31 Days of Summer (31 Days #2) (48 page)

Regular CT scans had been performed over the years
and had shown no sign of brain activity, every indication was that if she was
taken off the ventilator she wouldn’t be able to breathe on her own. The doctor
had performed a scan yesterday morning and another again this morning, twenty-four
hours apart, to be one-hundred percent positive, so he could give his verbal
recommendation that the machines be switched off. All that was left was for the
last goodbyes or words to be said, then for Theo, Florie and Dan to give their approval
in front of him, and he’d turn off that switch. A simple switch that would
change all of their lives, forever.  Her team of nurses had also come to show
their support and they gave us some reassuring words and left the room. It was
just the three of us, well four if you counted the baby growing inside me.
The
circle of life
, I thought. As one was beginning, another was ending.

‘I don’t know what to say, I thought I’d know what
to say after so long,’ Dan uttered.

‘Say what’s in your heart, whatever you feel you
need to, so you don’t have any regrets. Imagine she’s awake and can hear you,’
I suggested, as I squeezed his hand and gently kissed his cheek. He remained
silent for a while, deep in thought and I felt my heart hurting for him. I knew
he didn’t love her, he’d never loved her, it was purely a marriage of
convenience, or more truthfully deception. That said she’d been a massive part
of his life, she’d shaped his emotions since the moment she told him she was
pregnant. She was the driving force behind his anger, guilt, pain and denial
for all this time. Part of me wanted to hate her, which was a horrible emotion
to feel for someone so helpless, but part of me realised she’d been young and
naïve at the time. She’d just seen Dan as her ticket out of a life that not
many young girls would want to live, stuck in a remote village in the middle of
nowhere, with the only career prospects working at the hotel. I liked to think
that if she’d still been alive, she’d have realised the error of her ways.

‘I’m sorry Moira,’ came Dan’s quiet voice,
stalling my thoughts. ‘I’m sorry that I put you here, that I couldn’t do more.
I promise that I tried, I
really
tried to make you better but you
wouldn’t help yourself, you wouldn’t wake up and breathe on your own. All the
money in the world couldn’t change that. You have to know that I was angry at
you for a long time, but I need you to know that I’ve forgiven you for what you
did, even though it led us here. You may not have got the ending that you hoped
for, but you gave me mine. I’d never have met Ellie without you, never have
known what it was to be loved for me, the man underneath all the wealth that
you were so blinded by, so I have to thank you for being the catalyst to
setting me on the right path. When you met me I was a different man, a shallow
man. I thought my money and looks entitled me to whatever I saw. I wanted
something and I took it. If I’d been … if I’d been a better man back then, you
wouldn’t be lying here now,’ he choked as he hung his head. I squeezed his hand
tightly as tears formed rivers down my face, etching deep grooves for the
burden my wonderful man had carried for so long. ‘But I need you to know that I
am
a better man now. I’m going to be the best partner and father that
ever walked the face of this earth, I’ll never let her, my son or my unborn
child down ever again. I just hope that … that you’ll forgive
me
,
Moira.’

He let go of her hand and turned to bury his face
in my chest as he started to sob, loud painful gasps that shook his large frame
and I clutched his head to me as I kissed his hair and tried to soothe him,
while dealing with my own tears. I just prayed that his speech and what we were
about to do would finally set him free. He’d more than paid his dues, he’d been
dragging a ball and chain around on each leg for years. Rebecca
and
Moira. I just hoped that this would release him from the final set. I just
wanted him to be happy, and guilt free. I held him until his sobs slowed and he
slowly straightened up. I clasped his face and kissed his forehead.

‘You
are
the best partner and father. No
one would have done more for her than you did, but it’s not her forgiveness you
need. You need to forgive yourself. If her parents have forgiven you, then you
have no guilt left to hold onto,’ I whispered. He nodded and blew out a deep
breath. I pulled a couple of tissues from my pocket and wiped his face for him,
then my own and raised my eyebrows in question. He slowly stood up and took my
hand and we headed to the lounge. Everyone looked up at us and waited, with
expectation on their faces.

