A Different Shade of Violet? (30 page)

I pull back from Hudson, who’s a little breathless, as am I from the intense kiss we just shared after so long apart. I look into his eyes and smile knowing that even though I went to a really dark place, it’s nice to know that Hudson can be the one to pull me back into the light. He is my light and I plan to bask in his glow for the rest of our lives, together.

As a family.

Hudson and I walk slowly back to the hospital bay I was in before my freak show. I hold his hand and cuddle into his side as we make the short trip back as slowly as possible so we can both catch our breath and recover from the hideous low which has been followed by the outstanding high.

“Oh wait, I haven’t seen the ring?” I turn to face Hudson.

He winces and bites his bottom lip.

“What?” I ask and he chuckles.

“Well, there’s this small thing,” he says and I look at him confused. “I haven’t actually bought you a ring, yet,” he says gauging my reaction.

“So you proposed to me with an empty box?”

“Umm… if I say yes, will you still marry me?” he asks and I smile brightly and nod.

“Of course, I’ll still marry you, but you owe me a ring mister,” I say and he chuckles and wraps his arm around my shoulders pulling me to his side.

“Don’t worry baby, you’ll get the best looking ring in town… in all Australia, I promise,” he says and kisses my head.

“Wait, so why were you carrying around an empty ring box?”

“Well, I liked the box, so I’ve been carrying it around in case I found a ring that’s good enough for you. I’ve wanted to ask you for a long time, Vee. I know we weren’t together for long, but before we raided Cupiditas, that day I started ring shopping, and well it kind of fell through after that, but the ring box was always in my pocket,” he says and I nod in understanding.

“Well, even without the ring it was the best proposal I could have asked for. I’m sorry I fell apart.”

He stops walking and turns me to face him. “Don’t be sorry for how you feel. I love that you can be honest with me, about everything. Our relationship lacked honesty. Now I want you to always tell me how you're feeling, even if the truth hurts. And I plan to be here for every late night, every craving and every foot rub you need, because Vee, nothing will make me happier than to have a baby with you,” he says and leans in kissing me again. “I love you, Violet, I always have.”

“I love you too, fiancé,” I reply and his eyes shine brightly as he smiles widely and then leans in to kiss me again in the middle of the emergency ward.

We make our way back to the bay I was in, in the emergency ward and the nurse looks at me and Hudson as I walk back in and sit on the bed.

“Is everything okay?” she asks and I look at Hudson and he nods.

“She’s okay, just needed a moment to wrap her head around everything,” he replies taking my hand while he sits down in the seat next to my bed.

“Okay, shall I get the doctor to finish your consult?” she asks and we both nod. “I’ll be right back.”

I look at Hudson and suddenly the memories of the brutal torture I went through come back into my mind and I feel the colour drain from my face.

“You okay? You look pale?” Hudson asks watching me intently.

“I was tortured, Hudson. What if the baby isn’t okay?” I ask and his mouth opens slightly and then he rubs the back of his neck.

“It’s okay. The doctors will check everything out for us. Our baby will be fine, Vee, and if it’s not then we’ll look after it the best way we can,” he says tightening his grip on my hand. I nod and the doctor comes back in.

“Is everything okay, Ms. Dyson?” the doctor asks and I nod.

“Yes, sorry for running out like that. I had a son and I lost him nearly six years ago, so I panicked, that’s all. I’m okay now,” I explain even though he really didn’t ask for specifics.

“I’m very sorry to hear that. Would you like to have an ultrasound or would you like some more time to take in the information?” he asks and I look at Hudson, who’s trying to hide his smile.

“We’d like an ultrasound, please. I was recently injured and was admitted the Flinders Medical Centre for a while, where I was on lots of pain medication. I guess I just want to make sure our baby is healthy and not damaged in any way.”

Hudson looks at me and smiles supportively.

“I’ll have your files transferred from Flinders so I know all the risk factors. We can certainly do some extensive testing for you to make sure everything is okay, but I’m sure if something was really wrong the baby would have self-terminated, but regardless we’ll do the appropriate testing, including date of conception and possible due date,” he says and suddenly the realisation hits me harder than before.

I am going to be a mum… again.

I take a deep breath and shake my head.

“I’ll make the arrangements for the ultrasound now and as soon as a room is free I’ll get you and Hudson up there,” the doctor says and we both nod.

