Wild Swans (8 page)

“I don’t know. I guess I don’t have any dreams at all.”

“Now that’s a real shame. How can somebody not have dreams on a night like this?”

“I’ll tell you a secret, something I’ve never told anyone else. And it’s strange too that I’m telling you, since we’ve only just met.” She paused, contemplating, and then said, “Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to become a nurse. But Mom has been on about me getting married to a rich man even before I graduated from high school. She told me that dreams were just so much romantic dribble and that careers were for old maids.”

“At least she wanted you to have a high school education.”

“No, that was the law’s doing. She wanted to marry me off at fifteen but the state wouldn’t allow it. And thank God for that. The man she found for me was old enough to be my father.”

“I thought they allowed for minors to get married with their parent’s permission.”

“So did I. You can’t imagine how relieved I was when the state stepped in and said no.” She frowned, recalling the thirty-three year old man her mother had found for her. He owned a car lot and had money coming out the wazoo. Her mother apparently hadn’t noticed his fat sweaty body, the cheap suit and the funny way he smelled. And worse, the lascivious way he stared at Althea when he came into the house. She shuddered slightly, despite the heat.

“I think you’re awfully nice, Hank. I really do. But I want a marriage based on love and not money. And certainly not lies.” She shrugged. “And somebody of my own choosing, not just someone my mother thinks I should have.”

“I think you’re swell too. And I agree. It’d be a travesty if we got married, especially under our parent’s pretenses.”

“Yeah, my mom has champagne tastes on a beer budget. And it won’t get any better after we get married, because she’ll still spend every dime she makes and borrow two more from the bank just to make her look like she’s so hoity toity.” Althea rolled her eyes. “And she’ll be constantly after us to give her money, saying we owed it to her or some such thing.”

Hank laughed. “Then my folks and your mom are cut from the same cloth.”

“But what about you and what you want? You said want to become a priest. You can’t very well do that with a wife to drag along.”

“Not unless I become Episcopalian. And I’ve thought about that. That way I could become a priest and still be able to marry you. But...” his voice trailed off and he lowered his head.

“Your parents won’t let you either.”

“I’m a grown man. I should be able to do what I want.”

“And what is it that you want?”

“To remain Catholic and become a priest.”

“Is that all?”

“Yes. I want to spend my life serving God. That’s all. No lies, no pretenses, just,” he hesitated, “just peace and quiet and simple servitude. Is that too much for a man to ask?”

“No, not at all,” Althea said, her mind spinning. “So if you had a true vocation and our parents tried to force you out of that wouldn’t that be a mortal sin?”

“It doesn’t matter. They don’t care. They’re too greedy to care.”

“Couldn’t you just go to the church and declare sanctuary or something?”

“I could but it’d be same thing as the army. My old man would weasel me out of it.”

“They’re going to get hurt either way, just like my mother. But we have to do something or we’ll be stuck with each other.”

“Althea? Althea where are you?”

“Damn, it’s my mother,” she swore. “Hank, promise me something?”

Hank said, “Sure what?”

“Promise me that whatever happens, everything will work out for the best.”

Hank smiled and kissed her on the forehead. “I promise. That I think I can do.”

“Come on then, before your parents come out here as well. They’ll all see this beautiful place and I want it to belong to us, to be ours forever.”

“Okay,” Hank said, taking her by the hand. On impulse, Althea stood on tiptoe and kissed him. Surprised but pleased, Hank held her close, returning the kiss.

Fireflies swirled around them, creating a complex network of beautiful green gold lights. One of the fireflies flashed purple. Althea was to preoccupied to notice.

Chapter Six

“Did Momma do good, or what?” Ruby bragged the next day. They were all sitting outside, enjoying a cool breeze brought to them from towering thunderheads in the distance. Everyone brought their lunches out to the veranda, and Cally helped Mrs. Ramsay to her chair. Mr. Lindt sat in his usual spot by the railing sipping sweet tea from a large mason jar.

“You did good, Mom,” Althea admitted. “He really is a nice boy.”

“Think you could live with him then?” Cally asked.