‘I’m ready,’ he nodded. ‘I give my approval to
remove her from life support.’

Dan

There was a collective sigh of relief that went
around the room and I watched as Theo and Florie gave their verbal consent too,
then we had to fill out some paperwork. I was on autopilot, I was finally resigned
that this was the right thing to do. Just twenty-four hours waiting for Ellie
to wake up, never knowing if she would, had been agonising. I’d put everyone
through years of that, all because I couldn’t accept that I’d made a mistake. A
mistake that cost Moira her life, that of my child and almost claimed me as
well. Something somewhere inside me though, had finally accepted that was all
it was, a mistake. Nothing more, nothing less. I’d realised that I couldn’t
keep blaming myself, going through the
what ifs
anymore. I had been
driving when it happened, but if Moira hadn’t tricked me into getting her
pregnant, I wouldn’t have been driving her back from that paternity test
appointment in the first place. If she’d been wearing her seatbelt, she may
have survived. I’d accepted that it was a whole convergence of tragic events, that
I wasn’t fully culpable for. Sometimes shit just happened. I’d had my fair
share but I was still here. Putting my life on hold forever, holding Theo and
Florie back too, wasn’t going to bring her back. Letting her go was the kindest
and most humane thing to do, for all our sakes. Not least my Ellie. She’d put
up with only having part of me, when she deserved all of me. How many other
women would have been as supportive of an ex-wife and the baggage she’d left me
with? She’d never once nagged me or pressured me to bring me to this
conclusion. She was exceptional, she truly deserved to have me to herself and I
was going to make sure she had all of me.

We all squeezed into the room, her three nurses,
her doctor, her parents, Ellie and I. We were told that it might not be as
quick as we’d anticipate, that it was possible she’d gasp, her bodies last
reflex, not a sign of life. I thought I’d steeled myself for it, but when it
happened soon after the switch was turned off it was like a punch to my
stomach. What if it really was her fighting to survive? What if she’d been
alive this whole time inside that frail body, listening to what we were about
to do to her? I looked over at Theo and Florie, she was crying but Theo caught
my eye and gave me a reassuring nod, as did Doctor Strachan. I looked down at
Ellie who was crying too and pulled her in front of me and wrapped my arms
tightly around her, placing a hand on her stomach, as if protecting my baby
from what we were witnessing. I frowned, the noise in the room sounded
different, it took a moment to realise that it was the sound of the heart rate
monitor flat lining. The quiet that replaced the noise of the ventilator was
eerie. Doctor Strachan called time of death as I let out a heavy sigh, hoping
the worst was over. Ellie turned around in my arms and hung onto me as we
buried our faces in each other’s necks.

‘I love you,’ she whispered. ‘I’m so proud of you
for doing the right thing.’

I couldn’t speak, I needed a moment to process
what that moment in time the doctor had called out meant for me, for my life,
for all our lives. It was a pivotal moment. Ruth suggested we leave the room
while they finished off. I certainly didn’t want to witness them removing the
tubes, so I squeezed her hand one last time and led Ellie out, with Theo and
Florie close behind. Ellie went to make us all a drink, as we discussed the
funeral arrangements that we’d already set for next week. Saying goodbye to her
parents was harder than I imagined. I knew I’d be seeing them again, but not
here, I never wanted to come back here. This house reminded me of death and I
decided it would be a permanent prison now for all those negative emotions I’d
been carrying for so long. I left them there as the door was closed behind me
and I stepped forwards towards my future, a free man at last.

