've never said anything before!”

She gave a snort of disgust. “I reckon I can't speak too freely around here without somebody getting upset. Charlie doesn't want to lose anybody's business in the store, but I don't care. After all, I put in as many hours working in that store as he does. When it's election time, the men all congregate around that big old wood-burning stove in the back of the store, and they talk about who's the best candidate for the job. But I've got no say in that conversation. No more than their wives do. It's right hard to take, Sarah.”

“I know, Aunt Clara. That's what keeps me working. It's time women were given the rights they've been denied.”

She stepped closer to Sarah. “Think about me, Sarah, when you're talking to folks about suffrage. And you keep working for all us women who have to remain silent or suffer the consequences from our husbands.”

Sarah grasped her aunt's hand. “Uncle Charlie would never hurt you.”

“Not physically. But he could sure make life hard for me.” Tears glistened in her eyes. “And I don't have anywhere else to go, Sarah. I don't have choices like you do. So don't forget all of us who pray for your success.”

Sarah stood stunned for a moment as she stared at her aunt. She would never have expected to hear the words she'd spoken today. She swallowed before she grabbed her aunt in a fierce hug. “I'll never give up, Aunt Clara. I'll keep you in my heart while I continue my fight.”

They hugged for a moment before Aunt Clara released Sarah. Then she stepped back, wiped at her eyes, and stared at Sarah's valise. “Are you through packing?”

Sarah sniffed and nodded. “I am. What time does Uncle Charlie want to leave for Mt. Pleasant?”

“He's gone to the barn to hitch the horse to the buggy. It shouldn't be long.”

Suddenly she didn't want to leave. She'd enjoyed the quiet time she'd spent with her only family. Although Mrs. Simpson and Roger had been kind to her and included her in everything they did, it still didn't take the place of people who shared her roots. She reached out once more and clasped her aunt's hands in hers. “Thank you so much for having me for Christmas. I know Mama would be happy I spent it with family this year.”

Tears filled Aunt Clara's eyes, and her chin trembled. “It's been our pleasure. We miss you and your mama so much. Anytime you want to visit, let us know. Now that we have a telephone in the store, you can call. Of course you can call if you just want to talk. And don't forget your grandparents' house is still vacant. Since you inherited your mother's half of their farm, you own it with Charlie now. You can live there whenever you want to move back.”

“Thanks, Aunt Clara. Uncle Charlie and I talked about the farm last night. Neither one of us want to sell it right now, but I doubt if I'll ever live here again.”

Her aunt nodded. “I understand, but we don't want to lose contact with you.”

Sarah shook her head. “I don't want that either.” She took a deep breath. “Christmas dinner was delicious. I don't know when I've eaten so much.” She reached up and touched the cameo pin she'd attached to her dress. “And thank you for the beautiful pin. I'll always treasure it.”

“It was our pleasure. I hope you enjoy—” She stopped at the sound of a knock on the door and sighed. “That's somebody at the outside stairway entrance. I hope it's not somebody wanting something from the store on Christmas Day.”

She turned and hurried out of the room. Sarah glanced around once more before she picked up her valise and followed to the parlor. She'd just set her bag down beside the fireplace when her aunt opened the door and uttered a soft gasp of surprise.

Sarah could tell it was a man's voice that answered her aunt, but she couldn't tell what he was saying. She turned to face the door and felt the breath leave her body when Alex stepped into the room. Her aunt glanced from one to the other as if she didn't know what to say. The veins in her neck stood out, and Sarah realized Aunt Clara was having trouble speaking.

Alex moved closer, and Sarah reached up and grabbed the edge of the mantel to steady her shaking legs. His eyes burned into her. It was all she could do not to run to him. She tightened her hold on the mantel.

“Hello, Sarah.” Her name rolled off his tongue like a sweet caress, and she shivered with pleasure.

She swallowed hard. “Alex, what are you doing here?”

“Ellen told me yesterday you came home for Christmas. I tried to stay away, but I couldn't.”

Sarah glanced at Aunt Clara with pleading eyes.
Help me
, she begged silently. With a shake of her head Aunt Clara reached for a shawl hanging on a hook near the door and wrapped it around her shoulders. “I'll go see what's keeping Charlie. It's nice to see you, Alex.”

He nodded without turning to face her. “It's good to see you too, Clara.”

She opened the door and stepped outside. When the door had closed behind her, Sarah let go of the mantel and clasped her hands in front of her. “Why did you come, Alex?”

“I wanted to see you.” His gaze drifted over her face. “You look wonderful. Teaching must agree with you.”

“It does. I've had a good first semester. And how about you? Is the law firm everything you thought it would be?”

“It's all right. I'm working hard.” He hesitated a moment. “I saw your picture in the paper, and I've read several articles about you. It seems you're busy in the Memphis suffrage group.”

“I am. In fact I may be going to Washington soon to help with the cause there.”

Surprise flashed across his face. “Washington? Are you going alone?”

