A Fear of Clowns (The Greasepaint Chronicals) (2 page)

Being an idiot he spoke instead,
"that depends, did you get him a car for his birthday, or a pony? Really
at sixteen, you probably should have had a live band, and a buffet. Do you have
a sound system?"

"Oh... Well, yeah. I... What
do I do? I'm doing it again aren't I? I always ruin everything. I really want this
to go well. He's such a good boy." She looked miserable, but didn't
dissolve into tears instantly.

"Can you get the kid that
car? Or, promise to buy him whatever he wants, within limits, or something big
like that? We can make the rest of this seem like a joke. Go huge in one way,
and the rest of this will seem like a gag. Ironic, but not mean." That, or
he could end up in the hospital, after the crowd helped Seth kick his butt all
over the rather nice home. At least they seemed to be people with enough money
to do something nice for the kid. If they'd been poor, then Jay really
would
have to take off, just to live through the day.

Rather than speak to him again, a
rather frantic Maggie made a call. She spoke in a high pitched and rapid voice
for a minute then hung up, looking shocked.

"Um, I think we're going
with your plan, Mr. Joey. My husband is sending a man with a car. It will take
a bit. A little over an hour and a half. What do we do until then?"

"Why, my dear Mrs. Winthrop,
we entertain!" He sounded like he'd sucked way too much helium that day.
Trying to get high enough to do his job, no doubt. It wasn't working yet.

The first order of business was
music, since he
wasn't
going to entertain a room of teens for two hours.
If he could keep their attention for twenty minutes it would be showing his
transcendent skill. Jay made a point of explaining that, several times.

The thing there was that, once
the tunes started, a thumping bit of club music, since that was what Maggie had
ready to go, the teens actually seemed happy enough. They had cake, and the
balloons didn't stand out too much. They looked festive, and like decorations,
all being blue. When he came in, after an hour, they didn't even throw anything
at him.

He frankly, was shocked.

"Hi boys and girls! I'm Joey
the Clown." He swung his arms out wide, making an expansive gesture.
People hated it, but it was tradition. Clowns, the modern ones at least, had
started out working on the big stage. Real acts meant to entertain, in a
theater. That meant going larger than life, so the people in the back could see
what you were doing. He started right in to balloon animals. Mainly because
he'd practiced making them daily for eight months. Jay would be darned if he
was going to miss out on a chance to show his skills just because of mortal
fear.

"Who wants to see a giraffe?
Everyone loves a good giraffe, right?" That got a sea of blank looks,
until he "failed" to make that at all, and managed to twist something
into being that looked suspiciously like a penis with large a pair of balls
hanging underneath.

Maggie giggled at least, when he
comically looked down at it. He lowered it a bit in front of his body, so that
everyone would get the idea, and then let it droop, as he sighed.

"Maybe not a giraffe? That isn't
a good one at all. I guess I made a... hotdog!" Then he popped it, getting
people to jump and react a bit. There was some laughter, since sex jokes worked
with a lot of people. Even subtle ones. Seth, the birthday boy suffered to let
him make a crown of balloons that also had a "hotdog" sticking out
the top. He did two or three more gags like that, mixed with real animal
sculptures, before one of the girls got bored and called him on it.

"You keep making dongs, what
are you, a perv?"

He clutched his chest
dramatically, showing that he was wounded by the words, and stared around the
room obviously, leaning into it and moving his whole upper body in a way that
caught attention. Then he focused on the young lady in question, making a visor
of his open right hand, pretending she was hard to see. She was near the open
patio door to the back, so it worked well enough and got people to turn to
stare at her.

"
Dongs
? Why I never!
You don't like hotdog sculptures? I assure you it's state of the art, and art
of the wise! I know, I'll show you! I have skills! Name any animal, anything at
all, and I'll make one for you. Quickly, quickly, time is flowing backwards
here!" He pretended to tap his foot, the oversized yellow shoe slapping
the soft cream colored carpet with deep thumps. His throat hurting slightly
from his high pitched and squeaky stage voice. The mask was getting a bit warm
too. He'd need to get it off soon, or he'd risk a makeup meltdown.