I spent the afternoon in the playroom with Oliver.
His smiles and laughter were just what I needed. I’d insisted Ellie rest, so
she was lying on the sofa, covered in a blanket, propped up on a couple of pillows
as she watched us, while Mrs. McAdams made us dinner. Oliver made us laugh a
few times, as he broke his studious attempts to still try and put his square
cube through the round hole, by suddenly running to Ellie and pursing his lips
for a kiss. When he got what he wanted he’d run back and sit next to me,
looking up at me as if he expected me to have all the answers. I showed him
again that the cube fitted through the square hole, which he knew how to do
himself. He just couldn’t comprehend why it didn’t fit any others. To him life
was still simple, things should just work. I dreaded the day that he found out
they didn’t, I didn’t want him to experience the lows I’d had in my life, only
the highs. I grabbed him and lifted him up in the air and he squealed with
delight before I planted kisses all over his face. He giggled and wriggled and
when I put him down he ran out to see Mrs. McAdams. I looked over at Ellie who
was smiling as she watched me, so I went to sit on the floor next to her,
resting my head on her knees as she ran her fingers through my hair.

‘You’re so good with him, he adores you.’

‘You too, I never get kisses like that,’ I smiled.

‘He always wants you to give him a kiss at night,
besides you get plenty of kisses from me.’

‘I do,’ I agreed. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Other than a little tired I’m just great. I’m
more worried about you, today was a lot for you to deal with. It has to be up
there as one of the hardest times of your life.’

‘I’m ok,’ I nodded, registering the surprise in my
own voice. ‘I don’t want to sound heartless but I finally feel free. While it
wasn’t the nicest of things to experience, losing Rebecca, walking away from
you in London, finding you at the bottom of those stairs and waiting for you to
wake up in hospital were the hardest times. Those hard times are beginning to
fade though, because you and Oliver give me so many good times, pretty soon
they’ll be all I’ll remember.’

‘You’ll never forget, just like I never forget my
parents, but in time you won’t dwell on them and let them take you over. Life
is for living, to be enjoyed and celebrated, starting with this wedding I have
to finish planning.’

‘There’s nothing for you to do,’ I advised her, as
I turned my head and kissed her wrist.

‘Please, men know nothing about planning
weddings,’ she laughed. ‘I have a whole prioritised spreadsheet.’

‘One that I’ve already downloaded and handed over
to Tina, my manageress at the hotel. She’s taking charge of it for you. You
have nothing to worry about now, but turning up on the day looking radiant in
your bridesmaid dress.’

‘You sneaky bugger,’ she exclaimed with a yawn.
‘Invasion of personal privacy.’

‘Not my fault that you still haven’t put that
passcode on your iPad.’

‘Dada,’ shouted Oliver. We looked up and he was
peaking around the stone wall from the dining room.

‘I think someone wants to be chased,’ Ellie
laughed. ‘Go on, but remember not to catch him so quickly. It’s not a
competition, you need to let him win now and then.’

‘Spoilsport,’ I grinned. ‘Will you be ok?’

‘I’m going to rest my eyes for a while, go, have
fun. I love you, Mr. Davenport.’

‘Not as much as I love you, Ellie Baxter,’ I advised,
as I kissed her tenderly, only to be interrupted by my son again. We laughed
and I got up and charged at him as he squealed and started running in a fit of
the giggles, which warmed my heart.

Friday 29
^th
July ~ Year Three

Ellie

I put my hand over Dan’s
to calm him down, he was so nervous.

‘What if something’s wrong?’ he asked, for about
the third time today.

‘Then we’ll deal with it, just like we deal with
everything,’ I replied, as I kissed his cheek. We were in London again for my
pregnancy scan. It was too early for the normal one, but since my fall we’d
been making regular trips here, so my specialist could keep a close eye on me,
which I wasn’t going to complain about. My cast was finally off and other than
a dull ache if I used my wrist too much it had healed well. Dan had insisted on
me having Dragon software installed, so I could talk while it typed, to save me
any further pain. After experiencing some teething troubles training it to
recognise my voice, naturally he decided he could come up with an even better
software system and had flown us out to San Francisco for a few days to talk it
over with his team. We’d had Moira’s funeral as well, and I really felt like he
was finally putting those old ghosts to rest. It was only just over a week
until Brooke and Molly’s wedding and I couldn’t wait. We were having their
joint hen party tonight, which involved a meal out, copious amounts of alcohol,
for them anyway, ending up in a karaoke bar. Dan however, was insisting that he
wouldn’t allow me to stay out late. I was still prone to the odd bout of
dizziness and feeling tired, which compounded with my pregnancy, had him on
high alert.

