A Dad of His Own (8 page)

Cooper beckoned her to hurry, and she plastered a smile on her face as she bustled to Ethan’s SUV, ready to head for their Memorial Day picnic at the park.

Ethan wrapped a piece of bread around another slice of ham and took a bite. Though he’d avoided questioning Lexie about her edgy mood again, it hadn’t left his mind. He reviewed what he’d said and done and saw no call for her edginess. Cooper hugged him. That was it. What was the big deal?

Jealousy. Could that be it? She’d been responsible for her son without interference. Coop’s father had been out of the picture for years, Ethan calculated. Maybe she feared he’d become too important to Cooper. He tilted his head up, gazing at the bright blue sky and only saw the boy’s eyes. Today the sky matched the color to a tee.

When he shifted his gaze, Lexie was watching him, her face showing her feelings. “Beautiful day.”

She nodded, but her expression didn’t change.

So much for trying to get over that hurdle. “Good food. I think I’ll stop, though.” He dropped the crust of the bread onto his paper plate. “If I finish one more bite, I won’t be able to toss a ball, let alone catch one.”

“Or a Frisbee.” Cooper had ignored the rest of his sandwich for a cookie. “Can we play now?”

“That’s up to your mom.” He’d learned one thing today, to take baby steps when it came to his relationship with Cooper. He’d never seen that side of Lexie before.

“It’s fine, but if you start to get tired promise me you’ll stop.”

A smile broke across Cooper’s face. “Promise.” He grabbed the ball from the table and darted across the lawn away from the picnic area.

Ethan followed him. “Slow down, Coop.” He caught up with him and arched a brow. “Make your mom happy, okay? Don’t overdo it.”

“Okay.” His voice held less enthusiasm, but he nodded and glanced toward Lexie, then gave her a wave.

Ethan looked over his shoulder and saw her wave back. She unfolded one of the chairs and sat beside the picnic table, her hands folded in her lap, but her feet straddled as if ready to dart to them if she were needed. Her apprehension made him ache. He pushed her look from his mind—or tried to—and focused on Cooper. “Ready, Ethan.”

He nodded and prepared for Coop’s throw.

The ball sailed his way and he caught it, then sent it back, looping it upward. It dropped into Cooper’s hands. He grinned at the boy’s triumphant expression.

Ethan shifted his gaze, hearing Lexie’s applause. She had a good heart and did what every mother did. She worried about her child. But she had her reasons, and he could feel every bit of her concern.

He caught the next ball, but Cooper missed his throw, and Ethan decided he’d buy the boy a mitt. The ball flew back and forth until he noticed Lexie’s anxious expression. “Coop, let’s take a break.”

His unhappy grunt drifted across the air, but he didn’t argue, though his shoulders drooped as he headed back to the picnic table.

Lexie’s expression brightened. “How about some fruit or cookies?”

The food bait worked. Cooper settled onto the bench and tugged out a handful of cookies from the picnic basket.

Ethan grasped a banana and pulled down the peel. The sweet scent drifted to meet him, and he sank his teeth into the soft fruit. He settled onto the bench, his back against the table. Lexie had turned her chair around, facing him and he sent her a smile. She smiled back as if her earlier tension had vanished and his own stress eased. He lifted his face to the
sunny sky and drew in a lengthy breath. He wished he and Lexie could be up-front with their worries. They both seemed to harbor internal thoughts that ruined their opportunity to be open. Ethan lowered his gaze and as he did, his pulse skipped, seeing a friend approaching him. He rose and strode toward him.

“Surprised to see you here.” Ross extended his hand, then glanced toward Lexie.

Ethan grasped it with a firm shake and a grin. “You never know where I’ll pop up on a holiday.”

Ross looked at Cooper and one eyebrow raised for a second before he recovered.

Ethan beckoned Lexie toward him. “Lexie, this is Ross Salburg. He’s another volunteer for the Dreams Come True foundation.” He turned to Ross. “This is my friend, Lexie Carlson.”

They shook hands as Cooper sidled over, his curiosity obvious.