“Thanks doc,” Hudson says while I lay on the bed in utter shock.

Now that I think back, the pregnancy signs were all there. I’d just forgotten what to look for. Feeling sick, the dizziness, the heightened emotional state, I’d had all that with Caiden but it was so long ago, I’d forgotten about it.

The doctor nods and walks out of the room while the nurse hooks me back up to the monitor.

“How are you doing, baby?” Hudson asks as I rest back down and relax into the bed.

“I’m okay, just trying to wrap my head around it. I want this baby, but I don’t as well, and that thought terrifies me, Hudson. What if I’m not a good mum to this one? What if I resent it or something?” I ask and he shakes his head and leans in kissing my temple.

“You could never be a bad mum, Vee, I’ve seen your nurturing side. You love and care more for people than you realise, but I see it, I see you. I know you could never resent our baby. So don’t even think about it, okay?”

“You’re too good to me,” I say and he raises an eyebrow and shakes his head.

“No baby, I was an arsehole to you. I thought my job status was more important than you, and I honestly don’t know how you’ve forgiven me for that. I don’t know why I was so blinded by my job. I love you so much and that’s all that should matter. I’m so glad I came to my senses and that you’re willing to have me back. Because I know how much I hurt you by me refusing for us to be together. Maybe it was Cassie’s influence or something, but just know I regret every second I spent away from you or pushing you away. I never should have gotten your love back. I’m not worthy of it. But I’m so glad you have given me a second chance and I will spend forever making it up to you.”

“I love you Hudson, and even though at one stage there I was sure you wouldn’t take me back, I continued to hold out hope. Even through my pain and rejection from you, I kept praying that you’d love me enough to fight for me.”

“I’m sorry it took the Dogs to make me realise what a prick I was being. I can’t imagine my life without you in it, Vee, and when I was faced with that reality it made everything click back into place. I stopped being stubborn and knew I needed you with me. And now we have a little one on the way to love as well. Well, honestly I don’t think I could feel happier than I do right now. You’re safe, the Dogs are gone and we’re having a baby. Life doesn’t get better than this,” he says making me tear up. “I love you, so much,” he whispers as he rests his cheek on top of my tummy. “And I love you too, little bean,” he says then kisses my tummy.

I hold back my tears as I gently caress his hair as he rests his head on my stomach. I’m so glad he’s happy about this baby. We honestly haven’t been together long and this could have gone completely the other way. But now I’m engaged and having his baby. I’ll be moving all my things in when we’re both able to, and I honestly don’t know how I would cope if my life were any different. I feel like everything is coming full circle and the happiness, I've been denied for six years, is finally on its way. I will be happy with Hudson, ecstatic even, and I really can’t wait to make everything official.

“When do you want to get married?” I ask out of the blue.

He looks up at me and smiles. “As soon as you want to. You can have anything you want, big, small… we can elope. I just want you to have the perfect day, and for me my perfect day is watching you be happy. So whatever and whenever you want to,” he says leaning up and gently kissing my lips. I kiss him back gently and the doctor comes back in.

“Sorry to interrupt, but there’s an ultrasound room free now. Are you ready to go up and see your baby?”

I smile brightly and nod my head while Hudson grins as widely as humanly possible.

“Right, let’s go then,” he says and detaches me from everything and I get down from the bed. Hudson is by my side in an instant and he takes my hand.

“Are you okay to walk or would you like a wheelchair?” the doctor asks.

“No wheelchair, I’ve been in one recently and I’d prefer to walk. We just have to take it slowly,” I say and the doctor nods.

We arrive at the room for the ultrasound and they look a lot more hi-tech than when I was pregnant with Caiden. Hudson tightens his grip on my hand as we walk in and I sit down on the bed.

“Please lay down on your back and lift your shirt up,” the doctor asks and I nod and lay down. Suddenly, I have an overwhelming amount of nerves run through my body. I feel like I’m shaking, but I don’t think I am otherwise Hudson would notice it as he’s holding my hand. “Okay, this gel is a little cold,” he tells me and then he squirts it over my stomach. I flinch slightly and Hudson grips my hand tighter while he sits down next to me facing the monitor.

“Right, you ready guys?” he asks and I look at Hudson who smiles at me brightly.