‘So what time are we dropping you off tonight?’ he
asked.

‘The meal’s at seven-thirty,’ I confirmed. We were
going to one of the best Italian restaurants in London and I couldn’t wait, I
was ravenous at the moment.

‘I want to know where you are throughout the
night, regular status updates and we’ll come to get you at ten.’

‘Dan,’ I groaned. ‘By the time we’ve eaten and got
out of there it will be nearly ten. The night will only just be starting.’

‘Don’t argue with me, not about this.’

‘It’s my best friends’ hen party, both of my best
friends, not just a normal night out. This is special, it should only happen
once and I want to be a part of it. How would you feel if it was Logan having a
stag night and I dictated that you had to come home early?’

‘Logan having a stag night?’ he laughed. ‘Right, I
can really see that happening. Fine, I’ll push it to eleven.’

‘One,’ I countered.

‘Eleven.’

‘Quarter to one.’

‘Eleven,’ he replied stubbornly, as he fixed me
with a firm look.

‘You’re impossible,’ I moaned, as I threw my hands
up in the air and down with a huff which made him laugh. ‘It’s not funny, I’m a
grown woman and I can look after myself.’

‘O right. This coming from the “grown woman” who
drank two bottles of wine on a facetime party? The same one I had to hold her
hair back while she was being sick and spend the night watching her in case she
choked to death?
That
responsible woman?’

‘I’m nearly three years older now and a mother,’ I
reminded him.

‘Still eleven o’clock,’ he smirked. I scowled at
him as the cogs in my brain started to whir. We’d only had sex again for the
first time last week, I’d begged for it earlier than that, but he’d refused
until he deemed that I was up to it. Something sexual would definitely sway
him. I was going to have to be devious about this by dressing up to tantalise
him, just like he was me today. He was all dressed up in a three piece suit,
wanting to head into his London office for a catch up with Stuart and to make
some calls. He was dropping me back at home when the scan was over, for another
rest. I was sick of resting.

‘I need a new outfit for tonight, would you mind
dropping me off on Kensington High Street?’

‘You have loads of clothes at home and you need to
rest.’

‘Fine, take me home. I’ll just go out when you’ve
left and it will be even more tiring having to walk to the shops as well as
walking home after.’

‘You … stubborn bloody woman,’ he muttered, as he
stood up and glared at me. He tapped on his phone and strode further away as I
heard him say Stuart’s name. What the hell was that all about? He returned
about five minutes later looking calmer. ‘Fine. I’ll drop you off to go
shopping.’

‘You will?’ I looked at him, surprised that he’d
caved so easily, maybe my seduction plan wasn’t needed after all. There again,
looking at him made me want to carry it out regardless. His emerald tie against
his black shirt and three piece suit just made his eyes seem all the more drown-worthy.

‘I’m not a man who’s blind to his partner’s needs
thank you,’ he replied, with a rather smug look on his face.

‘I never said you were, but what are you up to?’

‘Managing my assets appropriately.’

‘Your assets?’ I raised my eyebrows and was on the
verge of whacking him, when we were called through and suddenly it all turned serious
again.

‘I told you there was nothing to worry about,’ I
smiled as we made our way to the hospital exit holding hands.

‘It’s definitely a boy with that strong
heartbeat,’ he beamed.

‘Whatever,’ I teased, as I kissed him. He held up
his finger as his phone rang and stepped away for a moment before returning to
me with a much bigger smile on his face. ‘What are you up to?’