“And this is Lexie’s son, Cooper. We’re out for some sunshine and a little Frisbee.”

Ross’s expression wavered from confused to amused. “Nice to meet you both.” He shook Cooper’s extended hand. “It’s a beautiful day for a picnic.”

“Would you care to join us?” Lexie motioned to the extra lawn chair. “We have leftovers, too, if you’re hungry.”

Ross grinned. “I have some family here and my daughter’s waiting.” He motioned toward a group of people setting up at another picnic table.

“How is she?” Once again Laine’s death shrouded Ethan’s memory. Ross had not only lost a wife, but his only child suffered from the same disease.

“Peyton’s been okay lately.”

Ethan’s heart gave a tug. “Have you planned a Dreams
Come True event yet? She’s not exempt just because you’re on the board.”

“I know.” He rubbed his face. “I can’t get too optimistic. Things turn around quickly, and I still haven’t had the courage to tell her a heart transplant might be necessary.”

Ethan caught his breath. “Let’s pray that’s not the case.”

Ross glanced away. “I can only wish.”

Hiding his grimace, Ethan sensed a doubt in Ross’s voice. He thought his friend believed in prayer, but maybe he’d been wrong.

“Listen, I need to get back to the family.” Ross took a couple steps backward. “Nice to meet you, Lexie.” He shifted his gaze. “And you, too, Cooper.”

Ethan watched him sprint toward his family, wishing he’d had something to say to heighten Ross’s optimism. As so often happened when it came to serious illness, he failed to find the words. He didn’t have them for Lexie, either.

She stepped closer and touched his arm. “What did he mean about a heart transplant?”

“His daughter has cardiomyopathy. She’s about ten, I think. It’s the same disease that took his wife.”

Lexie released a groan. “I’m so sorry. I know that’s a serious illness. Worse than—” She hesitated to finish her sentence.

Ethan realized Cooper had eased between them and was listening. “She’s been doing very well for a while now. The physicians have been hopeful.” He swallowed. “But you know how it is. Sometimes setbacks happen. It’s part of the disease.”

She nodded. “I know about setbacks.” Her arm drifted around Cooper’s shoulders. “Getting bored?”

Coop grinned. “No, but I thought about my wish.”

“Your wish?” A frown marred the softness of her face.
“What do you mean?” She shifted her focus from him to Ethan.

“Ethan asked me if I could have a wish come true what would it be.” He rubbed his head. “I told him hair, but that’s coming back already.”

Her frown deepened. “You asked Cooper about his dreams? His wishes?”

“We had an ice cream and—”

The same defensive expression flooded her face as it had early that day.

“I only asked him what he would wish for now that his previous wish had been answered. He’s in school. That’s what he wanted so badly.”

“I said I wished for hair, Mom, but now I think I have another wish. I want to run and play without being careful. Being careful’s not very fun.”

Lexie didn’t respond but her glare grew deeper.

“That’s a good wish. Your mom wants that, too.”

She broke eye contact for a moment. “That’s a good wish, Coop.” When her gaze caught Ethan’s again, fire burned in her eyes. “I think that’s enough wishing for now. Let’s just be happy you’re in school and doing so much better.”

Cooper glanced from Lexie to him. He knew the boy was confused. So was he. He’d meant no harm. But this didn’t set well with him, either, and he needed to get to the bottom of Lexie’s sudden defensiveness.

C
ooper tossed his backpack on the sedan floor and slipped into the seat. He eyed his mother a moment, then settled back against the cushion.

Lexie studied him. “What’s wrong?”

He shrugged and looked out the passenger window. “Why didn’t Ethan pick me up today?”

Ethan.
So that was it. “Two reasons. I was home and wanted to pick you up, and I haven’t seen Ethan.”

Cooper didn’t respond, his gaze still clinging to the passenger window.

“Why do you want Ethan to pick you up?”

“He’s fun.”

Right. Ethan’s fun. And she wasn’t. She turned the key in the ignition, checked for cars and pedestrians, then pulled away. Nothing would resolve the issue so she kept her mouth shut.