“Don’t ask me that question,
tante
Cal. I just barely know him.”

“You’ll know more about him than you’ll care to after your wedding night,” Ruby said.

“Then why marry me off at all? Why not stick me in a convent somewhere instead?” Althea asked.

“Because your mother’s selfish,” Cally replied as she ruffled a pack of cards. “She wants grandbabies.”

Ruby snorted.

Mr. Lindt chuckled and shook his head.

“And whatever is your problem,
Monsieur
?” Ruby asked.

“Nothing in the wide world, madam I assure you,” he said.

Cally laughed.

“Well I’m glad all of you think that Althea’s future is worth snickering at,” Ruby scathed, “because I don’t think there’s a damned thing funny about it.”

“Well the joke’s gonna be on you, because—” Althea’s voice faltered.

“Because of what?” Ruby asked, her expression turning to granite. Mr. Lindt and Cally looked up, curious.

“Because maybe Hank and I don’t want to,” Althea said. She crossed her arms and said, “You can lead us to the altar but you can’t make us say I do.”

“Oh, I know what this is about,” Ruby said, ignoring Althea’s remark. “Hank told you about wanting to join the priesthood, didn’t he?” She waved Althea’s protest aside. “I know all about that. It’s a ridiculous idea. He has enough money to live a life of contented bliss and he wants to spend his existence inside a musty old monastery?” She snorted. “And as handsome as he is? Lord, what a waste. It’s a good thing he has parents who know what’s best for him.”

“He wouldn’t last a week inside a monastery. His kind never do,” Cally agreed, giving the cards another good shuffle.

“You still can’t make us,” Althea said.

“You’ll do as you’re told, young lady,” Ruby said.

Althea stuck her tongue at her.

“Do it again and I’ll fillet it for supper.”

Cally cackled.

“Mr. Lindt,” Ruby said, turning to him. “I know I’m being forward but I have a favor to ask.”

“Certainly. How may I help?”

“Althea’s father—” Ruby paused, considered, cleared her throat and continued. “Althea’s father won’t be attending the wedding, and since we have no male heirs among us I was wondering if you’d do the honor of giving Althea away.”

“Ruby Marie Thibodaux, you old hypocrite,” Althea said.

“Hush your smart mouth,” Ruby snapped. “Well,” she said, turning to Mr. Lindt, “how about it?”

Mr. Lindt gazed thoughtfully into space, and then said, “of course. It will be a privilege”

“Change your mind about egg-headed atheists, Mommy dearest?” Althea scathed.

Mr. Lindt snickered.

“Never you mind,” Ruby growled. “Lord, girl, can’t we go one day without you going at me?”

“Nope.”

Cally laughed.

“Where is my father?” Althea asked abruptly. “Why don’t you ever talk about him?”

“That’s not your concern,” Ruby snapped. “Just be happy Mr. Lindt has been gracious enough to walk you down the aisle.”

“Of course if you’d prefer someone else,” Mr. Lindt interjected.

“No, you’ll do just fine. Now you need to go to confession, Althea, like you promised.”

“I didn’t promise. You promised for me.”

“That’s beside the point. Now get ready and I’ll drive you. I need to talk to Father Le Fleur about renting the church.”

“The church? Are you talking about the Grand Beauregard Cathedral or Saint Bernies?” Cally asked.

“What do you think? Mom doesn’t go half way,” Althea said.

“Ruby you didn’t! You already paid for the hall at Bernies.”

“That’s where the car money went,” Althea said, feeling smug.

“My God, Ruby you can’t afford that. Even with the car money it’ll cost a fortune and you’ve already spent—”

“Hush your mouth Cal. What I’m doing is my own business.”

“But you already rented—”

“I got my money back,” Ruby interrupted. “We’ll be having it at Saint Bernard’s. And please don’t call it Saint Bernies, Althie, that’s just vulgar. Besides that reception hall at the Grand was too small, don’t you remember me telling you that?”

“Too small for whom? How many people are you expecting?”

“Everybody.”

“Mom is upping the ante,
Tante
, going for the more expensive church and all.”