“No. Mrs. Simpson and Roger are going with me.”

“Roger?” He spit the word out like it was distasteful. “I might have known he'd be involved.”

Her hands balled into fists. “He's been very good to me.”

“I'm sure he has. And what does he want in return for it?”

“Maybe the same thing Larraine Buckley wants from you.”

His mouth dropped open, and he stared at her in shock. “H–how did you know about Larraine?”

She tried to smile, but she couldn't. “You're not the only one who reads the newspaper. I've seen your picture in the society news several times.”

“She's just a friend, Sarah. My boss's daughter.”

“And Roger is my friend, as well as one of my bosses.”

Alex groaned and raked his hand through his hair. “I didn't come here to talk about anybody else but us. I wanted to see you and make sure you're all right.” He wrapped his fingers around her arms above her elbows and stared into her eyes. “And I wanted to tell you I still love you.”

She knew she should pull away, tell him she didn't love him, shout at him to leave, but she couldn't. Instead she gazed up at him. “And I still love you.”

“Then why can't we fix this problem between us? I thought all women wanted the men they love to be successful in their professions. Why can't you do that for me?”

“Oh, but I do. I just don't want your success to cost you so much of who you are.”

He frowned. “What does that mean?”

“You have a law degree. You can work in any law firm in Tennessee. Why does it have to be in James Buckley's firm? When I met you, I knew you could be a lawyer who sees the needs people have and help them with their problems no matter who they were. A person has to have a lot of money to hire one of the lawyers at Mr. Buckley's firm. You've let your obsession with making money get in the way of how you could help people less fortunate.”

“And you're not thinking of yourself? You want to be able to walk into a voting booth and cast your ballot. I think you're willing to put that first no matter what it costs you and everybody else who loves you.”

“Alex, I'm not in the suffrage movement for myself alone. I'm representing hundreds of thousands of women all across this country. They need to be recognized as citizens in this country and given the rights that men have. If I gave up their fight, I'd be disloyal to them. There are very few of us who are willing to stand up and be heard. I have to be one of their voices.”

A smirk pulled at his mouth, and he shook his head. “So nothing has changed. You're not going to give up this silly fight.”

Her skin grew warm at the snide remark. “Why would you call it silly?”

“Since time began, the woman's place has been in the home. It's the husband's place to take care of the family in every way. Men haven't been doing a bad job electing our leaders in the past, and I don't think they will in the future.” He took a step closer. “And they will keep doing it because nothing's going to change. You're not going to win this fight, Sarah.”

She almost doubled over in pain from what felt like a kick in the stomach. Instead she straightened her shoulders and glared at him. “Well, it's certainly good that I've finally seen your true colors, Mr. Taylor. I thought you were supposed to be a Christian man who cared about other people. I now see your pompous prayers really hid what was in your heart. I lost my faith in God long ago, and now it seems yours wasn't real after all.”

Pain flickered in his eyes. “Sarah, please don't say that. I don't want you to think about me that way.”

She brushed at the tears running down her face. “I'm afraid I already do.”

He backed away from her. “Then there's nothing left to say.”

She shook her head. “No, nothing else.”

He turned toward the door, and the slump of his shoulders made her want to run to him and throw her arms around him. She willed herself to stand still. When he reached the door, he put his hand on the knob and stood there with his head bent. Then he turned and faced her.

“Sarah, I meant it when I said I love you, but I'm through trying to put our relationship back together. I want to be happy, so I won't bother you again. I'm going to get on with my life.”

She clasped her hands in front of her and nodded. “And I'll do the same.”

His gaze drifted over her face once more. “I may be walking out of your life, but I will stand by my promise. If you ever need me, let me know. No matter where you are, I will come for you.”

She clamped her trembling lips together and nodded. She didn't move until he had stepped outside and closed the door behind him. Then she fell on the sofa and released the tears she'd held in while he was here. She'd told herself she was slowly getting over Alex, but today that had been proven wrong. It didn't matter where she went or what she did, she knew she would never quit loving the man she'd first met at the pump behind the store.

The only problem was the man she'd met that day didn't exist anymore, and she didn't know how to live without him.

Alex tied his horse to the hitching post beside the church and stared at the building where he'd attended services all his life. To someone just passing by, the white clapboard building might appear to be only another small church on a dirt road in a rural community, but to him it was something much more.

Inside the walls of this small church he'd given his heart to God when he was a boy, and he'd promised Ellen and everyone in attendance that day he would always serve the Lord with gladness. He'd done that all his life until last summer, when his life had changed. What had happened to him?

He hadn't been inside a church in the months he'd been in Memphis. Instead he'd spent Sundays at his office or with Larraine Buckley. Sarah had accused him of pretending to have faith and that he prayed pompous prayers. Was that really the impression he gave other people?

He glanced at the front door and wondered if the church was unlocked today. He felt an urgent need to go inside and find some answers to all the questions pouring through his head. He climbed the steps, opened the door, and stepped inside.