“Ethan takes me to Dairy O for ice cream.”

Aha. Ice cream won over a mother’s love. The comment banged around in her head until she faced the truth. Cooper’s attraction for Ethan made her jealous. Cooper adored him. Ethan’s presence stood right up there with ice cream. She kept her gaze ahead and turned onto the highway. Her mouth
formed comments that she forced herself to swallow. Cooper was eight. She was thirty-three. She had to be the adult, not another child. “Would you like to stop at Dairy O? We can do that once in a while.”

His head inched toward her. “Can we?”

“Sure.”

He twisted his body and straightened in the seat. At least the offer of ice cream had melted his downtrodden look. She’d tried to hide her irritation with Ethan, but apparently she hadn’t done a very good job. Ethan hadn’t said much on the way home from the picnic, and he hadn’t called afterward. She hadn’t called him, either, but she should apologize. Sometimes Lexie didn’t understand herself. With Cooper being in such good health and spirits, she should be buoyant with happiness. Instead she looked for problems. Ethan was often the center of them.

Fear. Confusion. She’d asked herself what life would be like again without Ethan and the answer stunned her. He’d become as important to her as to Cooper. That was the problem. She had no confidence in how Ethan felt about her. Sometimes she sensed his feelings had grown to include her in his attention to Cooper. Another day she feared it was pity or only his desire to bring one of Cooper’s dreams into reality. Then he’d be gone from their lives.

Maybe that’s what she should do. Encourage Cooper to tell Ethan his dream, let him fulfill it, and then say goodbye. Get it over with. The anticipation stung as much as what might really happen. And then maybe she’d blown it all out of proportion. Still, removing Dreams Come True from the equation made sense. Would Ethan stay or go?

She pulled into the Dairy O parking lot and stepped outside. Cooper beat her to the window. He ordered a chocolate cone with sprinkles, and she chose black cherry. As she
headed back to the car, Cooper veered toward the outside tables. She curved her path and joined him.

Sitting in silence, Lexie studied Cooper, wanting to ask questions but not wanting to stir up problems again. “Is the chocolate good?”

He nodded and swiped the edge of the cone with his tongue. Ice cream smeared on his chin. Lexie rose and headed back to the window to grab some napkins. She handed Cooper a couple, and he wiped his mouth before eyeing her cone. “Ethan had German chocolate.”

“He did?”

Cooper nodded. “We both like chocolate.”

Her defenses flared until she slid her rebuttal comment—
I like chocolate, too
—out of her mind. She ignored his comment, knowing it was safer. But the questions returned as they sat there, and she drew in a lengthy breath, wanting to hold them back but sensing she would lose the fight. “When did Ethan ask you about your dreams?”

“Dreams?” His forehead wrinkled. “You mean what I wished for?”

She nodded.

He shrugged before his eyes widened. “When we were here. He said now that I had my big wish what other wishes did I have.”

This time, she couldn’t hold back a frown. “What big wish?”

“Mom.” He dragged her name out as if she were stupid. “School. I got to go to school.”

She laughed, watching his expression and his reaction.

“Silly me.”

He laughed, too. “That was my most important wish. Now I just want to stay better and grow hair.”

His wishes were too practical. Little boys should want so many things that he’d never allowed himself to long for.
Ethan’s idea made sense and maybe she should encourage Cooper to think outside his small box of expectations.

Ethan stepped into the Dreams Come True meeting room and spotted Ross. When they’d met in the park, Ethan had been uneasy, because he hadn’t told anyone about his relationship with Lexie other than Bill Ruben. And then he didn’t know what he felt for sure. He still wondered how orthodox it was to spend that much time with a child and his mother whom he’d met through the foundation. He knew his concern had little to do with ethics and more to do with his own confusion.

Losing a loved one to a horrible disease warped many people and introduced unreasonable fears. Miscarriages caused women to fear pregnancy again. Having a child die bred deep anxieties. People clung to fears rather than worked at reasoning them away. One miscarriage and one loss didn’t mean others would follow.