“I most certainly am not. It’s simply more convenient.”

“Well don’t make it my problem when the bill collector comes around. Because I’m not covering you for this sister dear.”

“Believe me, you won’t.” Ruby turned and glared at Althea. “Why are you still here?”

“I’m going, I’m going,” Althea muttered, clomping loudly into the house.

“I swear,” Ruby said, “I don’t know what I’m going to do with her.”

“Well as soon as she’s married and out of your hands you won’t have to worry about it anymore.” Cally replied. “Isn’t that the plan?”

“Ha, that’s what you think, Sister.” Ruby replied. “I’ll worry about that girl until the day I die.”

****

Althea gazed up at the tall stately building that was Saint Bernard Church feeling slightly sick to her stomach and wishing she were anywhere else but here.

“What are you waiting for?” Ruby asked as she stepped off of the curb and onto the sidewalk leading to the sanctuary. “Go get it done.”

Ruby gave her daughter a gentle push towards the building. Althea shuffled forward, and then stopped and asked. “Well? Are you going to confess today too or what?”

“I have arrangements to make with Monsignor,” Ruby said. “I’ll confess later.”

Althea folded her arms and adopted a defiant stance. “I’ll confess when you do.”

Ruby snorted, clearly exasperated. “Oh all right. Fine. I’ll go to confession first.” She scowled, grabbed her daughter by the elbow and led her into the sanctuary.

It was cool and dim, the ceiling high and vaulted. Statues of the Virgin Mary and a few saints that Althea should be able to name but couldn’t and didn’t really care about stood in a small grotto on the far side of the sanctuary. On the left hand side a line of dark paneled wooden confessionals stood. Althea stopped at the farthest one from the door. A little green light above the door was on, meaning that the priest was inside, waiting for the next parishioner. She turned and watched while her mother, snorting with exasperation, stepped into the one next to her. Althea briefly considered running out of the church, decided against it, and instead went into the confessional.

She knelt before the wire screen and collected her thoughts. Althea heard the shuffle of feet and the rustle of cloth. Between the lattice-work she could see a shadow. She crossed herself and said, “Bless me Father for I have sinned. It’s been one month since my last confession.” She paused then said. “I don’t feel like I’ve sinned at all for loving Jake. I don’t see how love can be a sin.”

“That depends on your definition of love,” the priest replied. “Do you love him as Christ loves you, or do you love him as a sister to a brother or as a lover?”

“I love him because I want him to be my husband.”

“There is nothing wrong with that.”

“But I don’t know if he loves me in the same way. He says he does, but then he says he doesn’t want to...” Her voice trailed. She bit her lip.
How much should I tell?

“Doesn’t want to do what?” the priest gently asked.

“He won’t stand up to Mom,” Althea blurted. “My mother is crazy. She’s picked out a boy for me to marry and I met him last night and he really is a very nice guy, but he doesn’t want to get married either. He wants to be a priest. And Jake says he wants us to get married someday but—”

“—Wait, my child, hold on. I’m having trouble keeping up,” the priest said, humor tinting his voice.

Althea took a deep breath and explained the situation slowly.

“Ah, I see,” the priest said after she finished.

“Hank is really cute and I think we could be friends, but since he wants to be a priest I feel it’s wrong to try and pursue a relationship with him.”

“That’s a noble sentiment my child, but don’t you think your reluctance to marry this young man has more to do with defying your mother’s wishes than your fiancé’s desire to join the priesthood?”

Althea bit her lower lip. “I don’t know.”

“And this young man, the one who wants to become a priest, does he have a true vocation or is he saying it to get out of marrying you?”

“Father,” Althea said with all sincerity, “I believed Hank when he says he has a true vocation.”

There was silence for a moment. Then the priest said. “Are you absolutely sure?”

“I can only go by what he tells me, Father. But he says he’s sincere and I believe that he is.”

“Then it would be a mortal sin to keep him from his vocation.”

“I’d go to hell even though I’m being forced to marry this boy?”

Silence. Then. “And when is this wedding to take place?”