‘I told you, managing my assets, there’s someone
outside I’d like you to meet.’

‘Who?’

‘All in good time,’ he replied, as he took my hand
and walked us out through the sliding door, before heading over to a young lady
dressed in a trouser suit. ‘Miss Parker, I presume.’

‘Mr. Davenport, a pleasure to meet you, Sir,’ she
replied, as she extended her hand with a deferential dip of her head to him, as
I wondered what the hell was going on.

‘Miss Parker, this is Miss Baxter. I assume you’ve
been made fully aware of the facts?’

‘I have, Sir. You can trust me, I’ll take very
good care of her.’

‘Make sure that you do, she’s very valuable to me,’
he replied, with a smile in my direction. ‘Ellie, Miss Parker is under
instructions to accompany you anywhere and everywhere, no exceptions. She’s
been made aware of the signs to look out for if you’re flagging. If she
determines that you need to rest, she will accompany you home. Forcibly if
needs be. Don’t be fooled by her size, she’s ex-forces and could probably give
me a run for my money.’

‘I’d drop you like a stone, Sir,’ she replied,
with a wink in my direction, which made me laugh and forget my sudden
indignation.

‘This is totally over the top, Dan.’

‘Not if you insist on defying my wishes. James
will pick up both of you in the limousine this evening and take you wherever
you need to go. I’ll let you stay out later if Miss Parker confirms that you’re
still in good shape, the minute she thinks you’ve reached your limit she’ll call
me to come and meet you, before we go home.
No
arguments,’ he warned
with a finger in the air, as I went to object. I chewed my bottom lip as I
considered his proposal, I guess it was fair enough, he was only trying to look
out for me.

‘Accepted, on a couple of conditions.’

‘Did I give you any reason to believe this was a
negotiation?’ he asked, his green eyes twinkling with amusement. I shivered
with excitement, this wasn’t Dan, my adorable boyfriend who I lived with in
Scotland. This was Oliver Davenport, hardened and dominant CEO of a
multi-billion corporation and boy, did that jump start my libido. I was going
through with my plan even though he’d relented, somewhat. It was like crossing
the Scottish border flipped his personality.

‘Miss Parker isn’t exactly dressed to fit in on a
hen night and I’d like to call her by her name, rather than her title. I’ll
accept if I can buy her some more appropriate clothes to wear, know her first name
and I won’t accept her accompanying me into the toilet, which I have to
frequent on a more regular basis given I’m pregnant.
That’s
non-negotiable,
Sir.’ It was my turn to smirk as his nostrils flared at the endearment. I only
used it when we were in one of our dominant submissive sexual encounters.

‘Did you just “Sir” me?’

‘I believe I did. Did you hear me call him Sir,
Miss Parker?’

‘I did, Miss Baxter,’ she nodded.

‘Yes I did. After shopping I also have an urgent
business matter to discuss with you at your office.’

‘A business matter at my office?’ he looked at me
puzzled. It seemed he’d forgotten that he’d told me what his sexual fantasy
with me was.

‘Yes, Sir. I have an issue that would require your
undivided attention. If I make myself
accessible
to you for say, an
hour, that wouldn’t
dominate
your time would it? I’d be prepared to take
your guidance and
submit
or defer to your suggestions.’ I watched as a
slow smile spread across his face as he caught on, before he looked down at his
watch.

‘Your terms are acceptable, Miss Baxter. You
should already be aware that I’m a very particular man and like things done a
certain way, my way. Assuming you have no objections, be at my office at
two-thirty sharp.’

‘Yes, Sir,’ I replied, feeling my stomach flutter
at the thought of fucking him in his office, all dressed up like that.

‘Then let’s move. James is waiting for us, we’ll
drop you off and he’ll return for you later to bring you to me.’

‘Excellent,’ I smiled, then reached out my hand to
Miss Parker. ‘Let’s start again, I’m Ellie and you are?’