“You okay, Vee?” he asks and I look into his multi-coloured, calming eyes and it settles my nerves instantly.

“Yep, let’s see our little baby,” I reply and Hudson leans down kissing my forehead.

The doctor smiles and grabs a little handheld device and puts it to my stomach. He uses a firm pressure and starts to move it over my abdomen which now that I look at it seems a tiny bit bloated, well I guess it’s the baby not actual bloating.

I hear a whooshing sound and then a constant beating as Hudson holds onto my hand so tightly it’s hurting, but I don’t care.

“What’s that sound, doc?” Hudson asks and I smile because I know what it is.

“It’s the baby’s heartbeat. It sounds very healthy and strong,” he says.

“Oh wow,” Hudson whispers under his breath.

“And that, right there,” he points to the blob on the screen, “that’s your little baby,” he says making my heart flutter at the sight of the little smudge on the screen.

“Holy shit,” Hudson says as his hand tenses in mine.

I turn to look at him and his eyes are watering, which melts my heart. He looks ridiculously happy, which in turn makes me want to jump for joy. Only minutes ago I was feeling like having this baby was the absolute worst thing that could possibly happen, but now looking at it on the screen and seeing the adoration and excitement in Hudson’s eyes, well that makes all the hurt and anguish one hundred percent worth it.

“Is it a boy or a girl, doc?” Hudson asks as he wipes a tear from his cheek.

The doctor chuckles as I look at Hudson, and the excitement emanating from him right now is palpable.

“It’s a little too early to tell right now. When Violet is eighteen to twenty weeks, you can have another scan and we will ascertain gender, but for now by the size of the baby, I’m estimating that you’re around thirteen weeks pregnant, just over three months,” he says and I exhale and bite my bottom lip.

“So that would put us at the cabin when our baby was made, Hudson,” I say and he smiles and then frowns.

“What about everything Vee has been through? Will the baby be okay?” he asks suddenly looking terrified.

“I’ll run some bloodwork and some more tests, but I’m pretty sure bubs is doing fine. Mum still has low blood pressure so we need to keep you in for observation, just for a couple of hours, to make sure you’re doing okay and then, once you’re stats are back to normal we’ll let you go and make some appointments for future scans for the baby.”

“I was on the pill at the cabin. How could I have gotten pregnant?” I ask.

“From what I’ve heard and read in your file you were under extreme stress and that can sometimes render the pill ineffective, I would say that’s what happened in your case.”

I nod and exhale. “If I was pregnant, why didn’t they find out when I was in the hospital after the kidnapping?”

The doctor nod and smiles. “Because you were only pregnant by a matter of a couple of days and it was too early for them to pick it up when they would have run their tests. Then once they saw you weren’t pregnant there was no need to run that test again.”

“Yeah, I must have only been pregnant for one, maybe two days, by the time I got to the hospital so I guess that makes sense,” I say and the doctor nods and produces a picture of our baby for us to take home.

“Okay, so last looks before I turn off the machine,” the doctor says and I turn back to the monitor and just stare at the small blob on the screen. The doctor moves the instrument on my stomach and our baby comes into full view and now I can clearly see the outline of a head and a body. My hand rushes to my mouth and Hudson stiffens his hand in mine.

“What? Are you okay?” he asks rushing his free hand to my face to caress my cheek as the doctor smiles at me.

“Look Hudson, right there! That’s the head, can you see it?” I ask pointing to the monitor.

I watch Hudson as he studies the screen. He’s focusing hard and the doctor puts some markers outlining the head on the screen for Hudson. He gasps and I watch as his eyes fill with tears.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he says under his breath while he shakes his head. “I can’t believe it, I can actually see it,” he says and I hold his hand tighter. “It’s amazing, Vee. Look what we made,” he says as a tear runs down his face. He clears his throat and sniffs.

I smile brightly at him while he sits in awe of our child. And watching him right now and seeing nothing but undeniable happiness on his face, is what lets me know that everything is going to be all right. I know that Hudson would do anything for me, and now his child as well, and knowing that, makes me the happiest woman on earth.

He stares at the screen while the doctor and I watch him smiling at his reaction. It simply makes my heart flutter, and I know with every ounce of me that Hudson is going to be a perfect father, and husband.

Everything is going to be great!