It itched, but that could be
ignored. You couldn't be a clown without the ability to put up with minor
annoyances. Everyone thought it was simple, or easy, but that wasn't the case.
It was all about hard work and preparation.

So when the girl asked for an
elephant, he was ready. He even had a plan for that one, since it was a common
thing to request.

"I'll need some tape!"
He had it in his pocket, being that some of the more advanced balloon animals
really did need it, if you wanted them to be identifiable. Awkwardly he pretended
to struggle with it, playing up the gag for a bit, then made four legs and a
snout and set them down on the table in front of the sofa that Seth sat on in
the large living room. "There, one elephant!"

No one clapped. The little
ingrates. With just a bit of imagination, it was clearly good work.

Maggie made a face and pointed,
"it doesn't have a body."

Helpful of her, really. It was
what was needed, for the rest of the gag. Not that Jay couldn't have worked off
of almost anything. There was a lot of improv involved in being a party clown.
More than he would have expected, when he'd first started. He smiled and
nodded.

"Oh, right! I forgot that
part. Let's see, I need a really
big
balloon for that. A
huge
one." Snapping his fingers, Joey the Clown chuckled, his voice becoming
ever so slightly more menacing. Dark. He worked the pitch change into what he
said next. "I know. I have just the thing. More...
body
."

Then he pulled a condom from his
pocket, slipped there before the show, and blew it up, exaggerating the amount
of force it took. To a lot of very awkward giggling. They were all just about
the right age for things like that to still seem dirty. Alluring too. It was
linked to that secret world of things that most of them hadn't really tried
yet, but desperately wanted to.

So they had to laugh, to relieve
the pressure and awkwardness.

Taping it all together, using
just enough of the clear plastic that it wouldn't show, but would work well, he
settled it back into place, getting applause this time. Finally. It really did
work out pretty well, and the whole thing was clearly an elephant, just as
requested. After it quieted down the girl from earlier, who probably thought
she was being funny, spoke again. They
always
figured themselves for
being humorous. It was the job of a heckler.

"So you
are
a perv?"
It was a bit snotty sounding, like she meant it. Honestly, it couldn't have
been better done if he'd paid her for it. The words, meant to be a dig at
him
,
and how silly or weird he was being, made
her
sound a bit annoying. It
got everyone on his side, almost immediately. For a half second a few people
looked at her, and then back to him, waiting for the reaction.

So he dropped his mask, throwing
it violently to the floor, showing the rather evil looking face paint
underneath, getting a gasp from about half the people. It was rewarding, since
it meant he'd engaged them enough that they'd forgotten he wasn't just a man in
a mask. When that changed, without warning, they weren't ready for it. A bit of
disruption to their thinking that startled them into paying more attention.

Then, he let himself seem a tad
insane for a bit. He looked the part and changed his voice, which had people
laughing again. Especially when he chased the mouthy girl around with a
straight balloon, pretending it was a sword. It was so easy to get people to
move from thinking clowns were happy to scary. Not that they were truly afraid
of him. These kids were close enough to adult that they knew better than that.
He was just a performer, and that would bleed through the shock at the change,
eventually.

The gags then were still pretty
traditional, since he hadn't worked up a blue act. Adults didn't hire him for
themselves, and if he got too raunchy some of the girls would start to feel
legitimately uncomfortable. He kept it to squirting flowers, a never ending
handkerchief and glaring looks whenever they didn't laugh loudly enough. It
worked pretty well.

Even when the car pulled up in
the back.

It wasn't bad, being sporty
enough that girls would probably want to ride in it, and the other guys would
think that putting up with the lame clown thing had been worth it for Seth.
They might even be right. Not that the boy hadn't been a trooper the whole
time, going along with whatever Joey had asked of him without resisting at all.
Trying to make things work, even at the expense of his own dignity. A good kid,
like Maggie had mentioned.

