31 Days of Summer (31 Days #2) (17 page)

‘You haven’t left me with a choice,’ I choked. He
took me by surprise with a crushing kiss, mashing his lips forcefully against
mine, trying to make me concede as he ground his perfect erection against my
hip, his thigh nestled between mine, pressing against my needy aching clit. I
had no idea where the strength inside me came from, but I anchored my lips
shut. He was trying to break me with our insane desire for each other, this
undeniable
lust,
but I needed more. I needed love and he wasn’t there
with me. I sincerely doubted he’d ever be. We had to face facts that we were
both too stubborn and shaped by our pasts to ever make it work. He slowly stopped
kissing me when he realised I wasn’t responding and had started to cry even harder
as reality hit home. He sighed, his lips reverberating against mine, then cold
air replaced where his warmth had been only seconds before. He slowly released
my hands and stepped away from me with a pained look of agony on his face,
reflecting exactly how I was feeling.

‘I’ve never given up on anything that I wanted in
my life, Ellie. But if never seeing me again will make you happy, then I’ll
compromise my principles, for you.’

‘Thank you,’ I uttered, hardly able to believe
this was really it.

‘So I guess this is goodbye then,’ he stated. I
clenched my jaw tightly as I nodded. ‘As you wish, Miss Baxter,’ he said coldly,
which elicited another sob from me. I knew it had finally sunk in that I wasn’t
backing down. He’d really just given up on me, just like I had on him. I pulled
my hands from behind my back and covered my face as I took shallow breaths
trying to gain some composure before I took my last look at him and said
goodbye too. I heaved out a heavy sigh and dropped my hands to face him, only
to find I was all alone. I held my breath as I listened to a car door slam and
a motor start. My heart was screaming for me to run out of the door and stop
him from leaving. To run to Scotland with him. Maybe in time he’d learn to let
go of his past and really grow to love me, to want to see me carry his child.
My head …
my head
though told me not to be so ridiculous, to take the
overwhelming hit of pain now and be done with it. I sank to the floor and
clutched my knees to my chest as I listened to the tyres rolling over the
cobbles, the noise moving further and further away, taking the man that was undeniably
the love of my life with them.

I was still sitting there, numbly staring at a
spot on the floor when Brooke and Molly’s laughter drifted through the open
door and I heard a glass bottle smash on the floor right before Brooke sank
down next to me and enveloped me in her arms and more tears came.

Saturday 9
^th
August ~ Year One

Dan

‘Don’t make bloody excuses
for him,’ I snapped down the phone, highly irritated. ‘And don’t make me fly
over five thousand fucking miles each way to sack the bastard myself. I warned
him on my last visit that if he didn’t fix his monumental fuck up he’d be out.
I want him gone within the hour, I don’t care what position he holds in my team.
Strip him of any security passes and keys, change the access codes and notify
the security team he’s never to step foot on any of my premises again. We’re
done,’ I barked. I flipped off my monitors as I leaned back in my chair and
stared at the grey stone wall in front of me, before sweeping my arm across the
desk and sending my mug of black coffee flying across the room where it
splintered on the oak floor. I watched the steaming hot liquid creeping across
the floor, following the grooves in the wood and covered my face. A month. A
whole fucking month since I walked away from her and I was still angry. In fact
angry was to tame a word for what I was feeling inside. It was like molten lava
was flowing through my veins burning me from the inside out. Everything I set
my sights on I got. Everything but the one damn thing I wanted most. Ellie. I
shook my head as I replayed that last meeting with her, wondering if I’d told
her how I really felt about her she’d be here with me now. I was used to women
chasing me, not running from me. My warning had been bravado, to cover up the
fact that she’d just pulverised me.

I thought she’d run after me, I’d kept my eye on
James’s far side wing mirror waiting for her to come out. I’d checked my phone
every five damn minutes for a week expecting to see a missed call, text or
email. Four weeks of silence. The thing was I’d been so damned sure I could
nurture her and protect her, but I’d realised it was the other way around. I
was a grain of sand in an oyster shell. She was the one nurturing me, polishing
me and protecting me until she’d made me the best that I could be. I’d
reluctantly decided that she’d have been waiting an eternity. I wasn’t
convinced anything could change me, my telephone sessions with mother’s damn
shrink weren’t improving my moods either, or making me see my past or choices
in any different light, but if I stood any chance of ever getting her back I
had to try. I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes as I tried to block out the
thought of her seeing someone else, of another man touching her hand let alone
touching her body.
My
body. She was mine. I jumped at the sound of a
loud crack and the feeling of a sting in my palm and looked down to see I’d
clenched my fist so tight I’d snapped my pencil in half and a large splinter
was embedded. I needed to get some aggression out again, masturbation wasn’t
relieving the tension, maybe a round in my gym on my boxing bag might help.