Ethan looked up to see Ross standing a few feet away, peering at him as if he’d lost consciousness. He pushed a grin to his lips and headed for him. “Did you have a good time on Memorial Day? The weather was great.”

“It was nice.” Ross’s comment slipped out followed by the question that he’d probably had in his mind the day they’d met at Clawson Park. “I didn’t know you were dating.”

Ethan’s jaw dropped. Was he dating? Is that what Lexie thought? He called it spending time. Visiting Cooper. He’d called it everything but dating. “We’re friends. Good friends.”

A grin stole across Ross’s face. “Okay, if that’s what you want to call it.”

Ethan opened his mouth to rebut but closed it again.

Ross rested his hand on Ethan’s shoulder. “Where did you meet her? She’s gorgeous.”

Yes, she was. Yet her looks had only captured him for a moment. Instead he’d become enthralled with so many other things about her. “She’s a member of Mothers of Special Kids. I did a Dreams Come True presentation for them, and we started talking. It just went from there.”

Ross’s eyebrows raised. “Mothers of Special Kids?”

Ethan studied Ross’s curious expression.

“You know I’m a strong person.”

Where did that come from? Ethan gave a nod. “Always.”

“I’ve been strong with Peyton’s illness, but I feel…”

“Alone.” Ethan knew that feeling so well.

Ross nodded. “Alone and I’ve thought it would be nice to have some support. Is there a group for me? Fathers of Special Kids? If so, I’d like to hear about it.”

He’d asked the same question the day he’d met Lexie, and her answer had stuck with him. “I don’t think so. I asked Lexie, but she said something about men didn’t like to talk about their feelings. They wanted action. You know, men want to do something.”

“But there’s not much we can do.”

The intense look in his eyes pierced Ethan’s heart. “I know. I understand.”

“So…”

Ethan felt at a loss. “I could ask Lexie if they thought about adding men to their group.” But he’d already heard Lexie’s reaction. It wasn’t hopeful.

“Great. Would you?” A look of hope sprang in his eyes.

“Sure, but I’m guessing they’ll say—”

“Hey, you could ask, right? I might be the first to open the door for other guys.”

But what about feelings? Could he talk about those deep things? Things that showed his helplessness? He looked at Ross’s face and kept the thoughts to himself. His own con
cerns faded away. “I’ll check on it the next time I see her. How’s that?”

Gratefulness filled Ross’s eyes, and hopelessness filled Ethan’s chest. But he’d promised, and he would ask. If not a door, maybe he could open a window.

Knowing Cooper was in school gave Lexie a great feeling as she entered the senior center and strode down the hallway to the MOSK meeting. Even though the meetings were important, twinges of guilt rattled through her when she had to leave Cooper with a sitter.

When she stepped through the doorway, Kelsey stood at the front table, her eyes on her clipboard. Being well organized, Kelsey always had an agenda. Kelsey looked up and noticed her. She set her clipboard on the table before heading her way. “How’s it going?”

Specific or general? “Fine.” The word slipped out without thought. Her “fine” was like Cooper’s “good.” Watching Kelsey’s expression, Lexie knew she’d given herself away.

“Fine.” Kelsey’s eyes narrowed. “It’s not Cooper, is it?”

“No. He’s great so far. In school every day and loving it.”

Relief flashed across Kelsey’s face. “I’m so glad.” She turned and eyed the room filling with women. “Want to talk later?”

Lexie’s shoulder lifted in a shrug. Though she needed to talk to someone, she preferred to handle it. Lately she’d stopped doing that. Ethan’s face filled her mind. “Fine.”

A flicker of a grin swept across Kelsey’s face.

The magic word. Fine. Lexie grinned back.

The meeting began as it always did as each woman introduced herself, gave a brief review of how her child was doing, and then the floor was open for discussion. She half listened today, her mind wavering in one direction then another.
Kelsey had wisdom and hopefully their talking would help Lexie’s indecision.

When she tuned into the discussion, Lexie listened to the others, happy to hear that many of the children were doing well. One mother announced that her daughter would be going to Hollywood to be on the set of one of her favorite television programs. Lexie realized she didn’t know which TV program was Cooper’s favorite.