Slipping the mask back on so that
he'd be happy again, he clapped for a bit, keeping everyone's attention up
front, as the man in the car, who was clearly just some guy that worked at a
sales lot in town, according to the design on his jacket, got out and put a bow
on the top of the thing. It was vast and red, which worked well with the car.
The edges of it hung down over the windows on the side.

Moving back to his happy clown
voice, he took a bow. A few people even laughed and clapped for him, including
Seth, which got the others going. It was slow at first, but they wouldn't
remember that part, just that everyone else seemed pretty pleased by the act at
the end.

At least that was the hope. Then
he waved Maggie over and gestured with both hands out the window, as if it were
all planned. She saw the car and seemed wonderfully pleased. It was a shining
thing. A moment that reminded him to love the woman, just a little. In a
platonic way, naturally. She was his boss, for the afternoon, if nothing else.

She gestured too, mimicking him
well enough that everyone looked out the window.

"Happy birthday, Seth!"

Then she started singing, which
got everyone else to go along. Just before they rushed out to the car, with
Seth hugging his "mom" tightly enough that Jason was pretty well
convinced that his initial guess about the woman was right. That kid
so
wanted to bang her. Probably in the car she'd gotten him, as if his dad hadn't
provided the funds for it. It had been her idea, so there was probably merit
that way.

That let him pack up his props
and start to leave, it was a bit of a press near the patio, so he walked back
through the house, managing to bump into a plant on the way past. It was a huge
thing. Very green and leafy. Real too, so he moved around it with care. He used
to have a plant like that, in his office at the university. Before he'd given
all that up for a life on skid row.

He considered that as he got
outside and then into his car, his little black case being set in the back, on
the wide seat. He took the mask off, but not the makeup. You didn't get
greasepaint off that easily. It stuck with you, never really seeming to come
off, once it was on. The sticky leavings that being a clown forced on you.

Jason drove carefully, holding
exactly to the speed limit, and stopping for all the signs and lights. He was
in Brickston after all, and while the local Sheriff only had three deputies for
a fairly vast area, they
always
managed to stop him, when they could.

That wasn't on accident. Carl
Morse had been having an affair with Jay's ex-wife. The entire time they were
married. That hadn't come out until Lynn had gotten mad at him one day over
something stupid, and screamed at him that their daughter Alexis should be glad
that she didn't have a lazy slob like him as a father. It came back to him, as
he drove, which was a horrible habit. He tried to pay attention to what he was
doing, focusing on the road as hard as possible, and still couldn't help but
remember it all.

It had been the garbage. He'd
been a bit late getting home, because his old department head had gotten to
chatting with him about Mediterranean wars. Again. It was his life, and the
man, Henry Boggs, had a penchant for going on about it. He was older and a bit
lonely. That meant that he wouldn't stop talking if you let him go on. So he'd
been late getting the trash out, and Lynn had been drinking, at six in the
evening.

It was always a bad plan.

It hadn't even been a real fight,
just her attacking him, as if he weren't a good husband and father. Like he
didn't spend all of his free time making sure they had a good life. Doing what
she wanted and watching their daughter when she went out with her friends. After
that he'd been a bit suspicious, so to reassure himself, Jay had gotten Alexis to
give him the samples that a company needed to run for a paternity test. He'd
found them online, since it was a real business. A place that did nothing but
determine who the father was.

Three weeks later, when the
letter came back in the mail, he showed it to Lynn. That hadn't gone well at
all, but he had gotten the whole story from her. Carl Morse, the County Sheriff,
and general a-hole, had been screwing his wife the whole time. Letting Jason
pay for his kid and take care of what was essentially his mistress, while he
had his own wife and family. The man had encouraged Lynn to do it, even working
to pick him out carefully, and groom him for the job of being her personal meal
ticket.