Winning Him Without Words: 10 Keys to Thriving in Your Spiritually Mismatched Marriage

Praise for
Winning Him Without Words

Moving. Challenging. Full of devastating, healing truth. No two ways about it: Dineen Miller and Lynn Donovan have crafted a masterpiece in
Winning Him Without Words
. For those who’ve felt alone in the battle to win their husbands to Christ, help is here! In fact,
any
marriage—even those, like mine, in which spouses share a faith in Jesus—would be strengthened and blessed by putting the 10 keys in this book into practice. Wives, the time is now. Take the truths these two women share and let them infuse your marriage with what we all desire: God’s amazing love and blessing.

Karen Ball

Editor and bestselling novelist of
The Breaking Point
and the Family Honor series

I am the daughter of a brave mother who was married to an unbeliever. My mother’s decision to follow Jesus even if my dad didn’t made all the difference to me as a little girl and propelled me into Christian leadership as an adult. I am forever grateful for women like Lynn and Dineen who live out a message of “God is enough.”
Winning Him Without Words
is a lifeline of hope and help for any woman who is struggling in a spiritually mismatched marriage.

Pam Farrel

Relationship specialist, international speaker, and author of more than 30 books, including the bestselling
Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti

For anyone who endures a spiritually mismatched marriage—hoping and praying that things might improve—here’s authentic help from two women who know this topic from the inside out. Never preachy or harsh, these authors reveal their own struggles and difficulties as wives caught up in spiritually mismatched marriages.
Winning Him Without Words
is a must-read for hurting wives as they prayerfully seek change in their husbands and meaningful transformation in their marriages.

Dr. David and Lisa Frisbie

The Center for Marriage and Family Studies, Del Mar, California Authors of
Becoming Your Husband’s Best Friend
and other books

C.S. Lewis once said that friendship is born at that moment one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” That’s what
Winning Him Without Words
is like. For the woman who is married to a man who doesn’t share her faith in Christ, this book is a faithful friend who will encourage her in her feelings of aloneness, anxiety, frustration (and all the other emotions that come with living in a spiritually mismatched marriage) and point her to the One who can and will make something good out of them. This book will give great hope to those who may wonder if thriving is out of reach.

Nancy Kennedy

Author of
When He Doesn’t Believe

As a “marriage” author, whenever I have a reader or audience member ask me, “What should I do if my husband isn’t a believer?” I have felt inadequate to support him or her. Now I have a new approach—pray and hand the person this book. As I read through these pages, I was humbled by the wisdom and encouragement that these women share—much of which was a timely reminder for my own marriage. With honest struggle and authentic hope, Dineen and Lynn show women how to make God the very center of their unequal marriages.

Kathi Lipp

Author of
The Husband Project
and
The Marriage Project

It has been a wonderful gift and blessing to “meet” Dineen and Lynn through their journeys. As one who is also unequally yoked in a spiritually mismatched marriage (to a wonderful guy, for 29 years!), the relief in knowing I am not alone is huge. That, coupled with practical keys they share as they share of themselves, has invigorated our marriage and brought honor to God.

Kathy Pride

Author of
What the Bible Is All About for Moms

L
YNN
D
ONOVAN
& D
INEEN
M
ILLER

winning him
without
words

Published by Regal

From Gospel Light

Ventura, California, U.S.A.

www.regalbooks.com

Printed in the U.S.A.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the
Holy Bible, New International Version
®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Other versions used are

AMP
—Scripture taken from THE AMPLIFIED BIBLE, Old Testament copyright © 1965, 1987 by the Zondervan Corporation. The Amplified New Testament copyright © 1958, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
ESV
—Scripture taken from the
English Standard Version
, Copyright © 2001. The
ESV
and
English Standard Version
are trademarks of Good News Publishers.
KJV—King James Version
. Authorized King James Version.
THE MESSAGE
—Scripture taken from
THE MESSAGE
. Copyright © by Eugene H. Peterson, 1993, 1994, 1995. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.
NLT
—Scripture quotations marked
NLT
are taken from the
Holy Bible, New Living Translation
, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

© 2010 Lynn Donovan and Dineen Miller

All rights reserved.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Donovan, Lynn.

Winning him without words : 10 keys to thriving in your spiritually mismatched

marriage / Lynn Donovan, Dineen Miller.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references (p.  ).

ISBN 978-0-8307-5605-6 (trade paper)

1. Wives—Religious life. 2. Christian women—Family relationships. 3. Husbands—Religious life. 4. Non-church-affiliated people—Family relationships. 5. Marriage—Religious aspects—Christianity. 6. Interfaith marriage. I. Miller, Dineen. II. Title.