Ellie

I tried to keep my breathing at a steady rate,
along with my heart rate as my skin glistened in a film of perspiration. No one
had worked me this hard since that last session on the dining table with Dan.
God damn it. Why was I thinking about him now?

‘Ellie,’ barked Jason. ‘Faster, harder.’

‘Yes,’ I whimpered with a nod as my hips and
thighs screamed in protest. I’d never gone this far with him before and my
breathing control was on the verge of being blasted into oblivion. I wanted to
scream at him to slow down, I couldn’t take anymore. ‘Stop, stop, I need a
rest,’ I moaned. ‘You’re an animal.’

‘Fine, make it to the next bench and stretch off,’
he advised, as he checked his stopwatch. I virtually doubled up over it when I
made it. I’d hired him as my personal trainer the week after Dan left. I had
this unbearable itch missing sex again, so figured running could take the edge
off. We met every morning, rain or shine, to run and work out in Kensington
Park. ‘You did well, your personal best, though you’re looking really pale. Are
you feeling ok?’ he asked with a frown as he took my wrist and checked my
pulse.

‘A bit dizzy and nauseous,’ I nodded as my stomach
started to roil.

‘Lie down on the bench, feet up, now.’

‘Has anyone ever accused you of being downright
bossy?’ I enquired, as I made my way slowly around, holding my sides. Other
than the fact he wasn’t sexy and gorgeous like Dan, he did remind me a lot of
him with his ordering around of me.

‘Join my Saturday afternoon boot camp sessions and
you’ll soon find out,’ he grinned. I sat on the bench and was about to swing my
feet up when saliva filled my mouth. I parted my knees and quickly bent
forwards and heaved all over the floor, narrowly missing my new expensive
trainers, as I rejoiced in the fact that my hair was in a ponytail. I put my
head in my hands as I breathed slowly and did a silent internal laugh as the
memory of Brooke bending over to be sick on one of our karaoke nights sprung to
mind. I’d not made it in time to pull her hair back for her and she’d got
chunks of puke embedded in her tight red curls and had freaked out until I’d
put on some gloves and teased them all out for her. Now that was a true
friendship test.

‘Shit,’ I sighed.

‘Water, gentle sips please,’ Jason ordered, as he
sat next to me on the bench. ‘So, I think this means that we’re calling it
quits early today.’

‘Sorry,’ I nodded as I sat back and wiped my mouth
on my sleeve as I swigged some water.

‘How about you text me later and let me know how
you’re feeling? We can blow off one tomorrow if you’re not up to it.’

‘Might be a good idea,’ I nodded, as I glugged
some more water and swished it around my mouth.

‘Come on, let’s do a gentle walk back.’

‘It’s ok, you go on, I can make my way back.’

‘I’m not keen leaving you if you’re sick, Ellie.’

‘I’m fine honestly, I’m pretty sure what I have
won’t kill me,’ I smiled, as I squeezed his shoulder to reassure him.

‘Great. Text me later ok?’

‘Will do,’ I nodded and watched him sprint off. I
sat for a while watching the odd jogger and roller blader go past, dog walkers
and a group of giggling young mums pushing their strollers and smiled. Life just
went on regardless of what was going on behind closed doors. I stood up and
headed back home, took a shower and sat on the edge of the bed biting my lip. I
needed to speak to Brooke, but she was going to be so pissed with me I needed a
moment to compose myself and put my battle armour on. The thought of her
yelling at me made me feel sick again.

 ‘Babe, you’re back already?’ she exclaimed as she
answered.

‘I am, we had to cut it short.’

‘I thought he was a slave driver? All no pain, no
gain and all that?’

‘O, he definitely is,’ I confirmed, as I thought
of our workout yesterday.

‘So are we doing brunch early then? If you’re
ready now we could just make this new place in Chelsea that I’ve heard does
the
best brunches in the city and after the session Brolly had last night, we
could eat again. Food that is, not each other. We did plenty of that last
night, so not that that’s not tempting to stay in and do all day today, I could
really eat some food right now. I’m thinking we could go the whole hog and have
a champagne breakfast, what do you think?’