‘Jenny, Miss … Ellie.’

‘Miss Ellie!’ Dan roared with laughter and we both
looked around at him surprised. ‘Miss Ellie, she was the mother of JR Ewing in
Dallas
.’

‘I thought you didn’t watch television,’ I replied
as he took my hand, not wanting to embarrass him by bringing up his comic book
shows he loved.

‘It was mother’s favourite show and she made me
watch re-runs as a child. You should take it as a compliment, she was a strong
feisty woman who ruled the entire household.’

‘Then I will,’ I replied, as I dialled Brooke to
ask if she minded me squeezing in a plus one later.

I made Jenny blush when she refused to leave me
alone in the bedroom, so I’d stripped off in front of her. Living with Brooke
and Molly you had to forget about being shy. She turned her back as I put on
the new green corset and matching mini knickers, then pulled on a new black
silk shirt dress and fastened an emerald green belt around my waist, finishing
the look off with the pair of peep toe high heeled laser cut ankle boots Dan
had purchased me. I’d had a quick shower when we got in, with her waiting
outside the door, and had rubbed some baby oil into my skin, so my body and
legs had a dewy glow. Topped off with my emerald earrings and bracelet, I
looked quite the part for an executive’s sexy girlfriend.

‘What do you think?’ I asked and Jenny turned
around and coughed.

‘That’s your meeting outfit?’

‘Yes.’ I laughed as she went red, as she probably
realised what type of meeting I was about to have.

‘I can’t wait to see your going out one,’ she
laughed. ‘He’ll blow a fuse.’

‘You know he’s not so uptight at home,’ I told her,
as I grabbed my bag.

‘That’s good. A lot of guys I work for don’t know
how to turn off the businessman and become human again.’

‘I bet you get hit on a lot as well,’ I suggested.
She was a really pretty brunette.

‘Sometimes, but being trained by the Royal Marine
Corps means I can look after myself.’

‘Wow, James will love you. He was in the marines
as well, you must tell him when he picks us up. I didn’t think they allowed
women?’

‘They didn’t until recently, when they offered
five women places. I was lucky enough to be one of those five, passed the ten
week training and was accepted. Sadly I busted up my knee while carrying out
covert ops one night, so I had to drop out.’

‘So now you offer private security services?’ I
asked, impressed at her work ethic and obvious dedication.

‘Yes, ma’am. Sorry, Ellie. Habit.’

‘Don’t worry about it, though ma’am makes me feel
rather old. I’m only twenty-nine. How are you with children?’ I asked, a plan
formulating in my mind. I had my creative, think outside of the box, head on
today.

‘Love them,’ she beamed. ‘My sister has a four year
old. I see from the house that you have children too?’

‘One, a rather boisterous fifteen month old, he’s
staying the night at his grandparents. Though I’m also seven weeks pregnant now
too.’

‘Congratulations.’

‘Thank you. Right that was James at the door,
shall we?’

 As they chatted in the limo, I wondered how Dan
would feel if I asked for Jenny to be taken on full time. Mrs. McAdams, while
amazing with Oliver, wasn’t quick enough on her feet to keep up with him and he
wore her out quite quickly. If I wanted to keep working full time too, I’d finally
accepted that being a mum to two young children as well was going to be
exhausting, particularly when I had a man who demanded so much of my time and
attention too. Jenny could be the perfect solution, nanny and security rolled
into one. Assuming she was up for an assignment like that and wanted to work
for us, plus move to Scotland for at least three weeks of each month. She could
have some independence in the boathouse, as I’d still want to get Oliver up and
she could clock off from the nanny duties when I was finished with work, and have
the odd weekend back in London. The only issue would be where she’d sleep in
the house here. We needed a couple of extra bedrooms. James dropped us off at
Davenport Technologies and I looked up at the large black glass structure
impressed. I’d never been here before.