BV4528.15.D66 2010

248.8’44—dc22

2010035106

Rights for publishing this book outside the U.S.A. or in non-English languages are administered by Gospel Light Worldwide, an international not-for-profit ministry. For additional information, please visit
www.glww.org
, email
[email protected]
, or write to Gospel Light Worldwide, 1957 Eastman Avenue, Ventura, CA 93003, U.S.A.

To order copies of this book and other Regal products in bulk quantities,
please contact us at 1-800-446-7735.

To the Lord Jesus Christ and to our Mikes

Contents

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Meet Lynn Donovan

Meet Dineen Miller

Key #1:

Know that You’re Not Alone!

Key #2:

Don’t Save Your Husband—Save Yourself

Key #3:

Stay Connected

Key #4:

Know the Essentials of Love: Hope, Joy, Peace and Trust (Oh, Yeah, and Respect)

Key #5:

Believe Your Marriage Is Blessed

Key #6:

Trade Perfection for Authenticity

Key #7:

Pick and Choose Your Battles

Key #8:

Move from Hurt to Healing—Seasons of Marriage

Key #9:

Keep Your Armor On—You’re at War!

Key #10:

Learn When to Pray the Most Dangerous Prayer

Conclusion:

Continuing the Journey

Appendix 1: What About the Kids?

Appendix 2: Praying Scriptures

Appendix 3: Family Faith Record

Appendix 4: Leader’s Guide for Study Groups

Acknowledgments

We would like to thank our editor, Kim Bangs; Elizabeth Wingate, our copyeditor; Mark Weising, the managing editor; and the entire Regal team for believing in our message and following God’s leading on this amazing journey. We are still in awe of all God has done.

Lynn Would Like to Thank . . .

My husband and my best friend, Mike, who encourages me in my every endeavor. I love you with a full heart.

My daughter, Caitie, who believes in me and puts up with my harebrained humor. Thank you for always supporting me and reading my drafts. I love you, girl.

My son and Fantasy Football partner, Brad. Go Pink Princesses. Love you, son.

My friends from Sunridge who always gave me words of encouragement and prayed often over this book; and my pastor, Greg Sidders, much of whose wisdom can be found in these pages.

My mom, Sue Parks, and dad, Vern Ratzlaff, and sister, Kayla Arnesen, who know me well and love me anyway.

My online friends and online community who encouraged me. I can’t even begin to name all of you who helped make this book possible because of your prayers. You know who you are and I am hugging you.

Especially, I want to thank each and every one of you who pray for my husband’s salvation. You are a priceless gem.

Dineen Would Like to Thank . . .

My wonderful husband, Mike, for always supporting and encouraging me in my pursuits, whatever they may be. I adore you.

My parents, Donna and James Marco, for always believing in me and loving me like parents should. My precious daughters, Rachel and Leslie, for believing in Mom too.

My amazing critique partners and best friends—Ronie Kendig, Robin Miller and Heather Diane Tipton—for always being there, even when I crossed the realm from fiction to non-fiction. These are the most amazing women you will ever meet—or read.

The sweet group of unequally yoked ladies in Zürich, Switzerland, for taking me into their 1Peter3 group and encouraging me in the beginning of my journey.

The San Jose Christian Writers, for their prayers and encouragement.

Camy Tang, for being part of the process God used to bring Lynn and me together, for her great tea and scones, and for her constant support.

And special thanks to all who have prayed for this ministry, our book and my family, especially my daughter during her surgeries and recovery, and for my precious hubby. I can’t wait to hug you all in heaven!

We Both Would Like to Thank . . .

We would like to especially thank Noreen Taylor, for her obedience to God’s calling to pray for us and the Spiritually Unequal Marriage ministry, and for her generosity and willingness to read the first draft of our book.

We would also like to say thank you to all of our friends who share life with us at spirituallyunequalmarriage.com and our friends at 1Peter3Living. You bless us so much.

Finally, and most importantly, thank You, Lord Jesus. You are the reason we live and breathe.

Introduction

You are about to embark on an unexpected journey and we, the authors, Dineen and Lynn, will be traveling this unusual pathway with you. We are ordinary women and ordinary wives just like you. And, just like you, we believe that Jesus is the Son of God and our redeemer. Our husbands do not.

On your journey with us, you will experience the wonder of Scripture as it comes to life, filling you with truths that will rock your world and leave you with a fresh perspective and optimism. You will discover that Scripture is living and active and relevant to your marriage. We, Dineen and Lynn, believe that 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers,” is a firm calling by God to all unmarried believers. However, we also know that many of us arrive in a spiritually mismatched union and desire to honor God with our marriage. This book is for all of us who are traveling the path of the spiritually mismatched.

As we travel this route, you will discover that no matter how you arrived in your unequally yoked marriage, God’s plans for your marriage and your future are fantastic and may take turns that are often unexpected. Our Lord is the master of redeeming our past and our pain to reveal a life He has always desired for us to live. Because of this, you will discover a hope so wild that you will thrive in your zany yet challenging marriage.

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