‘Sorry, no can do,’ I replied, as I looked down at
the piece of plastic in my hand.

‘No brunch?’ she gasped. I smiled, it was one of
our new Saturday rituals as I’d refused to drown my sorrows in Dan by going out
drinking anymore.

‘No champagne I’m afraid.’

‘
Please
, like you’d ever refuse a good
bottle of champagne.’

‘Well I definitely won’t be having any champagne for
the next eight months, Brooke.’

‘Eh? What the hell’s that all about? Is there a
world champagne shortage that I don’t know about?’

‘No, no shortage,’ I smiled.

‘So what’s the dealio?’

‘Are you usually this slow on the uptake?’ I
sighed. ‘I won’t be drinking champagne or any other alcohol for the next eight
months because I’m pregnant,’ I nodded as I looked down at the stick with the
pink confirmation of my status clearly showing. It had been a formality peeing
on that stick this morning. It simply confirmed what I’d suspected when I’d
missed my period and started throwing up a couple of weeks ago.

‘You’re
what?
’ she screeched down the phone
nearly deafening me. ‘How the
hell
did that happen?’

‘Hmmm, have you been a lesbian for so long that I
need to give you the birds and the bees talk again?’ I asked with a nervous
edge to my voice, wanting for her to rant.

‘I know
how
it happened, just not
how
it
happened. You’re still on the pill right?
Right
?’

‘Yes.’

‘Then what the hell?’

‘I’m not sure, I mean it shouldn’t have happened.
The only thing I can think was there was a night in Scotland where I was throwing
up for some time. That must have upset my system at the wrong time, or in this
case at just the right time.’

‘O. My. God,’ she uttered in disbelief. ‘You’re
seriously pregnant?’

‘Yes,’ I confirmed as a slow smile crept across my
face. ‘Asking me repeatedly isn’t going to change the outcome, Brooke.’

‘MOLLY,’ she hollered, making me pull the phone
away from my ear. ‘Ellie’s bloody pregnant.’

‘
What?!’
I heard Molly call back.

‘O please feel free to announce it to everyone
without asking my permission first,’ I objected.

‘We’re family babe, it won’t go any further if you
don’t want it to. So is it … is it
his?
’ she asked quietly.

‘If I was having sex with someone else already
don’t you think I’d have told you?’

‘Well you obviously thought you may be pregnant to
have gone and bought a damn stick in the first place, and you didn’t ring me so
I could hold your hand while you did it,’ she muttered, the annoyance in her
voice palpable. ‘You’re not exactly sharing lately.’

‘I didn’t want to think … I was trying not to deal
with it, Brooke. Telling you my suspicions would have made it suddenly real.’

‘Have you rung him?’

‘No,’ I bit back quickly.

‘Screw this, we’re not having this momentously
important bloody discussion over the phone. MOLLY! Get your arse in gear, we’re
going to Ellie’s right now,’ she yelled again.

‘I’ll give you the money if you want to order a
takeout breakfast and champagne for the two of you,’ I offered.

‘Too bloody right you will, I’ve been dreaming of
that breakfast since I woke up this morning and as I’ve just had the shock of
my life I need alcohol. We’ll be there in about forty minutes.’

‘I’m not going anywhere, its puke central here
this morning.’

‘Tie your hair back for God’s sake because I
couldn’t pick chunks out for you, I swear that’s the most disgusting thing
that’s ever happened to me. I could smell vomit for days after when I moved my
head and my hair swung across my face. I can’t believe you did that for me.’

‘You’d do it for me if you had to.’

‘Ellie?’

‘Yes?’

‘Are you going to keep it?’ she asked quietly. I
took a deep breath and looked down at my hand which I’d automatically placed protectively
over my stomach and my eyes filled with tears. I was
pregnant
. Something
I’d been dreaming of for some time, something I was actually already in the
process of investigating this in vitro fertilisation option anyway. It may not
have happened the way it was supposed to, in a controlled and planned manner,
but I was pregnant nevertheless. And not only that, it was by the man I was in
love with, even if he didn’t love me back.

‘Yes,’ I breathed, as a full smile broke out on my
face. If I’d been pregnant from a one night stand I’d still have made the
decision to keep it, but to know that it was Dan’s baby growing inside me, a
baby made from our passionate and volatile union made me even more determined
that I was going to do this. This baby may only grow up with one parent, but I
was going to be the best damn mother the world had ever seen and it was never
going to be lacking any love.