“Two weeks from now, on my eighteenth birthday. Father, I do think Hank is a nice boy, I really do. But I don’t want to go to hell because of my mother.”

“You won’t go to hell,” the priest reassured her.

“But what about my mother? I’m supposed to be obedient toward my parents. Do I have to still be obedient even though what she’s doing is a sin?”

“That’s a difficult question. But let’s focus on what’s going on now.”

“Yes Father.”

“Do his parents believe this young man has a true vocation?”

“No.”

“And what about this other young man? Are his intentions toward you sincere?”

“I don’t know that either,” she admitted. “I’d like to think so. He says that he loves me but then he wants to...” She trailed off, heat rising to her face, embarrassed.

“I see. And have you let him?”

“No. Well, not all the way.”

“I see.”

“I’m sorry, Father. I’m so confused. I don’t know if I really love him or if he really loves me. I asked if he’d run away with me. I thought if we got away from Rapides Parish and were on our own for a while we could figure out what we want.”

“You could run across the world and not escape sin, my child.”

“I know,” she whispered.

“Do you know what you want to do with your life?”

“Somebody asked me that a few days ago, and I’ve been thinking about that. To be honest, I really don’t know what I want. Mom has told me what I wanted all my life. To try and think that there’s a life outside of an arranged marriage, well...it’s hard.”

“Marriage is sacred,” the priest replied. “And you must obey your mother. But marriage is also until death do you part.” There was another pause as the priest considered. “You do know that upon your eighteenth birthday you’re an adult and you can say no to your mother’s arrangements.”

“I know but even if I said no it wouldn’t matter. She’d drag me down to the altar kicking and screaming all the way.”

Althea’s lip trembled and tears spilled down her cheeks. Until now she’d kept the knowledge of her impending wedding at arm’s length, but now it was facing her and the truth of it was ugly and terrifying. “Mom... she’s poured so much money into this wedding, more than we can afford. And. . . .all I know for sure is that I don’t want to get married. At least not like this.”

“What if you had more time to think it over? More time to get to know your fiancé? Would that make a difference?”

“I don’t think so, Father.”

“What do you think would be helpful?”

“If my mother would just butt out and let me figure out what to do with my life.”

“She’s doing what she thinks is best for you.”

“Yes, Father.”

“And marriage isn’t a bad thing.”

“I know. But shouldn’t it be my choice?”

“Of course.”

“Then when the day comes you won’t be surprised when I say no?”

“Nothing surprises me these days
, chere
.”

Althea laughed. “It’s not a matter of saying no, it’s a matter of saying no in front of God, the Church and my mother.”

“Just keep in mind what I said, and pray about this.”

“Yes, Father.”

“And no more messing around with boys.”

“Yes Father.”

“I absolve you. Now do twenty-five Hail Mary’s and go and sin no more.”

“Thank you Father.”

Althea left the confessional, feeling more lost and confused than ever. She glanced over her shoulder and saw her mother in deep conversation with Monsignor.
She didn’t go to confession at all that sneak
, Althea thought. She felt heat rush to her cheeks.
And she needs it worse than I do
.

Not bothering to wait for her mother to finish, Althea left the church and headed toward the drug store, her religious duties forgotten as soon as she left the sanctuary. She would get a coke float while she waited for her mother to conclude the day’s business. Sure, Mom would raise a fuss about her eating something sweet, fearing Althea would grow out of the wedding dress, but deep down she liked the idea. Sure it was spiteful, but wouldn’t it serve the old bat right?

It’s not fair
, Althea fumed
. It’s not fair to me, or to Hank; especially not to Hank. Especially now that I know he’d rather be with God than with me.

Strangely that thought made her feel a bit jealous. She shook off the awkward sensation and proceeded down the sidewalk, noting her lengthening shadow as it followed her along. It projected itself onto store fronts and neatly trimmed lawns. She wasn’t paying too much attention to it; after all she was deep in thought about the whole business of marriage and priesthoods and trying to determine exactly what she wanted for herself. But still, something pinged, not quite right as she walked along. She paused, shook her head and resumed her dark ruminations.