To her relief, the meeting ended, and the women left, some pairing up to go to lunch. Ava stopped to invite Lexie to join them, but she declined with a smile. When the room emptied, Kelsey relaxed her shoulders. “Finally.” She brushed a strand of hair from her cheek and ambled to Lexie’s side. “If it’s not Cooper, then it must be Ethan.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Your job is secure. You look healthy. Cooper’s doing well. So what’s left?”

Lexie chuckled. “Okay, it’s Ethan.”

Kelsey settled beside her. “He’s not seeing you anymore?”

“No. He is, but…” She hated admitting what she feared. “I think I’m jealous of his relationship to Cooper.”

Kelsey’s eyes widened in a look of surprise.

“I should be grateful, right? I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I resent their closeness sometimes, and—”

“It’s natural.” Kelsey patted on her arm. “Cooper’s been your focus for a long time. You’ve had no one else in your life. Your family doesn’t live in the area. Cooper’s father is out of the picture. It’s been just you in Cooper’s life. Don’t you think it’s a normal response if you see someone else stepping into your shoes?”

Pressure grew in her chest. “I suppose, but envy makes me feel shallow. I should be grateful.”

“I think part of you is, but look at yourself, Lexie. You
ask nothing from anyone. You want to do it yourself. Some of us have tried to support you, but you don’t seem to want it so we back off. The only person I know you to depend on beside yourself is your sitter, Mrs. Beckmeyer.”

She pictured the kindly neighbor’s face. “You’re right. I’ve never learned to expect help from anyone.”

“But you don’t have to expect it. You can accept it. There’s a difference.” A frown crept to her face. “Does Ethan take over? Does he try to tell you what to do with Cooper or—”

“No. No. He’s been nothing but kind. He always tells Cooper to get permission from me for everything. He’s been great.”

“Then accept it, Lexie. He sounds like a gem to me.”

She lowered her head as Ethan’s concerned expression filled her mind. “He is a gem.”

Searching her face, Lexie captured her gaze. “Is that all that’s bothering you?”

A lengthy breath escaped her. “No. I suppose it’s not. Obviously I met Ethan when he did the presentation for Dreams Come True.” She filled Kelsey in on Ethan’s probing Cooper about his dreams and wants. “When Coop said he’d thought of a wish, I felt left out. Ethan hadn’t asked me about heading in that direction, and I’m not sure Cooper’s ready. I don’t want anything to go wrong and disappoint him again. He so longed for school, and I lived in fear that he’d get back into school and then have to drop out again. I just—”

“You can’t live in fear. You don’t want to keep Cooper from every experience in case his remission fails.”

“I don’t want to hold him back, but—”

“Wouldn’t Cooper enjoy something special, and so what if it can’t happen as you want? If he does have a setback, he still knows that an opportunity can happen again. It gives him something to look forward to, especially with summer
coming. It’s a long summer for him to sit at home and wait to get sick again, Lexie.”

Tears sneaked onto Lexie’s lashes.

Kelsey leaned forward and grasped Lexie’s hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strong. I only wanted you to—”

“It’s okay. It’s fine. I needed to hear that.” Lexie brushed her fingers beneath her eyes to wipe away the telltale tears. “I’m frustrated with myself for being so negative about this. I pride myself on being positive.”

“You’re one of the most positive people I know, but sometimes we all fall apart a little. Don’t be mad at yourself. Just make it better. Be open with Ethan. I’m sure he’ll understand.”

Be open. She’d been thinking about that herself. “I’ll call him. I think I owe him an apology.” She leaned closer and gave Kelsey a hug. “Thanks.” She definitely had the skills of a peacemaker, and Lexie needed to learn forgiveness and accept reconciliation in more ways than one.

Ethan tucked his cell phone into his pocket, happy to have received the call he’d been waiting for. Lexie apologized and said she wanted to talk to him. She gave no hint as to what had changed her mind, but at this point he didn’t care. Filled with relief, he finished the job he was winding up, said his goodbyes to the clients and strode to his car.